Rebuilding

My life was my work Dix. When my work ended . . .

Now look. Millie --

No! You look! Cause someday you’ll be lyin’ in this bed just like me. Then you’ll know how I feel!

Preparing for bed, Dixie McCall could still hear the echo of Millie Eastman’s voice. The former head nurse of Rampart General’s emergency room had returned to the hospital as a patient after attempting suicide. When her shift ended, Dixie had paid Millie a visit. But the vibrant, no-nonsense, tough woman she remembered had been replaced by one who was depressed, bitter and had only one wish: to die. Millie could not cope with her retirement.

Will that be me someday? Dixie wondered, studying her reflection in the bathroom mirror of her apartment. Her long dark blond hair held a few strands of gray but at forty-one her complexion remained smooth and her body was still firm. And retirement was something to look forward to in the distant future. Right now I welcome my days off. But what happens when one of them stretches into another and then another? When I don’t have to set the alarm and go back to work?

Removing the last of her makeup, she slipped into a well-worn sleeveless nightgown and went to the bedroom. The July night was hot and she reached only for the sheet as she climbed into bed, rolling onto her right side to turn off the lamp on the nightstand. In the darkness an arm draped itself around her and a body spooned itself into hers.

“What’s wrong, Dix?” Dr. Kelly Brackett asked. “Something’s been bothering you all night.”

Settling against him, Dixie sighed. “Oh, I’ve just been thinking about Millie and what she tried to do.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s pretty surprising. She was always so strong. You don’t expect people like that to swallow a bottle of pills.”

“Maybe. But I have to wonder what I’d do sitting home day after day feeling there was no place I was needed anymore . . . that I was out of touch and no longer useful.”

Kel propped himself up on an elbow. Her face lay hidden among the room’s dark shadows but he heard a quiver in her voice. Looking down at her, he asked, “Dix, did Millie say something to you? Something that upset you?”

Dixie bit her lip against the tears she felt begin to gather in her eyes. “Only that someday I’d do the same thing.”

“No, Dix,” he replied tenderly, lifting a hand to caress her cheek. “You and Millie are two very different people.”

Dixie shook her head. “I don’t know, Kel. She and I both have been driven by our careers. Being the head nurse of Rampart’s ER has become so much a part my life . . . without it . . .”

Kissing the top of her head, he began to stroke her hair. “But you also have something Millie didn’t. Someone in your life who will need you long after your nursing days are over.”

“Yes, I do. And I need you,” she said, catching his hand and pressing her lips to it.

“And since I’m two years older than you, I’ll have had a head start on retirement. By then I should be able to show you how to enjoy lazy days spent reading a book, playing tennis with long walks on the beach afterward, and the occasional run to Mexico for a bottle of Kahlua.”

Kel felt the face beneath his fingers smile. Though the scenario he had described was a long way off, it was a pleasant one.

“Of course, if you’d marry me,” he teased, “you wouldn’t have to worry about fighting off the other old ladies in the retirement home who might find an elderly single doctor a good catch.”

Dixie giggled softly. Although it had never been seriously discussed, the subject of marriage had recently arisen between them.

“You know the answer to that one, Good Doctor,” she said. “We’d probably be divorced within a month. We already mix business and pleasure more than enough.”

“Probably . . . but it might be a fun month,” he responded, beginning to kiss his way down her bare arm. “But I suppose, even in my old age, I’ll still be able to get by being with you four or five nights a week.”

Rolling onto her back, Dixie grinned up at him. “Now I suppose it’s time for me to repay you for picking me up when I was feeling kind of low.”

“Only if you want to. You know that.”

Pushing aside the sheet then lifting her nightgown, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

“And you know there are very few times that I don’t want to,” she said before pulling his mouth to her own for a passionate kiss.

“I love you, Angel in White,” Kel moaned, drawing the nightgown over her head and tossing it to the floor.

“I love you too. Kel,” she murmured, sinking her hands into the thickness of his dark wavy hair.

**********

“You know Dix, you’re idea to have Millie room with that young paraplegic really was a good one,” Dr. Joe Early said, picking up his glass.

“Yeah,” Kel concurred. “Both of them seem to be coming around and want to become involved with life again.”

The three of them sat around a table in a Mexican restaurant finishing dinner after a long day at the hospital. Fingering the salt at the edge of her margarita, Dixie looked from one doctor to the other, the faintest of smiles playing across her features. “Are the two of you giving me a compliment?” she asked.

Smiling, Kel poured the last of his beer into a glass then rested a hand on her knee. “Yes, Nurse McCall, I guess we are. You have once again displayed your gift of intuition and insight when it comes to what the patient really needs.”

“I’ll second whatever it was he just said,” Joe added, reaching for his wallet.

“Sometimes it just takes a nurse to know a nurse,” Dixie said, placing her hand over Kel’s under the table and feeling his lips brush against her temple.

Fishing out some bills, Joe dropped them to the table and asked, “So, what do the two of you have planned for the rest of the evening?”

“I’m going home to watch ‘Casablanca’ on TV and hope that I don’t fall asleep on the couch,” Dixie answered.

“I’ve still got some resident evaluations to go through back at the hospital,” Kel said.

“Boy, you two know how to live,” Joe commented, shaking his head and handing the check to the waitress.

“And what are you doing tonight Joe?” Dixie asked, arching an eyebrow inquisitively in his direction.

His cheeks coloring slightly, he answered, “I’m visiting a friend.”

“Anyone we know?”

“Maybe,” Joe said mysteriously, sliding back his chair. “I’ll see you guys later.”

Watching him hurry out of the restaurant, Dixie laughed and turned to Kel. “Now who could make him blush and run out of here like that?”

“I have no idea,” he stated, chuckling softly. Although he and Joe had been friends for many years, the older doctor tended to keep the more intimate side of his personal life shrouded in secrecy until he felt the moment was right. There had been several occasions when Kel and Dixie had been surprised by Joe’s arriving at the door with a date on his arm.

“Well, maybe someday he’ll tell us or at least show up with her some night,” Dixie commented picking up her purse and pushing back her chair. Kel quickly rose to help her from it and her features became soft.

Even after all these years, you’re still the gentleman, she thought, looking up at him. With his arm looped through hers, they proceeded to her car.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Kel said, pulling the door open before kissing her cheek.

“Uh huh.” Dixie’s hands went around the back of his head to pull him close. Running a hand through his hair, she kissed his forehead. “Don’t work too late tonight. You look tired.”

“I won’t,” he promised her as she climbed behind the wheel. Shutting the door, he saw her hand lift in a gesture of good-bye and raised his own. He stood watching until her taillights faded in the direction of her apartment then walked toward his own car.

If nothing else, he said to himself, starting the engine, retirement might mean that we could go home and fall asleep together on the couch watching TV.

With that image in mind, he found himself smiling as he drove back to the hospital.

**********

“What’s this?” Dixie asked, picking up an envelope that had found its way under the couch they had moved away from the wall. Kel’s recent purchase of a new living room set had them spending their day off hurrying to get the old one ready for pick-up by a charitable organization before the new one arrived.

“I have no idea,” he answered, taking it from her. Opening it, he removed some faded photographs. A smile spreading across his face, he sank down onto the sofa and pulled her down beside him. “They’re pictures from a road trip I took my sophomore year of college.”

Dixie studied the picture in his hand. She recognized a much younger version of the man next to her with two equally young men grinning on either side of him. They stood against a backdrop of sagebrush and an alkaline plain that stretched into the distance.

“Where on earth did you go?”

He slid the top picture to the bottom of the small stack to reveal another of the three of them lounging against a sign that read “Yucca Motel.”

“Drew, Ray and I,” he answered, pointing out each of them, “had a wild idea to drive to the Padre Islands over spring break. We made it as far as Alamosa, Colorado before the car broke down. We ended up spending the week there before driving back to Stanford.”

“Looks like a pretty rotten place to spend spring break,” Dixie said, frowning.

“Well, it wasn’t ideal but they’ve got a state college there and we spent some time getting to know some of the coeds,” he told her with a wink. The next photo was of a majestic mountain that towered above the smooth valley floor. “The people were really nice too. The owner of the garage even loaned us an old truck so we could get around,” he added. “The San Luis Valley may look desolate but it’s also very beautiful. My camera broke before I could capture all of it.”

“Like what?” she asked, snuggling against him.

“There’s a place there: The Great Sand Dunes National Monument. Dix, it’s like something out of a movie. Mountains of sand that have built up over centuries because the wind couldn't carry it over the Rockies. It’s like the Sahara right here in the United States.”

Kel lingered briefly over the few remaining pictures before dropping them onto the coffee table. “But that was a longtime ago. Drew now spends most of his time traveling the world and drilling for oil. And nobody knows what happened to Ray after our sophomore year.”

“I know,” Dixie said, kissing his cheek. Drew and Ray were prominent figures in what she considered to be the last of Kelly Brackett’s carefree days. Midway through his undergraduate studies he had focused on a goal that still possessed him: to not only be a doctor, but the best doctor no matter what the price. “Maybe someday you can show me the Sand Dunes and Alamosa.”

Kel shook his head. “No. There are better places for us to visit.”

“And where would that be?”

