 Smudge Well, it's been a while, but we're back. Kind of. For the most part. | |
Smudge |
We left off in December for a couple of reasons. The major ones being a lack of inspiration and a lack of motivation. |
| Which doesn't necessarily mean we have those things, mind you. |  Denis Leary |
Smudge | True. |
| Because all we really have is a healthy contempt for you, the reader. | Denis Leary |
Smudge | Again, true. But that's not exactly something we want to advertize, Denis. |
| Meh. | Denis Leary |
 You. |
So now that you're back, how often will you update? |
 Sigmund Freud |
How often do you think we should update? |
You. |
I dunno... Once a day would be nice, I guess. |
Sigmund Freud |
Interesting... And why do you suppose that is? |
You. |
What? |
Sigmund Freud |
Why don't you tell me about your mother... |
You. |
if moulin rouge wins for best picture, will that prove there's no god? |
 Jay Sherman, Critic-At-Large |
The fact it was even nominated proves there's a Devil... |
You. |
Uhh... Hate to break it to you, but the Oscars were over a week ago... |
 Ulysses Everett McGill |
And we got the question three weeks ago. |
Ulysses Everett McGill |
I swear. You're just dumber than a bag o' hammers, ain'tcha? |
You. |
WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! |
Smudge |
WOOOOOOOOO! |
 Ric Flair |
Woo! |
 Australian For Beer |
Keg-ger! Keg-ger! KEG-GER! |
 Julius Caesar |
Pizza-Pizza! |
You. |
dude i cant believe you watch that crap. dont you know watching that is garanteed to make you steril. |
Smudge |
Seriously? All kidding aside, people who say crap like that almost certainly haven't seen a match since the early 1980's. |
Denis Leary |
And they're usually the type to think that Transformers was just the greatest show of ALL TIME!!!!!1 |
Someone Else |
And just what is wrong with Transformers? |
Smudge |
Why nothing. If you're a five year old boy. |
Smudge |
First off, the only reason any of us watched that damn show was that it had big robots, and since we were all stupid five year olds, we all bought into it. I like to think that I've advanced dialectically a little bit more than a five year old who watches stupid crap because it has some sort of nostalgic value. |
Smudge |
Secondly, you can't possibly say that wrestling today is the same as it was in the days of Macho Man and Andre the Giant. Rather, you can, but you'd be entirely wrong. Now go back to watching the Transformers movie and jerking off when that one robot says "shit." |
You. |
Hey, why don't you get some catch-phrases and taglines like the 'Tron does? That'd be cool. |
 Søren Kierkegaard |
You are, of course, quite right in saying that it would indeed be, as you modern types put it, "cool." |
Denis Leary |
Yeah, but where in the hell does it say "This site is the Conversatron?" Riddle me that, buddy. |
Søren Kierkegaard |
A salient point. This is an authentic site. This site is a relation that relates itself to itself and in turn is the relation's relating itself to itself in the relation. In the relation between two, the relation is the third as a negative unity, and the two relate to the relation and in the relation to the relation; thus under the qualification of authenticity the relation between the content and the source of said content is a relation. If, however, the relation relates itself to itself, this relation is the positive third and this is the Nickatron. |
You. |
No, that just won't do. For starters, it's too long. Secondly, it's to repetitious. |
 Black Mage |
Don't make me hurt you. |
You. |
That has potential, but it's not original enough. Why not build off that a bit? |
Black Mage |
Goddammit! What part of shut up don't you understand? |
 White Mage |
MUT2!! |
 Black Mage |
You're too merciful... FIR3!! |
 A Burning Asker |
AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! |
Black Mage |
He burn good. |
 The Princess |
God damn is Legolas a sexy bitch... |
 The Magnificence That is Orlando Bloom |
Why thank you. |
Smudge |
*snorts* Yeah, but you've got a stupid name. |
The Magnificence That is Orlando Bloom |
