Site hosted by Angelfire.com: Build your free website today!



Subject:
Back!


You.
I know you all missed me while I was gone. I guess nothing much is going on. Did I miss anything other than some archiving?

Smudge
When last we left our intrepid Answerers...

Zell Dincht
Seifer! You've been drinking!

Seifer Almasy
I love you, Zell.

Zell Dincht
Dude.

Zell Dincht
Why does everyone think I'm gay?

Smudge
Meanwhile...

Darth Sidious
So we are in agreement.

Black Mage
Yes, we shall launch Operation EvilLord at once.

Black Mage and Darth Sidious
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Freakazoid!
Not if I have anything to say about it! Ha HA!

Smudge
Ten minutes later...

Freakazoid!
Dumb! Dumb! Dumb! Never tell a villian how to trap you in a cage!

Black Mage
You probably shouldn't have helped us build it either.

Freakazid!
I know! Dumb!

Smudge
And on the other side of the Nickatron...

Squall Leonhart
But... I love you...

Quistess Trepe
I'm sorry, Squall... But... I've met someone else...

Squall Leonhart
........................................

Squall Leonhart
Who?

Emmit
GHEEEEEEE!!

Smudge
And...

Díotóir
Hey, buddy. Got a match?

Edgar Montrose
Depends, what are-- what d'you plan on doin?

Díotóir
Setting myself on fire and running around in circles.

Edgar
Cool!

Smudge
And finally...

Erasmus
FFFFFFFEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUSSSSSS!!!!
What?

Fenrus

Erasmus
Oh! There you are... Then who's this dead rat on the floor if it isn't you?
MOM!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!

Fenrus





Subject:
Fight! Fight! Fight!


You.
Im what you might call a wuss. but I have the feeling that my arch enemy is goingto beat teh living crap out of me. What should I do?

The Hero!
Well that depends. Are you a thief, fighter, wizard, or paladin?

You.
Umm... None of them?

The Hero!
Well, then you're fucked.

You.
How about we say Im' a fighter then?

The Hero
Well that's easy then...

Fighter
Step 1) Pick up sword by blunt end.

Fighter
Step 2) Stick pointy end into Evil Villian.

Fighter
Repeat as necessary.





Subject:
Fine Sinema


You.
What the hell was Jay talking about when he said Nowhere sucked? That move was fucking funny!

Jay Sherman,
Critic-at-Large
If by funny you mean it gives the same sensation as having bamboo jammed under your fingernails, then you're right.

Jay Sherman,
Critic-at-Large
It stinks!

You.
Yeah, but you say that about every movie.

jay Sherman,
Critic-at-Large
Because they stink!

You.
What about Highschool High?

Jay Sherman,
Critic-at-Large


Jay Sherman,
Critic-at-Large
Well that's different.
That had John Lovitz in it.
He doesn't stink.





Subject:
TMOL!!!!


You.
YAY! TMOL'S BACK UP!!! SEE YOU LAER!

Smudge
I feel so used...





Subject:
so bored.......


You.
what should i do this weekend?

Australian for Beer
Me.

Chop Chop Master Onion
I suggest reading a dictionary and learning what your shift key is for.

Miss Cleo
I see whot you be doin', an' frankly I be ashamed o' you.





Subject:
C++


You.
void special_lut(void){
	int i,start,count;
	unsigned char color_array[768];
	for(i=0;i<256;i++)
		{
			color_array[3*i+2]=0;
			color_array[3*i+1]=0;
			color_array[3*i]
=0;

What's wrong with this code?

Brad McQuaid


Brad McQuaid
You expect us to know that?

Díotóir
Can you set it on fire?

Brad McQuaid
Have you even seen this page, supplicant?

Díotóir
Well? Can you burn it or not?

Brad McQuaid
No. As Godawful a programmer as I am, I'm pretty sure you can't burn C++ coding.

Díotóir
Well there's your problem right there.





Subject:
Yeah, why?


You.
About time you updated :]

NEwayz... Come to mention it, why DO you make Zell gay?


Diablo II Barbarian
*Ahem* We aren't made gay... We just are.

Zell Dincht
Well, YOU are. But I'm not.

Seifer Almasy
Yes you are, and I have proof!

1, 2, 3, 4, and Epilogue!


Zell Dincht


Zell Dincht


Zell Dincht
That don't prove nothing.

You.
Yaoi oh joy!
Say, these are actually pretty good come to mention it. Got any more?

Smudge
Well they aren't mine if that's what you're asking...

I'll tell her you like them.

