Christy's Poetry of Yore

It's 12:10 a.m. August 5, 2003. I just happened upon a folder of worthless crap I'd written as a teenager, and some stuff into my 20s. So I thought I'd share some of the writings that, years later, I think, "Hey, that's not 'all' crap!"



Letting Go
(Assignment for English class. I was a senior in high school. We had to write a poem inclusive of the phrase "my true country.")


Standing
Holding on
Letting go
Disregarding society and
Taking a mind rest from life itself
Is my true country
Where my heart can easily overpower
The planted seeds in my mind
Emotions sift like a rain cloud
Letting go
Time
As a black wound
Becomes even darker
And I can see right through it
Roots don't grasp the soil
Searching for the white
Music in the distant lands in front of me
Falling from the wings
Of a passing bird
Standing on the edge of the world
Holding on
Letting go
Tasting the grey
I find myself standing



Dancing Shadow
21

Loneliness is a candle
Melting into its melancholy figure
The last leaf fell from the Great Oak
The ribbon is still tearing
The rain is still falling
The candle is still burning like my eyes
My heart
My soul
The tide is coming in
I watch the sun touch the ocean
The sand is hard beneath me
The cold water touches my toes
My knees
My nose
Fire caresses the wings of an eagle
The silhouette like a shadow
Dances on the sea
All of the diaries are burned
I begin to walk
Then run
Into the water
Into the sun
Melting into a melancholy figure



Highest Mountain
22

He stood atop the highest mountain
Holding his hands to the breeze
Rain fell from an incessant fountain
Sending him upon his knees

He held within himself a passion
Of memories daring and great
Which he sustained in a noble fashion
While exploring his own fate

Thunder made a calming vow
He didn't have to think
Rain drops fell unhindered from his brow
And his eyes, they didn't blink

Empowered by a broader scope
And the panoramic view
He picked up a piece of hope
Still as his passions grew

His eye was like the brightest star
As it caught the last rain drop
She watched this moment from afar
He on the mountain top

He didn't know that he could fly
If only on a whim
Perhaps some day he'll pass her by
And she'll blow a kiss to him

He'll tell her of his journey long
All that he'd been through
And how his heart composed a song
That her heart already knew

But rain falls from an incessant fountain
He upon his knees
As he stands atop the highest mountain
With his hands to the breeze



Soft Silhouette
July 13, 1997

The image of you that is yet unseen
In a picturesque dimlit scene
Near a mountain lake, serene
A work of art inside my dream
Paint on the canvas, slightly wet
In the back of my mind, like a soft silhouette

With each brush stroke as I go
You come alive as rivers flow
From the white-cap mountain snow
Upon a sunset image below
It hasn't come alive as yet
Jst out of reach, like a soft silhouette

All the thoughts play in my mind
Another color yet to find
A feeling of some other kind
That I cannot yet leave behind
And though I try, I can't forget
In the fringe of a soft silhouette

I hear your voice, I turn to check
Nothing past the redwood deck
My hands are tied in a water speck
Your gentle kiss upon my neck
I turn as day and night have met
I still feel you, like a soft silhouette

I will paint you beautifully
On this canvas next to me
Displayed for all the world to see
A man who loves so tenderly
Just like the day when our eyes met
So long ago, in a soft silhouette



Today

Today I wonder why
You've given me the chances
That I know I don't deserve
Today I wonder why
You've stayed quietly by my side
Knowing that something
Was eating at my heart
Knowing that I wouldn't tell you
Knowing I didn't know how
Yet you stayed quietly by my side
Today I wonder where along the line
I felt it okay to stop giving to you
The little things
The little things you loved me for
The little things I loved to give
The little things I stopped giving
Somewhere along the line
Today I wonder how
I let things get this far
You left today
And I just want to be where you are
To hold you
And tell you things
Are going to be okay
But I can't
Because today I wonder if
It's possible to pick up the pieces
Where I let them slip through my fingers
Years ago
And place them back in your chest
And make your heart feel whole again
Today I wonder why
I hold those pieces tightly in my grasp
And cry
That won't put them together again
Today I sit in silence
The loudest silence
In the smallest room
The silence I created
The silence I gave to you
When I thought it wasn't important enough
To tell you how I felt
And now I wonder where you are
As i sit alone in this silence
Needing you to hold me
Like you needed me to hold you
Today I sit and wonder
What I did to deserve the love
You continued to give
When I let you sit
In this horrible silence
This tremendous ache
That time doesn't heal
And words do no justice to
And wonder how you can
Still love me
Today my heart has taken form
Of the pieces that I let
Fall through my fingers
Years ago
Today my silence surrounds me
As the unkind words I said to you
Reach up and choke me
Today my tears drown
My rationality
And I'm in a constant panic
Trying to find a way
To live with myself
Knowing that I could have
To live a life without you
Today I wonder where you are
The hardest thing to do right now
Is breathe
You were always my air
I know that now
I want to surround you
With a love
But I know it is now
A love that you question
And today I sit here
The space getting smaller
And smaller
The grasp around my neck getting tighter
And tighter
And the silence growing louder
And louder
I wondered why you continued
To love me



