The characters of Ranma ½ are the property of Rumiko Takahashi and are being used without permission. The situations and events from Ghostbusters are the property of Harold Ramis and Dan Aykroyd and are also being used without permission. This manuscript is for your enjoyment and should not be sold. (Otherwise they’ll Napsterize all of us…dig?)

Ranma was training in the yard, repeatedly striking a post. "MAN! I can’t believe I had to put up with all the crap from that guy! I thought we had him beat after that first fiasco, but NO! He comes back and puts me inna cave with a bunch of c-c-c-ca…"

"Huh?" He looked around. "Who is it? Man, this isn’t even funny."

Annoyed now, he looked around again. "Ryoga, cut the crap, willya? I’m trying to train here."

Ranma shut his eyes and said a quick prayer. "Kuno? Mousse? C’mon guys, I really don’t have time for this."

Swallowing hard, Ranma began to look around. "Oh no. Not you again! Look, man, we already did the other thing. We’re even, right?"

"You’re still pissed ‘cause we gave you to that Washu chick." What he wasn’t going to mention was the fact that Washu really, really creeped him out.

Leaning against the post, Ranma said sarcastically. "Oh yeah, sure you do. That’s how I wound up wearing a loincloth inside a cave with a bunch of l-lions. Right, sure, uh-huh!"

"Lemme guess, I’m starring in Barbarella, right?" He could see himself in that outfit with one boob hanging out.

Ranma looked skyward skeptically.

Still skeptical, Ranma had to admit he was a little curious. "Okay, so who do I have to kill?"

"What if I say no?"

Ranma nodded his head with a sigh. "Okay, okay, I’ll do it. Just no cats, alright?"

<hr>

Inside the New York Public Library, Miss Hinako was in the basement putting away books. As short as she usually was, she had to make use of the ladders to reach the higher shelves. She hummed to herself as she walked around in the dark basement.

As she walked past several card catalogs, the drawers flew open and the cards jumped out of the drawers in a geyser of paper. "Must be some delinquents."

Miss Hinako ran around the corner and into another section of shelves. "Just you wait you delinquents, I won’t let you get away with this!"

At last she turned the corner and was confronted with a flash of light and a roaring sound…

At New York State University, Dr. Ranma Saotome was conducting an experiment on two subjects. One was Azusa Shiratori and the other was Mikado Sanzenin. Ranma quickly took a peek at the script. Lessee, I have to flirt with Azusa… He looked around nervously. Well at least Akane’s not right here, so hopefully she won’t find out… and I get to torture Mikado…Ranma paused and smiled at his subjects. Oh yes, life is good. Nonchalantly, he turned up the amount of electricity going to Mikado’s electrodes.

"Okay, Mikado. All you have to do is tell me what’s on the card."

The figure skater looked at Ranma skeptically. "How am I supposed to do that if you don’t show me the card?"

Ranma was tempted to just zap him on general principles, but… "Look, lamebrain, if I showed you the card, then how could I tell if you have ESP or not?"

"In spite of your rude demeanor, and for the sake of my pig-tailed beauty," Ranma forced himself to remain still. "I will accept your answer. For now." Concentrating, Mikado looked hard at the card. "Square."

Smiling, Ranma turned the card over showing a star. "Nice try, but WRONG!" With relish, he pushed the button and gave Sanzenin a healthy jolt of electricity causing the pervert to fall smoking under the table. Ranma swore he had seen bones through the skin when he lit the pervert up. Needs more juice, just to be sure, he thought as he turned up the voltage some more.

Picking up another card, Ranma looked at Azusa who looked back totally clueless. "Okay, Azusa, try and tell me what’s on the card."

"But you’ll shock little Azusa…"

"Only if you’re wrong." Ranma smiled pleasantly. "So just clear your mind and take a guess."

Staring emptily into space, Azusa replied. "A star?"

Pausing, Ranma looked at the card. On it he saw a circle, but the script said he couldn’t zap her and heck, he enjoyed zapping Mikado the Molester a whole lot more anyway. "A star…that’s right. Good job."

Smiling and clapping, "Little Azusa likes this game!"

Slowly climbing back into his seat, Mikado glared at Saotome. Steam wafted from his scorched clothes and his hair was standing on end.

Ranma just smiled and pulled another card. "Think hard."

Mikado studied the card before answering. "Circle."

Flipping the card over, Ranma showed Mikado the square. "Sorry, close but no cigar!" Once more, Ranma zapped Mikado. The pervert’s hair was beginning to look a bit frizzed and again he flopped onto the floor. His arms and legs twitched occasionally.

Azusa seemed to be looking forward to her turn. Ranma pulled a card with a cross on it. "Okay, what is it?"

"Uh- a figure eight? Azusa likes those."

Ranma chuckled as he set the card aside. "Wow, that’s just incredible. Five for five." Picking up the card again, Ranma moved it before both skaters. "You guys aren’t cheating, right? You can’t see them?"

Azusa shook her head and looked at Ranma with her big blue eyes. "No, they just pop into little Azusa’s head."

Ranma laughed along with Azusa before turning his attention back to Mikado. Kiss me willya, you no good…

"Nervous?" Seeing Mikado nod, Ranma picked up another card. "Well don’t be, you’re providing an invaluable service to science. Besides, you only have 75 more to go." Holding the card up, he asked, "Okay, what is it."

Visibly sweating and shaking, Sanzenin looked at the card. Shakily, he said. "A-a-a bunch of wavy lines?"

Ranma looked at the card before slowly putting it down. He was surprised. Sanzenin guessed the right card but that was the last thing Ranma wanted to admit. "Sorry, man, this just isn’t your day…" He began to reach slowly for the switch, savoring the moment.

Mikado began to beg. "No, please, don’t! AHHHH!!!!"

Slowly, picking himself up off the floor, Mikado looked daggers at Ranma. "What," he began as smoke rose slowly from his clothing. "What exactly are you studying?"

Ranma sat back and smiled. "Well, I’m trying to prove the effects of negative reinforcement on ESP."

"Effects? I’ll tell you what the effects are, it’s pissing me OFF!" He began to advance on Ranma but a hand on the zapper switch brought the skater up short.

