Bernice and Ashley the Untold Stories
28/05/00
“I still say I should have banned her” Bernice said as she climbed into bed
“Now what good would that have done ?” Ashley asked patiently propping himself up on one elbow and looking down at her
“It would have made me feel better. Interfering old trout !”
Ashley laughed “Oh don’t let her get to you , like I said she’s harmless she just thinks it’s her duty to interfere in everyone else’s life since she doesn’t have one of her own. To be honest I’m surprised she hadn’t been beating my door down before now , what with the incident at the public meeting and all.”
Now it was Bernice’s turn to laugh “I love how you just refer to it as an incident. you were really brave sticking up for Emily like that , though fat lot of thanks you got for it!”
“I didn’t deserve thanks , it was a very foolish thing to do”
“Why did you do it ?”
Ashley thought carefully before answering. he knew why he’d done it , the same reason he’d almost thumped Gavin , sheer frustration at the fact her felt they were never going to be together , but he didn’t think she needed to be made to feel responsible.
“I don’t know” he said finally “I suppose I just felt after all Emily had been through the last thing she needed was to be being pushed around by some lout”
“Well I thought it was wonderful !” Bernice said as she switched off the light and Ashley lay down beside her. After a few minutes she heard his breathing change and knew he was asleep. An hour later as she lay still staring at the ceiling Bernice decided that it was obvious she wasn’t going to get much sleep and headed down stairs to make a cup of tea. She was surprised to see the light still on in the kitchen and Dianne sitting at the kitchen table drinking tea and flicking through a magazine.
“Mum” she said , making Dianne jump
“My god Bernice you nearly gave me a heart attack” she said spinning round
“What are you doing still up ?”
“I just couldn’t sleep. I was think about what you said the other day about telling Alan about the wig and what have you”
“And have you decided ?” Bernice asked pouring herself a cup of tea and joining Dianne at the table
“I’ve decided you’re right , I mean it’s not like I’m after a deep and meaningful relationship , if he doesn’t like it well there’s plenty more fish in the sea”
“That’s the mother I now and love” Bernice laughed “I was worried there for a minute you were falling for him”
“Me ? Never ! So why are you down here drinking tea instead of upstairs curled up beside Ashley in the land of nod ?”
“Oh just stuff”
“Don’t give me that” Dianne said sitting back. “this is me you’re talking to , have you two had a row ?”
Bernice sighed “No of course we haven’t it’s just this busy body woman , one of Ashley’s parishioners , she gave us an earful about being immoral”
“Oh that’d be the same woman who informed me that the parson had been seduced by a scarlet woman. I mean that says it all , who uses the word parson , this side of 1950 ?”
“Oh god I wonder who else she’s saying it to. What did you say ?”
“I told her that it was my daughter she was talking about and that he wasn’t seduced he was a more than willing participant”
“Oh Mother !! Well that’ll have helped I must say !”
“Look ! Is Ashley worried ?”
“No. he says she’s harmless I wanted to ban her from the pub , but he told me I was overreacting. He’s not at all worried as you can tell from the fact that he’s sleeping like a baby and I’m down here drinking tea”
“You know if you ban everyone who disagrees with your relationship our takings could well plummet. But you need to think like Ashley , just ride it out.”
“I suppose”
“Anyhow shouldn’t you be getting some sleep , your off tomorrow didn’t you say you and Ashley had plans ?”
“Nothing very exciting , a grand spring clean of the vicarage. Honestly you should see it mum. I can tell you you’d not half know that it hadn’t had a woman living there in ages”
“Well I’m sure you’ll have it looking great in no time at all. Right now I’m off to bed I’m shattered , and you should get off to , if Ashley wakes up and you’re not there he’ll panic”
“You’re right , I’m right behind you just let me clear up here.”
“Ok , night love” Dianne said kissing the top of Bernice’s head
“Night”
*******************
The next morning seemed to be forever in coming and as they ate breakfast and headed for the vicarage Bernice’s mind was still on the incident the night before.
“Bernice are you Ok ?” Ashley asked as he opened the door “you know we don’t have to do this , we could do something much more fun on our day off if you like”
“No , I’m fine” Bernice answered “besides it’s time something was done about this house”
“Ok well lets get to it then , where shall we start ?”
“The Bedroom” Bernice answered smiling “Come on , last one up has to make the tea for the rest of the day.”
They spent the morning tidying , cleaning and moving furniture in the bedroom. Finally Bernice stripped the bed and took down the curtains. She stood back and looked around
“What do you think ?” she asked
“I love it !” Ashley replied “I always knew you’d know exactly where to put everything to make it look great”
“Ok then , well until we get around to decorating how about we just put on plain , but matching , bedclothes and curtains , say in blue ?”
“Sounds good to me , but I don’t have any , we’ll have to nip into Leeds this afternoon and get some.”