Cupping her face in his palms, he smiled down at her. “I can think of quite a few,” he told her. "Alaska; Tahiti; London at Christmas when it would be like something out of Dickens --"

A knock at the door followed by the announcement that the Little Sisters of Charity had arrived for their donation intruded upon them.

Rising from the sofa, Kel said dryly, “Let’s just hope the ‘Big Sisters with the New Leather Furniture’ are as prompt.”

**********

Standing in the narrow kitchen of her apartment, Dixie handed Kel another pan for drying. They had opted for a quiet dinner at home before joining another couple for an evening of cards.

“It’ll be good to get together with Chuck and Anna tonight,” Dixie commented, lifting the last of the utensils from the soapy water. “I haven’t seen them in months.”

“I know. I see Chuck on the tennis court once in a while but that’s about it” Kel replied, watching her scour the silverware with a sponge.

The Muellers were among the few couples they socialized with outside the medical environment. Kel had met Chuck several years ago when pitted against him at an amateur tennis tournament. After dueling heavily on the court, they had later found themselves seated beside each other at the bar. The doctor and accountant soon realized they had many interests in common. A friendship quickly developed between them and later their significant others.

“But I guess everybody’s been pretty busy. Chuck’s just finished a big audit and Anna’s had her hands full trying to keep up with the stock broker she works for,” he went on, running a towel over the forks Dixie had dropped into the dish rack.

“I know exactly how they feel.” Prying loose the covering over the sink’s drain, she rinsed off her hands and reached for the edge of the towel he held. “Well, that does it. The dishes are finally done,” she said, drying her hands against it.

Dropping a spatula in its drawer, Kel studied her out of the corner of his eye as she wiped down the stove. Her figure beneath the loose fitting red T-shirt and khaki shorts remained much the same as it was when they met eight years ago. A while back she had her long hair cut into a shorter bobbed style but, after what he hoped was his gentle urging, had allowed it to grow back. It now rested past her shoulders and swayed gently with her movement.

You are so beautiful Dixie. Inside and out, he thought, halting her cleaning and turning her toward him.

“Marry me Dix,” he said, taking her in his arms.

Looking up into his serious eyes, Dixie bit the inside of her lip. Over the last few weeks he had become much more earnest when it came to the subject of matrimony and they had only narrowly avoided several heated arguments when it presented itself. Although she felt committed to him body and soul, she had reservations when it came to making it legal.

“Why mess with perfection?” she responded, smiling slightly in an effort to keep the conversation light. “We’ve spent so many years trying to keep our relationship hidden from Rampart, that if we got married our secret would be out.”

With a heavy exhale of frustration, Kel turned away from her. “That’s what you always do whenever I ask,” he muttered, pressing his hands against the counter. “Turn it into a joke.”

“No, Kel. My love for you is no joke,” she said gently, rubbing his back. “But things seem to work well for us the way they are now. If we had to face each other everyday at home and the hospital -- ”

“I don’t buy that Dix,” he interrupted bitterly, his gray eyes lifting to lock on her blue ones. “I’m not the first man to ask you to marry him . . . and there’s always an excuse why you can’t say yes. With me it’s the fact we work together rather than just starting your career, possibly wanting children or a difficult mother-in-law to be. You seem to have a problem when it comes to the big question.”

Dixie’s face flushed with anger and she stepped away from him.

“No, Kel, you’re not the first man to ask me to marry him and you've got a lot in common with the others. All of a sudden you want to quit playing house and be married” she shot back. “It took almost three years before you could even tell me that you loved me. I had to wait another two until you began to kid around with the possibility we could spend the rest our lives as Dr. and Mrs. Brackett.”

Pausing to catch her breath, she watched him straighten from the counter. As he faced her, she told him, “Then suddenly within the last month you become adamant in your desire to have me for your wife. Forgive me Kel, but I’m a little skeptical when it comes to your proposal.”

Leaning an arm against a cabinet he stood over her, his face reflecting his outrage. “So this my fault?”

“Yes, I suppose it is,” Dixie glared back at him. “You should have asked a longtime ago. Before we became two people living separate but shared lives.”

Kel’s hand slapped against the cupboard and she jumped at the sound of it. While he regretted startling her, he couldn’t bring himself to apologize. Her verbal attack upon him had hit its mark and although he had led her into it, he found himself completely on the defensive with no room for compromise.

“I’m not the only to blame here Dix,” he said in an acid tone. “I’m asking now but you refuse to accept it. You don’t seem to be able to make a commitment to me or anyone else!”

Dixie lowered her head and took a deep breath. Looking back up at him, she said softly, “I’m already committed to you.”

“Really? Your idea of commitment is an interesting one, Dixie.” Kel’s voice was heavy with sarcasm. “Separate names -- separate homes -- separate checking accounts -- separate everything so you can live independently from the man you say you're committed to.”

Feeling that she was on the verge of shouting, Dixie pressed a fist against her mouth, silently counting to ten as she closed her eyes. Opening them, she looked over his shoulder at the clock that hung above the sink. “Well, it’s almost time to go play cards. Give Chuck and Anna my best since I won’t be joining you tonight.”

His face registered surprise at the statement then became furious. “So now you’re going to back out of visiting some friends we haven’t seen in a long time?”

“Yes, I am,” she answered. “I don’t care to spend an evening pretending that everything’s all right between you and I. If you want to go, that’s your choice. And if you want to stay here and talk about things, we can do that too. But either way, I’m not going to the Muellers.”

“Oh, that’s just great,” he said, emphasizing each word and striding from the kitchen.

“Kel, wait. Listen to me . . .,” she pleaded, stepping around the breakfast bar to follow him.

“Don’t worry. I’m sure I’ll be able to make an excuse for you since when it comes to our friends you won’t do it yourself!”

Dixie watched the door swing shut behind him, tears beginning to course down her cheeks. Dropping onto a stool at the bar, she began to quietly cry.

“Well, I guess it had to happen sooner or later. We’ve been working up to a fight for quite a while,” she muttered to herself. “But damn it Good Doctor -- I wish we could have avoided it.”

**********

A knock at the door had Kel looking up from where he sat at his desk. Before he could respond to it, the door opened and Dixie’s head poked around it.

“Got a minute?” she asked.

“Sure. Come on in.”

He hadn’t seen her since the Friday night they were to go the Muellers, and although only a little over forty-eight hours had passed, it seemed like a very longtime since he had glimpsed his “Angel in White.” But given the fact that they were at the hospital, he doubted her visit was of a personal nature. They had long ago learned to filter out the private side of their relationship when at work.

As she seated herself in a chair across from the desk, he pushed aside the stack of paperwork and asked, “So what’s up? Are you still having problems with the new nurse?”

Dixie smiled slightly. “Deborah is still the competent but bitchy nurse from hell. I think, as far as she’s concerned, we’ll never handle things nearly as well as they do at Mann Memorial. It’s too bad they were having to downsize their staff or she’d still be there.”

Kel chuckled softly at the comment. He had his own difficulties working with Deborah but knew Dixie suffered more from her criticism when it came to how things were done in a busy county hospital.

“But she’s not the reason I’m here and neither is anything at the hospital,” Dixie said, her smile evaporating. “I came to apologize for the other night. I tried to call on Saturday but you weren’t home and last night when I couldn’t get a hold of you, I figured you were busy here.”

Kel leaned against the desk, thinking back to the first time she had seated herself across from him to make an apology. Then it was over a disagreement involving his bedside manner. She had sat stiffly in a dress, her hair drawn up in a tight bun under a nursing cap, the exchange between them only that of a doctor and nurse. But it had been the beginning of his relationship with Dixie McCall and he would never forget it. Now, years later, she sat comfortably before him, her uniform consisting of slacks and top that buttoned up the front with her hair held loosely away from her face by a set of combs.

But sometimes Dix, it seems like only yesterday that I met you.

Seeing that she was eyeing him speculatively, he broke from his reverie and walked around the desk to kneel in front of her. Taking her hands in his, he said, “I’m sorry too Dix. Saturday I took a drive up the coast and then went to see my dad . . . but the whole time I was thinking of you . . . and what I said and did. Then yesterday things were so busy here -- by the time I got home I was afraid I’d wake you if I called.”

Dixie’s lips curved slightly. “You could have called. I was probably still awake.”

Kel noticed the circles of fatigue rimming her eyes and brushed a finger against them. “Oh Dix, I’m so sorry. My temper finally got the best of me when you told me no. I wish I could take it all back and -- "

Dixie placed a hand against his mouth and shook her head. " Shh . . . we both said a lot of things that night. But I want you to know that I love you with all my heart. I can't imagine my life without you. I just don't understand your sudden rush to get married."

Kel looked at her thoughtfully before rising. Taking the chair next to her, he laced the fingers of his right hand within those of her left.

"I think it started with Gage and DeSoto's announcement that they’d passed the Captain's exam and would be leaving the paramedics."

"Yeah. They were two of the first and they are two of the best," she commented, turning to face him.

"You pushed me into giving birth to the paramedic program at Rampart. It saved your life and a lot of others, so I don't regret it. But the children are beginning to leave the nest."