"Look, Mikado, you’re being paid, right. So why don’t just sit down and…"

"No way!" He pulled off the electrodes and grabbed Azusa. "Let’s get out of here!" He threw the wires at Ranma. "Keep your lousy five hundred yen! We’re leaving!"

Ranma sat and chuckled as they left slamming the door behind them. "Well, at least that takes care of my having to flirt with Azusa."

Ranma was still pondering his good fortune when Ryoga came rushing in the door to the office. "Where on Earth am I now?" He saw Ranma out of the corner of his eye. "Excuse me, could you tell me how to get to Furinkan High Schoo…"

Seeing Ryoga, Ranma only sighed. "How did I guess you were going to show up, P-chan?"

"Shut up!" Ryoga looked around the room and took in Ranma’s lab coat. He walked over and smacked Ranma in the head. "And don’t call me P-chan!" He spied the script and his face went white. "Oh no, you don’t mean I just walked into…"

Ryoga glowered at the ceiling as he reached for the script. "Ray?!? Why do I have to be Ray? He’s clueless!"

Ranma rolled his eyes. "Sounds like solid casting to me..."

"Shut up!"

Ryoga’s shoulders slumped. He walked over to the racks and began to remove equipment. "Hurry up, Ranma. I think this is the big one." He held the script tucked under one arm.

"A big what?" Ranma leaned back in his chair and folded his arms.

"I don’t know! Some kind of disturbance down at the library." Ryoga finished getting his cameras and video camera in position and stood. "Nothing I think two well trained martial artists can’t handle."

A few moments passed as Ranma turned this thought in his head. "Okay, I’m in but I’ll lead the way, I want to get there before getting Social Security."

* * *

At the library, Ranma and Ryoga walked up the stairs past two stone lions. Inside, they found Dr. Tofu examining a table with a strange device and a stethoscope. In a playful mood, Ranma walked over quietly and began to make moaning sounds as if he were a ghost. In a ghostly voice he moaned, "Tofu… Tofuuuuu…" As Tofu began to try to locate the source of the noise, Ranma slammed a large book onto the table causing the doctor to jump.

"Oh, Ranma, good you’re here." Tofu stood and led Ranma and Ryoga further into the library.

Ranma crossed his arms and looked skeptical. "So, what’s the deal here, doc? I mean, is this for real or what?"

Tofu held up a weird looking device that flashed and made noises. "My readings are very strong, Ranma. I’m certain that we’re close on this one."

"Yeah, right…" Ranma rolled his eyes as he walked. "Is this like the time you tried to use Shiatsu points to try and contact the dead?"

"That would have worked. You shouldn’t have stopped me."

The head librarian walked up to the trio. Ranma frowned when he saw it was Pantyhose Taro. "Yo, Pantyhose. How’s it hangin’?"

Taro frowned and calmly slammed Ranma’s head into a table. "I’m sorry for troubling you. I’m Mr. Taro." He glared at Ranma, "And YOU had better behave if you know what’s good for you." A toss of his head indicated the ceiling.

Pictures of lingerie and Kuno’s groping hands made Ranma shudder. "Right. Whatever. Anyway, I’m Dr. Saotome, this is Dr. Hibiki, and this is Dr. Tofu."

Taro nodded and directed them. "I hope we can get this cleared up quickly."

Ranma, rarely one to waste such an opportunity grinned at Taro. "Easy, bub. We don’t even know what we’re up against here."

<hr>

"…I don’t remember legs but I remember the arms. It reached out to grab me. I thought it was a delinquent and my draining attack didn’t work and…"

Ryoga was taking notes as fast as he was able. "Wow, arms and physical contact. I can’t wait to get a look at this thing!"

Still skeptical, Ranma knelt down next to Miss Hinako. "Okay, Hinako-san, I just have a few questions:"

His eyebrows rose as he looked over the list of questions. Oh man! This guy must really hate me. That some were inflammatory was an understatement. "Has anyone in your family had a history of mental illness, schizophrenia or been declared mentally incompetent?"

Her face a study of concentration, Miss Hinako thought hard before answering. "Well, my uncle thought he was a Red Futo Statue…"

Looking at the others, Ranma marked something on his pad. "That sounds like a big yes." Ranma shrugged and continued. "Are you habitually using drugs?"

"No." She was beginning to get annoyed with Ranma.

Seeing this, Ranma spoke soothingly. "No, no of course not." He really didn’t look forward to this next question. "Uh, are you – um - menstruating now?"

Taro never got to say his line. Miss Hinako leapt from the table and slapped Ranma across the face. "I don’t believe you! You’re not only a delinquent, you’re a pervert too!" Pulling a 50-yen piece from her pocket she took aim at Ranma. "Happo-Fifty Yen Satsu!"

Ranma ducked behind a bookshelf and shoved Pantyhose into the line of fire. Taro was instantly drained of his fighting strength.

Now a voluptuous adult, Miss Hinako walked stiffly from the room. "I can’t believe this! That Narrator will hear from MY agent…" She slammed the door as she left.

Ranma looked at the others as Pantyhose fluttered about the room, "So, shall we go downstairs?"

* * *

The trio moved slowly through the rows of shelves, each holding hundreds of volumes of very old, very valuable books. Tofu lead the way with the PKE meter humming and flashing held at eye level. Ryoga followed with the video camera and Ranma grudgingly brought up the rear. The first odd thing they found was a stack of books piled from floor to the ceiling, which was about 12 feet high.

Ryoga was having fun. He taped the books from all angles. "Wow, just like the Osaka stacking of 1962."

Passing the books, Ranma snorted. "Yeah, right, no one living would stack books like this."

Going further into the labyrinth of books, they next came upon several bookshelves with ooze dripping off the books on the floor. Tofu scanned them.

"Incredible, this stuff is red hot. Actual ectoplasmic residue." He handed Ranma a Petrie dish. "Here, Ranma, get me a sample."

Ryoga taped the slime then followed Dr. Tofu down the passageway. Ranma looked disgusted as he collected some of the goo into the dish. As he put the lid on the Petrie dish, the ooze dripped on Ranma’s hand and sleeve.

