Occasional Phil Hendrie Guests
Aside from Phil's regular guests on the show, there are some guests who only appear occasionally when the need or news require. Their occasional appearances do not lessen their importance to the Phil Hendrie experience!
Brigadier Johnson Jameison
General Johnson Jameison is a frequent guest on Art Bell's Show, Coast to Coast Overnite. Art also substitutes for Phil periodically. Jameison is a survivalist living deep underground in either Montana or the island of Madagascar. His organization truly believes in extraterrestials and aliens. He recently discovered that his Mars explorer vehicle had its camera manually moved while on the surface of Mars. So he took a space ship to mars to invvestigate while live on Bell's show. Particularly interesting was his means of producing food while in space. He invented a chili machine that makes chili out of crap. Of course, it doubled as a toilet for the trip. Art was fascinated by this. Peenman Industries is now mass producing this invention of Jameison's.
Art spoke with the general recently who was complaining that the government had stolen his means of being invisible. The general had also invented a new liquor-making machine similar to his chili maker. You pee into it and it makes liquor. It is offered for sale on Art's show thru Peenman Industries. Peenman Industries is also selling the ass purse for people after Y2K comes as a purse to hide your valuables up your ass in a special purse.
Because of problems Jameison and Art had while being probed by aliens when they were in Area 51 in Nevada, the general had devised a special bronxe ass shield to protect him while on Mars from the aliens.
General Jameison recently had his ass possessed which he discovered while taking a dump and noticed something other worldly. He called a Catholic priest to conduct an exorcism of his ass. Truly classic Phil Hendrie!
When photos of Area 51 were finally published on the net, the general immediately made his way to penetrate Area 51. He got over the fence but then was shot many times as he crawled toward a light. Unfortunately the light was a Chevron station on the military installation and it appears that the general has died!!!
Certainly these two are some of Phil's most bizarre guests and that is really something!
Dr. Robert Green
Dr. Robert Green published an article that proves cigarettes are non-addictive in the Springford Journal of Medicine. Bob believes cigarettes promote deeper breathing, which transports the brain into a medative state that lowers blood pressure and can keep the heart rate down. Bob believes cigarettes are no worse the mucous caused by eating yogurt. Bob says, "You got cancer, get over it . Quit blaming the tobacco industry
for your cancer".
Clara Barrett
Clara Barrett is a member of the Joyful Union Congregation Church, a Pentacostal church in Bell Gardens, CA, like many of Phil's guests. She called Phil to discuss Reverend Jesse Jackson's trip to Belgrade to rescue three "white faces!" Callers were upset that Clara brought race into the issue. Clara was involved in the protests in Riverside, CA over the Taisha Miller shooting by police. She defended the Reverend Al Sharpton and Dick Gregory being there because the people of Riverside "need some explaining" since "they are simple folk in Riverside."
Clara is the head of Media Microscope, a black media watch group. This group pushes for more blacks in the movies. Clara is particularly upset with Episode 1 of the new Star Wars trilogy which has only one African-American, Samuel L. Jackson, in the film and he is on for only seven minutes. She says that blacks are difficult to film and therefore raise post production costs. But she believes George Lucas has enough money to absorb the additional costs.
Clara also stated that she would not take a black child to this movie about a bunch of white guys running around in white robes.
Clara is also a teacher and weighed in with Phil on kids with ADD. Her approach is not to use ritaliin or other calming drugs. Instead Clara believes in putting donkey ears on an ADD child acting up to solve the problem. She also told one caller of an adopted ADD child that when you adopt you always get damaged goods."
Little Ian Anderson
Little Ian Anderson is a British roadie for the Ozzy Osborne Band. He sounds a lot like Ozzy or the roadie on Wayne's World. All groups are "rubbish" to Ian except Black Sabbath. In fact everything is rubbish to Ian except the moon.
Ian also called in with his take on Elvis being buried at Graceland. Ian said being buried in your backyard is like being a hamster. Elvis is not a king although he did die on "his throne " according to Ian.. Ozzy is a lot better!
Warren Benman
Warren Benman, 39, is in the Sales Department of KFI radio in LA. He firmly believes that young people should be introduced to substances like alcohol and tobacco at an early age under parental supervision so that they develop proper usage habits. He likes to go to malls to distribute alcohol and cherry-flavored cigarettes from a smoke wagon at his Cigarette Fair held in the South Coast Plaza. Warren is the only known cured victim of Altzheimer's Disease.
Warren also has a terrible fear of flying. He feels that his fear of flying should qualify him for the American Disabilities Act (ADA). As a travelling salesman, he is presently required to fly all over the Southwest and Southeast. His fear is so great that he vomits immediately after landing. He feels that the company should restrict his territory so he can drive it. He believes that the airlines should provide free booze to him and the other 20 million people who suffer from fear of flying. As one caller said,"This guest is the most preposterous and outrageous guest to ever be on the show."
Shaky-voiced Warren Benman explained recently how the
"Straight Arrow Ministries" successfully changed him
from a practicing homosexual to the straight man he's
always wanted to be. Straight Arrow Pastor Vernon
Dozier comments on the so-called "aversion therapy" he
gave to Benman to effect the change. (Zap!)It was amazing how many callers believed that Benman was getting shock treatment and begged Dozier to stop.
Joe Dickhead
Joe Dickhead is an occasional guest on Phil's show doing National Football League prognastications. He also covered the playoffs and World Series in 1999 with frequent (and I do mean frequent) updates.
Skippy and Frank
Skippy and Frank are the morning dj's on AM 690 WOOD and many other Am stations as they continually get fired. They are famous for telling you to "get your wood in the morning!" Bob Davies is their traffic helicopter reporter, a stereotypical helicopter traffic reporter who can't be understood over the blade roar. Skippy and Frank run many typical AM radio contests. One contest is to show your ass in the Bellville Tunnel or at the Bellville Mall. For doing that you get a neat Skippy & Frank t-shirt. Another contest called for the listener to run over their pet for a t-shirt. Bill Clinton called in and ran over his cat Socks to get that t-shirt. Sometimes Skippy and Frank run a sports talk show ala Jim Rome. Their last guest was Shaq O'Neill. Skippy and Frank are sponsored by Kirschner Foods featuring giant sausages.
Every Valentine's Day Skippy puts a shotgun in his mouth and tries to pull the trigger with his toes. This year he succeeded and blew off part of his face. All in the interest of good AM morning radio! Frank's comment was "That was on the edge radio!!"
Bob McGraw
Bob McGraw of McGraw Industries joins the show to discuss his newest product, a coffee table book titled "The Twin Towers Go Down, Your Tower Goes Up". The book features the widows of the men killed in the World Trade Center dressed in lingerie and thong bikinis posing for the camera. Bob figures that the women already have their Red Cross money so 80% of the books profits will go to help abused kids or as Bob puts it, "have been beaten like dogs and had their heads kicked in". Bob also brought along a mock up cover which reads "The husbands are cold but the women are sizzling hot"! Don't forget, 50% of all profits go to the kids.
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