ASH
by Kaede

Note: The "morning coffee" reference is a reference to an actual Japanese
pick-up line.  It's "Let's have coffee in the morning together" meaning "Let's
spend the night together".  So that's what Taya and Aya are talking about at
one point.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

She sat on her bed, idly flicking her cigarette once every few minutes.
She knew it was a bad habit, and that sooner or later she'd have to quit,
but she couldn't help it.

It was the third day in the row he hadn't shown up.

Taya didn't mind that Youji had to be away some nights because of his
work.  He always promised to come back in the mornings, so they could have
coffee together before sneaking back into her dorms for a quick 
getting-back-together before Taya's afternoon classes, which she had
skipped more than once to spend time with him.

Sayoko, Taya's roommate, could only shake her head whenever Taya
brought up Youji.  Always sensible, working hard on her classes, Sayoko had a
feeling that Youji was just another of Taya's many flings, another lover or
suitor who would keep Taya out past curfew and into deep trouble.  Taya always
flung back a barb about Ken, Youji's co-worker and Sayoko's constant
companion.

Taya sighed, stubbing out her cigarette before staring out the small
window that was the dorm room's only link to the outside world besides the
front and only door.  She saw the same heads bobbing up and down as they passed
by without looking up.  No tousled brown-blonde hair, no signs of
cigarette smoke, no funky shirts matched with hipster jeans.

In other words, no Youji.

She exhaled the last bit of smoke, settling back down on her bed for a
quick nap before lunch.  Maybe he'd come by while she slept.  She liked it
when he woke her up.  He usually nuzzled her neck, arms around her waist,
murmering something about how her 1:00 class started in 15 minutes, which left
them some time.  He would usually help her get dressed too, kissing whenever
he could.

Taya had just pulled her pillow over her head when someone knocked at
the door.  It wasn't Sayoko's normal tap, and there was no jingling of
keys.  {Maybe Yotan-yarou forgot his keys and was so ashamed he hid for three 
days...}  She swung her legs over the side of the bed, nearly stepping
on a dangerously-sharp pair of high heels, then stumbling over to the door. 
"Hey, Yotan, where've you-"

Ken stood in front of her, hands folded, eyes serious.  He didn't carry
a soccer ball, but he had his motorcycle helmet under one arm.  "Taya-"

"You're not Yotan-"  Taya protested, but Ken was already starting to
make his way inside.  "Oi, Sayoko's not home, she's at class-"

"But I need to talk to you."  He sat on Sayoko's bed, which had been
neatly folded, pairs of shoes in neat rows alongside her futon.  Taya sat on
her own bed, which was rumpled with dirty laundry scattered on it, her shoes 
providing a nice booby trap for anyone who disturbed her sleep.  More
than once she'd been woken up by Youji tripping on her "goddamned spiky
shoes".

"So?  Go ahead.  Talk.  Is Yotan afraid to show his face?"

Ken fingered the visor of his motorcycle helmet.  "Actually... there
was.. an accident.  An armed robbery, at night, at the flower shop-"  {Like I'm
really going to tell her it was one of Takatori's men...} he thought to
himself, shaking his head lightly.

Taya felt her heart drop to her feet.  "Masaka.. he's not-"

"He's not dead.  But he's... he's in a coma.  And he probably won't
come out for a while."

Taya's heart raised a notch or two, so it was at her knees.  "A
coma..."

"He was in really serious condition for a while back there... we didn't
know if it was safe to contact you.  They wouldn't even let us see him."

Taya got up, putting on a pair of sneakers and her jacket.  "What're we
waiting for, then?  If I can see Yotan, let's go!"

"Demo-"

"Sayoko'll understand.  You've got a motorcycle, right?  Let's go!"

* * * * * 

She burst into his room, raspberry-streaked bangs in her face, raven
hair whipping around her back.  Ken followed, trying to comfort her.

Taya instantly took his hand, which was strung up with several wires
and tubes and medical what-not.  "Can he hear me?"

Aya, another co-worker, appeared in the doorway, one eyebrow arched
lightly.  "Aa.  He can.  He can't respond, but he can hear you."

Taya bit her lip, then whispered in his ear soft endearments, things
she'd dreamed of saying to him but hadn't gathered up the courage to say
before.  She could feel tears sting her eyes as her voice wavered, starting to
break.  She rubbed the back of his hand, then kissed his lips lightly.  "I'll
visit every day," she whispered finally, before stroking his hair and giving
him a smile he couldn't see.  "Please wake up, Yotan.. please."

