Michael Madsen Interview by Jeff Rappaport

Ó Metal Rules! Magazine, Issue # 8, Fall 2000

Wow! Now this is really cool. This was one of my greatest experiences ever with doing an interview. Even though it took long as shit to finally get this fucker set up it was well worth it. Michael Madsen is a genuine movie star. Just look at some of his credits below. More importantly Michael is as a genuine a human as you would ever want to talk to or meet. He's the real deal and as down to earth as the guy who pumps your gas. Not only did this guy give me unlimited time to talk to him but during the interview Jimmy Woods called and he told him that he would call him back! Not only that but he soaked in everything we talked about and told me he would send me a package of fun. Not only did he do that but he called to make sure I got it. Then he called a third and then a fourth time to make a message for the Metal Rules! answering machine because he promised he would. My best friends don't come through on as many promises as this guy did.

The topper was when his hot (I saw her on TV) PR rep Liza (She was super cool and answered every one of my stupid questions, which there were probably about 300. We've become e‑mail pals but I think she can't keep up with me or I finally offended her. I'm good at that) invited us to a movie premiere in NYC. (See my scene report elsewhere in this issue. -JOE) I saw Michael at his seat and went over to him. When I told him who I was, he got out of his seat and we gave each other a big hug. This when we talked for the next few minutes, he held my hand and looked at me clear in the eye the whole time. There was no homosexual overtone in this, rather Michael simply communicating to me that I had his undivided attention. He only looked away once when a poor old bastard walked by with toilet paper stuck to his shoes and Michael wanted to alert him. During our conversation I felt the serious need give him another hug for no apparent reason and I did. I just was just really excited to get to talk to him but I probably came across as a homosexual stalker. Especially about five minutes later when I winked at him across the aisle. This is probably why he didn't show up at the After Party. I might have been scared of me too. I'm not gay. I'm happily married and besides; if I was to suddenly turn gay over night I already promised Rob Hallford he would be the first. (See the interview in the next issue of Metal Rules! Magazine - #9 on sale soon). Ha ha! Am I a stalker? I can't talk about that... my lawyer has me on gag order Uhhhhh.....Ha Ha!

Anyway, I hope you enjoy the interview as much as I did doing it.

Partial Filmography courtesy the lnternet Movie Database (The BEST damn website in existence! -JOE) (You mean it's better than MetaRulesMagazine.com... traitor. -Jeremy)

High Noon (2000) - Frank Miller

Vengeance Unlimited (TV 1999) - Mr. Chapel

Species II (1998) - Press Lenox

Donnie Brasco (1997) - Sonny Black

Winner, The (1996) - Wolf

Mulholland Falls (1996) - Eddie Hall

Free Willy 2: The Adventure Home (1995) - Glen Greenwood

Species (1995) - Preston Lenox

Wyatt Earp (1994) - Virgil Earp

Money for Nothing (1993) - Detective Laurenzi

Free Willy(1993) - Glen Greenwood

Reservoir Dogs (1992) - Vic Vega / Mr. Blonde

Fatal Instinct (1991) - Cliff Burden

Thelma & Louise (1991) - Jimmy

Doors, The (1991) - Tom Baker

Natural, The (1984) - Bump Bailey

WarGames (1983) -- Steve

Metal Rules! Hello?

Michael Madsen: Jeff? What time is it, brother.

MR: You are so on time. I am so impressed.

MM: Oh my God.

MR: You are three minutes early.

MM: I've been wandering around here. I figure it must be close to nine o'clock.

MR: Don't you have a watch?

MM: I'm in Palm Springs. It's a place I have out here and it doesn't have clocks.

MR: Well, that's not very good.

MM: It's real good for me. I did it on purpose. This is where I come to escape.

MR: It's like living in a casino.

MM. (Laughs hysterically) Yeah.

MR: Where are the drinks?

MM: It's still a little too early for that.

MR: I guess so.

MM: Three o'clock I’ll have some Jack Daniels. (Hear that, Metal fans? The drink of gods. -Jeff)

MR: Did you just wake up?

MM: Yeah.

MR: I hope you're awake enough. (He sounds like he's still wiping the eye snots out of his eyes. --Jeff)

MM: Oh, I feel great.

