Ashley and Bernice the Untold Stories
17/05/00
Bernice , Dianne and Trisha stood together behind the bar , deep in conversation as Ashley came in. He shook his head as he looked at them
“Ok” He said approaching the bar “Who are you three talking about now ?”
“What makes you think we’re talking about anyone ?” Trisha said indignantly
“Because” he replied “I’ve seen that look in your eye’s before , I’ve even been on the receiving end of it and when you three huddle you can rest assured someone’s life is getting the benefit of your collective wisdom”
“Cheeky !” Dianne said laughing
“Perceptive is what I’d call it” Bernice said smiling at Ashley as Dianne and Trisha exchanged glances “Well we were talking about Alan actually”
“Alan ? What’s he done to deserve the honour , not that I’m complaining of course”
“Well you see he and mum ......”
“Hold up lady.” Dianne said glaring at Bernice “If you are going to share my most intimate secrets with the good reverent could you at least wait until I’m out of ear shot. Now come on both of you these customers aren’t going to serve themselves !”
Bernice laughed as Dianne went to the other side of the bar and began chatting to betty while Trisha disappeared in the direction of the kitchen. She leant on the bar and smiled at Ashley.
“I’ll fill you in later when we are getting ready for Trisha and Adam coming. Did you get the shopping ?”
“Yes” Ashley replied , his face falling “Why are we having then to dinner again ?”
“Because they had us and it’s only polite”
“Ok , Ok but honestly if I have to listen to another of Adam’s .........”
“Calm down , if he gets boring I promise I’ll change the subject so quick he’ll get whiplash. Besides , we had fun on the camping trip didn’t we ?”
“Yes” Ashley replied , the smile returning to his face “But that had nothing to do with Adam”
Bernice simply smiled knowingly at him as the door opened and Adam came in. “Don’t look now” she said “ But he’s here”
“Well I really should get going you know the house could really do with a good clean and there’s so much to do , what time will you be over?”
“Around half six , they’re coming at 8.30 , so that should give us enough time to get sorted and I can change over there.” Bernice said laughing.
!Ok see you then” With a nod to Adam Ashley made a speedy exit walking as quickly as was dignified back to the Vicarage.
*********************
At exactly 6.30 Bernice arrived and after depositing her clothes for the evening upstairs she joined Ashley in the kitchen.
“So how are we getting on ?” she asked cheerily as she stood behind him putting her arms around his waist and looking over his shoulder at the array of vegetables he was chopping.
“So far so good” he replied “The meat is in the oven and the veg is just about ready to join it and the soup just needs liquidising”
“You’ve been busy , what can I do to help ?”
“Yep , you can open that bottle of wine over there and pour us both a glass , then you can sit down and tell me about your mum and Alan while I put these in to roast”
Bernice lifted the bottle of wine and with the ease of someone who felt perfectly at home in their surroundings she went to the exact drawer containing the corkscrew , and the cupboard where the glasses lived and poured them a glass each. Handing one to Ashley she sat down at the kitchen table.
“Well you see” she began “It seems that when we were away the other night , Mum and Alan got , well a little closer”
Ashley turned and looked at her smiling broadly
“You can wipe that grin off your face” she continued “Just as they were about to get .... well get .....”
“Intimate ?” Ashley volunteered , the grin returning to his face
“Yes. Well he took a funny turn. He thought he was having a heart attack”
“Oh dear , is he OK ?”
“Yes , it turned out it was just heart burn , which they didn’t discover until after they had called the ambulance.”
Ashley began to laugh “Oh to have been a fly on the wall” he said , “It must have been some scene”
“Oh you haven’t heard the best bit yet” Bernice said laughing as well
“You mean there’s more ?”
“Oh Yes ! You see when mum first suggested that they take the opportunity of me being away to get better acquainted Alan was all for it. It seems he’s always had a bit of a thing for Marilyn Monroe and mum reminds him of her”
“Because of her bubbly personality” Ashley said with only the tiniest hint of sarcasm in his voice
“No ... that’s just it ..... because of her hair”
“But doesn’t he know it’s ......”
“Apparently not” Bernice interrupted “So now things are link the Antarctic behind the bar! Alan’s avoiding mum because he’s mortified about his little turn and she’s avoiding him because she feels silly telling him about her wig after all this time “
By this time Ashley had put the vegetables in the oven and joined her at the table and he was laughing so much she thought he was going to fall off the seat. “Stop it !” She said playfully “That’s my mother you’re laughing at ! And besides if things don’t thaw out soon Trisha and I might just kill them both !”
