Party Quirks
(Clive presses the buzzer instead of the doorbell by mistake)
Clive: "Whoops, sorry about that!"
Paul Merton: "Hang on, there's somebody in the microwave!"

Song Styles
Drew: "You're going to sing a song to Kim, the lightbulb saleslady, in the 
style of a jewish wedding!"
Wayne:(laughs)"Oh good, 'cause i've been to a lot!"

Greatest Hits
Colin: "I have many favorite artists...Van Gough is one, but he didn't really
 sing a lot!"
Ryan:(points to his ear)"Yeah, couldn't hear a word!"
Colin: "Yeah, him and Bethoven!"
Ryan: "Oh, I love that dog!"

Greatest hits
Ryan: "Michael Jackson, a great singer and a great head coach! (Drew is about
to fall off his chair laughing)

Greatest hits
Ryan: "So, Col, how much would you pay for a five hundred CD set such as this?
Colin: "I'd pay about five thousand dollars!"
(theres a long pause)
Colin: "But, im an IDIOT!"
Ryan: "But you're from Canada, so in exchange..."
Colin: "I'm still an idiot!"

Greatest Hits
Colin: "You know, when I used to ride a bus, or as our canadian friends
would say a "bouse"..."
(Drew almost spits out his coffee)
(Ryan looks like he can't hold in his laughter anymore)
Ryan:(touching Colin's shoulder)"You made me giggle!"

Greatest Hits
Ryan: "Hey Col, how much would you pay for a five hundred CD set such as this?"
Colin: "I'm not telling you!"

Drew: "I just wanted to give you a plug on Colin, Ryan, Wayne, and Brad's new
movie coming out. It's a combination of 'Coyote Ugly,' 'Scary Movie,' and the
'X-Men.' It's called 'It's scary how ugly those men are.'"

Hoe-down (Plastic Surgery)
Drew:
“One thing that I thought wasn’t really for me.
Was the thought of plastic surgery.
Well let me tell ya brother, well let me tell ya Jim
Before I had my face done, I used to look like him (points to Colin)”
Colin:
“My plastic Surgeon gave me a face that is so new
And he threw in a hair transplant too
Oh it was so wonderful, through people made a crack
Because they got all the hair from Drew Carey’s back.”

Scenes Cut from A movie (Pulp Fiction)
(Ryan and Colin are pretending to drive in a car. Ryan is driving)
Ryan: “Do you know what they call a burrito in China?”
(Colin thinks for a minute, then he sighs)
Ryan: “CHINDAYONDONG!!”

Greatest Hits
Ryan: "You know, there's so many hits on this song
that is was hard to compile them into just this set!"
Colin: (laughs) "Boy, we should have songs of the
English Teacher to help you out!"

Greatest Hits
Ryan: "Songs of the beekeeper, a very lonely 
profession. That's why we have four thousand songs...
on four thousand CD's."


Party Quirks- Greg: Yes it's a come as Greg Proops joke
party. 'Ocelot, ocelot nee-ee-eee! God youre bald Clive.'


Hats- Colin in a fisherman hat: There I blow!


Stephen Frost in a blue elf hat: Do you sometimes
lose your tampons?


Scenes From A Hat- A suggestion is "If dogs told jokes"- Ryan:Knock, knock. 
"Whose there?" Ruff. "Ruff who?" Ruff!


        
Superheroes-Clive is asking what kind of world crisis is in
store. Man: Paint shortage! Clive: Shortage of paint? Youre strange!


Greatest hits:
Ryan: "Colin what do you think of when I say the word skaw?"
Colin: "Sandpaper. 'Cuz that's the sound it makes when you scrape wood:
(Pretending to scrape wood) Skaw, skaw.

Scenes From a Hat
Drew: People you wish would just shut-up. 
Wayne: People you wish would just shut-up. 

Scenes From a Hat
Drew: Pick-up lines for the elderly. 
Colin: Wanna break a hip? 
Wayne: I bet me and you could go through a whole tube o' Bengay!

Scenes from a hat 
Drew: The good news, and the bad news.
Ryan: The good news is your surgery was a success and now you look like a 
movie star! The bad news is that movie star is Drew Carey!
Greg: Merry Christmas! (Pretends to hand Wayne a christmas gift. Wayne opens it.)
Greg: Look! It's Gepetto on DVD!


Hoedown: Baldness

Brad Sherwood:
It is such a pain.
I always see it when the show drains.
As you can see it isn't quite for me but at least
I am not as bald as Colin Mochrie.