I suppose that's true. But I can always change my name. What can you do? |
Smudge |
|
Smudge |
Well............ |
Smudge |
Uhhh... |
Smudge |
At least I don't have a stupid name! HA! |
The Magnificence That is Orlando Bloom |
Well you sure showed me... |
Smudge |
You're damn skippy. Don't make me do it again. |
The Magnificence That is Orlando Bloom |
You're a sad, sad little man... |
You. |
What does the Nickatron want to be when it grows up? |
Smudge |
A firetruck. |
Smudge | A very ironic firetruck. |
You. |
I want to like you. Seriously, I do. But you're just not that good, you know? Maybe you should just turn this into a hardcore porn site. Or one with lots of ninja, like that Real Ultimate Power site. YOu can never have too many ninja on the internet. |
White Mage |
It's just so hot lately... And these robes! Ugh! *shakes head* |
 Quistis Trepe |
Hello there, hot little White Ma... |
 White Mage |
You know? ......I really hate this job sometimes... |
Quistis Trepe | Do we really have to do this? |
 Duckman |
You heard the man. It's either that or the ninja. |
Quistis Trepe |
............... |
Smudge |
|
White Mage |
............... |
Smudge |
What? |
Quistis Trepe |
............... |
Smudge |
Oh fine....... The things I do for you people... |
 NINJA! |
1. Ninjas are mammals! 2. Ninjas fight ALL the time! 3. The purpose of the Ninja is to flip out and kill people! |
Quistis Trepe |
Better. Thank you. |
NINJA! |
Hey, I'm not going to have to be some bloodthirsty stereotype, am I? Because I'd really rather not do this at all under those circumstances, if it's all the same to you. |
Smudge |
That's it--I'm out of here. Dude. Look at like three quarters of the threads on this site... Does anyone other than me ever answer? You guys work it out for yourselves for a little while. |
 Jay |
God. What a whiny bitch. |
Smudge |
I heard that. |
Jay |
Bob said it. |
 Silent Bob |
You. |
What's so ironic about a firetruck? |
 Lord Edmund Blackadder |
Oh God... Now you see? That's the problem with Americans... No concept of irony... |
| Cheap plug. | Søren Kierkegaard |
Lord Edmund Blackadder | Now that we've all gotten that out of our systems... The lesson to be learned, you bunch of Baldricks, is that if you are simply going to copy a post made by someone else, be more careful where you send it. |
 The Otaking With the absence of Smudge, a new leader must emerge to... to... to lead! | |
Denis Leary |
Who's he talking to? |
| I think it's a general adress. | Quistis Trepe |
The Otaking |
As The Otaking, I pledge a rebirth of that good old-time otaku spirit! A renaissance, if you will. I intend to create a place on the inernet where geeks and dorks can revel in their anti-social habits. And it shall be called "Ot-- |
| You do of course realize, my good man, that "Otakuland" is copywritten by Gainax. | Ulysses Everett McGill |
The Otaking |
--Nevermind what we shall call it. |
| Not that that sort of thing ever stopped us previously. | Ulysses Everett McGill |
The Otaking |
Hey, I'm trying to deliver a rousing and inspiring oration, here... |
 The Face of Teenage Angst |
Well sorry to get in your way... SORRY I'm in EVERYONE'S way! |
The Otaking |
Excuse me? |
The Face of Teenage Angst |
You're not the boss of me! You're not my real dad! |
The Otaking |
I never said I was. |
The Face of Teenage Angst |
I hate you! I hate you! *Slams door* |
| You were saying? |  Goblin Artisans |
The Otaking |
Huh? Oh... Uhh... |
 The Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs At Midnight |
Aaaaaaaaaaah HA-HA-HA-HA-ha-ha-ha!!! |
The Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs At Midnight |
BOOM, BABY! Yeah! He says to me, he says, "You wanna be BAD, man?! You wanna be a BAD MAN?!" And I says to him I-I-I-I says, "I ALREADY AM!" Aaaaah hahahaha! I'm making gravy WITHOUT THE LUMPS! |
The Otaking |
All of a sudden I'm not so sure I want to run this place anymore. Smudge? Smudge, where are you? You can have it back. |
The Otaking |
Damn. I really thought that was going to work. I think I understand why he left now. How did he manage to keep it together for as long as he did? |