“Sorry” Ashley said trying his best to keep a straight face “It’s awful , and very serious !”
Bernice got up and gave him and affectionate shove “I’m going to get ready and just for that you can set the table !”
*******************
An hour later she came down the stairs to find the kitchen had been transformed , the lights were dimmed , the table was set perfectly with gentle candle light dancing under little glass shades , and there was soft music playing in the background. Ashley turned as she came in.
“You look wonderful” he said
“Thank you” Bernice answered joining him by the table and lightly placing one arm around his waist “This is like a different room !”
“Yeah it’s amazing what some soft lighting will do. I should go get changed too , I’ll be back in 10 minutes”
He disappeared upstairs and when he came down Bernice was staring intently at the play list on the CD cover. “This is a good CD” she said “Love songs ? Are you trying to tell me something ?”
Ashley laughed “Do I need to ? You know how I feel about you , there hasn’t been a song written that can come even close to expressing how much I love you”
“Oh Ashley” Bernice said as he took the CD from her and pulled her close kissing her just as the door bell rang.
“That’ll be them” Ashley said as the stood , their foreheads touching , looking into each other’s eyes.
“Yep” Bernice answered
“Do I have to let them in ?”
“You most certainly do ! I want to show off what you can do !”
She stood in the kitchen listening as Ashley opened the door and Trisha and Adam came in.
“Hi you two” she said as they entered the kitchen”
“Hello Bernice” Adam said kissing her on the cheek and handing her a bottle of wine “This place looks great and something smells lovely , what are you making?”
“I’m not making anything , it’s all Ashley’s doing”
Adam turned and looked at Ashley “Well she has got you well trained” he said. Ashley was about to reply when Trisha interrupted
“So what are we eating?”
“Well , we’re having homemade carrot and coriander soup and then roast lamb and rosemary roast veg with chocolate moose for desert”
Adam and Trisha exchanged impressed glances as Bernice stood back beaming with pride. 20 minutes later they were seated and well into their first course while chatting about the possibility of them taking a longer camping trip. As they finished the soap Ashley happily accepted compliments and bean dishing up the main course as Adam began to tell them about his problems at the surgery , with the filling system and the lack of a permanent receptionist , not to mention Paddy.
“So you see” he said between mouthfuls of his dinner “I don’t know how they expect anyone to get any work done around there the place is in a mess”
“Well Paddy and Zoe always seemed to cope” Ashley said as Bernice kicked him under the table. He looked at her in a way she knew meant “now would be a good time to change the subject”
“So Trisha” she said “What are we going to do about your grandfather and my mother ? They’re getting on like school kids !”
“I know !” Trisha replied indignantly “I think we should lock them in the back and tell them they aren’t getting out until it’s sorted”
“You know” Ashley said “There’s the bones of a very good idea there”
“What !?” Bernice asked as Trisha too looked at him in amazement
“I don’t mean actually locking them up , although if all else fails at least you’d get a little peace. I mean that if you put them in a situation where they have no choice but to speak to each other then you might get a break through”
“Well they’re on their own now and it’s hard to be the only two people behind the bat of a Monday night and not speak to each other , it isn’t exactly the Woolie’s busiest night” Bernice said
“Well then , lets hope there’s not many people in and maybe by the time you get home in the morning it’ll be all forgotten”
“the morning ?” Bernice said smiling “You’re getting awfully sure of yourself these days”
Trisha and Adam laughed as she slipped of her shoe and reassuringly played with his ankle with her toes. Desert saw the continuation of the discussion of Alan and Dianne’s near miss as Adam got filled in and finally after small talk over the last of their third bottle of wine Trisha and Adam got up to leave. Bernice and Ashley showed them to the door and just as Trisha reached the last step she turned and looked at Bernice smiling broadly.
“You know” she said “If my granddad and your mum get married that’ll make you my Aunt !”
Ashley and Adam laughed as Bernice looked at Trisha with a look that could cut glass. “You’re lucky you’re going home !” She said playfully “Honestly , I’ll give you aunt !”
“Come on” Adams said “before she comes after you”
“Night Ashley” Trisha called “Night Auntie Bernice”
Bernice made to chase her but was stopped by Ashley gripping her arm and pulling her inside the door. “Come on you !” he said hugging her “Don’t worry I’ll still love you even if Trisha is your Niece”
She laughed “Well there always that” she said as Ashley switched off the lights and lead her by the hand up the stairs.”
“Besides” he said “If there’s a wedding you’ll still be the most beautiful bridesmaid”
“You always know exactly what to say to make me feel better”
“All part of the service” Ashley said smiling “All part of the service !”