MR: It's great to finally get to talk to you. I've been working on this for about two months now.

MM: Have you really? What have you been doing?

MR: What have I been doing? I've been trying to set it up. You were away in Europe for a month, correct?

MM: Yeah, I was away in France at the Cannes Film Festival.

MR: Oh yeah. How was that?

MM: It was like one big, long self promotional party. It gets real old after a while and you just want to run screaming out of there. But it was fun... it was good. I had a lot of fun and I got a kick out of it. It's a gas.

MR: I'll tell you, I went to do research on you and to find out what movies I haven't seen and then I realized there was way too many to rent in that time frame.

MM: I've done a lot of movies.

MR: You sure have.

MM: I think I've done about 46.

MR: It looked more like 60 something. (As I type this it looks currently at over 70! -Jeff)

MM: Maybe so. I lost count. There is a bunch of them that I've never even seen.

MR: Well, I saw your latest movie on HBO Friday night! It was Sacrifice.

MM: Sacrifice! You know we shot that picture in Alabama, and it's not a great film but it's not a bad film either. There are a few scenes in there that I really, really like and I'm quite fond of. Overall as a whole, I think it's a little too slow.

MR: You think? I didn't think it was slow. The two things that came to mind to me when I watched it was when I saw your daughter-in-the-movie's boyfriend I kept waiting to hear, "Josh, where are you?" (I do this is in my best imitation of the cast of Blair Witch Project because the actor playing his movie‑daughter's boyfriend is Josh from Blair Witch! - Jeff) (Joshua Leonard - JOE) Do you picture this too?

MM: (Laughs hard) Yeah. That was the big thing on the set. Everybody kept saying, "He's the kid from Blair Witch!" I had never seen it and I didn't understand what the big thing was about it. I guess Blair Witch came out when, we were up there doing it.

MR: He looks totally different in that movie. If I wouldn't have looked at the IMDB first, I wouldn't have even known that was him.

MM: That's a funny scene with me and him in the bedroom. I love that scene, man. The poor guy wakes up in his bedroom and I'm there next to the bed. "How are you doing, son?" I'm going to shoot him in his own bedroom. (Cracks up laughing)

MR: At least he's close to being where he's comfortable.

MM: Yeah. (Laughs) I didn't want to catch him outside and publicly embarrass him. (laughs)

MR: The other thing about the movie that made me crack up was when the psycho killer says, "I'm on a mission from God." I just pictured Dan Aykroyd saying it. "We're on a mission from God." (Doing a HORRIBLE Elwood Blues imitation.)

MM: "We're on a mission from God.” (Doing an even WORSE Elwood Blues imitation) (I laugh) It was really hard for me to keep a straight face every time she said that. (Whoops ... did we give away who the killer was? -Jeff) For that last part I wasn't even there. They cut me loose. It was raining like hell outside and it was, like, a fourteen or fifteen hour day. I was like, "Fuck this. " I had enough and I had to got out of there. They were having a bunch of other problems with lighting and stuff and I think they shot her whole side of that scene when I wasn't even there. I was already gone. (We laugh)

MR: It was like she was working on a cartoon or something. Like when they film the cartoons later, like with Stuart Little. She's just talking to a blue screen.

MM. She was actually a pretty cool chick. We had a good time. I liked working with her. She was up against tremendous odds because that was like the last couple of days of shooting that we did all that stuff. Everybody was really burnt out and fried up and ready to go home.

MR: I was hoping that she didn't kick your ass too much (in the movie) because it seemed a little unbelievable ... (We both crack up laughing)

MM: A couple of those take downs are my stunt double.

MR: Okay .. WAIT (Sounding very surprised) No, they're not ...

MM: Well, one of them is. (Sounding embarrassed)

MR: You used a stunt double for a 60-pound woman?!

MM: There's one shot where I can tell it's Lonny. (Stunt double). I can tell that it's Lonny during one shot. It's right after she leaps on my back when I'm at the end of the gurney. When I spin around over by the table right before she falls down and grabs the scalpel there is, like, one second where I can tell the physicality wasn't me but Lonny. It must have been another shot that they did when I wasn't there.

