TOO MUCH COFFEE, MAN!!
You made another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
The only time yer standing still is during earthquakes.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You chew on other people's fingernails.
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take yer pulse.
Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
You can jump-start your car without cables.
Cocaine is a downer.
You don't need a hammer to pound nails.
Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
You don't sweat, you percolate.
You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.
People can test their batteries in your ears.
Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
Instant coffee takes too long.
You channel surf faster without a remote.
When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
You go to sleep just to wake up and smell the coffee.
You're offended when people use "brew" to mean beer.
You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
You get drunk just so you can sober up.
Your Thermos is on wheels.
You have a pic of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
You short out motion detectors.
Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
You don't tan, you roast.
You don't get mad, you get steamed.
You help your dog chase its tail.
You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.