Save It!

"Look, Joe…I don’t need—"

"Yeah. I guess your right..."
(from 'Loose Ends')

Dixie looked on as Joe Early brushed his hand through his white hair, added a few more verbal orders and headed for the door. She and her patient knew that the currently relieved yet exasperated physician was probably headed for a cup of coffee.

The door closed behind him. Dixie performed the routine vital signs that reflected a stable patient. She cleaned the laceration on his face with her forte of skilled tenderness. Her hand came softly down to his cheek to offer some comfort with her words breaking the silence.

"You know, if you wanted some attention…all you had to do was say so." She gave him an attempted smile, which was quickly aborted as Kel looked away.

"I guess you’ve always had a flare for the dramatic—" She offered gently but was interrupted.

"Save it, Dix." He snapped, followed by a sigh, still lying flat, staring at the ceiling.

"Well, I can see that you’re bound and determined to take over where that telephone pole left off…"

"Please, I’m not in the mood for a lecture. Just leave me alone…I’m not very good company anyway," he barked. "Save the sympathy for someone who deserves it…like that little girl who’s fatherless."

"Oh, I’m sorry… what made you think I was offering you sympathy?"

He closed his eyes preparing for a hard speech. "Dix?!…"

"Why would I give someone sympathy whose doing a perfectly fine job of serving a healthy batch for himself!!"

She shook her head. "Okay. I’ll save it. " She backed away, but her glare intensified. "If you promise that as soon as you’re able to get out of your sorry bed, you’ll get on your sorry knees and thank God in heaven for sparing your sweet, sorry… stupid ass from that accordion of death that used to be your car!"

Sweet, sorry, stupid ass? Accordion of death??? He opened his eyes briefly and closed them again as if to shield her from his thoughts. I think we pushed her over the edge, didn’t we Lord. Is she finished? No, she can’t be finished...Just keep your mouth shut, Kel… He thought to himself, opening his eyes once more. She’s almost as angry as she is beautiful. Why does she have to be sooo beautiful?

"Why?!" Capitalizing on Kel’s ‘ undivided’ attention, she continued, "Why can’t you just be grateful?"

"Yeah." Her head continued to nod rhythmically, while she cocked her hand on her hip! He slipped and allowed her to catch him glancing over at her.

"Yeah. That’s right! Grateful --Like the rest of your friends! Now I realize that’s probably too humbling for a man of your stature… but you should try it some time! " Her voice was breaking and the tears were welling.

"In fact, now would be a really good time to start! Before your prayer card is altogether punched!!! Because the next time you might not be so lucky!!"

"--And another thing---"

"-- when I get out of this room I’m gonna take my coffee break and head to the chapel for a few minutes…just to have a good cry…and thank God…" She couldn’t finish. She bit her lip and walked over to the counter. C’mon, Dix…a couple deep breathes…compose yourself. A couple of sniffs followed.

She’s finished. And… she’s crying. Oh no. Kel had yet to encounter a force more powerful than this beautiful woman’s tears. He wanted to stand and console her. I can’t stay mad at her or even at myself when I’m around her. So…where did we go wrong?

"You know where we went wrong?" she continued, desperately fighting to keep her voice from quivering.

"The hospital is just a smoke screen for us to hide behind…" she sniffled.

"I guess we’re just too much alike…too stubborn…"

"I s’pose you’re right!"

"Huh??!!" How…she heard me…??

"You’re right. Maybe I should just save it!" She surrendered. "Never mind. This isn’t the time or the place… I’m sorry."

Kel sighed as he conceded. "I’m sorry too, Dix…I’m just not functioning on all of my cylinders. I guess I was feeling sorry for myself." His voice trailed off as he offered up a hand for her to take in surrender.

As she looked down at his hand, he could tell she was fighting a battle inside. He withdrew the offer, seeing its awkward effect on the woman, always his best friend, formerly and probably always his lover, standing beside him and attending to him. His submission in combination with her exhaustion caused Dixie to realize that she needed to switch gears.

"You know…there were times…and there still are times when I want to just… rip away every thread that separates you from me…we’ve come close…awfully close…and this is one of the reasons why we’ve never gotten there." Both knew where there was. Her implication came through loud and clear and it confounded both of them. "Then there are times when I want to build a wall of bricks and mortar… and steel… and mortar---" 

"You already said mortar," he said, wondering what demon possessed him to let that comment escape beyond his lips!

"I was making a point!!" Her eyes narrowed as the venom surged.

Kel rolled his eyes at his glaring stupidity.

"Oh!!" She defended, not altogether shocked, not altogether surprised. But her arsenal was fully loaded waiting for the slightest cue to engage. "Kelly Brackett!! Don’t roll your eyes at me!!" She conducted her words with the wave of a thermometer that Kel thought was designated for oral use only but he wasn’t sure. And Dix obviously didn’t care. "Open up!"

