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Not that we'd EVER have any use for these...........
1. "Okay, okay! I take it back. Unf*ck you!!!"
2. "You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing?!"
3. "How many times do I have to flush before you go away?"
4. "Well this day was a total waste of make-up"
5. "Well aren't we a bloody ray of sunshine?"
6. "Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after."
7. "Do I look like a F*cking people person!"
8. "This isn't an office. It's HELL with fluorescent lighting"
9. "I started out with nothing & still have most of it left"
10. "I pretend to work, they pretend to pay me"
11. "YOU!!... off my planet!!!"
12. "Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble plastic is cheap. You choose"
13. "Practice random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self control"
14. "Errors have been made. Others will be blamed"
15. "And your cry-baby, whiny-assed opinion would be.....?"
16. "I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years."
17. "Sarcasm is just one more service I offer."
18. "Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed"
19. "Do they ever shut up on your planet?"
20. "I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable"
21. "Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realise you haven't gone to sleep yet"
22. "Back off!! You're standing in my aura."
23. "Don't worry. I forgot your name too."
24. "I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?"
25. "I work 45 hours a week to be this poor."
26. "Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?"
27. "Not all men are annoying. Some are dead."
28. "Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality"
29. "Chaos, panic and disorder . . . my work here is done."
30. "Ambivalent? Well yes and no."
31. "You look like shit. Is that the style now?"
32. "Earth is full. Go home."
33. "Aw, did I step on your poor itty bitty ego?"
34. "I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert."
35. "A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth."
36. " You are depriving some village of an idiot."
HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car w/sunglasses on and point a
hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Insist that your e mail address is:
Xena-Warrior-Princess@companyname.com or Elvis-the-King@companyname.com
4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they "want fries
with that."
5. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chairdancing.
6. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
7. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
8. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten
over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
9. In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors.'
10. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
11. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
12. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up
the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
13. Dont use any punctuation14. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
15. Ask people what sex they are and laugh hysterically after theyanswer.
16. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
17. Sing along at the opera.
18. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
19. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.
Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if
your boss is of the opposite gender.)
20. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're
doing. For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, inStall #3."
21. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle
sounds all day.
22. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their
party because you're not in the mood.
23. Call the psychic hot line and don't say anything.
24. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
25. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" "3rd
time this week!!!"
26. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot,
yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
27. Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, its
the voices in your head that do."
28. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to
have to let one of you go."
29. Every time you see a broom, yell "Honey, your mother is here!"
And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity....
30. Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they
sent it to you or asked you not to send them stuff like this.