"Oh, man! Gross!" He slung a wad of goo off his hand but only managed to get some on his face. "Yuck! Oh jeez!" Flinging more of the gunk onto the books, "Dammit!" Walking down the aisle, Ranma rubbed his hands across books that hadn’t been covered by the ooze to clean it off.

* * *

Catching up with Tofu and Ryoga, Ranma handed the doctor the dish. "Here’s your mucus."

Absently taking the dish, Tofu tucked it into a pocket. He was intent upon the PKE readings. "What ever it is down here, we’re very close."

Charging ahead, Ranma snorted. "Yeah, right. I bet the next thing we see is some guy dressed up in a sheet…" He turned the corner and came up short. When Ryoga and Dr. Tofu rounded the corner, they too stood in shock.

Hovering at about waist height was an apparition of a little old woman holding a bucket. She would from time to time take a ladle of water from the bucket and throw it into the aisle as if she were washing the sidewalk in Nerima.

Ranma found his voice first but spoke only in a whisper. "You guys see this, right? I’m not the only crazy one here?" A look at them confirmed that they too saw the old woman. "Okay… So what now?"

Dr. Tofu and Ryoga only shrugged which annoyed Ranma even more. "You mean to say you came down here without a plan on what to do if you found something?" He stepped back around the corner. "Come here, we need to have a conference."

They huddled a little way back from the corner. "Okay, we have found the ghost, now what?"

Ryoga dug out the script. "Well, I guess we should try and make contact."

"Great." Ranma waited expectantly. "So how do we do that?"

Tofu thought for a moment, "One of us should try and talk to her."

Ryoga nodded. "And while you do that Ranma, Dr. Tofu and I will take readings."

"Huh? What do you mean me? Why do I have to talk to her…?" Ranma pointed to the video camera. "I can run that thing as good as you can!"

Ryoga smiled and held onto the camera more tightly. "Possession is 9/10s of the law, Ranma."

Shuddering, Ranma frowned. "Man, don’t even say possession in here. We don’t want to give the Narrator any ideas, do we?"

"Get out there and remember, be nice."

"Yeah, yeah right."

Stepping out alone, Ranma edged closer to the specter. "Uh- Hi there. So where are you from… originally." Behind him, he could hear Ryoga and Dr. Tofu edging out and monitoring his progress.

The little old woman said nothing. Her only response was to toss a ladle of water in Ranma’s direction. He was surprised when he felt the water soak through his shirt and cause him to change.

"Oh shit! Hey! I thought you said I wouldn’t change in this one?"

"My exact words were you wouldn’t change because of anything I do directly. Now, did I get you wet? Hmmm?"

"Asshole." Turning back to Ryoga. "Well, that worked well." Sarcasm dripped from Ranma’s voice as the redheaded girl tried to wring some of the water from her clothes. "Any more bright ideas, P-chan?"

Ryoga chose to ignore the taunt. "Actually I do. Both of you follow me."

Slowly the trio edged closer and closer to their quarry. Finally, as they were almost touching the old woman, Ryoga suddenly shouted, "GET HER!"

The little old woman turned suddenly into a big bad demon and roared at her attackers…

…Who are next seen running from the library. Tofu ran down the stairs while Ranma and Ryoga vaulted over the stone lions and onto the ground. They didn’t slow as their feet hit the pavement. Pantyhose, who had managed to recover by this time, called after them. "Hey, did you guys find it? What was it?" All three ignored the question and kept on running.

* * *

Walking back to the university, Ranma, male once more, followed Ryoga and Tofu down the street. "Yeah, great one, Ryoga… ‘Get her!’"

Shrugging, Ryoga kept on walking. "Okay, so sue me. I got a little excited. That’s all. At least we managed to make contact."

"Yeah, sure." Ranma stretched. "You’re just lucky I found some hot water on the way home. This gig is weird enough without having to go through it as a girl."

Tofu smiled pleasantly. "Actually the incident wasn’t all a waste. If my calculations are correct we should be able to catch and contain a ghost for an indefinite period."

Nodding, Ryoga grinned. "Wow, we’re on the verge of making a major killing…" He paused as he reflected on what he had just said. "Uh- in a spiritual sense, I mean."

Ranma looked at his companions in disbelief. "Are you guys kidding? Are you saying you might actually might be able to catch a ghost?"

Tofu nodded in reply. "I need to get these readings back to the lab so I can verify my initial results. But…"

"Dr. Tofu, I take back every bad thing I might have ever said about you." Reaching into his jacket, Ranma pulled out a box of Pocky and offered it to the doctor. "You’ve… you’ve earned it."

Ryoga snorted and walked on.

The trio had just returned to the university when they noticed people in the lab removing equipment and experiments. Principle Kuno was supervising the operation wearing his trademark Hawaiian shirt.

Ryoga watched as his pack and equipment were carted out the door. "Hey, what’s going on here?"

"Yeah, teach, what’s going on?" Ranma perched on some boxes to slow down the movers. "Moving us to better quarters, perhaps?"

"Wrong-o keiki, you boys bein’ moved off-campus. Permanently! We’re revokin’ you’re tenure…" With a flourish, he pulled out a ukulele and began to play a poor version of a Hawaiian farewell song. "You boys are not’ing but frauds and fakes and we don’ need your kind here no more…"

Tofu stepped forward. "But Principle Kuno…"

"Dat DEAN Kuno to you, boy-o…" He tapped Tofu on the shoulder with his ukulele for emphasis.

Off balance, Tofu continued, "But, uh-Dean Kuno, we are very close to a major breakthrough…"

"And the kids love us." Ranma chimed in.

Kuno crossed his arms adamant. "Me no care! You boys are out and we taking all you stuff!" With ‘Dean’ Kuno’s gesture, the movers began to remove the cameras and equipment from Ryoga and Dr. Tofu. They were too stunned to even try to resist.

Ranma was ready to resist but was brought up short by the police officers waiting patiently to escort him and the others from the building. Great, how else can this day suck, I wonder?