"Is that an order, Nurs---?"

She shoved the diagnostic instrument under his tongue and closed his jaw with a therapeutic slam resounding throughout every millimeter of his aching cranium. Kelly scowled.

Joe Early poked his head inside the door only for an instant but long enough to realize that another cup of two-day old coffee in the lounge would be a better choice. Less stimulating, not nearly as thick and ounce per ounce far more appealing than the air in this particular treatment room. He rolled his eyes and exited without saying a word.

"Joe?! Don’t wlweave!" Kel warbled with his tongue still wrapped around the device. Too late.

"Kelly Brackett, you’re the most insensitive, tenacious, obstinate, over-bearing, egotistical …man I’ve ever known!!"

‘Yua wleft out ssfubbourn and pfigheaded." He reviewed his mental notes from prior lectures in this particular curriculum.

"I didn’t think it sounded very professional. " She defended condescendingly.

"Oh? Then I’m misfsing’ sfumsfing’…how khum ‘sfwee’, sforry, sftupid -asfs’ is cunsfidewrd pwofeffsionahl teminowogy buht pfigheaded doezvsn’t quawify…?" Kel pressed through pursed lips and occupied tongue.

"Don’t talk with your mouth full!"

"Don’ schange the sfubvjec’!"

"Didn’t your mother ever teach you not to talk with your mouth full?"

"—of foothd….shfee din’t thay anithin’ abou’ diagnahstic equiipmen’…" Kel removed the thermometer for effect. "This is a medical instrument…"

"Your behavior is very unbecoming for a professional!" She scolded and returned it--for effect firmly supporting his mandible.

‘Yeah, well, I’m a pashen’ now, wemembeh?" Propping himself on his right elbow and readjusting the thermometer.

"And you remember…you’re on a back-board, Doctor!" She pushed his elbow from underneath him a little less gently than she had intended, causing her insides to cringe while she flattened her patient. His delicate condition thrown to the wind as his head cracked against the fiberglass backboard.

"Ow!!!" He grumbled.

"We need to keep your spine in line. That is assuming you have one!"

"In--kwedible!! I pwobably, have a concuffsion now if I din’t alweady have one!

‘Doubtful…you need a brain before you can have a consussion!!"

"Fhank-you!! How Ftherapootic!!"

"You’re welcome…and thank-you for reminding me…" She returned to her former argument, defending her professional conduct. "I’m sure I would have gotten around to ‘pigheaded’ eventually..." Dixie articulated perfectly.

"--I kno..." He remembered former arguments. "I juff fthought I’d sfave usf bofth sfome pweshfushf hthime!"

"Stop interrupting…and stop rolling your eyes!!"

He instinctively, rolled them back the opposite direction again, in response to his own stupidity. I gotta stop doin that.

"Hathz it bin thwee minnutzz yeht?"

"Hm-mmh."

"Yuh kiddung!!"

"Nope." She smiled.

He grimaced. " How much wlonguuwr?"

"Well that depends on how long you can keep your contrary trap shut. Of course, I suppose if I can’t get a reading orally, I could always take your temperature a--"

"Huh-uh…Naht on yuh wife!" His eyes widened as he shook his head. "Fuh cwyin’ ou’ woud’!!! Thviss is unbveeweevfabul! ! Yuh kno’ I have haff a noshun to wwite you up?"

"-as an axillary measurement, Doctor," she teased, proudly smiling at her exploitation of power. "See what happens when you interrupt? So go ahead!" She mocked, proudly. "Wwwwite’ me up!!! –And while you’re at it---you can shove the ‘compwaint’ and the ‘medical instwument up your sweet sor---" 

--The door opened. It was Joe, sipping his coffee.

"Jzhoe! Ffhank Gawd!!!"

"Huh-uh Pal. If you think I’m getting in the middle of this maybe you do have a serious head injury. Too dangerous in here."

"Yeah, I kno wha’ yuh mean!!"

Now it was Dixie’s turn to interrupt. "--‘What do you mean, ‘I know what you mean?"

"Hey Dix…admit him to the Neuroservice after he gets out of X-ray…please." Joe exited. The door closed behind him.

Dixie’s smile quickly lessened as he winced in pain and pulled his wrists to his head. Dixie intervened, gathering his hands in hers, feeling a little guilty about her former less than professional conduct.

"Don’t touch your head. You’re probably going to need it sewn." She replaced them at his side and allowed them to remain in her grasp. "Hurts pretty bad, huh?" She truly hated seeing him in pain of any nature but wasn’t ready to disclose that fact right now.

He glanced down at their hands, which were intertwined. His eyes returned a hopeful gaze that the contact would remain. "Mmm-hmm." Her right hand released his, then gently removed the thermometer from between his lips. "My head hurts pretty bad, too," he offered sweetly. ‘I’m sorry, Dix," he admitted. " I’m destined to demolish whatever I touch today. I don’t want our relationship to be among the debris."