MR: How much could she have possible hurt you? (Laughing)

MM: Well, (Laughing) that's what I kept saying. Is she super‑human or what? This is kind of ridiculous but I think they wanted to make it seem really, really crazy. I had a great idea for a scene. It was a shot that they didn’t do but should of done. It so often happens that an actor has a good idea but everyone is so paranoid of an actor with an opinion that they, nine out of ten times, won't do it. I wanted to get a long shot of her running down the hall from behind me but I couldn't see her, only the audience would be able to see her running from way back. I thought that would have been really scary and creepy with her coming through the shadows and running real fast...

MR: (I rudely interrupt. Hey, I am getting better and hardly do this at all anymore -Jeff) Especially if there was no sound.

MM: Yeah, you know, it would really be wild but they just didn't understand what I was talking about and they were running out of time, as they put it. The shot is not in there but we tried to make it look good. I carried her around on my shoulders for a little while and tried to make it look like we were having this scuffle.

MR: When I set this interview up, I had no knowledge of your poetry at all and they sent me out your CD. You have three books and one CD right?

MM: Yeah.

MR: I have to admit I was really impressed. I didn't know what to expect because when I hear poetry I think of "Roses are Red, Violets are Blue". I don't understand it. I was always confused when they explain the whole idea of how poetry could be a story if it's set up in a certain way and everything like that.

MM: Well, I don’t really have a lot of patience so it's hard for me to write anything that's longer than one or two pages, you know. I have a really short attention span. (I hear ya, brother. -Jeff) I started writing short stories on the backs of napkins and match books and hotel stationary and crap like that from wherever I was because I would have these thoughts that would run through my head and I would write it down. I saved it all for some reason. I had a whole hunch of it in a box and I got a kick out of going back and reading it, like, a year later and remembering all this stuff that I was thinking about. So, I never really had any intention of writing a book, that’s for sure and I never really thought of what I did as poetry but when you put it all together and you put it in a book then that's what you call it, "Poems". I don't know if I would categorize them as that but then again maybe they are?! I guess they are in a very individualistic style. It's certainly not like any other writer. I can't really think of anyone that I admire, except for Hemingway, and even he wrote some really terrible books.

MR: Are all these stories true? All of them?

MM: Yeah. Oh yeah! Every single one. They are truths from my childhood and from my teenage years.

MR: So you lost your virginity (at 13) to a 28-year old?

MM: Yeah, Jackie. (Laughs)

MR: That's a beautiful thing.

MM. It was and you don't realize something when you're that age. You don't realize how important it was, what a giant role it's playing in your life. You have no idea. It's just this thing and you're getting laid. You don't realize until many, many years later and you look back and you realize how strongly it effected you and what a great and strange start it is to that realm of experience.

MR: I was actually the same age but the girt was 13 and not 28. (We both laugh)

MM: Well, you know..

MR: Your story is better. (Believe me, it's a lot better! - Jeff)

MM: You got to start somewhere. She was a funny lady. I often wonder what happened to her.

MR: I wonder if she ever heard that. (About the CD and book)

MM: Yeah, that's just what I was thinking, like, two seconds ago. When you were saying it, I was thinking of how bizarre and ironic it would be if she walked into a bookstore someday for some strange reason and was to buy that and read it.

MR: Or her husband (She was married when she was banging little Michael and his friends -Jeff) comes in with a shotgun. (We laugh)

MM: Yeah, or he comes after me.

MR: Yeah! He screams, Flintstones! (This is in reference to a line in the poem where Michael states he was sucking on her tit while the Flintstones were on TV in the background. -Jeff)

MM: That would be something. That would be a good story. Twenty years later this guy comes gunning for me with a twelve‑gauge.

MR: Every time he hears the Flintstones on TV he thinks of you guys on her tit. (Michael starts laughing hysterically before I even finish this sentence. I am so damn funny! -Jeff) "Bastards!" (Imitating Jackie's husband.)

