Ted was saddened recently because his oldest son, Jeff announced he was gay. As Phil probed Ted further, it seemed that Ted believed that Jeff was gay because he announced his intentions to join the school wrestling team. Jeff's interest in wrestling combined with his listening to the Pet Shop Boys clearly indicated he was gay. Many former wrestlers called in to tell Ted what an idiot he was. Ted insisted that Jeff's interest in the wrestling lifestyle was clear to him.
Ted is very opposed to the new California smoking laws and plans on fighting them in his Beverly Hills restaurant. From now on, Ted is allowing smoking there and even offering free cigarettes and cigars!
Ted is concerned that the nouveau rich do not know how to act with their new money. He tried to prove how you tell if someone is new rich or poor by seeing if listeners could spell caviar and champagne So he is trying to work a deal with Premier radio to have a nationally syndicated radio show to teach the new rich how to act. A girl from USC called in to tell Ted what an ass he was . It turns out Ted has new money as his father gave him $20 million and he has only made $5 million on it since being given that. Ted then tried to pick her up and get her to promise to give him sex. He got mad at Phil because he claims Phil said that if you are a national radio personality, you get more ass than a Hertz rental car.
Ted was excited to offer free tickets to homeless kids from My Friend's Place for his annual Ted's Terror house. He became less than enthusiastic when he found out that some of the kids were crippled and handicapped. Because many of his prestigious clients' kids from the Steak house would be attending, he did not want to wreck the event with "crips and mongoloids". Phil was outraged that Ted would withdraw his free tickets offer. And so were the many callers from throughout the nation. To prove that he really supported "crips and retards" Ted put on Joey who was retarded and worked in his kitchen. That only further alienated Ted to the audience. Ted has done this before because he is so concerned about his public image and is afraid handicapped people will hinder that image. He originally gave a boy with leukemia and his mother his tickets to the Academy Awards until he found out the boy was in a wheel chair. He also withdrew tickets to the Star Wars movie premier when he found out Phil gave them to a young man with muscular dystrophy. Ted said he had to protect the Ted Bell image.
Ted is greatly concerned about the latest government action against Microsoft and Bill Gates. Ted Bell feels he is next because of all the innovations he has initiated at Ted's of Beverly Hills. Ted's was the first steak restaurant to bake potatoes in aluminum foil. They also invented the steak knife and having two forks at the dinner place setting. Ted's also started the craze of having a kid's menu. For all of Ted's success and innovations in the steak restaurant business Ted feels it is only a matter of time before they come after him.
Ted is very concerned about the congestion in Beverly Hills during the Christmas season. He can't fins parking anywhere and so is bnow parking in handicapped parking places because 1) He is TED BELL! 2) There are no handicapped people in Beverly Hills.
The recent power shortages in California are disturbing Ted because possible blackouts will stop his mechanized Jesus in front of Ted's Of Beverly Hills. The mechanized Jesus also hands out free drink couppns for Ted's. Certainly they can reduce power in towns like South Central and Arcadia where people are used to having their power turned off!
Ted is quite proud of the many innovations that his restaurant have initiated. For example, Ted's invented the concept of putting tin foil on his baked potatoes. He recently threatened to sue a restaurant owner in Mass. for copyright infringement for also using tin foil on her baked potatoes. And of course all know that Ted's invented that great drink, The Ted (also known as a a rum and Coke!)
Ted Bell had a family emergency recently. His Jaguar was in the shop and he was given a Mercedes E Series with vinyl seats, which Ted says, "I'm Ted Bell. I can't be seen riding in this rolling piece of garbage." While his 10 year old daughter was driving the loaner car to school (Ted was ducked behind the back seat at the time), she hit a pregnant woman, and the woman might miscarry. Ted thinks it's the mechanics responsibility (Lou) and not his daughter responsibility as Lou was the one who gave him the Mercedes. And if the unborn child dies, since the child wasn't a full kid, it's not as bad as say a child drowning in a pool.
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Thank you for visiting my page at Angelfire. And special thanks to Nathan Dukes for his great rendition of Ted Bell. Nathan is the official illustrator of Phil Hendrie guests on the Shuck and Jive site. Please come back and visit again!