A Fic by Len

Rating: PG-13 at worst

Pairing: You may notice a slight tendency in Hermione to dwell on a certain red haired boy – I’ll leave the conclusions up to you.  Possible Harry/Ginny.

Spoilers: Through ‘Goblet of Fire’

Disclaimer: These characters belong to JK Rowling, the writing style is an attempt to copy Helen Fieldings, and the only thing I own are the fingers that typed this.  Blame Mr Bimble.

Notes: Inspired by that unbelievably clever poster spoof which you can find here:  http://www.wassu.com/giverius/nuyear/index.htm

More notes:  Dear God, you say, not another DIARY FIC!!  I say: as long as I can make you chuckle, my job here is done.  Review and make me a happy little diarist!! 

 



Hermione Granger’s Diary

Occurring Through 5th Year



Resolutions for this School Year:

I Will


Complete trial O.W.L.S. exams at least once a week.



Control temper while around Ron.



Stop reading silly teenage witch novels after lights-out and begin stringent campaign of self-betterment through Wizard Classics.



Learn to accept and appreciate hair in all its bushiness as step towards achieving greater confidence in physical appearance.



Show more charity towards students less academically inclined.



Start tailoring diet so as not to in any way resemble Millicent Bullstrode by Year 6.



Stop wasting pocket money on Frizzy Friller’s Self-Hatching Chocolate Eggs.



Stop eating Frizzy Friller’s Self-Hatching Chocolate Eggs.



Stop obsessively collecting prizes that hatch from Frizzy Friller’s
Self-Hatching Chocolate Eggs.



Will finally arrange current collection of chocolate egg prizes in
easy-to-reference alphabetical order by collection name (i.e. Peruvian
Pipsqueaks, Popular Dances of the Genii, and so forth), and let out for air and sun at least 1 a week.



Will become more relaxed and easy, witty conversationalist.



Accept contradiction gracefully while holding spirited *meaningful*
discussions with Ron and not resort to pointless bickering.


I Will Not

Waste money on miracle hair products, since results fail to grab attention of…anyone.



Dwell on physical appearance.



Get crushes on boys - far too time-consuming and distracting when time is better used for studying for O.W.L.S.



Get annoyed w/ other students for not being as academically concerned as self.



Become annoyed w/ Lavender and Parvati’s conversational topics – listen
instead, contribute helpful hints and become agreeable, relaxed roommate.



Fight with Ron.



Ignore Ron, unless deserved.



Sneak Owl Lollies to Pigwidgeon, since already hyperactive, and not *really* that funny to see owl dive at all students w/ orange hair.



Believe Harry when he says everything is *fine*.



Accept anything given to me by a Weasley twin.



Ingest anything w/ *slightest* possibility of coming from a Weasley twin.



And above all, will absolutely, positively not allow thoughts to dwell on following:

Possibility of painful death, You-Know-Who, D. Malfoy’s insults, lack of summer vacation, Bulgaria, Quiddich, chocolate frogs, maroon sweaters, chess games, red hair, crooked smile, Divinations or blue eyes.



Oh, God. Am starting already. Is going to be an *unbearable* year.

End Part One