It Was a Day
9/4/97

It was a day the rain
Never seemed to end
Roaming the path naked
In the cold
I prayed that it
Would drown my soul
But the sun crept around the clouds
For the chance
To burn my skin

I crushed dead roses
In my hand
And strewn them about
My body moved to
The music of the wind
And rain began to fall
From my eyes

I stood on the edge of
The Earth
And danced against the moon
For a brief moment
The wind carried
The enchanted scent
Of my beloved

In dissent
I stomped harder
And it echoed the thunder
That falls into the canyons
Of the soul

Atop an unsteady rock
I stood on the edge
Of the world

It was a day the rain
Never seemed to end



Empty

(I wrote this about 2 months before Andris and I met)

I felt you grow next to my heart
My precious little child
I told your daddy you were there
He hugged me, and he smiled
We thought of names and color schemes
And how you would fulfill your dreams
After today it all seems
So empty
I felt you leave my body today
I felt your soul slipping away
With all my heart, to God, I pray
Please don't leave me
Empty
I haven't slept or spoke your name
I pray you didn't die in vain
After this life's not the same
You left me here
So empty
And your daddy does not know
Behind this smile that I show
Lies the faintest little glow
Of when you were here
In me
I'd rather that it be this way
To ahve God take you away
Than to let me love you one more day
Another day
To miss you
And so, my dear, I'll have to miss
The little face I'll never kiss
And now I am left with this...
Emptiness
That fills me



Sonny

"Mommy, watch me do this flip.
I learned it in school today!"
Mom is in her paperwork
She hasn't time right now.
"Mommy, I learned how to blow a bubble
Bigger than my face!"
Mom is doing laundry
Everyone needs clean clothes
"Mommy, I can ride a bike"
Without the training wheels!"
Mom has got a meeting Someone's got to pay the bills "Mom, I tried out for basketball
And I made the final cut!"
Mom needs a vacation
She's feeling so worn out
"Mom, I applied to the university
And they accepted me!"
Mom is paying taxes now
The money's kind of tight
Sonny does a flip
As Mom is in the paper
Sonny rides his bike to college
Every single day
That scholarship really helped
But Mom still struggles with the bills
Well, Sonny plays pro basketball
And pays for Mom's vacations
He's got his own son now
Who does flips in the back yard
Sonny shows him how to wad the gum
To blow the biggest bubbles
Sonny lifts him up so he can
Dunk the basketball
He pushes him down the street
On his brand new BMX
While Grandma, well, she watches
Through the window
As she folds designer clothes



Time to Move

Painted faces everywhere
Rain plummits from the skies
Wind picks up my hair
And throws it in my eyes
This old rag skirt is dragging
Behind me on the ground
I pick it up and pin it when
There's no one else around
Pushing my possessions
Down the ritziest L.A. cruise
While vendors sell their stolen goods
I pass by in muddy shoes
They hollar and they hoot
But I walk with harnassed grace
I look down and smile and
Put on my best painted face
I still move as they throw
Their pennies and their cans
Searching for a place
To rest these tired hands
I saw these hardened eyes walk past
I felt so ashamed
My soiled face and tattered clothes
Were all my choice, he claimed
His panted face and corporate views
And designer power suit
Walked on by with hardened eyes
And kicked my muddy boot
The sound of crime rang through the streets
Gun shots and dying men
I grabbed my cart and old newspaper
It's time to move again



Why Must You
(I was in a crazy mood that day!)

Why must you lift your leg
Or announce you've let one go
Then criticize
My rolling eyes
With, "What, babe? You on the flow?"

Why must you yell at the TV screen
When you know they cannot hear
Then softly caress
My brand new dress
Then ask me for a beer?

Why must you step on my feet
Every time we dance
Then say, "Pull my finger"
For a smell that will linger
As a brown stain on your pants?

Why must you leave a single square
On the toilet paper roll
And stink up the room
Then light the fume
And blow up the porcelain bowl?

Why must I put up with all
The grossed-out things you do?
Are all these sickening things what made
Me fall in love with you?



Shall I

Shall I say, "Blah" as many times as I feel it
Or scream each time I cringe in pain?

Shall I choke you for the chance to watch
Your lips turn blue
Or throw glass at your eyes
When you look at me the wrong way?

Shall I scald you with hot water
When your words burn
Or jump out from behind when you think
There's no one home?

Shall I fuck you all night
And leave a rose on your pillow
Or drive over your dog when
I find that you've lied?

Shall I kill you with the look in my eye
When you piss me off
Or prance around naked
And not let you touch me?

I don't know
I think I'll keep my mouth shut
After all
That's what love's about



City
(Scene from a musical I wrote in a dream. Kuh-ray-zee!)