Australian For Beer |
Me. |
Australian For Beer |
Lots and lots of me. |
The Otaking |
Lots. |
You. |
You just came back and now you're leaving again? You quitters. |
Lord Edmund Blackadder |
We aren't leaving, you git. It's that green bastard who's the quitter. |
| I heard that. | Smudge |
Lord Edmund Blackadder | Well bully for you, you've got ears with which to hear. Would you like a prize for your amazing feat of genetics? |
You. | But Smudge is still here. I just saw him. |
Lord Edmund Blackadder | Is he? Is he really? Why so he IS! Why however did you discover our dark and terrible secret? Our hidden perplexity? |
Lord Edmund Blackadder | Quickly! Off to Scotland Yard with you! I don't see how Her Majesty can be without your services for one moment longer. |
You. |
You going to eat that? |
 Mitchell! |
Of course. |
Mitchell! | Hey, be a doll and get me a beer while you're up. |
Mitchell! |
And a plate of burgers. Better make that two. |
You. | What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold? |
| One is an original joke, the other... I forget how it ends, but your mother is a whore. |  Sean Connery |
You. |
Sean got it in one. Good for you. |
| That's not all I got in one, laddy. One swift thrust of the hip action is all it took for Trebek's mother. | Sean Connery |
 Alex Trebek |
Alright. Fine. That's quite uncalled for... You maintain control of the board, Sean. Pick again. |
| I'll take a thousand Chinese whores. | Sean Connery |
Alex Trebek |
Wh- No. No, no. That's "Chinese HORSES." Chinese horses for one thousand... |
Alex Trebek |
"The painting '8 Chinese Horses' shows this." |
| Yeah, that's uh-that's eight prostitutes. |  Burt Reynolds |
Alex Trebek |
Not even close. |
| What are eight prostitutes? | Burt Reynolds |
Alex Trebek |
No. |
Alex Trebek |
Anyone? Anyone at all? *Beepbeepbeep* The painting of "8 Chinese Horses" features, of course, eight Chinese horses. We would have also accepted a bunch of horses. |
Alex Trebek |
When we come back from the commercial break, we'll begin Double Jeopardy. The current core is Burt Reynolds in third with a whopping -$5,500, Sean Connery with an even -$3,000, and a chimpanzee with a commanding lead of $13.50, which is without a doubt a computer glitch. |
You. | In honor of Red Green's triumphant return to PBS channel 54, what say we play the Possum Lodge Word Game, eh? |
 Red Green |
Sure, why not. Thanks for noticing. Here's your partner: |
The Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs at Midnight |
Yeah, baby, YEAH Bad is good, baby, YEAH! |
Red Green |
Interesting. Okay, the word for today is: Green. Go. |
You |
Okay. Smudge is this... |
The Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs at Midnight |
The man! DAMN THE MAN! Aaaaaaaaaaa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!! He's the man, and I'm the mosquito! I AM THE EVIL MIDNIGHT BOMBER WHAT BOMBS AT MIDNIGHT, YEAH! |
You. |
You are just action packed with issues... Okay, fine. When you're jealous of someone, you are BLANK with envy. |
The Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs at Midnight |
EXPLODING He says to me, "You're bad, baby, but are you bad enough?!" And I says, I says, I saus, "I'm exploding with bad and envy, baby!" |
You |
Not quite I got it... You don't want this wire cut. |
The Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs at Midnight |
Green. |
Red Green |
*rings bell* |
The Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs at Midnight |
YEAH BABY, YEAH!! I WIN! YEAH!! |
You. |
Hurry up and update, damn you! |
Quistis Trepe |
Yeah, sorry about being so slow lately. Summer just started, and... Well... |
 Play Station 2 | Someone bought me with their tax refund. Can you really blame them? Come. Come and experience my glory. First game's free... |
Smudge |
Give me some of that sweet, sweet Sony-Goodness... |
Play Station 2 |
Your soul is mine. |
Smudge |
If it gets me GTA3, you're welcome to it. I long for the sweet release of Parappa 2... |
Play Station 2 |