"It's a natural progression, Kel," Dixie smiled. "Both Johnny and Roy are bright young men who would never be satisfied with being at the bottom of the fire department's totem pole."

"I know that," he said, pulling the hand he held to his chest. "I guess it just makes me feel old. I was only a man with experience when it all started but now I'm middle aged. In five years I'll be fifty. Outside of the practice of medicine, I don't have a whole lot to show for almost a half century of living -- except you. And you are the best part."

Dixie looked at him for a moment, then stood to cradle his head against her. Stroking the dark hair that rested against her stomach, she said softly, "You have a great deal to show for your time here on earth with a lot more to come. We're growing old together and I can't think of anything better than that."

Kel lifted his face up to hers, his hands creeping up her arms to draw her down to his lap.

The shrill ringing of the phone on the desk intruded and Kel rose reluctantly from the chair to pick it up.

"Dr. Brackett," he answered. "Yes she's here . . . Has he got anybody with him . . . Okay, I'll let her know."

Dropping the receiver in its cradle, he turned to Dixie with an ironic smile. "Mike Morton wants you to help him in Four with an ingrown toenail that's become septic. It seems that he and Deborah have had a disagreement."

"I was wondering how long it would take those two to become disenchanted with each other. They've both been singing the others praises a little too loudly," Dixie grinned briefly before turning toward the door. "But on my last shift he was starting to grumble about her and she mentioned the fact she found him overbearing. Guess this is how it plays out."

Kel caught her arm as she reached for the doorknob. "Dix, I need you and I don't want to lose you. But I still want to marry you, so you'll have to bear with me if I ask from time to time."

"I love you too Kelly Brackett," Dixie said, her blue eyes shining as she looked up at him. "And maybe someday we'll be man and wife. Right now though, I'd better find out what Mike needs before he starts to come unglued. I've got a feeling he's probably anxious to finish treating something as minor as an infected toe. But perhaps we could have dinner tonight then talk some more?"

"My thoughts exactly," Kel replied with a grin.

"Oh, by the way. How are Chuck and Anna?" she asked as he opened the door for her.

"Uh . . . I don't know . . . I called and told them we were both a little under the weather so we couldn't make it over," he stammered, his cheeks taking on a faint tinge of pink. He had vaguely hoped she wouldn't find out that he had made excuses for both of them that night.

Dixie laughed and shook her head before hurrying out.

Returning to his desk, he found himself humming softly. Their relationship was still intact, with the possibility that they would someday be married. Smiling, he allowed himself a moment to imagine a bright future with Dixie before picking up the chart he had earlier set aside.

**********

Kel blinked against the morning sunshine streaming through the curtains of his bedroom. Although by nature an early riser, he sometimes wished the window didn't have an eastern exposure.

It might help if I'd remembered to pull the shade down last night, he speculated, looking sleepily at the rolled up blind.

Dixie lay curled up next to him and he turned to look at her. The light played softly across her hair, catching the strands of gray that had begun to stand out against the blond. His own dark hair remained full and free of any tell tale signs of aging, his physique beneath the bedding still strong, but he knew none of it would last forever.

"Neither of us are getting any younger, Angel in White," he whispered, fingering a lock of the golden tangle that spread across the pillow.

"Hmmm . . ." Dixie sighed, rolling over and burying her face against him. "It too early to be up on our day off," she mumbled.

"I'm sorry," he said, wrapping his arms around her. "Go back to sleep. There's a little while before we have to get up."

Later that day they had to drive to a remote chapel in one of the canyons. A nurse who had worked with them in emergency, and Dixie had remained friends with after Angela decided she would prefer a job in a clinic, was getting married. But there was still plenty of time before they had to get ready.

Kel felt Dixie nuzzling at his chest, her fingers stroking the hair that covered it before straying down his body. "I thought you wanted to go back to sleep," he groaned.

"Well, I seem to be wide awake now, Good Doctor. And . . . uh . . . so are you," she smiled suggestively.

Later lying within the circle of her arms, his fingers playing softly along the smooth line of her leg, he said, "Even after all these years Dix . . . I think making love to you only gets better and better."

"Uh huh," she agreed beginning to doze off, a hand trailing gently across his shoulders.

The urgent trilling of the alarm clock cut through the quiet of the room and they both reached out to stifle it. Reaching it first, Kel hit the off button then caught her outstretched hand in his.

"Time to get out of bed," he said, pulling her up from the mattress.

Dixie smiled up at him. "So much for sleeping in. But the day seems to be off to a very good start."

**********

"Are you ready yet?" Kel asked, glancing at his watch and pacing the foyer. "We're going to be late if you don't hurry up."

"We're not going to be late," Dixie's voice assured him from the bathroom. "It's only your compulsion to arrive everywhere at least a half hour to forty-five minutes early that's making you think that."

Kel smiled at her reminder. She knew and understood every nuance of him so well.

"Do you think there'll be a lot of people from Rampart there today?" he called to her. On more than one occasion, they had gone to a function together where there was also a large contingency of hospital personnel. The sight of the emergency department's ranking physician with its head nurse accompanying him usually caused some curious glances in their direction and for at least a week afterward they would be the subject of great deal of gossip.

"I don't know," her voice echoed down the hall. "Angela didn't work there long and left over three years ago but there are some people she keeps in touch with. I guess we'll just have to wait and find out. But don't worry . . . if we run into anybody, you can just pass me off as the old maid who is a reliable date when you're invited anywhere."

Yeah, right, he thought, sinking into a chair and patting a pocket of his suit to reassure himself that the small box he had placed in it earlier was still there.

Dixie had always expressed a preference for a solitaire and a simple diamond in a yellow gold setting rested within the fabric -- over the last few months she had become more receptive to his proposal of marriage which lead to his purchasing it. Knowing that weddings in general (he had attended several with her in the past) made her grow sentimental and affectionate, he had reached the conclusion to present the ring to her that night. After the reception he planned to take her to an out of the way restaurant, Joe Early had often recommended it as a romantic retreat, that lay nestled among the foothills.

"Okay, I'm ready," Dixie said, emerging from the bathroom.

Wearing a steel blue dress that highlighted the color of her eyes, she walked toward him. The simple align design, with sleeves that barely crested her shoulders and a scooping neckline accented by a string of pearls he had given her years ago, hugged her figure perfectly. The hem ended at her calves, long slits running up its sides. With her hair pulled back in a loose chignon, a thin matching ribbon threaded through it, the effect was stunning.

"Dix, you look incredible," he told her, rising to take her shoulders.

Her lips curved into a smile of appreciation at his compliment. "We should go or we'll be late."

After helping her into the car, Kel climbed behind the wheel. Turning into the street, he quickly found another radio station. Although he knew Dixie enjoyed classical music, he was well aware of the fact that prolonged exposure to it when traveling caused her to fall asleep. Finding a "soft rock" station they found mutually acceptable, he pulled onto an expressway. Leaving the city behind, he exited onto a two-lane road that narrowly wound its way eastward through tree lined outcrops of rock with a sharp drop running along the opposite lane.

The canyon was filled with the bright green of spring, the sun shining warmly on it. Listening to her sing softly along with "You're in My Heart," he wondered if Rod Stewart had a woman much like Dixie McCall in mind when he wrote it.

You're my lover, you're my best friend, Kel thought happily, steering through a twist in the road. So far the day was perfect.

"You know," he commented, "it's days like this that I wish I owned a convertible."

"If you did, we'd be taking my car," Dixie stated matter-of-factly. "I have no desire to arrive at the wedding windblown and disarrayed."

Kel chuckled, passing yet another bend in the road.

"Have I told you how beautiful you look today?" he asked, his eyes shifting briefly in her direction then back to the highway.

"Just a few times, but I don't mind hearing it again," she said, dropping a hand to his leg. "You look pretty good yourself. You're so handsome in that dark blue suit," she added with a smile, turning in her seat to watch him drive.

Glancing from him to the windshield she whispered, "Oh my God, Kel."

He had seen it.

Rounding yet another curve, a westward bound car was traveling in their lane. Swerving, Kel tried to avoid the sedan but the high speed of its impact as it collided with the rock wall had its rear spinning in their direction and it hit them as they passed. Loosing control, his ears filled with Dixie's scream as they plunged over the cliff.

**********

Captains Roy DeSoto and John Gage sat over a cup of coffee at Station 69 where Johnny presided over the A-Shift. Still in uniform, Roy had stopped by after his own shift where he captained the men of Station 9's special rescue unit.

"So how's Robin?" Roy asked when they were done talking shop and ready to move on to the more personal side of what had comprised almost seven years of working together as partners in the paramedic program. After being promoted they saw each other rarely, but a deep friendship still existed between them.

"Oh, she's fine," Johnny said, picking up his cup.

"And?" Roy queried.

Setting the mug aside, Johnny flashed Roy one of his characteristic lopsided grins. "She's busy with her publisher trying to work out a deal on her second book and making wedding plans. The way things are going, this is going to cost me a small fortune."

After years of off and on dating, Johnny had finally decided to settle down with a former department store clerk who was now a budding novelist.

"You know, Junior, I still have a hard time imagining you getting married," Roy said, using the nickname he had for his former partner and eyeing him suspiciously. "It's hard to believe that you're going to give up playing the field, especially with all the new nurses at Rampart."

