BLACK PUSSY CAFE'S
FUNNY LISTS PAGE
THE PERFECT DAY FOR HER:
08:15 Wakeup to hugs and kisses
08:30 Weigh in 5 lbs lighter than yesterday
08:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed OJ and croissants
09:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil
10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer
10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo and style
12:00 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
12:45 Notice ex-boyfriends wife, she has gained 20kgs
13:00 3 Dozen roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer
16:15 Light workout at club, followed by gentle massage
17:30 Pick out outfit for dinner, prim before the mirror
19:30 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing
22:00 Hot shower (alone)
22:30 Make love
23:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
23:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms
THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM:
06:00 Alarm
06:15 Blowjob
06:30 Massive shit while reading sports section of the national paper
07:00 Breakfast, filet mignon and eggs, toast and coffee
07:30 Limo arrives
07:45 Six pack of the finest brew enroute to the airport
08:15 Private chopper to championship golf course
09:45 Front nine (2 under the card)
11:45 Lunch, 2 dozen oysters on the half shell, 3 beers
12:15 Back nine (4 under the card)
14:15 Limo back to airport, more beers
15:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female topless crew
16:00 Land world record light tackle Marlin (1249lbs)
17:00 Lear jet back, massage & hand job by naked model
18:45 Shit, shower, shave
19:00 Watch newsflash: Bush resigns
19:30 Dinner, Lobster, appetizers, Grange (1963)
21:00 Remy Martin and Cuban Partages cigar
21:30 Sex with three women
23:00 Massage and Jacuzzi
23:45 Bed (alone)
23:50 12 second, 4 octave fart, dog leaves the room
23:51 Giggle yourself to sleep
STUPID LAWYERS
Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers journal,
The following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during
trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses:
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
Q: Did he kill you?
Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition noticewhich I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK?
What school did you go to?
A: Oral
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
Q: You were not shot in the fracas?
A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.
"Send me a Joke."