* * * * *

And she did.  Sometimes she walked, sometimes she caught a bus, and
sometimes she got a ride off of Ken or Aya.  Mostly Aya, however.

"So why do you always come to the hospital?  You never really come to
see Yotan.  You check on him, then leave me alone with him."

"I figure you want time alone with him.  After all, you love him,
right?"  Aya fixed a violet eye on her, his absurdly large earring making a
chiming noise as he glanced her way.

"I love him?"  The idea had occured to her once or twice before, but it
hadn't really registered in her mind.  "I don't know if I do or not."

"Yet you still come to see him."

"I care really deeply about him, and I miss him a lot, and the sex is
gre- hey, I'm not going to tell you that."

Aya gave her a hint of a smile, the first one she had ever seen from
him.  "Yare yare."

"Anyway," Taya hurried along, eager to change the subject, "I'm not
really sure if it's love or not."

"If you're not sure, it's probably not.  Here's his room."  Aya opened
the door for her, giving her a little push inside, his hand trailing on the
small of her back.  "Take care."

"... Un."  Taya sat down beside Youji, taking his hand in hers,
squeezing gently.  Aya closed the door, his footsteps silent as he headed down
the hallway.

* * * * *

"Taya, you look terrible."  Sayoko commented bluntly, pushing her
glasses up on her nose.

"I feel terrible.  I haven't showered in a few days, I haven't eaten
anything but hospital pudding, for Christ's sake, and I have terrible
withdrawal.  The hospital won't let me see Yotan if I smell like cigarette smoke."  Taya
sighed, burying her face under her pillow again.  "And Aya-kun's acting
so weird."

"He's always weird, according to Ken-kun.  Always going off... and he
just lives for money, I hear."

"Any idea how they're paying for Yotan's treatment?"

"None at all."

Taya sighed.  "I understand..."  She picked up her jacket, pulling her
hair into a limp ponytail, her face without make up.

"Where're you going?  Don't you have class?"

"Aya-kun is picking me up to go to the hospital."

"Oh..."

Taya waved lightly before heading outside.

{... Aya-KUN?}  Sayoko's eyes widened.

* * * * *

Taya waited until Aya had closed the door behind him, then counted to
twenty, very slowly.  She opened the door, only to see him disappear around a
corner.  Stealthily she snuck after him, making sure he didn't turn and see
her.

Up a flight of stairs, a few doors down, and finally a name plate. 
"Fujimiya Aya".  Aya opened this door.

Taya paused.  Fujimiya Aya.  But wasn't that his name?  Why was he
going to his own hospital room?  He closed the door after him, and Taya
immediately pressed her ear to the door.

"Hello, imouto... it's your big brother, Ran.  How're you doing today?"

Silence.

"Youji's in your same situation, imouto.. all alone in a big bed, not
waking up.  His girlfriend's really worried.

"I don't know if he loves her or not.  It seems funny to me, some how. 
He's never really loved anyone, I don't think.  And yet he's found this girl
who has given up everything to spend time with him.  He doesn't even know
what she's done for him.  It's kind of sad, to see her so underappreciated. 
I'd say she deserved better."

Taya listened with wide eyes.  Youji?  Underappreciating her?  But that
was ridiculous, they cared deeply for each other, they just had never
actually told each other how they really felt.  What time they got together,
they rarely talked.  Hell, she had talked to Aya more, and talking to Aya
was usually like talking to a Jizo statue.

Suddenly the door swung open, and Taya went sprawling into the hallway.
 Aya (or was it Ran? She wasn't sure now) looked down at her with cold eyes.
 "So."

She scrambled to her feet.  "I.. I'm sorry, I just had to know why you
come to the hospital with me every day if not for Yotan-"

"Now you know.  And if you tell anyone-"  His voice took on a tone of
warning.

"No, I promise, I won't tell a soul, not a soul!"  Taya trembled.  Aya 
paused, then gave her his hand.

"Come on.  Let's get a cup of coffee."

"Now or in the morning?" she mumbled under her breath, and Aya shot
back another glance at her.

"... Now.  We'll see about that morning coffee another time."

"Na-nani?"

But he had already started walking down the hallway without her.

(owari)