Drew Carey:
I like putting stuff in my hair it makes me look.
But the thing Is I never need a breather 
I am real glad I am not Colin Mochrie either.

Colin Mochrie:
People always kid me cause I'm losing all my hair.
It's not my falt that I'm falling clee and pair.
Althought my life is not through.
I still get way more sex then either Brad or Drew.

World's Worst Person to be stranded on a desert Isle with:

Ryan: And then I did a movie called Gepetto...
Greg: Oh, I'm sorry, that has to be in the form of a question


World's Worst Person to be stranded on a desert Isle with:

Ryan: Ok, one more time...OH DIDY DIDY DIDY DIDY DIDY DIDY DIE!

After Superheroes
Drew: I'm giving you 1000 points for the zippers on your pants. What's that about?
Wayne: It's my tribute to Michael! *imitates Michael Jackson* 
Drew: Hey! We should all get zippers on our pants if Wayne's gonna have'em!
Ryan: They don't let me around zippers...

Greatest Hits
Colin: Fosse is the winner of 15 Tony's!!!! And a Jeff...

Motown Group: Sewer Worker
Ryan: I work in a sewer, don't know what to say,
When i walk around, people run away,
I have to admit, it's kind of scary,
Everyone thinks I smell like Drew Carey.

hello. I  was at your site and I have a couple fave lines. One of 
them is 
"The Cat!" I'm sure if u haevn't seen that episode. you've heard of that 
classic 
game of mission impossible. oh, Colin's the one who says it. in case u 
didn't 
know.
    my other fave line is when Tony tells Clive to F*** Off! It's so 
funny!! 
oh, and I downlaoded an mp3 of it. After he says that, Clive says, "you 
know, 
it's only a bit of fun." it's so funny, cuz they didn't show that on 
the air. 

Drew: "Its time for a new game here called African Chant. Africa is, as you know, 
a country, kind of by Madagascar-"
Greg Proops: (laughs) "It's also a continent if your a geographer!"

Scenes from a hat:
how would you make drew do a spit take.
Ryan and Colin walk up on stage, then Ryan kisses Colin

Sound Effects:
When colin and ryan are in charlie's angels, Ryan is an angel and Colin 
is Bosley, ryan comes up holding his "breasts" and asks what they had to 
do "charlie"
COLIN: Im BOSLEY!
RYAN: sorry (lets go of "breasts")
*pause*
COLIN: you can still hold them if you want.

Greatest Hits
Colin: ...this is why you'll enjoy the blues stylings of...Wetbiscuit McGlee...
Ryan: One of those rare scottish blues singers!

"Never trust sheep"-Ryan Stiles 


"IF YOU ORDER NOW, YOU'LL GET ABSOLUTLY FREE RYAN STILES SHOE, WHICH COMFORTABLY 
FITS FOUR."- COLIN MOCHRIE 

"HERE IS A VERSE I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER ME BY, I'LL READ IT TO YOU: 'IM WEARING 
A THONG'. THAT IS WHY ME FACE IS LIKE THIS."- RYAN STILES 

"WHOEVER KILLED THESE SMURFS MEANT BUSINESS." (LOOKING AT BLUE POMPOMS ON THE 
FLOOR) - Ryan Stiles

"Everybodys having fun they're singing all about me, lets all laugh along with 
them ha ha ha he he, it really is amusing, cant you all see. look at them, 
look at them of me they're making a MOCHRIE" - Colin
"You've got to love Colin 
love him to the end, I have to admit that he is my best friend. I would not 
lie to you, this is no jive, anyway you look at it he's got more hair than 
Clive." -Ryan

"You're just a chicken, but what the cluck?"-Ryan Stiles 

"MY FRIENDS THREW ME A PARTY, I KNEW THAT I WAS SUNK. WE STRIPPED RIGHT DOWN 
ALL NIGHT LONG, GOT REALLY DRUNK. DANCING WITH MY NAKED FRIENDS, BOY THATS 
THE LIFE. AS A MATTER OF FACT, TO HELL WITH MY WIFE."- RYAN STILES 

Impropable Mission 
Ryan says "Nothing like butt toast and head eggs." 

Party Quirks after Ryan breaks Drew's neon light Drew asks how many fingers he's holding up. Ryan says "How about me?" and gives Drew the finger. 
    
Thanks everyone for sending in their favorite lines! Please send more!
   Click on the mailbox to add your own! I'll add them here!