Some grown up humor.

Two friends were playing golf when one pulls out a cigar. He didn't have a lighter, so he asked his friend if he had one. I sure do" he replied and reached into his golf bag and pulled out a 12" Bic lighter. Wow" said his friend. "where did you get that monster?" I got it from the genie". You have a genie?" he asked. Yeah, he is right here in my golf bag". Could I see him?" He opens his golf bag and out pops the genie. The friend says, "I'm a good friend of your master, will you grant me a wish?" Yes I will", says the genie. So the guy asks for one million bucks. The genie hops back into the bag leaving the guy standing there waiting for the million bucks. Suddenly the sky begins to darken and the sound of one million ducks flying overhead is heard. The friend turns to his golfing partner "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!" His buddy says. "Hell, I forgot to tell you the genie is hard of hearing, Do you really think I would have asked him for a 12" Bic!"

someone sent this to me, it is from an old personal photograph.

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?"

"Sand," answered Juan.

The guard says, "We'll just see about that ~ get off the bike." The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags.

The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?"

"Sand," says Juan.

The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events if repeated every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.

"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about..... I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"

Juan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."

for all you computer buffs.

A pregnant woman gets in a car accident and falls into a coma. When she wakes up, she sees she's no longer pregnant, and she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, "Ma'am you've had twins: a boy and a girl. Your brother came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself, "No, not my brother! He's an idiot!"

She asks him, "Well, what's the girl's name?"

"Denise."

"Wow, that's a great name. What's the boy's name?"

"Denephew."

OUCH, that must hurt.

A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out and there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old son.

The doctor instructed the lil guy to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he helped the woman deliver the baby.

Little Johnny did so, the mother pushed and after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.

The doctor then asked the lil boy what he thought of the baby.

"Hit him again," the little boy said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!"