Jay
Shit, when ya gonna learn, Greenie? Suck up all yez want, but she's still 500 miles away, ya pathetic bastard...

Smudge
Quiet you.





Subject:
Oooh!
Here is something to post!


You.
I feel that there is nothing left to live for. Should I just be done with it then?

PS Oh my god, that stuff with Zell,it made me laugh harder than a hyena on laughing gas... =)


Lord Edmund Blackadder
I told that green git that he could get someone else to sing his little song. But he said I was the only British Answerer, so I had to do it.

Lord Edmund Blackadder
But I'll be a Baldrick's uncle before I sing to anyone, so just sing along to the tune

Smudge
Gee. That was really kind of you. She's only depressed and possibly suicidal is all...

Lord Edmund Blackadder
No need to thank me, so long as you don't go around taking such generosity for granted.

Seifer Almasy
Why just think of it, if you killed yourself you'd never get to see us again.

Zell Dincht
Or eat a hot dog!

Diablo II Barbarian
I know this isn't the best time, but apropos of nothing, I feel it only right to point out Zell's fixation with hot dogs. An obvious phallic substitute if I've ever seen one.

Zell Dincht
Geez!! Lay off, willya?! *Punches ground* Just because a guy eats a few hot dogs or is a little hyperactive or sucks a few dicks or beats things up with his bare hands does NOT mean he's gay!

Silent Bob


Jay
Yo, good eye, Lunchbox. Dinky just said he loves the cock.

Zell Dincht


Zell Dincht
NO I DIDN'T!! All I said was just because a guy eats a few hot dogs or is a little hyperactive or beats things up with his bare hands does NOT mean he's gay!

Buddy Jesus
There, there, Miss. Not to sound too insensitive, but adversity is what makes us who we are. Why look at me! I faced all sorts of trials, and look where I am today.

Buddy Jesus
......Stuck on a third rate Q&A board......

Okay, so maybe I'm not the best example, but we can't be Mr. Inspiration all the time. What I'm trying to get at is that there are always people who are willing to listen. Your friends care more than mine did, and if you want proof of that, none of your friends sold you out for twelve pieces of silver. So, c'mon... Who's your buddy? I'll be here for you if you need me. Promise.


A Yoplait Billboard
Why would you wnat to do something that not nice to yourself? The world is a very nice place! All you need to do is eat more delicious yogurt! Then you'll see how really nice everything is!! Lady In Red Car does not like me. She looks somewhere else when she drives by me. Sometimes it makes me sad. But then I remember how nice every thing else in the world is!! I am sure that even Lady In Red Car would be nice if she ate more yogurt!! YAY!!!!

Lord Edmund Blackadder
I hope everyone else is as thoroughly disgusted as I am...

A Yoplait Billboard
You are not nice Mister Blackadder! Even Mister Leary is nicer than you are!!

Lord Edmund Blackadder
I seem to have been insulted by an inanimate advertisment for sour milk. However shall my self-esteem recover...

Smudge
As hokey as it sounds, I'm reminded of the movie It's A Wonderful Life. We never realize just truly how much we really have to live for until it's too late. Dead is forever, after all.

Smudge
It's times like this that I'm reminded of something Abe Lincoln said...

Abraham Lincoln
It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: 'And this, too, shall pass away.' How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction!

Miss, I do pray that--


Bill S. Preston,
Esquire
Dude! There you are!

Ted "Theodore" Logan
We've been looking all over San Dimas for you, Abe.

Bill S. Preston,
Esquire
Dude, it was TOTALLY uncool to wander off like that in the middle of the mall. We could have heinously failed our history report if we hadn't found you in time, dude.

Abraham Lincoln
Well, boys, you have found me. Now let us go and lick them at your presentation.

Ted "Theodore" Logan
Dude, Bill... I think he wants to tongue the audience.

Bill S. Preston,
Esquire
That would totally get us the chicks' attention.

Bill and Ted, Dude!
EXCELLENT!

Miss Cleo
I be seein' great t'ings for you in de ne-ar future. I see... I see... I see a tall handsome visitor comin' 'round New Ye-ars Dee. O'course I canna say jus' wot he be doin, not without another $3.95 a minute, thatis.

Smudge
Well that got really surreal really fast...

Smudge
But in all seriousness, Supplicant, I'm sure that you have plenty to look forward to in life. Talk to your loved ones, they care.





Subject:
Matter of life and death.


You.
Who would win in a silence contest, Squall or Silent Bob?

Squall Leonhart
....................