* * *

Ranma and Ryoga sat on the roof of the science building sharing a big bottle of sake. Ranma took a swig and handed the bottle to Ryoga. "Y’know, Ryoga, I think we’re better off outta this dump!" Ranma was more than a little tipsy.

Ryoga took a big drink and had to fight to keep it from erupting out of his nose. After recovering, he looked at Ranma sadly. "Oh yeah, well you haven’t ever had to work in the real world. Those guys play for keeps, they expect results…"

Cheeks flushed, Ranma draped an arm over Ryoga’s shoulder. "Oh, I dunno… Call it fate, call it karma, I think we were meant to get thrown out of here for a reason."

Waving away the fumes from Ranma’s breath, Ryoga looked skeptical. "Doing what?"

Expanding his chest, Ranma hiccupped. "To go into business for ourselves!"

Ryoga thought for a moment. "Maybe, with Tofu’s data, we should be able to trap a ghost. It’s possible, but a business? How?"

Taking another pull off of the bottle, he shook his head. "I don’t know. All I know is we are about to become the most important service industry for the next century. Paranormal Investigations and Eliminations."

Mulling that over, a thought passed through Ryoga’s mind. "The ecto-containment system is going to take a lot of money. Where do we get it?"

* * *

Ryoga was lead out of the bank with Dr. Tofu and Ranma flanking him on either side. Tofu was working on a problem with his calculator.

"But that’s my parent’s house! I was born in that house!" Ryoga protested.

Ranma brushed it off, enjoying himself immensely. "Oh heck, Ryoga, everyone has three mortgages these days."

Finishing his calculations, Tofu showed Ryoga the screen. "Here’s the interest you’ll pay in the first year alone…"

Ryoga fainted dead away. They dragged him down the street to their next appointment with his head bouncing along on the concrete.

<hr>

The firehouse had seen better days. Ranma and Dr. Tofu followed Lychee, now a realtor, who guided them around. "As you can see, this place has enough room for your needs." Outside Jasmine, her elephant, waited patiently in case she was needed.

Looking around Ranma felt less than enthusiastic. "It just seems a bit pricey for such a unique fixer-upper." Turning to the doctor, Ranma asked. "So what do you think?"

Pushing his glasses up on his nose, Tofu replied, "I think this place should be condemned. This structure is less than sound, the wiring is substandard and totally ill suited for our needs. Never mind the…" He was interrupted by Ryoga’s voice from the floor above.

"Hey, does this pole still work?" He grabbed hold and slid down to join the others. "This place is great! I think we ought to sleep here, tonight, y’know, to try it out!" He headed for the front door. "I’m gonna go and get our stuff!"

Ranma and Tofu watched him go in disbelief. Finally, Ranma turned and smiled at Lychee. "I think we’ll take it."

Lychee wore a matching smile to Ranma’s as she pulled out the escrow papers.

<hr>

The camera pans up the side of an oversize, Gothic skyscraper revealing an odd structure where the penthouse would usually reside. Cutting to the inside, we watch as elevator doors open to show Ukkyo Kuonji carrying groceries to her apartment. As she passes by the door nearest to her own, Tsubasa Kuranai pops out. "Ukkyo-sama!"

He gets no further because Ukkyo manages to swat him back into his apartment with her battle spatula.

She glanced annoyed at the ceiling. "Look, pal, I only agreed to do this thing because I get to be Ranma-honey’s primary love interest. If you think I’m going to put up with Tsubasa pawing me…"

She mulled that over as she searched for her keys. "Well, I’ll think about it… You just keep him on a short leash, okay?"

"Good." Opening the door, she entered her apartment. "Now where was I?" She picked up her grocery bag. "Oh, yeah. Put this away and then some dinner."

She walked over to the television and turned it on as she pulled off her shoes. How Western women walk around in these high-heels all day is beyond me…Her train of thought was brought up short by the commercial on the screen.

"Do you hear strange noises at night?"

"Do you feel a strange sense of dread going into certain rooms or parts of your house?"

"Have you ever been bothered by spooks, apparitions or ghosts?"

"Then we’re the one’s you need to call…"

All three together appeared on screen. "GHOSTBUSTERS!"

"Our highly trained specialists are ready 24 hrs to deal with you paranormal problems…"

"We’re ready to believe you!"

Picking herself up off the floor from her face fault and severe case of the giggles. Ukkyo wiped the tears from her eyes and turned off the TV. "Oh, those poor guys. I had no idea they were going to have to do something so lame… I’ll have to make up some Okonomiyaki and take it over to them." Still chuckling, she entered the kitchen to put away the groceries.

She had just begun to put things into the cupboard when she heard an odd popping noise and sizzling. It was coming from her counter.

Walking over, she was surprised to find that her eggs had popped out of the shells and were frying up on her countertop. A hand on the surface proved to her that there was no heat present to account for the egg’s cooking. Then she heard the growl.

Deep, guttural, it was coming from the refrigerator. Hesitantly, and holding onto her spatula, Ukkyo slowly opened the door.

Inside, instead of the food in the fridge, she found what appeared to be some kind of shrine with a large, scaly animal sitting there and looking out at her. Its eyes glowed coldly and she heard it growl the word "XUL!!!"

Dropping her spatula, Ukkyo screamed and slammed the door closed before running from her apartment. Tsubasa popped out of his apartment only to be run down by the fleeing Ucchan.

<hr>

Outside the firehouse, Ranma watched as a workman hung a sign above the double doors. "You don’t think the sign is too subtle? No one’s going to miss it, right?" The workman only shrugged and kept on working. Ranma was about to say more when someone in a white hearse came barreling up the street, nearly running him down. Before coming to a noisy, smoky halt. "Hey! You can’t leave that thing here! This is a business!"

The driver’s side door opened to reveal Ryoga. "Shut-up, Ranma! I know what’s going on here!" He waved away a cloud of fumes. "Besides, I got a heck of a deal on this baby. It only needs a little work." He began to rattle off needs on the decrepit vehicle. "It needs new shocks, new brakes, a valve job," Ryoga walked around the car to open the hood. "Uh, I need to rebuild the carburetor and double check the seals…" Ranma walked away in disgust just knowing that Ryoga would probably have to push the thing into the garage.