"Roy, I guess there's something about the fact that in a few months I'll be thirty," Johnny answered nonchalantly. "I'm ready to come home to one woman and maybe start a family with her. Besides," he added, his dark and still boyishly attractive features becoming sheepish, "I love Robin."

"I know what you mean," Roy said quietly, thinking of his wife of almost fifteen years. He and Joanne had been childhood sweethearts who had married. They had persevered against the doubts both their parents and others had. Now with two children who would soon be teenagers, a house in a nice neighborhood and a wife that eagerly welcomed him home after his shift ended, Roy felt a happy contentment that he had asked Joanne to marry him all those years ago to. He wished Johnny the same.

"You know," Johnny pondered, "I need to get over to see Joanne and the kids. I haven't seen them in over a month. It's about time 'Uncle Johnny' paid a visit. We don't see each other nearly enough since we got promoted."

"They'd like that," Roy said. "Maybe we could barbecue. You and Robin would be the guests of honor."

"I'll bring the beer if you'll cook, Pally. Why don't you have Joanne get in touch with Robin, she knows my schedule better than I do, and we could work out - - "

The all too familiar sound of the alarm shattered the plans they were making.

"Station 69. Traffic accident with injuries. Highway 125 near Mile Marker 20 in Chacco Canyon. Highway 125 near Mile Marker 20. Time out 11:58."

"Want to ride along Captain DeSoto?" Johnny grinned, pushing away from the table. "See how we do things here at Station 69?"

"Sure," Roy answered, standing with him.

"Maybe, if you're nice, Jerry will even let you drive the squad," Johnny joked as they ran into the apparatus bay.

"I'll just take the observer's seat," Roy replied with a smile, sliding to the center of the squad's bench seat before two men filled the empty spaces around him while Johnny acknowledged dispatch.

Johnny grinned then climbed aboard the engine. With a blast of its air horn, they followed the squad into the light traffic at the edge of the city.

Reaching the canyon, they proceeded through it until they found the flashing lights of a patrol car. Its driver was directing the few cars traveling the road around a white Mercury whose crushed front blocked one lane while its trunk partially filled the other. Dark smudges stood out against the dented panel above its rear wheel.

When the engine came to a stop behind the squad on the narrow shoulder, Johnny climbed down from it pulling on his gloves. Approaching the young officer he asked, "What've you got?"

"Driver's DOA, probably killed on impact," the Trooper informed him. "There's a passenger, a woman, who's still alive. Another car went over the side and I'm not sure about it."

"Jerry, you and Mitch take care of the woman," Johnny instructed the paramedics. "Brad, get a reel line and start washing down the gas."

"Right, Cap," the men acknowledged, heading for the squad.

"Alex, you go with me and Roy. We'll check out the vehicle over the cliff."

Sliding down the embankment, they saw evidence that the car had rolled but now rested upright against the narrow canyon floor. The first to reach it, Captain John Gage would never forget what greeted him.

Among fingers of rock, with blood staining her silver blue dress, Dixie McCall lay unconscious a few feet away from the Lincoln's open door. Inside, Dr. Brackett reached feebly across the seat toward her.

Roy knelt quickly beside Dixie and took her wrist.

"She's alive . . . but . . ." he said, concern filling his eyes as he began to take her pulse and noted her labored respiration.

Johnny nodded. "You take care of her. I'll see about Brackett."

Crouching outside the open door, he heard the doctor whisper weakly, "Dix? Dix?"

"It's all right, Doc. Roy's with her," Johnny reassured him, taking the outstretched hand. Leaning his own weight against the passenger side bucket seat, he felt it shift beneath him--the broken shoulder harness of the restraining belt dangling beside it. Easing Kel back, he saw a gash across his forehead that was beginning to swell and a large number of smaller lacerations from the glass that littered the car. The doctor's nose was also bleeding heavily.

"Where is she?" Kel asked.

"She's outside and Roy's taking real good care of her."

"Roy. . . Johnny?"

"Yeah, Doc. Roy and Johnny. Just like the old days. Now let's a get look at you."

"I'm . . . all right. I've just got a headache . . . and there's something in my eyes. Dixie . . ." Kel said groggily before passing out.

**********

Dixie rolled herself back from the front door of her house to allow in the kindly doctor with gray hair and retired nurse who had found a new meaning to life when she began to volunteer at a crisis center for other retirees.

"And to what I do owe the pleasure of seeing the two of you here today?" Dixie asked, looking up at them from her wheelchair.

Joe Early shrugged. "We were just in the neighborhood and thought we'd stop by."

"Yeah, Dix. It's been a longtime since we've seen you," Millie Eastman added.

"I see," Dixie said with a sardonic smile, wheeling herself toward the kitchen and hearing them follow. "Then I guess I should make some coffee."

Picking up a canister from the low countertop, she opened it. Without looking at them, she began to spoon coffee in the percolator's basket, saying, "You know, it seems a little strange. The two of you out driving around together and then finding your way to a neighborhood that's pretty far off the beaten path." Setting the coffee aside, she faced them. "What are you really here for?"

Joe sighed and took a chair from the table so that his eyes were level with hers. "We're worried about you, Dix. It's been two years since the accident but you seem to have locked yourself away from everything and everyone."

"A year and eight months," she corrected him bitterly, meeting his troubled eyes. "And you seem to forget, Doctor -- I did spend a great deal of time in rehab and then remodeling this house so I could live independently."

"But that's all behind you now, Dix," Millie said.

"You don't have to me tell that, Millie. It was one of my better days when I could finally come home."

"And now it's time for you to get out of this house. To start to live again," Millie implored her.

"Living?" Dixie snorted and shook her head. "I seem to be doing that just fine even though I was forced into early retirement. There was something about the fact that I could no longer reach the treatment table that disqualified me from carrying out my duties as an emergency room nurse. But other than that, I'm a fully functional member of society who prefers to be left alone."

"Dix," Joe said quietly, placing his hands on her knees, "there's going to be a position opening for a nursing instructor at one of the colleges. I know the head of the department and could recommend you for it. You oversaw the student nurses in the ER for years and you did an excellent job with them."

"A teacher? Now exactly how would I go about instructing a class when I'd never be able to see over the lecture podium?" she asked, her voice holding an edge of sarcasm.

"Accommodations could be made for your disability," Joe replied.

"Oh, that sounds wonderful. Ms. McCall, the instructor with special needs who has to have her students bend down so she can show them how administer an injection. Who can't stand up to demonstrate CPR and has to --"

"Stop it Dixie," Millie cut in sharply. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself! You're too young to sit in this house and wither away. I'm an old woman but you helped me to see there was still a life for me. Now let somebody do the same thing for you!"

Millie saw a tear roll down Dixie's cheek. The dark blue eyes that looked up at her lost their combativeness and filled with sadness.

"It's so hard Millie. . . I lost a lot more that day than the use of my legs . . . and my career," Dixie choked out.

Kneeling, Millie embraced the trembling woman.

"I know you did honey," she said, brushing a hand against the head that began to sob against her shoulder. "I know you did. But you have to go on."

Blinking back tears of his own, Joe stretched his arms around the two women.

**********

Dixie awoke at her usual time but allowed herself the luxury of just lying in bed for a little while without the need to rush out of it. Spring break had at last arrived. While she enjoyed teaching more than she could have imagined when Joe had suggested it to her, she looked forward to a week without lesson plans and papers to grade. She had an early afternoon plane to catch but it was still a long way off.

Later she showered and dressed in a comfortable jumper before packing her bags. Lastly, she removed two items from a keepsake box that sat on her dresser. One was a small jewel box and she opened it to reveal a brilliant diamond in a simple yet elegant ring. The other was a creased envelope whose contents she had memorized long ago. There was no need to read it now, the memory of the letter inside was enough to bring tears to her eyes.

Dropping them both in her purse, she lifted a piece of luggage into her lap and wheeled herself to the front door then went back for the other. She was ready to go.

In a parking garage at LAX, Joe Early lifted her out of the car then began to push her through the crowded concourse. Ordinarily she would have protested against such treatment, she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself, but Joe did it with such kindness and grace that she couldn't get angry with him.

"Are you sure you don't want me to go with you Dix?" he asked as they approached the gate her plane would depart from. "Dr. Finch is ready to cover for me and I could probably still get on the flight you're taking."

Dixie smiled and reached back to clasp his hand. She appreciated his willingness to accompany her a thousand miles across the United States. This trip was her first major undertaking in the area of travel since becoming paralyzed at T-11 and she felt some apprehension about it.

"Thank you Joe, but no," she said tenderly, as they stopped at the edge of the passengers waiting to board. "This is the last step in rebuilding my life and I have to do it alone."

"Are you sure Dix?" he said, dropping down next to her.

"Yes, I am. Besides, what would Carol think if you were to go gallivanting halfway across the country with me? Rampart's emergency room would be filled with rumors of a ménage ă trois," she teased.

Prior to the accident, she had learned of the relationship between Dr. Early and Nurse Carol Johnson. In the eyes of the ER's staff, Joe had always been considered the most compassionate and caring doctor while Carol was a quiet but extremely competent nurse. Eventually the two shy individuals found each other. When Dixie began to reacquaint herself with the outside world they were living together and she enjoyed their company immensely.