MM: (Having trouble breathing from laughing) He starts getting all freaked out. He hears, "Yabba dabbo doo!" and says, "I'll shoot them.” (We are both laughing hysterically at this point.) "Aaarghhhhh, I'm going to load the gun!" He puts a bunch of dummy shells in the gun because he knows he goes through it every time. (When he hears the Flintstones on) “Okay, honey. Load the gun. It's alright, don't worry. It will pass. " (We are still laughing as he continued to imitate the crazed husband.)

MR: He's fighting his own inner demons.

MM: Yeah. "Ooh, Fred... Barney." I should buy some Flintstones videos and start mailing them to her.

MR: Just to set him off.

MM: (Still laughing) Like a murder plot. Secretly freak him out and give him a heart attack.

MR: "I want her (Jackie) back!"

MM: Gotta have her. I miss her. I never had it like that since. I want that purple dress.

MR: Purple?

MM. Yeah, she had a purple dress on. I don't know if I wrote that in there.

MR: No. I remember another story about a girl with a paper dress.

MN. Oh, right. That was Laura. She was a girl friend of mine.

MR: Now that wasn't the girl that you hit with the slingshot? (Get the book! -Jeff)

MM: (laughs) Oh, wow! My Dad beat the shit out of me for that one.

MR: Well, you deserved your ass kicked for that.

MM: Yeah, years later I realized that I probably did deserve it.

MR: You're not supposed to throw rocks at girls' heads.

MM: In hindsight I get these great notions of intelligent but it never crossed my mind at the time. (Laughs)

MR: I look back and I take it that you're a lot happier in life now than you used to be. It sounded like you really went through some hard times. Especially now that I'm talking to you on the phone, you sound a lot happier than you do on the CD! Is it just because you're talking to me?

MM: I'm faking it. I'm miserable. (Laughs) I wanted to make a CD and I wanted to have music with it. I didn’t know how to do it became I never have done anything like that before and I didn't know what I was doing. I knew a girl that had some friends that had a recording studio and I suggested it to them and they thought it was a great idea. A couple of days later I was sitting in the recording studio with my book in my hand so I just sat there and read maybe.. I don't know.. most of them... maybe 40 or 50 I read, and then I left them with them to score it. I left them to put whatever music they wanted to and the first demo that they gave me, I just hated it. The music was so ridiculous. It was so depressing. It was this really heavy ominous kind of trombones and I was like, "Oh my God. This isn't what I want." But at least I was learning through the process of how this stuff goes. So, then I gave it back to them and they re‑did it a second time and they mixed it up and did all kinds of different music for each piece and they only ended picking out ten or eleven tracks.

MR: It was entertaining. I think the music fits perfectly.

MM: Yeah, it does now. It ended up the way I like but being that it was an experimental thing they didn’t use most of what I read. They just picked out the few that they thought would work. I was happy with it so I went ahead and released that. You're right that I am... I definitely am a little bit more... ahhhh... (long pause while he searches for the right word. -Jeff)

MR: Happy?

MM: (Laughs) Yeah. Yeah, I'm happier than I was but I don’t think I was sad. I think I was introspective. I think I'm a lot less introspective. The funny thing is I'm not writing that much anymore. I think that a lot of that writing comes from the darkness. It comes out of this retrospective mind, this trip that you go on in your mind in the past. Now, I just finished another book. I just finished one called the "The Blessings Of The Hounds". And it's the same thing. It's a bunch of poems and short stories and photographs and stuff. And Quentin Tarantino wrote the forward for me. I'm going to put that out but ever since I finished that I haven’t written another thing. I'm just not getting these little kind of voices in the back of my head with prose to write. It's just not there any more.

MR: Well, actually, I was going to say that that was one thing I wanted you to do. Right now, on the spot I wanted you to wrote a poem about being in Metal Rules! Magazine (Michael starts laughing) Can you do that?

MM: Metal Rules! (Laughing)

MR: Can you write your little thing now?

MM: I can’t write anymore. I think I'm experiencing writer's block. I'm not really sure why but I'm not inspired and I haven't written a damn thing, in quite a while. I finished that other book six months ago and I haven’t been writing a damn thing. I don't know why.

MR: It's not something that can be forced.

MM: You can't, you're right. I’m working on a screenplay with Billy Bob Thornton.

