ASK JANE
Marie Claire July 1999
Q :-I'm 28 years old. Most of my fnends are married and have children but I still love being single, and don t want to settle down yet. How no I connvince worried women friends and family that I am normal?
A :-Remind those close to you that they should concern themselves with your happiness. Then, tell them that you are happy. Besides, you're smart to wait. I don't think people should get married until they're in their 30s. That's when you start to really know who you are.
Q :- I'm getting married this fall , and would like my mother to walk me down the aisle instead of my father . Is this acceptable?
A:- You can conduct your wedding any way you want to. These days , anything goes. However , you haven't said why you don't want your father to be your escort. If there isn't a major problem in your relationship , find him somthing else to do in the ceremony. Otherwise , he may feel left out.
Q:- My boyfriends salary is three times as big as mine. However we split the cost of everything. Although I initially didn't mine, I now resent this, What should I do?
A:- Oh boy, does your man ever sound cheap! Whose idea was this financial set-up anyway? But I guess that's not the point. I suggest you nonchalantly sling a dime under a moving bus. If your boyfriend dives for it, problem solved. Otherwise, just tell him frankly how you feel.
Q :- I'm interested. in a few of my older brother's single friends. But whenever suggest that he set us up, he avoids the topic. Should I give up?
A :- Try to find out why your brother isn't cooperating. Brothers are notoriously protective of their sisters. If this is the only problem, there's no reason to give up. However, he may know that his friends mistreat their girlfriends. Raise these issues with him, and then use your best judgment.
Q :- After coasting happily with him for nine months, I asked my boyfriend if we had a future, He said Maybe Let a ust see how things go Should I move on?
A :- That depends on your age. If you're in your 20s, coast away, baby! But if you're in your 3Os-and ready to start planning your future I'd move on.
Q :- My conservative Lebanese parents won't recognize my two year relationship witn my American boyfriend How can I get them to see past his nationality?
A :- Tell your parents that by moving to the United States they chose to raise you as an American. Next, explain that what makes the United States so special is its mix of different cultures. Then emphasize that it's possible for you to embrace more than one culture and its traditions. Good luck.
Q :- I just got engaged, and my older sister is very angry that i'm getting married first. How can I smooth things out with her ?
A :- People aren't supposed to be in a race to get married. Your sister should be supportive and happy for you. Therefore, I suspect that there are deeper issues-maybe sibling rivalry gone mad-at work here. I suggest that you and your sister see a family counselor together.
Q :- I have an insatiable appetite for married men and am always alone in the end . How can I get over this lethal attraction ?
A :- You must realize that you get what you deserve. It isn't married men you're attracted to. You're drawn to guys who-like yourself-don't value commitment. Until you get some respect for yourself and others, you'll be alone.
Q :- My boyfriend Still talks to his ex. When l ask him not to, he always just ignores me Should I give him I get an ultimatium~her or me?
A :- There's no reason to issue an ultimatum. After all, your man has already made up his mind. He's with you, isn't he? Trust is a big part of any relationship. Unless he has given you cause to distrust him, leave him alone.
Q :- I'm planning to get a breast reduction in the next few months but my new boyfriend is totally opposed Should I put it off?
A :- No. It's your body, your decision. He should respect that