Later, as Ryoga worked at rebuilding the car, Ranma headed for his office. He walked past Nabiki sitting at the secretary’s desk. "Nabiki? Have I had any calls?" Nabiki only shook her head, not even bothering to stop filing her nails. "Well, if you need me, I’ll be back in the office." He pushed through the swinging door. "And type something, willya? That equipment is rented."

Nabiki only sighed as she pushed herself back with her chair. From under the desk emerged Dr. Tofu. "Thanks, Tofu-baby. I really appreciate you helping me with that." She noticed with interest his nice physique. Well, Kasumi ain’t here and old Tofu always did have a nice butt…Narrator wants me to flirt? Fine, I’ll flirt. "You have very strong hands, you must work out a lot."

The doctor pushed his glasses up on his nose. "Not really, Nabiki. I just get a lot of exercise at my practice. Still, if you ever need my help with your ankles again…"

She hid her annoyance behind a slight smile. She knew she looked good, so why wasn’t Tofu reacting. If I tried coming on to Ranma or Ryoga like that, they’d be stammering like… well, like Tofu doing the Kasumi thing… Her brows rose slightly. Oh, so that’s it. Oh well, I didn’t have to nab him, just try fishing…

"Thanks, Tofu-baby. I’ll let you know." She watched as Tofu retreated upstairs to his lab. She shook her head again. Yup, definitely a nice butt. Kasumi, you are a lucky woman if the big lug ever manages to stammer out a proposal.

Ukkyo stepped tentatively into the firehouse door. She’d spent the night at a friend’s place, no way she was going back to that apartment until it was determined to be safe. She saw the guys’ commercial again and decided to go to them. Clutching her coat closed, she passed what appeared to be Ryoga working on a beat up old car. At last, she stepped up to the desk and Nabiki.

Nabiki eyed her over some prop glasses she had found. "Yes, can I help you?"

Unsure, Ukkyo wondered if this was such a good idea. "Uh, yes. I saw your ad on television and was hoping you could help me…"

Nabiki opened an appointment book. "Well, let me see if we have an opening."

Ranma, overhearing the conversation, popped up like a jack in the box. He vaulted the rail around his office and took Ukkyo’s hand almost before landing. "Hi there, I’m Dr. Saotome. How can I help you?"

Ukkyo fairly collapsed into Ranma’s arms and began to tell her story. "Oh, Ranma, it as horrible (sob), the eggs were exploding and frying on the counter top and then there was a growl from the refrigerator…"

Ryoga walked up wiping his hands. "Growling? Were you that hungry?"

"I said from the refrigerator, you jackass!" Ukkyo turned to Ranma. He seemed distracted by something Nabiki was doing, but when Ukkyo turned to look, Nabiki only smiled serenely up at her from the desk. "Ran-chan?"

"Yeah?" Oh man, Nabiki’s going to make me pay through the nose to keep her from telling Akane about this. To Ukkyo he smiled weakly for her to continue. "Okay, so what was in the fridge?"

Taking deep breaths, Ukkyo was able to calm down a bit. "Well, I opened the door and there was a dog in there…"

Ryoga and Ranma exchanged a look before the lost boy asked. "I thought you didn’t like Korean food…"

Ukkyo found Ryoga’s umbrella and began to beat him about the head and shoulders. "It’s not that kind of dog, you lamebrain! It was big, and scaly and it said Xul!"

"Uh-huh." Ranma took the umbrella from Ucchan before she beat poor Ryoga to death with it. "Tell you what, why don’t we talk to Dr. Tofu?" He led the way to the stairs.

In Tofu’s lab, they sat down and the doctor strapped an odd-looking helmet device to Ukkyo’s head. On a television screen nearby, a false color image of her was seen. Tofu was watching some other instruments on his worktable. "Alright, Ukkyo, are you comfortable?"

She looked at him from under the rim of the helmet. "Oh, yeah. Peachy. How’s this thing going to help me get that damn dog out of my refrigerator?"

"Now, Ucchan, calm down." Ranma knew somewhere she had some throwing spatulas on her and didn’t look forward to dodging them tonight.

Fortunately, Tofu came to the rescue. "Actually, it does tell us that the entity isn’t effecting you at this time and you are still yourself. Had there been another presence, we’d see it on the screen. Also, I found the reference to the name Xul."

"And?"

Tofu pulled out a book titled Tobin’s Spirit Guide. "Xul is the name of an ancient Babylonian god and was the servant of Gozer."

She rolled her eyes. "Great, terrific, wonderful. So why is this stupid thing in MY refrigerator."

Ryoga sat down on his heels near her. "Well, we don’t know that yet."

Ranma saw his cohorts running out of gas on this search. "Well, there ARE things we do when dealing with this kind of thing."

Tofu shrugged. "I can do more research into Xul and Gozer. Perhaps we can determine what they might be interested in."

Nodding, Ryoga picked up where Tofu left off. "And I can go down to the hall of records. Maybe there’s something about the way the building is put together might have something to do with it."

Ranma took it from there reading from his script. "And I’ll go back to the apartment with her to check her out…" His eyes widened at what he had just said. Ukkyo blushed but smiled and looked up at Ranma with shining eyes. Below, Ranma could actually hear Nabiki calculating the blackmail sum she would charge. "I mean check out the apartment."

At the apartment, Ranma led the way inside holding a rod-like device with an air-puffer attached. Ranma diligently puffed away and took readings. What kind of readings Tofu was looking for, he didn’t know.

He opened the piano and began to play the top two notes very rapidly making a painful noise.

Ukkyo looked at Ranma dubiously. "Uh, Ranma? Why are you doing that?"

Shrugging, Ranma dropped the lid back into place. "I dunno. Let’s see what the script says." He pulled out his dog-eared copy while Ukkyo rolled her eyes.

"Okay, here it is." He read aloud as he walked into the room. "That’s right, guys. It’s me, Dr. Saotome."

Perching her hand on her hip, Ukkyo wondered if Ranma had lost his mind. "Ranma, what the hell are you doing?"