Dixie sensed herself reaching for the mortar and bricks but knew it was futile. In an attempt to at least erect a façade, she looked down at the thermometer, held in her free hand.

"Am I gonna live?"

"If you keep your mouth shut…" she laughed and shook her head. " Ninety four degrees Fahrenheit. Better call Joe," she kidded.

"It has been a bit chilly in here."

"Yeah. I’d say so…" She agreed, then abruptly proceeded to write down the information on the chart.

"So… x-rays, huh?"

"Well, I think after your x-rays, Joe will probably let you have some real pain med…Kel, I’m gonna get you a clean gown…I’ll probably need to cut your shirt off."

"Sure. No problem," he submitted hesitantly. She was maybe a little uncomfortable. He was maybe a little hopeful. Dixie poked her head outside the door and hollered for Betty, who would serve as a reinforcement and diversion from the unveiling of Kel’s flawless physique. Dixie located a patient gown while allowing Betty to avoid marveling at his chest as she removed remarkable amounts of blood clots and glass shards with a warm wash cloth. Although the nurse remained professional at all times, she was unaware of her blushing cheeks. Dixie didn’t want to go anywhere near the memories of the warm sun of Malibu and sweet coconut smell of sun-tan lotion that were lurking beneath just beneath Kel’s shirt.

Both Dixie and Betty were unsure whether it was the bleached pastel or the faded wear of the ‘ugly old’ patient gown that revealed the softness or tenderness of Kelly Brackett, which was always just below his rough exterior, fighting with his sharp handsome features for surface time.

Betty excused herself and headed on to another task along with a refreshing new recollection that she was certain would prove beneficial in the future.

"How’s your head?"

"Oh…it’s there," he confided. "What next, Dix?"

"Well, for right now. x-rays. More aspirin. A well deserved rest at the Rampart Arms…you know the routine."

"That’s not what I’m talking about."

"What are you talking about?"

"Are the walls going up? Or coming down?"

"Right now?" Dixie asked as the orderly came in with the stretcher to take the patient to x-ray.

"Right now…" he ventured into her gaze.

She considered the question and returned a sweet, shrewd smile. "Right now…I’d say…it’s a toss up," she suggested. As an afterthought, she boldly confessed, ‘It’s always a toss up."

He smiled, still hopeful. "Dix?"

"Yeah?"

"After I get up off my sorry knees…?"

"Mmm- Hm?"

"Would you want to go to the picnic with me?"

"I’d love to…but Joe just asked me…" She held the door open for the travelers. "Maybe next year?"

 ***

Dixie opened the door, not expecting Joe to arrive quite this early. "Kel..?" Sporting his favorite ball hat. (Navy with a white ‘D’).

‘Hi."

"I realize you’re getting ready for the picnic so I promise I won’t stay long…I just came over to apologize for the way I’ve acted the last week."

"Yeah…you…made a pretty lousy patient."

"I think that’s a polite way of putting it…"

"Okay…so you were downright ugly."

"Yeah. Well…I’ve wanted to do this in person. I didn’t want to do it at the picnic…" His hands retreated to the pockets of his blue jeans. "I wanted to get it settled before the picnic…I’m sorry, Dix."

"Forget it," she smiled warmly and cautiously.

He sighed heavily. "I can’t. I’m afraid I said and implied some awful things…"

"It’s okay. I said some things I regret too."

"Nah. Nothing I didn’t ask for or deserve."

"It’s been a rough couple of weeks for you."

"Maybe so, but that’s no excuse. You’re my best friend, Dix. I don’t want to jeopardize that."

She continued to comfort him. "Thanks, Kel. I really mean it."

"Good." He remembered her when she was ‘guarding’ early on in their relationship. He was disappointed because this went beyond that. Maybe she’s found a way …to actually get over us. "Well, see you at the picnic."

"Yep. You’re on your way to pick up your date, huh?"

"Yeah. I told Tina I’d be there around ten thirty. She wants to catch ‘Fireman Gage’ at the dunking booth. Sometime around eleven thirty…? I might have a shot at him as well. See if the ol’ fast ball still does what I tell it to."

"I might have a couple of curves to fire at him myself!" Her laughter generated Kel’s enthusiasm.

Save a couple of curves for me? No… it would make her uneasy. Just let it go Kel. "I hope I’m around to catch it…that would be entertainment."

"Well, how ‘bout the four of us meet at the dunking booth around noon.’

"Sounds good! See you then! Well, I better be going." 

"Right. Bye, Kel."

"Good-bye, Dix." He approached her forehead for a kiss. He closed his eyes tightly …fighting memories of more affectionate departures. Regardless, there was no more tender moment than one spent at her cheek or lips…or forehead. He couldn’t help but wonder if maybe she was battling the same ghosts.

She hoped…maybe he was too!