Everybody's Free (to make fun of NSync)

*To the tune of "Everybody's Free (to wear sunscreen)"*

Ladies and Gentleman, who actually worship boybands
Make fun of NSync
If I could offer you only one tip for the future NSync mocking would be it

The long term benefits of N Sync mocking have been proved by "got Justin?", and "TranscontiMENTAL"
whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience
I will dispense this advice now Enjoy the power and beauty of Chris Kirkpatrick
Oh, nevermind, you will not understand the power and beauty of Chris Kirkpatrick until you are older, but trust me, in 5 years you'll look back at photos of him and recall in a way you can't grasp now how sexy those dreads really were and how fabulous he really looked
(YEAH RIGHT)

Joey is REALLY as fat as you imagine

Don't worry about their futures
or worry but know that worrying is as effective as trying to convince Justin that he's really white
The real troubles in their careers are bound to be things that never crossed your worried teeny mind
The kind that require pennicillin or send them to rehab clinics when all is said and done

Say one thing everyday that SCARES teenyboppers
Start a humor site
Be completely reckless with other people's pathetic NSync addictions
Don't waste your time being jealous of Britney. I mean, look at Topanga and Nikki

Some of us get close
More will get laid
The tours are long and in the end, you'll probably end up having Joey's baby anyway

Remember the people who trash NSync
Forget the teenies
If you succeed in doing this without yelling obscenities in their direction, tell me how
Keep your old fan letters
Throw away your parent's credit card statements
Stretch (before trying to find Johnny Wright's house)
Don't feel guilty if you are obsessed, a little bit
The most interesting people I know had a Justin website at 14
Some of the most interesting 20 year olds I know have a "Lance in a pocket" book

Girls, get plenty of calcium
And be kind to your NSync connections, you'll miss them when they're gone

Maybe they'll admit they have girlfriends
They probably won't
Maybe they'll have another #1 album
They probably won't
Maybe they'll break up at 40
They'll most likely end up killing each other at their 25th year tour anniversary

Whatever they do, don't congratulate them too much or berate them either
Their chances are half Justin's looks, unlike everyone else's

Make fun of JC's body
Ridicule it any time you can
He's so afraid of it, and what other people think of it
His voice is the greatest instrument he'll ever own

DANCE
Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own Chris' dread shedding covered bedroom

Read the "thank you's" in the CD covers, even if you don't believe what they say

DO NOT READ PORN MAGAZINES THEY WILL ONLY MAKE YOU ACT LIKE JOEY

Get to know their band members, you never know when they'll be gone for good. (Later Dax! Bye House!)
Try to flirt with their siblings, they're your best chance at getting closer to the group and the people you are most likely to meet anyway
Understand that fellow *N Sync mockers come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get,the more possible it will be to move to Florida and try to get to stalk and ruin them

Live in Florida once but leave before Justin's mom tries to make you a member of Innosense
Live in Mississippi but leave before it becomes your excuse for everything that you do
FLASH em'

Accept certain inalienable truths:

Chris' FuManSkeeto will NOT rise
Joey does philander
Justin will also get old
And when he does you will fantasize that when he was young, clothes young girls wore were reasonable
Joey STILL wasn't a good boy
JC really did respect people
and it was cute when Lance said, "Cuz I'm from Mississippi."

You will be remembering them even when you're married
Don't expect anyone else to support you
Maybe they'll get a new contract
Maybe they'll go independent, but you never know when either one might go bust

Boys, don't mess too much with your hair. Or by the time you are 27 it will look 85

Be careful what crack you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. (Thanks JC!)
No matter what JC says, crack is NOT a form of nostalgia
Keeping it will only get make you act like a fool on TV, fishing out your MMC history, and recylcing it for more than it should EVER be worth

But trust me on the mocking NSync thing

Written By Nikki, but adapted From: Everybody's Free (To Like NSYNC) By Aimee of "Don't Blink! It's NSYNC" so if ya'll see that forward being passed around, it's hers. Don't let anyone else take the credit!