Ranma shrugged and held up the script. "You know how he is. So as long as I’m stuck doin’ this thing, I’m playing it by the rules." He opened a door toward the back of the apartment. "So what’s in here?"

Ukkyo smiled and felt her cheeks grow warm. "Oh, that’s the bedroom but nothing happened in there." To her annoyance, Ranma slammed the door shut and backed away as if the room were on fire.

"Uh, maybe we should go and check out the kitchen." He smiled weakly as she glared at him.

Icily she replied. "Yes, let’s!"

Inside the kitchen, things were the same as Ukkyo had left them. The eggs had finished cooking and sat on the counter. Ranma picked one up and looked closely at it before dropping it. He used the puffer to ‘examine’ the rest of the eggs.

He wandered aimlessly about the room as Ukkyo stood fuming. "You do know what you’re doing, right?"

"Of course I do!" In fact, Ranma had no idea what he was doing. He was faking it like a pro…

Ukkyo wasn’t buying it, however. When Ranma began to go through the grocery bags, she sighed. "Maybe you might like to take a look at the refrigerator?"

"Look in the fridge. Good call. I was going to do that next." He walked over and slowly opened the door a crack and peered in.

"Oh my God!"

Ukkyo’s eyes widened. "What? What do you see, Ran-chan?"

Ranma stood and opened the door all the way. "Look at all this stuff!"

Inside, the refrigerator was full to bursting with junk food. Ranma picked up a marshmallow treat. "How do you eat this and stay so slim?"

She pushed him out of the way. "This wasn’t here!"

"Uh huh."

Glaring, she gestured toward the piles of food. "I’m telling you the truth! There was a temple and that big dog-thing and it said Xul!"

Ranma examined the fridge closely. "Well, there’s nothing like that in here now." He pushed aside some things to look deeper inside. "I’m fairly certain that there’s no dog in here."

"Great!" She puffed out the air in her lungs and flopped on a chair. Her discarded spatula was at her feet. "Either you’re an idiot or I’m losing my mind."

Ranma settled on his heels next to her. "I don’t think you’re crazy, Ucchan."

"That kinda leaves only one alternative…" She knew from the script that Ranma was supposed to be flirting, but he just didn’t seem to be doing a good job. Maybe I can help things along a bit. Hell, Akane and Shampoo aren’t here to get in the way for a change.

"I have an idea…" She pulled Ranma to his feet and led him from the kitchen. "Let’s see if we can find something happening in the bedroom."

Eyes wide, Ranma tried to resist. "Uh, U-Ucchan, I don’t think that would be such a good idea."

"Why not?" Her hand rested on the doorknob. "We haven’t even seen any other fiancés here. So what’s the problem?"

Ranma answered with one word. "Nabiki."

She snorted. "Yeah, right. How can she be a problem? We’re way up here in this building."

Gently disengaging his hand from hers, Ranma calmly walked over to the window and opened the curtains.

Outside, Nabiki stood on a window washer’s scaffold with elaborate eavesdropping equipment. Her face showed surprise at seeing Ranma looking out the window at her. Normally he wasn’t this much on the ball. Ukkyo began to blush deeply.

To the window, Ranma spoke. "Nothing happened, Nabiki. Sorry to disappoint you." Nabiki shrugged, waved and slowly dropped from sight as she lowered the scaffolding to the ground.

Ranma walked to the door. "I’ll let ya know what we find out. See ya, Ucchan."

Ukkyo stood rooted in place for several beats and a large sweat bead formed. At last she shook herself out of her state. She looked at the room, now devoid of Ranma. Angry now that she had blown her big chance, she flopped onto the couch to sulk.

"That big jackass!"

<hr>

Back at the fire station, Ranma, Ryoga and Tofu sat around a table eating Chinese food.

Between mouthfuls, Ranma was reading aloud from his script. "Uh, lessee… I’m gonna need some petty cash. Something to take our client out for dinner and keep her informed about our progress…"

Snorting, Ryoga gestured with his chopsticks. "Not to rain on your parade, Ranma, but this magnificent feast we’re enjoying represents the last of our ‘petty’ cash."

That revelation brought Ranma up short. He sat with half an egg roll still in his mouth. He looked at the others, still munching away. "Geez, guys. Chew slower…"

Downstairs, Nabiki was reading the Wall Street Journal and filing her nails. To her utter amazement, the phone actually began to ring. She picked up the receiver.

"Hello, Ghostbusters… Yes they’re for real… What…? You’re kidding… No, no, don’t worry, we’ll be right out… Yes, thank you…"

Gently placing the receiver back down, Nabiki stood and slapped a large red button on her desk and cried out loudly, "We’ve got one!"

The alarm bell began to ring. Tofu, Ranma and Ryoga jumped up and made their way to the pole. Ryoga dropped down the hole first and made his way over to the nearby lockers. Inside, he removed a tan jumpsuit and began to put it on over his street clothes. Ranma and Tofu quickly followed Ryoga and also changed into the jumpsuits. Each had an embroidered patch with their names. Ranma. Tofu. P-chan.

Ryoga’s eyes widened. "Hey! Who ordered these patches?"

Shrugging, Tofu adjusted his glasses. "I had them ordered on-line, but I didn’t tell Nabiki to have that put on the nametag."

Ranma stood whistling. He was fairly sure Nabiki wouldn’t squeal on him, he had paid her $20… But if Ryoga came up with more money… Ranma began to whistle louder.

Ryoga wasn’t fooled. He glared at Ranma. "If we had more time, I’d deal with you now but we got a run."

The doors to the firehouse opened and the lights of the car came to life. The license plate read ‘Ecto-1/2’ and with a squeal of tires they roared into the night.

<hr>

The retrofitted hearse pulled up at the hotel’s main entrance and screeched to a halt. The trio put on their gear and headed inside.

Looking around and looking like a gung-ho Orkin man, Ranma looked about the lobby and asked loudly. "Hey, has anyone here seen a ghost?"

The hotel manager, Mssr. Piccollet quickly strode up to the group. He looked very concerned and appeared dubious. "Thank you for coming so quickly." Eyeing Ranma, he said quietly. "And have you come to pay your debt to me?"