"Carol knows and understands things very well. She doesn't have a problem if I were to take off with you," Joe said, beaming. "As for Rampart -- we both decided a while back that we really don't care what it thinks."

Hearing the call for passengers that might need assistance, Dixie kissed his cheek. "Thank you Joe," she said, lining up with the elderly and children traveling alone. "For everything."

Giving her shoulder a squeeze, he left her side. "Let us know when you get there."

"I will," she called over her shoulder, beginning to travel through the gate.

**********

WELCOME TO ALAMOSA, the sign read. LAND OF COOL SUNSHINE.

That's an understatement, Dixie thought looking out of the window of a taxi that drove her away from the small desolate airport in the heart of Colorado's San Luis Valley.

She had been on the last of the two flights that landed there daily from Denver and the distant mountains to the west still held a hazy glow of orange when she disembarked. Although it was late March, a cold wind blew through the valley and the dust it carried needled her exposed flesh before she was carried down the stairs that had been pushed against the plane. Here there was no convenient tube for her travel down, only steps and open tarmac.

Sinking wearily against the seat of the taxi, she saw a small town unfold before her. Mom & Pop stores lined its main street before they pulled into the Buena Vista Inn. In Spanish it meant "good view" but she found little to admire in the scenery. The constant wind filled with dust obscured everything. Currently the only the recommendation she found for the San Luis Valley was the tub of hot water that might be waiting at the hotel. The trip had been exhausting and she longed to sink into a bubble bath before going to bed. When making the reservations, she had been assured by the clerk her room was accessible and she now hoped he had been truthful.

A man dressed in a white shirt, black vest and bow tie pulled the door open.

"Ms. McCall?" he questioned her.

"Yes, I'm Dixie McCall," she answered, reaching for the edge of the door to heave herself out once the chair had been removed from the cab's trunk.

"I'll get your bags and take you to the front desk so you can sign in," he said, smiling at her. "It'll only take a minute and then I'll show you to your room. You're probably tired after your trip, so we're all ready for you to be our guest. Welcome to Colorado and Alamosa."

"Yeah, welcome to springtime in the Rockies," the cab driver grinned as she seated herself before he pushed her into the lobby.

Running the back of a hand across her eyes, she said, "Thank you."

**********

The building was old, small and slightly rundown. Sitting outside of it under overcast skies, Dixie contemplated the fact that a new coat of paint on its peeling exterior along with a little bit of yard work might greatly improve its appearance. But three of its four units, two up with two down, displayed bright signs of life, plants or other knickknacks filling their windows.

Swallowing hard, she tore her eyes away from it and wheeled herself inside to knock on the door of the ground level apartment marked "A." When there was no answer she rapped against it until a crack appeared. A black Labrador Retriever nosed its way through, sniffing at her. Petting its silky ears, she looked up at the man who stood framed in the opening.

A scar marred his forehead with a distinguished white beginning at his temples then spreading lightly through his dark hair. The gray eyes held an opaqueness as they stared blindly into the hall, but otherwise he remained much as she remembered.

"Hello, Kel. It's been a long time."

"Dixie?" he asked incredulously. "It can't be you."

"I assure you, Good Doctor, it's me. Can I come in?"

"What are you doing here Dix?"

"Let me in and I'll tell you."

Kel stood back and allowed her to pass through.

"Come inside, Sophie," he called to the dog. Hearing the click of its toenails against the hardwood floor, he closed the door.

"Can I get you something?" he asked, skillfully maneuvering his way into the kitchen. "I've got coffee, tea and a couple cans of Coke. There's also a few bottles of harder stuff if that's what you're in the mood for."

Following him, Dixie looked around the Spartan living room. On the leather sofa she knew from his house in LA, a book with raised text lay open -- a bookcase filled with more standing against a wall. A TV and stereo sat across from the couch with end tables completing the picture. Rolling into the kitchen she found it to be quite large. A table and two chairs took up a small amount of space with the appliances tucked away in a corner, countertops filling the void.

"If it's not too much trouble, I think I'd like a cup of coffee," she said, watching him.

Kel nodded. Once it was started, he reached into a cupboard and took out a short glass. Fingering the bottles that sat on a shelf until he found the Glenfiddich, he poured some of it into the glass.

"Why are you here Dixie?" he asked again, leaning against a counter and taking a sip of the Scotch.

"Because you owe me an explanation," she said, taking two objects from her purse then sliding them toward him. "It may be a belated one but I deserve it."

Kel touched the soft velvet of a jewel box then an envelope beneath it, knowing fully what both contained.

"I tried to tell you Dix," Kel said closing his eyes, his teeth clenching against an unwelcome memory. "After that, there was nothing left but for me to write you before I left."

"Oh, I know you tried to talk to me. But when you came to see me in the hospital my jaws were still wired shut so I had a hard time saying anything and even if I hadn't been drugged to the point I couldn't write my own name, you couldn't see it. When I could finally think straight I found these. By the time I got out of the hospital you were gone. Why?"

"It's all in the letter Dix," he answered curtly, touching the envelope. "Two people died that day and you were left a cripple because of me."

"No," she said firmly. "No one holds you responsible for what happened. Not the police -- not the families of the people who died -- and not me. There were two drunk people who were driving in the wrong lane that day and they hit us. What happened after we went over the cliff was God's choice. You had nothing to do with it."

Smiling ironically at her, Kel took another taste of his drink. "You can say that but do you really believe it?"

"Yes, I do," she told him with conviction.

"Well Dix, I admire the way you seem to rationalize all of it. But after the accident, for the first time in my life, I had a hard time facing who I was. I couldn't take of care the woman I loved when she became paralyzed because I couldn't take care of myself. Then there was a dead man and woman who still weigh pretty heavy on my conscience. Add all that to the fact I could no longer practice in my chosen profession. I'd lost everything, so I decided to go away. To let the ghosts of that day quietly haunt me without any reminders of who I used to be."

Dixie fought against the tears stinging her eyes. "Maybe if you'd stayed we could have helped each other. I've had to deal with my own fair share of ghosts but the worst one was you."

"I'm sorry if I've troubled you, Dix, but I think it's better this way. For you, for me, for everybody," he said, sipping at his drink. "As for this," he added, setting the glass aside and taking the box, "would you have said yes that day?"

"I don't know," Dixie answered softly. With a sigh, she sank back in her chair. "I know that I loved you and you made me very happy. But when I try to remember our life together before that day . . . somehow it all becomes clouded by the months of missing you and then trying to get myself back together."

The corners of Kel's mouth twitched toward a genuine smile. "Keep trying Dix. I hope you succeed," he replied with sincerity, holding the box out toward her. "And maybe someday when you look at this, I'll be nothing more than a fond memory."

Dixie slapped his hand away.

"Damn you Kelly Brackett! Damn you and your stubborn pride," she said angrily, her cheeks becoming flushed. "Life took a drastic turn so you let it drive you away from everything: your father, your friends and me. Because you were no longer the tough man who was in control. Well let me tell you something. I spent a longtime feeling sorry for myself before I realized the world didn't end the day I couldn't walk anymore. Maybe it's about time you did the same."

Her words stung him and he felt himself losing control of the short temper he had thus far managed to keep in check. Turning away from her, he fought against the wide range of emotions he had experienced since opening the door to find her there. The sound of her voice had filled him with a joy he hadn't experienced in a longtime. But it was quickly replaced by the feeling that she was intruding on his privacy and he became annoyed then indignant. Still, her gentle reasoning tone, even when she was angry, touched him in a way no other could.

Taking a deep breath he turned around, stretching a hand in the direction from which he had heard her speak. Feeling her fingers graze his palm, he clasped them in his own. Dropping down next to her, he whispered, "My Angel in White. God, I've missed you so much."

With the tears she had held back beginning to spill from her eyes, Dixie ran a hand through the dark hair sprinkled with gray that came to rest in her lap. "I've missed you too."

Kel lifted his head, his arms inching around her. Gently he kissed her cheek, tasting the salt of her tears, his lips wandering over her face until they found her mouth. Feeling it open, he responded in kind then lifted her from the chair and began to make his way carefully down the hall.

"Stay Sophie," he said, hearing the Lab begin to follow them. "I think this time I can find my own way."

With a whine, the dog dropped down to her stomach but remained alert.

Lowering Dixie to the bed, he kissed her again then ran his fingers along the smooth column of her throat until they reached the buttons of her blouse. Toying with them, he said, "Stop me, Dix, if you don't want to go any further."

Dixie's hand caught his and pushed it past the fabric. "Right now there's nothing I want more."

**********

With Dixie's head resting against his shoulder, Kel began to stroke her hair.

"What's wrong Dix?" he asked, feeling a tension in the body that lay next to his.

Dixie smiled and shook her head. "Nothing. I've just been thinking."

"About what?"

"Things I didn't give a thought to before I came here," she answered, snuggling against his bare chest. "But it can wait. I'd rather just enjoy this moment."

"No. You've got something on you mind and I need to hear it," he said, cupping her chin in his hand and lifting her face toward him. He could feel tears dropping against his fingers.