“Great. How about some lunch first , I can whip something up”
Ashley put his arm around her shoulder “I’ll go get us something from the diner” he said “I think we’ve both earned a rest”
“Sounds good to me “ Bernice answered , then as he was leaving she noticed the pile of papers they had found in various places about the room , sitting on the floor. “Ash” she called after him “What do you want done with these papers ?”
“Oh just set them on the desk in the study I’ll sort through them later”
When he was gone Bernice lifted them and stopped for a minute looking around the room. everything they did together just seemed so right , part of her couldn’t help but resent anyone , especially people like this Edna woman , who said things that might put it at risk. She’d been hurt so many times and let down that now she seemed to have found someone who loved her unconditionally she was secretly petrified that it would all be gone in the blink of an eye. Snapping herself back to reality she headed out of the room.
In the study she sat at the desk and looked around. it was the one room in the house that Ashley seemed to have made his own. It was so him. The shelves were filled with books each one , she was sure , had some significance to him and all around were little trinkets from his travels. This was one room she’d never try to change. This was his. She got up from the desk and as she moved toward the door she ran her hand along the edge of the desk. She was just thinking how the room could still do with a good going over with a duster when she knocked over a small tray filled with letters and bits of paper.
“Damn” she said out loud as she got down on her hands and knees and began picking them up she was almost finished when a crisp white envelop caught her eye , she stopped dead as she noticed her name written neatly on the front. She sat on the floor , resting her back against the desk and turned it over on her hands for a minute before opening it. She recognised Ashley’s hand writing and the date 9th January 2000 , silently she read on
*******************
9th January 2000
My Dearest Bernice
I don’t know why I am writing this , I’m quite sure I shall never deliver it , but somehow where you are concerned there is never any logic to my actions. I’ve stood by helplessly , a spectator in my own life , while I have slowly fallen head over heels in love with you. I see you everyday and with every part of me I long to tell you how I feel. I pray that deep down you see me as more than just your shoulder to cry on and that someday maybe you’ll share my feelings. It tares me apart to think of the pain that you are no in and the horrible betrayal that caused it. how could any man could wake up beside you every morning and not thank the lord that you are his. no matter how hard I try I cannot comprehend how he could betray one as beautiful , warm and desirable as you in such a despicable way. though you don’t know it and may never know , I would never hurt you and if I was lucky enough to have you give me the chance my goal in life would be to turn all your tears to smiles and to make you realise that you deserve to be worshiped like the angel that you are. For the moment I must be content to be your friend , to always be there for you and help you whenever you ask me to. If I can only be your lover in my dreams and if the depth of my feelings are known only to me , then believe me when I say I will be content to always be near you and most importantly to always be your friend.
Yours in undying love
Ashley
********************
As she reached the end of the letter Bernice felt a single tear run down her cheek. Somehow she’d felt that she had made up for the horrible way she’d treated him when he’d told her about his feelings , but reading this she realised the depth to which she must have hurt him. Just then the door opened.
“I’m back !” Ashley called “Your mother says you should be out getting lunch not skiving back here. Where are you ?”
Bernice tried to compose herself to answer him when he put his head round the door “What are you doing on the floor ?” he asked coming in and joining her on the floor looking to see what she was reading.
“I knocked over this tray of letters” she said trying to stop crying then as she realised it had dawned on Ashley what she was reading “it was addressed to me...I’m sorry I shouldn’t have read it”
Ashley put his arms around her holding her close for a few minutes “Don’t apologise” he said “I’m only sorry it upset you . I never want to be the reason you cry”
“You aren’t the reason” Bernice said drying her eyes “I am. how could you possibly want to be with me ?”
“What are you talking about ?”
“I mean after the way I treated you , you had all these feelings for me and you only ever wanted to make me happy and when you told me I treated you like you were my worst enemy. And now with my track record and all the gossip and everything I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t think I was worth the bother.”
“Bernice” Ashley said in a voice that was firm enough to make her take notice but still dripped with love and concern “I love you. I have loved you for so long now i can’t imagine what it would be like not to . I don’t even know the exact day I knew I wanted to be with you forever but all I want is to make you happy and all I’ll ever want is just that. As for your track record , everything that has happened to you in your life is a little bit of what makes you who you are today. You are worth any amount of bother. that’s what I was trying to say in that letter although you were never meant to read it.”
“I’m glad I did. you know since last night I’ve been worried that gossips like that woman might make you change your mind and think life was easier before me.”
“Do you want to know the truth ?”
“Yes”
“It was easier before you. Before we met I went on in my life just existing , there was no love , no passion and no real reason to look forward to the next day. Existing is easy , but easy isn’t always better. With you I’ve stopped existing and started living and no amount of gossip is going to make me give that up. I’m yours for as long as you want me , which I hope will be a very , very long time.”
Bernice felt herself well up again as she pulled him close and whispered “I’m never letting go.”