Ryoga stepped in and defused the situation. "Maybe we can discuss that after we deal with your… uh-problem?"

"Oui, that would be acceptable, mon ami."

"Okay, so what’s the story?"

"Well, most of the staff knows about the 23^rd floor. But it has never been this bad before."

Ryoga smiled. "Not a problem, we’ve dealt with things like this hundreds of times." He caught Tofu and Ranma’s stares. "Haven’t we?"

"Oh yeah, no problem." Ranma tittered nervously as Piccollet led them to the elevator.

Prince Kirin stood at the elevator waiting for the doors to open. He was enjoying his trip to New York and had just finished a pleasant evening with a delightful young woman. His eyes widened when he saw the three with the proton packs stepped up to wait for the elevator.

"What are you guys supposed to be, Gundams?"

Ranma grinned. "Nah, someone upstairs just saw a Pokemon. We’re going to go catch ‘em all."

His eyebrows rose. "Right… Must be some Pokemon."

The elevator doors opened as Ranma replied. "It’ll take your arm off…" He started into the car and noticed Kirin was not following. "You coming?"

Kirin shook his head. "I think I’ll just wait for the next one."

Ranma, Ryoga and Tofu filed into the elevator and pushed the button. Kirin only shook his head as the door closed. "Poor bastards."

As the car ascended, Tofu shook his head. "I really wish we could have had a full test before this." He sighed. "I guess I can only blame myself."

"Yeah, me too." Ranma looked at the ceiling. "After all, we’re all just carrying unlicensed nuclear particle accelerators on our backs…"

Completely clueless, Ryoga nodded as if he knew what they were talking about. "Yup. Oh well." He looked over his shoulder at Ranma. "Switch me on, will ya?"

Ranma reached over and flipped the switch. The elevator car reverberated as the particle accelerator ran up to speed. Meanwhile, Ranma and Tofu pushed back as far from Ryoga as they could.

The doors opened and the trio exited into the hall. Tofu brought his pack online and moved to the far side of the hall opposite Ryoga.

From a nearby room, Natsume pushed a maid’s cart into the hall. Ryoga and Tofu whirled and fired their proton beams, causing Natsume to dive for cover back in the room.

"Hey! Hey! Whoa! Whoa!" The beams fell silent and they watched as rolls of toilet paper burned on the remnants of the cart.

Kurumi and her sister peeked around the doorframe. "What the heck was that?"

"Sorry!" Ranma shrugged and felt very foolish. "We thought you were a ghost."

Natsume looked up at her sister. "Told ya I need to eat more. I’m just wastin’ away…"

Kurumi rolled her eyes. "Yeah, right… You’re as healthy as horse." She sighed and surveyed the damage. "I’m just trying to figure out how we’re going to explain this to the manager…" She watched as a roll of TP continued to burn merrily. "And put that out, would you?"

As the sisters started to salvage what they could, the trio moved quietly down the hall. "Well, we can consider that a successful test." Ranma lead the way down the hall. "Just try and be more careful, okay?" His companions nodded.

Ryoga looked around when they came to an intersection. "I think we should split up. We can cover more ground that way."

Snorting, Ranma added. "Y’mean do more damage, don’t ya?" Sighing he chose a hall. "Okay, I’ll go this way. Keep in touch with the radios."

Ryoga went left and Tofu chose right. Pausing, Ranma looked back up the hall where Natsume and Kurumi were trying to contain the now fully involved maid cart.

Tofu walked down the hall scanning with the PKE meter. He was so intent, he didn’t notice the Poker King standing in an open doorway until he had scanned him and was staring straight in his face. Tofu looked once more at his meter, poked the gambler in the chest to make sure he was real then continued on down the hall.

Ryoga was munching on some Pocky as he walked down the hall. He had light intensifier goggles on his head and looked pretty bored. He turned a corner and saw the ghost. It was going through a laundry cart full of women’s underwear.

It was small, and green and very ugly. It took him a moment to realize the ghost was in fact Happosai. A slow smile spread across his face as he unslung the proton pack emitter. Ryoga took careful aim and let fly.

Startled, Happo-slimer flew down the hall pulling the laundry cart behind. He flew through the wall with a slash of ecto-plasm. The cart careened into the wall and fell over.

Ranma was also looking pretty bored when Happi flew from the far wall at the end of the hall. Ranma pulled out his radio. "Come in, Ryoga."

"Ranma? I saw it! I shot at it!"

Ranma backed up to the wall as Happo-slimer noticed him. "It’s right here, Ryoga. It’s looking at me."

"Ugly little spud, isn’t it?"

Ranma’s eyes darted to the radio for a beat then back at the irritated spirit. "I think it can hear you, Ryoga…"

The sounds of Ryoga running came from the speaker. "Okay, I’ll get Dr. Tofu and we’ll nab the little freak." He chuckled. "Man, Happi really got a sucky part this time, didn’t he."

The ghost was looking at Ranma and growing more and more angry. A dull green glow surrounded the apparition. "Uh, Ryoga… I don’t think…"

Ranma couldn’t see Ryoga’s evil smile. "I mean to be stuck as a little green ball of goo…"

With a growl Happosai charged. Ranma, his pack hung up on something behind him, could only cringe and cry into the radio. "AHHHHHH!!!!!!"

Ryoga charged down the hall toward the sound of Ranma’s scream. He found him lying on the ground covered in goo. "Ranma?"

Spitting, Ranma struggled to get to his feet. "He slimed me. The little freak slimed me."

Ryoga pulled out his radio. "Dr. Tofu, it’s Ranma, he got slimed."

"Good, save me a sample."

With Ryoga’s help, Ranma got to his feet. "Ugh, I feel so gross!" He shook some of the slime off his hands. "Oh, the freak is gonna pay this time. Just wait. What happened last time is gonna be nothin’."

Tofu came back on the radio. "We have activity in the ballroom."

"We’ll be right there."

Outside the ballroom, Piccolet stood trying to control the angry guests displaced from their celebration. He looked helplessly as Ranma waved some others away from the door.

"Please, please, we have things under control and should be out of here in a few minutes." Quickly he ducked back through the door and locked them behind him.