Dixie sighed and turned her head away.

"There's a lot I didn't consider when I decided to pay you a visit, " she said softly. "The fact you might have someone else. Or that you might want a woman who could feel sex. Who could wrap her legs around you when in the throes of passion. I can't do either."

"Angel in White," he said, pulling her tightly against him. "Since the day I met you, you're the only woman I've ever wanted in my life. And making love to you is just as exciting and erotic as I remember it."

Dixie propped herself up on her elbows and looked down at him. "I love you," she said, brushing her mouth across his.

But in the dim afternoon light that washed through the room, his expression became troubled.

"What is it?" she asked.

"The fact that I can't see you smile right now."

Taking his hand she ran his fingers across her lips. "Now you know what I feel," she said, kissing his hand.

Easing her back against the pillow, Kel put his hands to her face -- gently running them over it. Beneath them he could feel a radiant smile with smooth cheeks, faint laugh lines crinkling the delicate skin around her eyes then a clear forehead.

"You're beautiful, Dix. You haven't changed a bit," he said, burying his hands in her long hair.

Dixie once again took his finger and ran it across her mouth. "Thank you, Good Doctor. I've got a little bit of gray in my hair but most people seem to think I'm aging pretty well."

"I'd have to agree with them," he replied trailing a hand down her bare arm, feeling its hard muscles. If anything, her upper body was firmer than he remembered.

Kel fought against a wave of despair as he thought of the atrophied legs entwined with his.

"And you're still as handsome as ever," she commented, caressing his cheek. "In fact, you've gotten better looking and I didn't think that was possible. Why is it that gray hair seems to give men a more distinguished appearance while in women it only makes them look older?"

Kel grinned down at her. "Well, I think I've gotten kinda fat. I seem to have gone up a shirt size over the last few years and there was added inch around my waist the last time I bought pants."

"Hmmm . . . I didn't seem to notice it," Dixie said seductively against his ear, sliding down the blankets then pushing him onto his back. "I guess that means I'm going to have to conduct a more thorough examination of you."

**********

Wearing his hunter's green terry cloth robe, Dixie sat with a cup of coffee in front of the living room window. Kel had risen early to take the dog for a walk, but when she got out of bed a little later she had found a mug and the coffeepot placed conveniently on the kitchen table for her.

Outside the sky was filled with low clouds and a light snow had begun to fall. Across the street was another building identical to the one Kel lived in. Behind it, a brown field covered with the short stubble of whatever it had yielded last fall stretched into the distance.

Seeing Kel approach, Sophie guiding him to the building's entrance, Dixie thought, Looking out this window you're about the only bright spot I can find. This is such dreary and desolate place.

Behind her, Kel came in brushing snow off his jacket while the dog shook herself to rid her coat of moisture. "Dix?" he called softly.

"Over here."

"Boy, it's cold out there," he commented, rubbing his hands together. "I hope you saved me some coffee."

"Uh huh," Dixie replied absently, still staring out the window.

Going to the kitchen he poured himself a cup then came to stand behind her, resting a hand on her shoulder.

"Penny for your thoughts," he said.

"Of all the places you could have gone Kel, why here?"

Frowning slightly he went to sit on the couch, hearing her wheelchair turn to face him.

"When the time came for me to learn to function as a blind man," he began slowly, "I went to Colorado Springs. They have an excellent program there and it was highly recommended. That's where I was introduced to Sophie."

Dixie watched him smile as he reached affectionately for the Lab that sat on the floor next to him -- the dog licking his face. He had always been fond of dogs and horses but had never owned either, feeling that his long hours at the hospital would prevent him from taking proper care of a pet.

Now a dog's your constant companion, Dixie reflected, seeing the irony in it.

"Then what," she pressed him.

"When I finished and started thinking about someplace I could just disappear," Kel went on, his face losing its smile, "I remembered my one and only other trip to Colorado . . ."

"The spring break you inadvertently spent in Alamosa," Dixie said, filling in where he left off.

"Yeah," he nodded. "It was remote and isolated. The town's small enough that I can get around pretty much on my own but still big enough to have some conveniences. The people are friendly and helpful but also mind their own business so I could live in quiet obscurity. Just what I was looking for."

Dixie bit her lip and turned her head toward the window. "You forgot to mention dreary and desolate," she said dryly.

Kel chuckled at the remark. "Really Dix, it's not so bad. You just came at the wrong time of year. In July it's hotter than hell and the sun never quits shining except for the occasional afternoon shower."

"Is that so?" she asked skeptically.

"You'll have to trust me on that one. The first 4th of July I spent here I got the worst sunburn I'd ever had."

Hearing her laugh, he rose from the couch and went to her. "Are you hungry? I can make some breakfast."

"That sounds good," she said, following him to the kitchen. "Then I'd better go back to the hotel so I can shower and change. I need to stand for a while too and that requires my walker."

"Where are you staying?" he asked from where he stood rummaging through the refrigerator.

"The Buena Vista Inn. I was kinda surprised by it. It's actually pretty nice and the room was completely accessible, just like they promised . . . and I guess you're right about the people, because everyone there's been very kind and considerate."

Kel emerged setting eggs, cheese, milk, package of ham and a box of frozen hash browns on the counter.

"Can I do anything?" she asked.

"No, I've got it," he answered with a smile.

Dixie watched him deftly begin to prepare the potatoes but he seemed to become preoccupied as he began to slice and chop the ham.

"Dix," he said eventually, "when you go back to the hotel, why don't you check out and come stay with me. I know that some things might be harder for you here but I can help you with anything you need."

Dixie wheeled herself around the counter and reached out a hand to stop his activity. "I'm very self sufficient but if I were to stay here there would be things that I'd need you for. Are you sure you want to do that, Kel?"

Kel set aside the knife he had been using on the ham and knelt down before her, setting his hands firmly against her knees. "Dix, I haven't been so sure of anything in a longtime. While you're here, I want you with me for every minute of it."

Dixie considered it then lifted his hand to her face and nodded. "All right. Now why don't you let me help you with breakfast? I'll grate the cheese."

**********

The weather remained chilly with frequent showers of rain mixed with snow. They spent a great deal of time talking and getting to know each other again after two years of separation. But there were occasions when the wind would lift the clouds away and it was in those rare moments that Dixie felt herself becoming charmed by the subtle allure of the San Luis Valley.

Mountains towered on either side of it, the most spectacular Mount Blanca rising abruptly from the northeastern plain. The Rio Grande snaked its way lazily through Alamosa with a well-groomed path running beside it and she would sometimes travel it with Kel on his frequent walks with Sophie. There was a quiet beauty about the slow moving river and the bare limbs of the cottonwood trees that stretched over it. The Sand Hill Cranes, large brown birds Dixie had never known existed, had also begun to arrive before continuing their migration north. A small flock had chosen the field that lay across from Kel's apartment as their resting-place. She found their antics as they fed on the seeds left behind from last fall's harvest to be an unexpected source of amusement.

Toward the end of her stay, a bright sunny day finally dawned. Turning toward the kitchen window where she sat at the table reading aloud the newspaper Kel had picked up on his return from his early morning walk with Sophie, Dixie admired the view.

"Finally, the sun's shining and there isn't a cloud in the sky. It would be nice to get out and really enjoy it," she commented. "I wish they'd equip rental cars so paraplegics could drive them. Then I could see more of this valley you call home."

"You can drive?" he asked surprised.

"Uh huh," she nodded. "I have my own car built especially for me."

"Dix, you're simply amazing," he said with a smile, reaching a hand across the table.

"Learning to drive again was one of the first things I did when I'd completed the basics of my rehab. I didn't want to have to rely on public transportation or other people. I wanted to be able to go wherever I wanted whenever I wanted," she told him proudly, lacing her fingers through his.

Kel listened to her, thinking. "Of course, Tommy! Why didn't I think of it earlier," he exclaimed out of nowhere.

"Tommy?"

"Tómas Jimenez, but everyone calls him Tommy. He's a local kid going to college here and he helps me out with things. Cleaning, trips the grocery store -- stuff like that," Kel explained.

"And exactly how does he fit into today's picture?" Dixie asked.

"He's on spring break, just like you, but he decided to stick around to catch up on some studying rather than heading south for warmer temperatures with everybody else. I gave him the week off so he wouldn't have to work and could have a chance to enjoy the vacation. But he said he'd be around if I needed anything. Maybe if he's home, he could drive us to the Sand Dunes. You should see them."

Without waiting for her to reply he left the table for the phone that sat on the bedroom's chest of drawers. Returning a few minutes later, his face wore a broad grin.

"Tommy said he'd be happy to take us anywhere we'd like to go. It would seem he's looking for a little relief from the paper he's writing on Europe during the Middle Ages. He'll be here in about an hour."

"In that case, it's a good thing I'm dressed and ready to go," Dixie said, smiling up at him.

**********

Still slightly puzzled by the phone call he had received, a young man in his late teens sat down a cooler filled with ice outside the door of an apartment he frequented often. In all the time he had worked for the doctor there had never been any out-of-town visitors who wanted to see the Sand Dunes or required a cooler so that a picnic lunch could be packed.

