My Most Difficult Time in America: I was young and naive. I came to this country with very little knowledge. My family was poor and uneducated. Therefore, I received improper guidance, lack of encouragement and support. But I don't blame my family for it, instead, I thank them for bringing me to America. Here I have a better chance.
I began high school in the United States at the age of 14. I never had the chance to attend elementary, kindergarden, or, middle school in America. I was a jungle boy from Laos, came to America living in the big city. My lifestyle had changed dramatically from hunting and gathering society(domestication) to the information society(postindustrial); skipping all of those in between.
Looking back to my younger years in high school. I knew I had very few friends. All my classmates had nice outfits, up to date brand-name clothes, and driving fancy sports cars. They had all the good looking girls in school. I had nothing, except the long walk home alone each day.
At the time, I could speak some broken English. My family was new to this country and my parents were very poor and on public assistant. They could not speak any English. I understood that my parents were having the tough times of their own, experiencing the culture shock in this brand new country called home. But there was not much that I could do to help. I couldn't work because I was just a minor.
As I recalled, I was always broke and didn't have the money to buy anything nice for myself. I was always wearing the old 1970's fashion in this 'modern' world. I bought most of my clothes used from the local thrift stores; they were old and unappealing to the young people. But that was all I could afford with my monthly $10-$20 allowance. My daily clothes were the old collar-shirts, the big buckled-belts, and the tight Bell-bottom pants with unmatching shoes, all generic brands. I was a type of person who is quiet and shy, I had little self-confidence. My hair was long and waivy because I couldn't afford a hair cut. All the popular students in my school did not want to be friends with me due to my strange appearance, hehe.
Despite all the sarcasm and ridicules, I continued to study hard; beginning with the ESL classes and the basic mathematics. I slowly worked my way up to fit in the mainstreams. During my high school years, I had won a few recognition awards & medals. The most disappointing moment for me was that, none of my family members were there to witness me receiving those awards, not even my parents. None of them were there on my graduation day either. I guess it wasn't important enough for them, or they just didn't care. That discouraged me big time! My inner-child's dream was to graduate from the uninversity and become a dentist "some day". But that 'dream' is becoming a dream-on...
Due to the difficult times and the lack of family's proper guidance and support, I chose to work full-time after high school. So, I can save up little money to buy me a cheap car and maybe some nice clothes to wear, just so I can fit in.
At work, I pride myself as a hard worker and I was lucky enough to get hired by someone. Through the years, I struggled with harsh labor works and stuck with the low paying jobs just to make ends meet. I hopped between jobs without realizing that my dream was slowly fading away. I came to blaming things on my parents, and brothers for their ignorants. At times, I was feeling outcast, hopelessness, and suicidal. I even turned to drugs. But I had overcome the addiction by not letting the drug control my mind.
During my teenage years, I tend to worry too much about what others had that I didn't have. Therefore, I pressured myself into doing labor jobs just so I could fit in. Well, that wasn't the brightest thing to do but in my case it was worthwhile.
Because of my youth stupidity, I now have to pay a heavy price for the path I have mistakenly chosen. Year by year, the gap has become wider for me to reach that inner-child's dream. If I could turn back time, I would have chosen a better path - to stay in school.
Life is filled with various obsticles, how to overcome those obsticles is up to you. Now in the year of 2003, I'm doing alright. I have what others have, "life". I have my love ones, a shelter, and I have all what leisure has to offer. It's because I didn't give myself up to drugs. I gave life a chance and I advise you (youngsters) to do the same. If you're young, naive and feeling lost. You're NOT alone. There are many teens out there who feel the same way you do. You are gambling your life away if you choose drugs and alcohol to solve your problem(s).
Life is a long journey of roller-coasters, it can be rough, scary, and exciting at the same time. So, brace yourself and enjoy the ride!
Troubles Kept Coming:
Troubles seemed to have kept coming my way in my younger years. I'm not prejudice, but I seemed to get pull over by white cops a lot, but didn't know why. I couldn't think of any reason except for Driving While Yellow (DWY), is there such a thing? Well, it could be the mini p/u-truck that I used to drive [a road hugger/Low-Rider with nice set of centerline rims and low profile tires, all juiced up with huge woofers, tweeters, amplifiers, and carpet kits, weird looking paint job, etc]. Those were the typical materials for teens in the early 1990's. Anyway, those were my Young & Restless days. I didn't know how the legal system works at the time. I din't even know my rights. Therefore, I ended up paying for all my phony tickets/violations through work-projects and other community services. Now, I understand my basic rights and am not so afraid to defend myself through the court systems.
