Birthdays are good for you: the more you have the longer you live.
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.
If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing in the store is free yet?
You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
Don't cry because its over; smile because it happened.
We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors ... but they all have to learn to live in the same box.
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.
"The shepherd drives the wolf from the sheep's throat, for which the sheep thanks the shepherd as his liberator, while the wolf denounces him for the same act as the destroyer of liberty."--- Abraham Lincoln
If you can't get peaceful about a decision, let it go, it's not time to make it yet
"Since love and fear cannot exist together, if we must choose between them, it is far safer to be feared than loved." Machiavelli's "The Prince"
Sometimes the greatest achievement of my day is getting into bed at night
A picture is worth a thousand words, and takes as long to load
Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic? Lily Tomlin
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through eating my fishburger and I realize, Oh my God...I could be eating a slow learner. Lynda Montgomery
Each day I try to enjoy something from each of the 4 food groups. The Bon Bon group, the salty snack food group, the caffeine group, and the "whatever -the - thing - in - the - tin - foil - in - the - back - of - the - fridge - is" group.
If all the psyhics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they still working?
The eyes of men speak words the tongue cannot pronounce. Native American Proverb
"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he doesn't exist." - KizerSoza
"You're never alone with schizophrenia"
"Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky" Fran Lebowitz
"Oh bother," said the Borg "we've assimilated Pooh."
"There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
There are some days when I cant decide weather life is passing me by, or running me over. And who is that guy driving the Mack truck?
When your dreams turn to dust, vacuum.
When your mommy is mad at you, and asks you "Do I look stupid?" Don't answer.
Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweatty things....
Beating prolly won't make a man cry...it's a macho thing Ya know? i'm more likely to cry while being hugged, it's hard to feel macho when you can feel someone else's heart beating against your chest. -davidSR
There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them.
Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.
Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too.
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do and damned if you don't. -Eleanor Roosevelt
When you can't get a compliment any other way, pay yourself one- Mark Twain
Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, only she did it backwards and wearing high heels.
Never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it. Forget that dreams are "kids stuff
If anyone speaks badly of you, live so none will believe it.
Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.
Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear.
The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
.... Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. ---Mark Twain
My husband bought me a mood ring the other day. When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a red mark on his forehead.
Most religions teach us to have only one spouse. This is called monotony
Prozac is like chicken soup: it doesn't cure anything, but it makes you feel better.
Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
He who hesitates is probably right.
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip round the sun.
The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth!
If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and barefoot.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
"It is one of the beautiful compensations of this life that no one can sincerely try to help another without helping himself." --Charles Dudley Warner
Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, But beautiful old people are works of art.
Show respect for Dragons You are cruchy and taste like chicken!
Well, as far as I know, the prognosis with MS is always death. But then, the prognosis with life is always death.
As the wise saying goes, the best teacher will learn from the student as much as the student learns from the teacher.
There should be growth on both sides for the learning to be fruitful. -Shinto Bo
"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. "
You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.' - Sam Keen
When I was younger I hated going to weddings ... It seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped that after I started doing it to them at funerals!
Marriage is like a violin. After all the beautiful music is over, the strings are still attached.
You can't have everything, where would you put it if you could?
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
AWESOME PRAYER: May today there be peace within you. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
"I believe that friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."
Don't ever silence your heart
-Ms. Renee Fields
Learning to appreciate and share another's passion for those same
convictions that maybe opposing your's can open up a new realm of
possibilities. It's easy to always see the sky as blue and to argue that
the sky is blue. Until you meet someone that says that the sky is sometimes
red, orange, grey and sprinkled with clouds. The challenge is then to open
your eyes to the other's opinion. Sometimes you will still only see the
blue sky, other times you might be able to see the sunset.
-RandyParrish-Bell
There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them.
Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
Always put yourself in others’ shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too.
The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
-Helen Hayes (at 73)
Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
-Lily Tomlin>
Old age ain't no place for sissies.
-Bette Davis
A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.
-Rhonda Hansome
Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other "sins"
are invented nonsense.
- Robert Anson Heinlein
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.
He's always late. His ancestors arrived on the June Flower.
Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
I love a recent quote from Arthur C. Clarke in an interview Space.com had with him and astronaut Buzz Aldrin. Space.com asked him if he thought we would ever find intelligent life in outer space and he said he hopes we will find intelligent life in Washington, D.C.!
I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are inde- pendent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
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