Silent Bob

Squall Leonhart
....................


Silent Bob

Squall Leonhart
....................


Silent Bob

Squall Leonhart
....................


Silent Bob

Squall Leonhart
....................


Silent Bob

Squall Leonhart
....................


Silent Bob

Smudge
This could go on a while, folks. Now would be a good time to make a sandwich or something.

Squall Leonhart
....................


Silent Bob

Squall Leonhart
So why do they call you Silent Bob?

I dunno.


Silent Bob

Smudge
Well that answers that question, at least.
And in such a fascinating matter, no less.





Subject:
Spoon!


You.
Dude! Why havent there been any commercials or anything? Tonight's the primeir of The Tick!

Smudge
Yeah, unfortunately it's on opposite Survivor, Smackdown, Survivor, Must See TV, and most importantly-- Survivor.

Mistranslated Ship Captain
What you say?!

Smudge
I KNOW!

Mistranslated Ship Captain
What they think? Put on Tuesday!
No one watch TV on Tuesday!

Ajax
When people on television watch television, is everything backwards?

Mistranslated Ship Captain


Mistranslated Ship Captain


Mistranslated Ship Captain
It is a mystery.





Subject:
Wait a minute...


You.
Waaait a minute... How are people responding to their own posts? You're making it up aren't you? If you say no, you're lying. You lie. You lying liar. You're going to hell, liar.

So how do they respond to their own posts?


Red Mage
I don't suppose you'd accept magic as an answer?

Smudge
Who needs magic?

Hey, buddy, just send a follow up e-mail-- Re: Wait a Minute.


Smudge
I said send an e-mail, supplicant. We can't be waiting all day, you know.

You.
What? Like this?

Late Breaking News
This just in--

Late Breaking News
If you want to post in your own mesage, it's not that hard.

You.
How come you didn't post the second follow up?

Black Mage
Umm... It wasn't any good?

You.
Ow.
Zinged.





Subject:
Icons


You.
So here's a question... your competition allows for us to have our own individual icons. Will you be following suit, or do we have to beg and whine at Tron for that sort of thing?

Quistess Trepe
Well... Seeing as how we've already given one person an Icon, I guess it's only fair to give everyone else one if they do something to earn it.

Smudge
Yeah, I guess. But that one icon is a total case of nepotism. I don't think any of these other people can say they know us personally...

You.
There's already someone with an Icon?

Who's that? What'd they do to earn it?
*takes notes*


The Princess' Proxy
Why I have the icon, silly!
And what part of "nepotism" don't you understand?

You.
Damn. That's two zings in a row.

Black Mage
Zinged!





Subject:
Poll.



Smudge

Well we've got a bit of a problem going on at the moment. It would seem that we must give a presentation on PBS for a speech class, but someone forgot to print out the questionnaire...


Mister Rogers
Well excuse the hell out of me... I haven't been used in a couple months, so I thought it would be a good time for a drinking binge. Obviously I was mistaken. So sue me.

Smudge
So to avoid just making statistics up, I guess we have no other choice than to post the questionnaire here.

To give incentive, every response that is considered serious enough (ie: not obvious BS answers designed just to be funny) will have the asker's name put in a hat and drawn at random to become the second person to join the illustrious ranks of: Users With Personal Avatars.


Smudge
UWPA for short. Because I like the sound Oooopa! That's why.

Smudge
So just copy and paste the following into an e-mail, and hope you get lucky.

Squall Leonhart
1) .........What do you think the acronym PBS stands for............?
2. WHEN YOU WERE A LITTLE HUMAN DID YOU VIEW ANY OF THE FOLLOWING TELEVISION PROGRAMS:
     
READING RAINBOW
     
SESAME STREET
     
MISTER ROGERS' NEIGHBORHOOD

Robo Squall

White Mage
3. Do you have, over the course of a year, $50 or more of disposable income?
4. Given a choice between the two, would you rather watch PBS for two hours, or be punched in the stomach?

Silent Bob

Díotóir
5. On an average month, how many hours of public broadcasting do you watch?
      a. Why would I watch it at all?
      b. 1-5
      c. 6-10
      d. 11+
      e. I only ever watch public television.
6. What is your general opinion of what is shown on TV currently?
      a. Friends and such are just the bestest shows ever!!
      b. It's pretty good, but I wish there were more thought-provoking
          shows.
      c. A lot of it is kind of stupid, actually.
      d. It's nothing but smut and gore (and I mean it in a bad way).
      e. I don't watch TV.