Vivid raphsedies begin to play
Nastalgia from my yesterday
Pitter patter on a rin tin tray
A touch of red in a world of grey
It's been so long since I heard that ditty
And now it echoes through the city
I move my hand and slap my knee
I feel the music moving me
It takes me where I used to be
Young, and proud, and oh, so free
Where boys were boys and girls were pretty
Dancing and prancing all over this city
I snap my fingers to the beat
And strut-step-strut on down the street
Dancing along, shakin' my seat
Returning the smiles from the people I meet
Some laugh at me, they think we're witty
Gonna spread some fun all over this city
Take my hand as you pass on by
C'mon have a little fun before you die
Wave your hand up in the sky
Kick off your shoes and loosen your tie
'Cause it's been so long since I heard that ditty
Let's rin tin boogie all over this city



Rain

Passion holds her close to him
Looks in her eyes, deep within
Never holy, never sin
He holds a heart that she can't win
She knows that she's the one to blame
Solitude dances in the rain
His breath is warm upon her face
In her clothes, his scent, so trace
Emerging from this empty space
She redeems herself within his grace
She smiles, but to mask the pain
Solitude dances in the rain
He is the hunter of the night
A journey on an endless plight
Look across the distant sight
And you just might, yes, you just might
See Passion wandering o'er the plain
As Solitude dances in the rain
He watches as her body sways
To the music the raindrop plays
In her mind from all the days
He sang to her in his own ways
His gallant smile begins to wane
As Solitude dances in the rain
A single tear is softly shed
As images dance inside his head
He knows that he will soon be dead
"It's better off this way," he said
He clutes his heart and feels the pain
As Solitude dances in the rain
He imagines her soft lips, maroon As he rides away against the moon
And find that he now sings her tune
He catches this, though not too soon
He knows that he's the one to blame
Now Passion dances in the rain



The Rail

Singing softly in a lonely harbor
The widowed lady from Ann Arbor
Stares unblinking in the water
She's someone's mother, someone's daughter
She watches as the ships set sail
Then showly steps onto the rail
Amazing grace, she hums alone
Staring at the telephone
She's old and weak, of brittle bone
My, how the years have flown
Time has made her worn and pale
She slowly steps onto the rail
Tears ascending one by one
Reflecting prisms in the sun
The weight of life became a ton
She looks for reason, she finds none
In her heart a lone betrayal
She slowly steps onto the rail
Breathing in the salty air
She finds herself just standing there
In full view of a stranger's stare
She felt her heart begin to tear
He's watching her, an elderly male
She slowly steps onto the rail
She spreads her arms like eagles' wings
Amazing Grace she softly sings
In the midst of all these things
The telephone beside her rings
She ignores the sound and starts to wail
And tighens her grip upon the rail
The ringing continues in her head
She thought of church bells on the day she wed
"Enough! Enough! Enough!" she said
She brought the receiver up to her head
The special voice of a familiar male
"My dear, my love, stay off the rail."
She whispered soft into the breeze
Hail Marys and solemn pleas
She felt her breath begin to wheeze
All of this down on her knees
Frightened as her vitals fail
She's barely breathing by the rail
She grips her heart with trembling hand
As church bells ring across the land
Her body lying in the sand
B a r e l y b r e a t h i n g....and
When the sun comes out and ships set sail
You can see her standing on the rail



Home

Night winds dance then pass on by
The clock ticks and the sun still shines
My lips smile and my heart beats still
Even though you're far
Somber dreams and bitter nights
Brought me to this precious light
Where all is good and all is right
In all that lies in you
It is a song that time has sung
Gently grips me, ties my tongue
Leaves me standing here among
My many thoughts of you
You are the passage of a poem
That lingers on whree time does roam
Take my hand and lead me home
Where two hearts simply "know"
I pry my soul and grip this pen
And write each verse from mind again
The words evade me even then
The feelings still remain
A sea of though from whence I drift
Fingers close and then I lift
Inspired words, your light, your gift
Shining within me
Somehow I've let you bring me here
I blindly walked without a fear
Through this corridor and we're
Finally alone
You touch my soul, I touch your heart
Drinking in the silent part
Where all the fears within depart
Embraced in just one glance
So take my hand and lead me, Sweet
To the place where our ends meet
In your arms where I'm complete
My love, please lead me home



That Is How I Touch You
(For Andris when he was still in Las Vegas)

A knowingness in your voice
Challenges my senses
Daring me to hold back
This burning need to touch you
There are times
When the wind whispers to me
In silent moments
That same wind embraces you
This early afternoon
And traveled miles
To deliver to me a hint of your breath
Each day I live knowing
That I only get to touch you
For a little while
I kiss those moments
Then sprinkle them in front of me
So every step I take is with you
I've tasted your kiss
In every late night fantasy
And I've felt your arms around me
To look and find the sun
It seems I've known you
For a million years
I've tried so hard to find you
Meandering dark pathways
With my eyes open wide
When it was never my eyes that knew
Sometimes I fall to my knees
Look into the sky
And everything I know of you
Falls into my upturned hands
I slowly bring it to my heart
And breathe
That is how I touch you






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****EDEN (Somewhat) WEEKLY****
Aya Rose
Sisters (Eden and Aya Rose)
In Loving Memory of Our Daughter, Peyton.
Peyton's Story & Poetry
Christy's Old Poetry Stuff
Candids
Christy & Andris' "Hottie" Pictures.
Christy & Andris' Snuggly pictures.
Eden (Almost) Weekly
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Page Updated 8/5/03