Pale September
I wore the time like a dress that year
The autumn days swung soft around me
Like cotton on my skin
But as the embers of the summer
Lost their breath and disappeared
My heart went cold
And only hollow rhythms
Resounded from within
But then he rose
Brilliant as the moon in full
And sank in the burrows of my keep
And all my armor falling down, in a pile at my feet
And my winter giving way to warm
As I'm singing him to sleep
He goes along just as a water lily
Gentle on the surface of his thoughts his body floats
Unweighted down by passion or intensity
Yet unaware of the depth upon which he coasts
And he finds a home in me
For what misfortune sows
He knows my touch will reap
And all my armor failing down, in a pile at my feet
And my winter giving way to warm
As I'm singing him to sleep
All my armor falling down
In a pile at my feet
And my winter giving way to warm
As I'm singing him to sleep
Now, of course, I didn't speak to him. I never spoke to men online. As far as I was concerned, they were all 400-pound, armpit-stained-tee-shirt-wearing, beer gut-sporting, cigar smoking, sex slave-wanting, no-job-having -- losers.
So I'd caught a glimpse of the man I was going to marry, but I wouldn't talk to him. Imagine that!
Later that night after I got home from work, I went back to Poets Place, and there he was, reading the same poem. I went about my business, later on reading a poem of my own, when all of a sudden, he sent me an Instant Message saying how much he liked my writing. I was leery, as I was with any man who would IM (instant message) me to give me a compliment.
We began to talk. He sent me a photo of him (I told him he was "hunky") and we became good buds.
Eventually, he asked me, "Would it be out of line of me to ask if we could speak on the phone?" I answered, "No, but only if I can call you." And so the story began...
I admit, I had a boyfriend that I had been with for five years, but had been unhappy for at least three of those five. I told Andris about him during our first conversation.
It just so happened that I had been planning a girls' trip to Las Vegas with some friends of mine. Something I had originally tried talking them out of because I swore I would NEVER go to Las Vegas. Too much debouchery for me. They had talked me into it just before I met Andris.
Almost every time we spoke, Andris tried to get me to send him a picture, but I wouldn't. Although I already knew how I felt about him, I was still pretty scared letting him know what I looked like. He kept telling me to go to Kinko's and to get my picture scanned.
Our conversations over the phone were every day as Andris moved and no longer had access to a computer. I wrote him letters every day and sent them to him in Las Vegas. I even mailed him pillow cases and a candle with my perfume on it. We had told each other "I love you." We knew we were going to be together forever. We even had a song, "I'll Be" by Edwin McCain. We would dance together over the phone to our song.
One day on the phone, after many weeks of begging me for a picture, I said, "I have something to tell you." I could hear the nervousness in my voice, not knowing what to expect. "I have a scanner." Andris sat silent. "Well SAY SOMETHING," I demanded. "I just wanted to make sure I wasn't sending my picture to some psycho I met on the net, surely you can understand." Still silent.
Finally, he grunted, obviously ticked off. He was about to go out the door somewhere and I just knew I had to send him pictures RIGHT NOW! So I did.
I was planning my trip to Las Vegas. About three days before my departure from Sacramento, I was talking with Andris on my way to work. "So I've asked Ian (his best friend) to be with me at the airport when I meet you." "That's cool," I said. "Can you guess why?" he asked.
I had just taken a sip of water and spit it all over my car. Yes, I "knew" why, and NO WAY!!!! "Yep," he said. "When you get off that plane, I am going to get down on my knee and ask you to marry me. And I have asked my best friend to be there to witness this day."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Of COURSE I wanted to marry him, but what was I going to do? Run off to Vegas, marry a guy I just met for the first time, then come home to my boyfriend? Don't think so. I told him yes to later, no to now. He really wanted our first kiss to be as man and wife.
So I'm off to Las Vegas. And coincidentally, each and EVERY girlfriend who was supposed to go on the trip with me backed out. (The last two ladies, the night before we were supposed to go.) But I just had to go. So I went alone.
I get off the plane and...no Andris. I walk around the terminal for about five minutes...no Andris. I walk back to the gate and this tall skinny guy walks up to me, "Christy?" he asked. "Yes, I'm Christy." "Hi, I'm Ian," he said as he shook my hand. Off in the distance I see Andris running toward me. He shoves Ian out of the way and we embrace.
We had a WONDERFUL time together in Las Vegas. He took me out to his best friend, Micheal Dean's, karaoke show and sang love songs to me all night. We went and gorged ourselves with terrific sushi, and rode roller coasters when we got the urge. It was the most amazing five days of my entire life. I didn't want to leave. But alas, reality struck. I had to go back to Sacramento...back to my boyfriend. The phrase that still sticks in my mind to this day, is Andris saying, "As fast as you can." Meaning: Break up with him so we can take the next step toward being together.
The day after I arrived back in Sacramento, I broke up with my boyfriend, something I had tried to do many times before, but somehow always talked myself out of. I knew that being with Andris was not something I could pass up. I had to risk whatever I needed to to find out what my life could be like. I knew I wouldn't be able to live with myself 30 years later if I was asking myself, "what if?"
I moved out. I had a three-week break from work because I worked at UC Davis. It was summer break and I had no work. I also had nothing to do. And it truly never occured to me, until Andris said, "Come back!!" I didn't have to think twice. I arranged for a friend of mine to housesit, and I booked a flight to Vegas and stayed the entire three weeks.
It was wonderful. I didn't tell my family what I was doing because I didn't think they would understand. And when they finally found out, they were upset. They didn't understand. They believed it to be a rebound thing, a rebellion thing. Something that would pass.
At the end of two weeks, Andris said, "I want to come back with you." I couldn't believe it! We knew he was eventually going to move to Sacramento, but I didn't expect it to be so soon.
The night before we were to leave, Andris had a treat for me. He lived right across the street from The Hard Rock Hotel, and it just so happened that Edwin McCain was playing there at The Joint that night, so we went. It was INCREDIBLE! My first concert, even. We drank Blue Hawaiis and listened to music. I couldn't have asked for a better experience.
We flew home the next day. I took Andris home to our new place. My family was pretty upset at what I was doing, but there's not much that can really be said, you know?
My parents didn't like him from the moment they met him. That's just part of life, and I hope our kids don't put us through it!
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In Loving Memory of Peyton
Peyton's Story & Poetry
Christy's Old Poetry Stuff
Christy & Andris' "Hottie" Pictures.
Christy and Andris all snuggly
Photos of Christy and Andris as babies
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Our project: We bought a house!
