THE ARRIVAL .....AT LAST
By the end of January 2000, we had gone through additional appointments for echocardiograms, sonograms & genetic counseling. Jenna's condition was suspected to be Vacterl Association. Problems included a disconnected esophagus, a connection between trachea & stomach, irregular vertebrae, missing radius bones in both arms as well as both thumbs and 2 additional fingers on her right hand. Jenna had an ASD & VSD heart defect and more problems were discovered after birth. At this point in my pregnancy, my condition was complicated by polyhydroamniosis (excessive amniotic fluid caused by some of Jenna’s birth defects) and a one-week hospital admission in late January due to preterm labor contractions, followed by home bed rest until February 19th.
The doctors overseeing our care at University of California San Francisco Medical Center had decided that I should deliver there instead of at the hospital closest to home. They had the necessary surgeons and best facilities for the high level of neonatal care that Jenna would need. The last-minute game plan came at 37 plus weeks gestation when they decided they would induce me if Jenna’s lungs were mature. On March 1st, after an amniocentesis at UCSF revealed that Jenna’s lungs fell just a point below the cutoff number for lung maturity, they gave me one of two steroid shots to speed up her lung development. They scheduled to induce me on March 3rd and decided to keep me in the hospital until then in case I should go into labor before then.
On March 1st, at 9pm, my water broke and on March 2nd, after a full night of very difficult labor at UCSF, Jenna Lynn came into the world at 7:44am and was greeted by quite a crowd. Not only her parents, the doctors and nurses who delivered her were present, but an additional ten medical professionals were in the delivery room to immediately attend to Jenna and make sure she was going to make it. It was the busiest, most crowded delivery room I had ever imagined. I did not get to hold Jenna Lynn for the next two weeks of her life, but when they held her up in that delivery room and she looked RIGHT into my eyes, I knew how much I loved her. Jenna demonstrated quite the temper already in the first hours of life. Her primary nurse, Roseann, witnessed Jenna holding her breath because she didn't like having her diaper changed. She quickly became known as a feisty little princess in the ICN.
Jenna went into surgery at 8 hours of life to have her esophagus repaired. They put in a gastrostomy Mic-key button into her stomach for feedings at that time as well. It was after this surgery, which was a success, that they gave us the worst news yet. Jenna had a narrowing at the very bottom of her trachea, possibly even into the bronchioles that lead to the lungs, and surgeons at UCSF were unsure if it could be fixed at all. However, it would have to be fixed if she were to live because as she got older, it would become more difficult for her to breath on her own. Now we knew that our future with Jenna was to remain uncertain for some time.
The next fifty days of Jenna's life were spent in the intensive care nursery at UCSF. We learned quickly what life is like with a baby in ICN. A never-ending tangle of monitor lines, IV lines, ventilators tubes and oxygen hoods. The constant beeping of dozens of different machines & the constant hushed tones of doctors talking with scared, drained parents. You want to shout for joy when you get to visit your child off the ventilator & then want to cry when you see she had to be put back on it again a day later. You are on a constant roller coaster ride from which you cannot escape. You long for just a few moments a day when your baby is wide-awake and interactive rather than sleeping through a medicated haze. Jenna required resuscitation and chest compressions while in ICN more than a couple of times during her life. Your heart pounds when you hear someone shout 'baby coding' while doctors and nurses rush to assist the baby in distress but your heart stops when they are running towards YOUR baby to assist.
This candle burns in memory of
Jenna Lynn and in honor of all the
babies who went to Heaven so soon.