Inside the ballroom, Ryoga was using the goggles to look around the room. The goggles gave the room a greenish tint as he looked at the tables and chairs. Noticing movement, he looked up toward the chandelier. There he found Happo-slimer doing laps around the chandelier.

"Got him." He whispered.

Tofu and Ranma peeked through the curtains and looked where Ryoga indicated.

"Yeah, that’s the one." He checked to make sure his pack was on full power. "That’s the freak that slimed me."

They took aim at the chandelier. "Ready…one…two…three!"

The beams leapt out and struck the chandelier, blasting it apart and raining crystal onto the floor and tables below. The main mass fell straight down and crushed a fully set table.

Caught in the blast, Happo-slimer was knocked away and behind the bar.

Ryoga was first into the room. "Sorry, sorry. That was my fault!"

Ranma snorted. "Don’t sweat it, the table broke its fall."

Seeing movement behind the bar, Tofu opened up full stream. The beam lashed out and knocked Happi clear. Tofu, however, kept on firing, destroying most of the liquor on the wall. He only stopped when Ranma stepped up and shut the stream down.

"Hey, whoa… whoa… Nice shooting Tex!"

Tofu looked around at the carnage then snapped his fingers. "I knew I forgot something. Ranma, Ryoga whatever you do, be careful not to cross the streams."

"Why not?"

He shrugged. "It would be bad."

"Okay, define bad."

"Imagine being buried under 1000 Happo-fire-bursts and have them all go off at the same time."

Ryoga winced. "Oh, that would leave a mark!"

Nodding, Ranma checked his charge. "Okay, important safety tip. Thanks, doc!"

Tofu looked around the cluttered room. "We’re going to need room for the trap!"

Ranma and Ryoga began to clear away the tables, Ranma by tipping them on end and Ryoga shattering them with his Breaking Point Technique. Just as Ryoga was about to destroy a rather large one, Ranma pulled him aside.

"Hold on a sec, Ryoga. I wanna try something!" Ranma grabbed the tablecloth. With a hard yank, he pulled the tablecloth out without disturbing a single dish. He smiled. "Yup, still got it."

Ryoga rolled his eyes. "Right, whatever." He raised his hands. "I’d step aside if I was you. Shi-shi-Hokodan!"

All the tables caught in the blast were shredded. Outside, the sounds of the demolition echoed up and down the hall. Picollet looked stricken as he struggled to open the door. "There’s no reason for concern. Everything is under control!"

Back in the ballroom, they had managed to flush Happi out into the open. Tofu held a small, box-like device connected to a long cord. He rolled the box under Happo-slimer. "Okay, Ranma, Ryoga, hit it with the containment streams!"

Aiming carefully, Ranma and Ryoga fired. Happo-slimer cried out and struggled as the beams held him in place over the center of the room.

Ranma ducked as a stray flare passed to close to his head. "Hey! Ryoga! Shorten your stream, would ya? I don’t want to burn my eyebrows off!"

"Oh! Okay, sorry!"

Adjusting the trap’s position, Tofu put his foot on the control pedal. "Remember! Don’t look into the trap!" He stepped onto the pedal and activated the trap. Streams of ethereal light radiated from the opening and shot up to snare the ghost held in the streams.

Ryoga’s eyes widened. "I looked into the trap!"

"Don’t!" Ranma wrestled with the beam as Happo-slimer tried to escape. Slowly, he was pulled downward. At the opening, there was a vortex of light that caught part of Happi and pulled him further in. There was a horrible wail… (Okay, he was saying something like he’d be good… but I’m not letting him off that easy) …and with a flash, the ghost was sucked into the trap and the lid closed.

The sudden silence took them by surprise. They were all breathing heavily and had sweat running down their faces. They waited as a light on the trap changed from a flashing red light to a steady green. Ranma stepped closer and tapped the trap with the tip of his beam emitter. Smoke drifted upward and small arcs of electricity danced around the trap, but it remained secure.

"Did we get him?" Ryoga kept his blaster aimed at the box. He knew how mad Happi was going to be if he got out.

Carefully, Tofu picked up the trap. He smiled as he saw the readout. "Yes, it’s secure. We got him!"

Ranma tapped the case again. "Hey, ya freak. Bet you never tried that crap against someone with a proton blaster!"

Smiling, Ryoga fell in behind Tofu. "Yeah!" He shrugged. "Well, that wasn’t such a chore." His companions only paused a moment to look at him before continuing for the door, shaking their heads. "What?"

Picollet had finally gotten the ballroom key sent from his office. He had just moved to open the door and confront those fools when the doors flew open.

"We came, we saw, we kicked it’s ass!"

The Frenchman stood dumbstruck. "You got it?"

Nodding, Ryoga gestured as Tofu raised the trap for inspection. "Yeah. A really nasty one too, a free-floating, semi-physical phantasm. Or a number 4 poltergeist, take your pick."

"So it won’t be back?"

"Nope, you have our guarantee."

Ranma stepped forward. "So it just comes to the matter of our bill."

Piccolet looked at Ranma skeptically. "You till owe me 100,000 yen. Will that have any impact on this bill?"

"Sure, Ryoga we can give him a discount, right?"

Lost in thought, Ryoga only nodded absently. "Lessee… Locating and storage of the thing, proton usage, capture…" He scratched his head. "With the discount, it comes to $48,000."

The Frenchman’s enormous jaw literally hit the floor. "What! That’s outrageous! I refuse to pay it!"

Smiling, Ranma turned to Ryoga. "No prob, we’ll just put the little freak back where we found him." He turned and winked at Picollet. "I’m sure he’ll be okay with the misunderstanding… For your sake, at least."

Visualizing the devastation that the ghostly Happosai could cause, Picollet reached out and caught Ranma’s sleeve. "Wait!" He straightened his jacket. "Very well, I’ll cut you a check…" He paused as Ranma raised his eyebrows questioningly. "…And I will consider your debt paid in full."

Ranma slapped the Frenchman on the shoulder. "I knew you’d be reasonable. It was nice doing business with you." Turning again, he joined his companions as they left. "Watch out! Ghost comin’ though!"