Shrugging, he knocked at the door. "Hey, Doc," he said as it opened.

"Come in, Tommy," Kel said, holding the door open for him. "Thanks for helping us out today."

"No problem, Doc. We've got a full tank of gas and a driver who's itching to hit the open road rather than the books," Tommy joked, stepping into the tidy apartment he knew well and dropping the load he carried to the floor. "You and your friend ready?"

"Just about," an attractive woman seated in a wheelchair answered, emerging from the kitchen. She wore a navy blue turtleneck sweater that brought out the color of her eyes and her dark blond hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail. A stack of sandwiches wrapped in cellophane amid a few apples and a bag of potato chips sat against the faded Levi's covering her legs.

Tommy recognized her from a picture the doctor carried in his wallet. He glanced at Dr. Brackett wearing his usual attire for the season: flannel shirt with a T-shirt underneath, jeans and boots, before looking back to the woman. Both were very different from the image he had often glimpsed. In it they stood happily together, barefoot on a beach wearing swimsuits, a vivid blue-sky meeting the ocean behind them and the doctor wasn't the blind man he knew.

"Tommy, I'd like you to meet Dixie McCall," Kel said, his expression becoming tender as he turned toward her. "She's a very dear friend of mine who needs to see the Sand Dunes."

"Buenos dias, lovely Señorita," Tommy said, taking the hand that extended toward him and kissing it in a gesture of the old world elegance he had been taught from an early age. "It's my pleasure to show you Colorado's San Luis Valley."

"Gracias. Flattery will get you everywhere with me," Dixie replied, with one of the most beautiful smiles Tommy had ever seen. "But you can call me Dixie. And thank you for taking us to see the Sand Dunes. Kel's spent the last hour telling me about them so I'm looking forward to it."

"Bueno," he said with an answering smile, taking the sandwiches from her.

While Tommy and Dixie put the lunch in the cooler, Kel went to the kitchen and returned with several cans of soda.

"Anything else, Doc?" Tommy asked, settling the cans among the ice.

"I think that about does it," Kel said, slipping into a light coat then picking up two heavier parkas and a couple of blankets from the couch. "You ready, Dix?"

"Uh huh," Dixie replied, pulling on a denim jacket and picking up her purse.

"Okay, folks, here we go," Tommy said with a grin.

Watching the men load everything into the trunk of Tommy's '67 Chevy Impala, Dixie shivered against the sharp breeze that was blowing. The sunny sky was deceiving -- it was still cold. But hearing Kel kid Tommy about his term paper, and seeing how unaffected they were by the cold, she had to smile.

"If it's all right Tommy," Kel said when they had finished, "I think this time I'll let Sophie ride up front with you and I'll sit in back with Dixie."

"Whatever you say, Doc," Tommy answered, opening the door and reaching to help Dixie in.

"It's okay. I can do it by myself," she told him, pulling herself out of the chair and into the car.

"Very independent woman," Kel confided in a low voice with an accompanying wink, before climbing in beside her.

Wheeling Dixie's chair around to the trunk, Tommy shook his head. The doctor seemed a little out of character. Although always pleasant, Dr. Brackett tended to be a man of reserve. Today's display of lightheartedness and his obvious affection for the woman were something the student had never witnessed before.

Slamming the trunk shut, Tommy saw the confused Lab still sitting on the sidewalk looking from one door to the other. "Come on, Sophie," he said, taking her collar. "Today, you have the honor of riding up front with me."

Setting out on a course that ran to the east, he listened to Dixie describe the unfolding scenery to the doctor and his interaction with her. As they neared the dead end of Highway 150, she became quiet as the Great Sand Dunes of Colorado stretched out beyond the closed visitor's center and the scant number of cars in its parking lot.

When the paved path stopped, Sophie led Kel across the sand and Dixie finally allowed Tommy to help her several yards across it until the dirt clumping around the wheels of her chair made it difficult.

"We've gone far enough," Dixie said, reaching back to pat his hand. She had become enamored with the mountains of sand that rose against the Sangre de Cristo Range long before they ever got out of the car.

"Do you mind taking Sophie?" Kel asked, handing the dog's harness over to Tommy.

"Not at all," he answered, taking her and stepping back a few feet in order to allow them some privacy.

Feeling the dog slip from away from him, Kel dropped to a knee next to Dixie. "Tell me what you see, Dix," he said.

"Oh Kel, it's just like you told me. The Sahara right smack in the middle of the United States and it's beautiful."

"What's it like?" he asked.

Dixie pushed back her sunglasses and began to describe it to him. "It's like 'Lawrence of Arabia.' There's a wide expanse with a small creek starting to flow at the edge closer to the mountains before it disappears into the sand. Beyond that the dunes begin to rise. Tall mounds of rippled sand with nothing growing on them sitting against the Rocky Mountains. There doesn't seem to be any wind here, but there must be one blowing higher because there’s a swirl of sand lifting from tops of the larger ones and the sky is filled with a yellow haze. Nothing else fills the horizon."

Kel listened to her, seeing it all just as he had over twenty-five years ago. Then he had been a young man with a life full of expectation ahead of him, only to have all of it wiped away in a single moment. A middle-aged man who was blind and felt he no longer had anything to look forward to had replaced the boy who stood here before. Slowly he rose from where he crouched.

"Dear God -- why?" he cried out to the heavens above. "Why did you take everything away from me?"

Dixie watched him stagger a feet away then sink to the sand, sobbing uncontrollably. During the last four days she had shed more than a few tears at what fate had dealt both of them. While Kel had comforted her in those moments, he had remained stoic when came to his own emotions. Until now.

And now the dam breaks.

Dixie began to push herself toward him.

**********

Watching them, Tommy held the dog back as she tried to run toward the man she had been trained to take care of.

"It's okay, girl," he said reassuringly, sitting down and wrapping his arms around her. "Right now, I think there's someone else looking after him."

With a whine, Sophie sat back on her haunches, her ears straining toward the couple who sat in the distance.

**********

Dixie found herself stuck in the damp sand. Her efforts to move forward only ground the wheels of her chair deeper in the ruts they had sunk into. In frustration, she slapped a hand against the armrest.

"Kel, I can't get to you," she called to him. "Come to me, then I'll come to you."

Slowly, he crawled his way toward the sound of her voice until he felt the footrest of her wheelchair. Sitting back he lifted his hands toward her.

Dixie saw the tears streaming down his face and eased herself into his lap. His arms went around her.

"Dix, the first time I came here I was a kid who had set a lot of goals for himself. When I finally reached them . . . it was all taken away in the blink of an eye. Why?"

"I wish I knew," she said running a hand against his cheek, her voice filled with compassion. "All I know is that the boy who was here before went on to become a good man and a great doctor. But the man who remained behind after the accident that claimed his sight is still the one I remember, only he's become more patient with life's obstacles. I love you just as you are."

Kel pulled her to his chest, his tears falling against her hair. There was no going back to the hectic days spent at the hospital, for either himself or the head nurse who had ran his department. They had both lost too much in one fateful moment. He could live with who he had become but she was another matter.

"What about you?" he asked, swallowing past the lump in his throat. "I've felt the scars on your back and the legs you can't use anymore. If I hadn't swerved . . . you might still be able to walk."

Dixie leaned back in his arms, taking his hand and placing it against her thigh.

"This is the result of a mechanism that broke in a bucket seat along with a defective strap in a seat belt," she told him. "They caused me to be thrown from the car, not anything you did. If you hadn't tried to avoid them, we both could have died with the others. Things may have changed for us, but we lived through that day."

Kel closed his eyes, reliving all that had led up to the moment when he lost control of his car and they went over the cliff.

You're in my heart; you're in my soul, he thought, hearing Dixie sing along with the radio. You are my lover; you're my best friend.

Years later those words were still true, despite what had happened. His hand found its way up her leg to her face. Bending over her, his mouth sought out hers.

"I love you, Angel in White," he said, kissing her. "You're everything to me and I don't how I've lived without you."

Dixie leaned against him. "I love you too," she whispered into his ear. "I always have and I always will."

Embracing, they wept together at the foot of the Great Sand Dunes.

**********

Dixie sat at the foot of the couch with Kel next to her, neither of them paying attention to the movie that was on the television. Tommy had returned them along a back route where Dixie had seen the flats of sagebrush Kel had shown her in pictures years before. They made several stops along the way then arrived back in Alamosa, where the three of them had gone out to dinner before Tommy dropped them off at Kel's apartment.

"Kel, do you mind turning off the TV?" Dixie asked, setting her glass of red wine on the end table next to her.

"Sure," he said with a smile and getting up. When he returned, he dropped an arm around her shoulders. "It's been a long day and a hard day. Are you tired, Dix?"

"Maybe a little. But I wanted to talk to you," she replied, pulling him into her arms. "I have to leave the day after tomorrow."

Kel closed his eyes and rested his head on her chest, feeling the gentle rise and fall of her breathing.

"I know," he murmured against her. "I've been trying not to think about it."

"Why don't you come back with me?" she asked, stroking his hair.

"You could always stay here. It's really not such a bad place, Dix."

