Bachelor Boy! 

 

I remember a song growing up called, "Bachelor Boy." It was sung by a guy named Cliff Richard and it extolled the virtues of having all kinds of girlfriends and never having to worry about marrying ANY of them. I was fifteen years old at the time and of course, I LOVED that song. I would sing it on the way to the Officer's Club pool where all the girls were hanging out, I would sing it on the way to Lake Yosemite where even MORE girls hung out, I would sing it on my way to school dances.....it was my anthem. I can still remember most of the words. Catchy tune, too! 

Now that I am a Bachelor Man, I think Cliff missed the REAL benefits of living alone! It is not having all the babes you want. No. It is the freedom to come and go as you please and live without a spouse or children. Talk about being SPOILED! 

I did the dishes last night. I never do them every night since there is only ONE bowl and ONE glass. (I am a big soup, guy!) In fact, I rinse them and then set them aside on a paper towel to be used again all week. The dishwasher had not been on, prior to last night, for almost a MONTH! Bachelor Boy! The same is true of my shower towel. Why wash it? I just use it, hang it, it dries and I use it again. It is always clean because I use it AFTER I take a shower! Am I stupid, or didn't all the dirt go down the drain already? Duh! I have no need to buy a SECOND towel. I like my big, thick, mauve one! Bachelor Boy. 

I have an ATM card. I love to go over to Von's Supermarket and use it. I KNOW every day what my checking account balance is since I do not have a SECOND person using MY card. This saves me a lot of grief. I spend as I want and I deposit as needed. With a second person, I would go crazy! I would look at my printout and say, "Whaaaaaaaaa? I don't remember buying $345.00 worth of groceries at Trader Joe's GOURMET foods! Who in the heck did this? Oh. That's right, I forgot...I am married now." See? One guy. One card. One account. Bachelor Boy. 

I realize that the statistics are stacked against me. Married men live longer, healthier and have a more peaceful frame of mind than single guys, but I don't care. If I want to jump out of bed at midnight, (which is an EARLY bedtime for a Bachelor Boy!) and run over to Von's and pick up my fake crabmeat and chicken strips for a snack, I don't have a woman asking me groggily, "Where are you going, hon?" And in some cases, "I am going WITH you!" Yuk! There are just some things a man has to do ALONE! 

Of course, I will never have sex with someone, without guilt, anyway. I will never get to go to most family get-togethers with a companion. I will watch ALOT of movies alone. I will rarely get dressed around the house and I have a bathroom sink that resembles the Alamo on the last day of the siege, but it is MY life. I am a Bachelor Boy! I am happy for married men. I was one, once. It is not a bad life. It is just different. I learned a very valuable lesson from my marriage that has carried into my single life.... 

I always put the toilet seat down. 

This has IMPRESSED any woman who has dropped by for dinner...yes, it has. Shocked them actually. They swoon over me for the entire evening because of it. Or maybe it is their one glass of wine...(NEVER give them a second glass, because they will fall face asleep face down in their pasta!) 

No, the main problem I have as a Bachelor Man is not the loneliness for I realize that is a trade-off for my freedom. It is not the lack of companionship, because I never have to argue with just myself. It is not missing all the sex nor is it having to come home to an empty house or having to cook for myself........no. 

The main problem is the number of times I have used the word, "I" in this column. It is such a self-centered life that I, (there it is AGAIN!), get really tired of myself and my selfishness. For what its worth, having a woman around reminds me that there ARE other people in this world with feelings, needs and wants. When you are a Bachelor Man you really don't care about that, because you are not CAPABLE of really caring about others after awhile. 

Cliff Richard never mentioned selfishness in his song. He just made the rest of being a Bachelor Boy appealing. He lied to me. 

Life is not meant to be lived alone. 

So, as a result, I am thinking of getting a roommate. 

A Bachelor Puppy. 


Copyright©PJ Hurley May 17, 2000