Hap Shaughnessey

George W. Bush
7. Do you think that public broadcasting is a waste of government and personal money?


And on a side note, I'd like you to notice that I did not make one malpronunciation in the above question.

8. Are you aware that in addition to children's programming and educational TV, PBS also shows comedies, mysteries, and famous plays?

Thief

Chop Chop Master Onion
9. You know those sitcom episodes where the characters work on or watch a cheesy pledge drive? Is that how you think they are run?
10. Would you be willing to pay $2 a month if it meant keepng PBS on air?

Abraham Lincoln

Smudge
Well, thanks to those of you who respond. We'll announce who gets their very own icon, and, might I add, any threads by them will retroactively have the icon added into the archives, on...

Oh, let's say 20 November. Good luck to the entrants.


Koch
Luck. Icons. Questionnaires. For the future.
God I hate you...

Denis Leary





Subject:
guys


You.
>Delta Zeta had 8 girls at my bf's frat party. Is this the Sigma pi formal or the delta zeta formal? These girls drove me crazy all weekend. why do guys like girls like them, they can drink, and they probebly fuck like rabbits, but they are not all that cute in my book and have no personality to throw a stick at.

Denis Leary
>they can drink, and they probebly
> fuck like rabbits

Denis Leary
I think you just answered your own question, lady.

Smudge
Wait. Wait, wait, wait. Wait.

Smudge
What was that about eight girls?

You.
there were 8 girls at the party. what more do you want?

Smudge
Eight girls?
Tell it again...





Subject:
Winner, winner, winner!


Smudge

Well about a week ago we started the poll you can see above this. And, as promised, we gave away an icon to the lucky son of a bastard whose name we drew out of Red Mage's hat.


Red Mage
You can all thank me for that.

Lord Edmund Blackadder
Sod off, you flash bastard.

Red Mage
You're welcome!

Smudge
Well at any rate... We contacted him yesterday, and apparently we rigged it so the right person would win, because in the truest sense of the Nickatron, he didn't bother creating his own icon, rather he ganked a pre-existing one and altered it ever so slightly.

So without further ado:


Smudge
I said WITHOUT FURTHER ADO:

That's your cue to send an e-mail and say something witty and pithy to introduce yourself, winner.


Power Ajax
Hi.

Zell Dincht
*punches ground* Who are you all of a sudden? Squall? Say something more!

Power Ajax
I'm Power Ajax.

Power Ajax's Proxy
You know, I was a lot funnier before I got an icon.

Power Ajax
Well it's not liked I asked for one. You can have it back if you want.

Ajax
Once bread becomes toast, it can never go back again.

Smudge
Well this is just going superfantastically. Yeah. This is surefire Archive material. This thread's over.





Subject:
Gobblegobble...


You.
Dude! Tomorrow's Thanksgiving! Turkey 1337 pwnz, man. So do the Answerers have any plans for Turkey Day?

Hi, folks. Thomas the Turkey here.


Tom the Turkey

I'd just like to say that tomorrow is a special time of year for most people. But there are some who don't get to join in on the holiday festivities. I am, of course, talking about Meleagris gallopavo, the common wild turkey.


Tom the Turkey

Tom the Turkey
This year, I have a very special request. Please, stop the genocide of my people. Remember, turkeys are people, too.

Denis Leary
No you're not. You're a goddamned entree, okay? Now get in the oven!

Resist, brothers and sisters! Do not go silently into the night! Bite the hand that feeds you! I am the rebel leader!


Tom the Turkey

Denis Leary
You're a drumstick! Now get in the oven!





Subject:
run tom!


You.
run tom! don't let them get you!

i won't be eating a turkey this year. i'm having soy based turkey substitute. it really is better than it sounds, trust me.

For which I am eternally grateful. When the Revolution comes, you shall surely be spared.


Tom the Turkey

You.
well don't thank me just yet. i won't be eating it, but the rest of my family still has a turkey. whats the best way to show my displeasure with my family for this?

Eric Conveys...
Well I would suggest either Anger or Psychotic as your emotion of choice.

Eric Conveys...
Granted that Kill or Kill #2 would be equally valid options...

Diablo II Barbarian
Don't forget that War Cry both stuns and damages your enemies, sugar.





Subject:
Anger and Psychotic


Power Ajax
What the hell did you link us to? All I see is a giant face staring at me. Staring, staring...

Eric Conveys...
Pssst!!

Click on my face.


Power Ajax
Oh... My... God... Yet another way to waste my time via the internet. Gee. Thanks.





Ask
Back
Archives
Home