Ravenslayers Domain

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Stuff To Live By?"  *****If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance,  Baffle 'em with BULL.
Part I

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and
some days you're the statue. ***** Now that's just wrong!!

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot
at tax collectors, and miss.  *****Here's hoping that the stray bullet(s) hit some unsuspecting beaurocrat right in his or her private parts (his/her intern.  Did I say that?)

Cooking lesson #1: don't fry bacon in the nude.  *****'member that practical advice I was talking about?  There ya go.

Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be
recalled by their maker.  *****I don't make jokes where The Maker is concerned.

Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse
will happen to you for the rest of the day. *****But here's hoping these fools belch toad farts the rest of the day...lol

If life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a
water gun and shoot other people in the eyes.  *****'members those beaurocrats?  Ready!  Aim!   Aww skrew it!  why waste perfectly good lemons on that garbage?!?!?!

If you're not part of the solution, be part of the
problem!  *****A quote from Sean Connery in The Hunt for Red October  "Sometimes a little revolution is a good thing."

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency
to be vague. *****Screw that.  The folks you're being vague with probably won't have any idea that you're attempting to be kind.  Be blunt!  At least you're being HONEST with everyone concerned.

If you can't beat your computer at chess, try
kick boxing.  *****Like it!

If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat
until caught. Then lie. ***** Then you blame your superiors and claim that you were "Just obeying orders."

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply
to serve as a  warning to others.  *****That's duckin feep!

Never buy a car you can't push.  *****But if you can't push it fast enough to run over the crooked sucker who sold it to you in the first place, what's the point?

Never eat yellow snow.  *****Feed it to thine enemies

Never put both feet in your mouth at the same
time, because then you  don't have a leg to
stand on.  *****Why don't politicians follow this advice?

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your
time and annoys the pig.  *****Listening to singing pigs might be better than listening to some people singing.

The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so
sleep late.  *****I'm reminded of the joke about the worm that's hanging out to the bird's ass.  Worm says to the bird..."You wouldn't sh** me would ya?"

There are very few personal problems that
cannot be solved through a suitable application
of high explosives.  *****True.  And anything mechanical or electronic can be fixed with a hammer.

When everything's coming your way, you're
in the wrong lane.  *****Yep.  And the light at the end of the tunnel is usually the headlamp of a fast approaching train.