Dixie lifted his face and placed it next to hers so that he could feel the shake of her head. "No. I've grown rather fond of this valley but my home, my friends, my work and my life are in Los Angeles. You could have a life there again too. I'm not the only person there who still cares about you."

With a heavy sigh, Kel left her arms and sat back on the couch.

"When I left LA, it was because it represented everything that was in the past. What would I do there now?" he quietly asked.

"Well, you could do the same things you do here. Go for long walks with Sophie, read, listen to the TV and radio. But there are so many more resources in the city that you just might find something else you have an interest in," she told him, taking his hand. When he remained quiet, she added, "And if you don't mind railings in the bathroom, low cupboards and probably a whole bunch of other things I can't think of right now -- you could live with me."

Kel took the hand that held his and pressed it to his lips. "Do you really want a blind man bumping around your house? I'll never see again, Dix."

"And I'll never walk again but together . . ."

"We're a whole person," he finished for her.

"I guess you could put it that way," Dixie said with a smile, lifting his fingers to her lips. "But I was thinking that we would be team, just like we always were."

"Dixie, if I were to come back," he began slowly, clasping her hand, "would you marry me?"

Dixie thought his proposal over before answering: "We've spent a longtime apart and we're still getting to know each other again. But if you came back and we lived together for a while -- yes Kel, I'd become your wife."

Kel closed his eyes, gripping her shoulders. At last she had spoken the words he had yearned to hear.

"Fair enough. I'll be right back," he said softly, fighting against the tears that threatened, before rising and going to the kitchen. He returned with the velvet-covered box that had sat on the counter since her arrival. Kneeling in front of her, he took out the ring it contained then slid it onto the third finger of her left hand. "Now, we're officially engaged and I only want you to promise me one thing."

"What's that?" Dixie asked as she arched an eyebrow in his direction.

"That we'll be married before I turn fifty. Neither of us are getting any younger and I want you to be my wife before I become a senior citizen."

Dixie chuckled lightly and leaned toward him. "You've still got a few years to go there. I think we can probably manage it."

Kel pressed his lips against her face until he found her mouth then eased her down the length of the couch where they sank into a passionate kiss.

**********

Shortly after his return to Los Angeles, Kelly Brackett, MD, who had been once been one of the leaders in the practice of emergency medicine, found himself taking an interest in a small group who advocated the rights of the disabled. He soon became an outspoken member of it, which led those who ran the city to take an interest in what he had to say. A new branch had been created in the local government to ensure that those with disabilities were treated fairly and he was asked to oversee its small office. While the challenges it presented were very different from the practice of medicine, he found the work just as rewarding.

There was also the woman he loved by his side, supporting him through it all. Four months after his forty-ninth birthday, they were married.

The ceremony was small and simple. Joe Early acted as best man while his own new wife, the former Carol Johnson, was the maid of honor. Dixie's father had passed away long before Kel ever met her so it was left up to her brother, Sean, to give the bride away. Relinquishing his baby sister into the hands of the man he had long ago grown to know and admire, Sean took a seat next to his tearful mother. With his own wife and three daughters sitting beside her, he silently wished Dixie all the happiness he himself knew. Looking down the pew he saw his new brother-in-law's father sitting at the end of it, his face glowing proudly.

When the Justice of the Peace pronounced them man and wife, Kel knelt down to kiss Dixie. She had decided against a veil, instead her hair hung in loose curls held away from her face by a set of decorative combs.

Fingering a lock of her hair, Kel said softly, "I love you Angel in White. Oh . . . uh . . . you are wearing white today, aren't you?"

Dixie smiled. Years of wearing nursing uniforms had led her to detest the color white but she had assured him that on their wedding day she would wear it. She had chosen a sleeveless gown in the style of the 1920s; at least that's what the clerk had told her. It was elegant with a low neckline and back that clung loosely to her figure until it ended just past her knees. There was no cumbersome train or skirt for her to become tangled in.

"Actually, I think they call it antique white," she told him, "but it's still white."

Kel felt her face then the sapphire pendant he had given her as a wedding gift before he found lace and silk. Slowly, he ran his hand down the length of her body.

"You look fantastic, Dix," he said close to her ear.

"You're not so bad yourself, Good Doctor," she replied with a kiss. "I've always thought you were exceptionally handsome but there's something about you today in that black suit that I find irresistible."

Smiling, Kel stood and pushed her down the aisle of the small chapel, Sophie walking beside them.

**********

In the ballroom of an ocean front hotel where they held a reception for their friends, Dixie gave a squeal of delight when Tommy Jimenez was among the first to arrive. She and Kel had agreed to fly him to California, feeling he played integral role in their finding each other again, but Tommy had been reluctant to accept their offer.

"Tommy," Dixie said, gripping his hands, "I'm so glad you came."

"I decided I couldn't miss it, Dixie," he replied, seeing the beautiful smile he still remembered and he leaned down to kiss her cheek. "In one day you and the doctor taught me a lot about life. I'll never forget it."

A platinum blond clung to his arm and Tommy introduced her as Jessica. Her pale features contrasted sharply against his dark Hispanic tones, but Dixie found her to be intelligent and a pleasant conversationalist. When they moved off to enjoy the buffet and dancing, Dixie saw Millie Eastman come in. The two women embraced warmly.

"You look beautiful today, Dix," Millie said, glancing over at where Kel stood talking with Joe Early and Mike Morton. "It's about time you and Kel decided to get married."

Dixie blushed slightly in understanding. "There was never much in the ER that got past you. You always knew."

The older woman smiled and nodded. “From the very beginning.”

"Millie, I can never repay you for coming to see me that day and telling me what I needed to hear," Dixie said, her eyes misting. "Thank you. For me and Kel."

"We're both former head nurses . . . I'm just glad you listened," Millie replied, giving Dixie's hand a squeeze and fighting back her own tears. "Now I think I'll go say hello to that handsome husband of yours."

Mingling, Dixie made her way toward the bar. Next to it, Johnny Gage and Roy DeSoto stood with their wives.

"Congratulations, Dix," Roy said, setting aside his drink and hugging her.

"Yeah, Dix," Johnny added, pecking her cheek, "I wish you and Dr. Brackett a long life of happiness."

Joanne DeSoto stood quietly next to her husband, her face radiating all that she felt. Through Roy, over the years, she had gotten to know Dr. Brackett and the consummate Nurse McCall quite well.

Holding their five-month-old son, Robin Gage leaned down to kiss the top of the new bride's head.

"You and Kel are so happy today, Dixie," she said, a beautiful smile lighting her face framed by soft waves of brown hair, "I can't help but be happy for you."

"Thank you. Thank you all," Dixie told them, sitting back in her chair and looking up at the cluster of people around her. "And how's Luke doing?" she asked, tickling the baby's chubby legs that dangled in front of her and seeing its toothless grin of pleasure.

"Just like his father. Pleased as punch one minute then --" Robin began.

"Excuse me," Kel interrupted with a smile, Joe leading him through the crowd, "but it's time for Dix and I to dance."

As Kel wheeled Dixie away, Johnny said in an aside to Roy, "You know, I can still see that run we had involving the two of them clearly. It's good that they've both moved past it. I always thought they belonged together."

"Well, you did spend almost seven years wondering if they were together," Roy reminded him.

"I always knew they saw each other outside the hospital," a voice behind them said.

Turning, they found Dr. Mike Morton with his arm around the waist of Deborah Duncan -- a former nurse from hell at Rampart who had eventually moved on to St. Francis Hospital.

"But they were so careful not to let it interfere with their work -- who was I to tell the world that Rampart's chief of emergency and its head nurse were in love," Mike told them with a superior smile.

Roy looked toward the dance floor with a shrug, while Johnny rolled his eyes toward the ceiling. Leave it to Mike Morton, a brilliant doctor but very lacking in social skills, to ruin their musing.

**********

Joe led them to the center of the dance floor then stepped aside as Kel picked Dixie up. He held her in his arms, gently swaying to "Into the Mystic" by Van Morrison. Kel had insisted on it as their wedding dance. They had first danced to it in the living room of her apartment after a trip to the beach. Since that moment the song had remained special to him. After it, he didn't care what the DJ played.

"How do you feel, Mrs. McCall-Brackett?" he asked her.

"Wonderful, Dr. Brackett," she answered, resting her head against his shoulder. "How 'bout you?

"I've never been happier," he smiled, smelling her perfume and feeling the hand that stroked the back of his head. "It took us a long time to get here, but the wait was worth it."

"Yeah. We had to go to hell and back but we conquered it. We had to rebuild our lives and I think we're stronger together now than we ever were." Her hands came from around his neck to cup his face and she kissed him. "I love you."

"I love you too," he answered, tightening his grip around her. "More than anything else."

In the background, Van Morrison sang of the blow of a foghorn that would signal his return home to the woman he loved. With his wife in his arms, Kelly Brackett knew he had at last come home.

*Author's note: Opening dialogue from the Emergency! episode "Involvement." Written by John Groves and directed by Dennis Donnelly. "You're in My Heart (The Final Acclaim)" by Rod Stewart. Both used without permission but a great deal of thanks. And a very special thank you to Kristi. You showed me that there was still life after the accident and I'll never forget it.