MR: Oh, wow!

MM: Yeah. I came up with this really great idea. Actually, it's an idea that I've been putting together in my subconscious for a real long time. It's a story about two brothers. It's a younger brother and an older brother and I went to Billy Bob with the story and he liked it so much that he's going to produce it.

MR: Is it going to be you two (as the brothers), or no?

MM: Well, you know he will probably end up playing a character in the film but I'm going to play the older brother and the other kid has to be around 14. I'm going to find something in there but he's right now, just producing it. We're going to work it together and him and his partners are going to produce it for me.

MR: Is his wife (Angelina Jolie) going to be in it too?

MM: I don't think so. She's really busy. She's got all kinds of...

MR: (Second rude interruption) She's wacky!

MM: She is pretty busy, I think she is booked up ‘till next year. I'm doing Pretty Boy Floyd. I don’t know if you

know the story of the bank robbers from the 1930's?

MR: Yeah. I was actually going to tell you something about that, that I don't know if you knew. There is a Heavy Metal band called PRETTY BOY FLOYD.

MM: Oh wow! I didn't know that. That's wild.

MR: If you're looking for some females for that movie, then you can get those guys because they are really girly looking.

MM: I'm finally going to shoot that picture. I finally got that set up. I think I'm going to do it in September. And I was talking to Billy about his wife for that picture but she's completely booked up. She's booked all the way into 2005 so there's no chance that she'll be in Pretty Boy.

MR: Is she as funky (Did I just say funky? What the hell is that? -Jeff) as she seems?

MM: Uh... (Iong pause)

MR: I mean in a good way. I just think she seems a little out there.

MM: I never met her. Billy and I are friends but I never met her. They just got together recently. I've been away and I haven’t met her yet.

MR: She's hot!

MM: She's good looking.

MR: Yeah. (I start giggling like a school girl for no apparent reason. ‑Jeff) I was talking to Daniel Roebuck (See Metal Rules! #7 for a killer interview with this likeable and incredibly talented actor) the other day. Do you know him?

MM: Yeah. He was in the pilot of my TV show (Vengeance Unlimited)

MR: I was talking to him the other day and I told him that I was interviewing you and he said that you were an actor that other actors like to work with. I just wanted to know what he meant by that.

MM. (Call waiting beeps) I think this must be the pool man. Can you hold on for one second? (long pause then I realize that I've been disconnected. Mike quickly called we back.)

MR: Man. You're hanging on me? (We laugh) I'm like, "I don't have his number! I can't call him back!"

MM: This call waiting thing didn't work right.

MR: I'm thinking that you didn't like my last question.

MM: (Laughs) "Yeah, The last thing I asked Mr. Madsen was that I thought he was an actor people liked to work with so he immediately hung up. He would rather talk to the pool man. " (Speaking for me) (I laugh)

MR: It made no sense.

MM: "What an asshole.” (Speaking for me)

MR: I always figured there would be one day where somebody hangs up on me and it would be a great thing. I could write, "And then they hung up on me." Wouldn't that be great?

MM: That was the end. They hung up. Oh God, if I had a dime for every time I did that I could retire. (We laugh) Daniel was a good actor to work with. I liked him. If he said that about me then I'm really flattered. I'm always surprised that anybody has that notion about me and I think, or rather I'd like to think, that I'm thought of in that way but you never really know until you hear from somebody. I think I can only be as good as the actors that I'm surrounded by. Vice versa, if you put a bunch of guys around me that really suck then I'm going to, too. You know?

MR: He told me that you would have plenty of interesting stories for me.

MM: (Pause ... then starts laughing)

MR: Daniel did a great interview. I'm going to send you out some stuff... actually I'll send it to your agent or whatever .. or your PR. Is that how you'll get it?

MM: You have an interview with him (Daniel)? Sure, send it out. I'll read it. Man, he's busy. That guy's working all the time.

MR: Yeah, he's constantly working. He's been working constantly since he started. I like actors, like you guys, that do a great body of work and do a lot of interesting movies. That's why I wanted to talk to you guys. They (PR) were so confused as to why I wanted to talk to you.

MM: They were?

MR: Not because they don't like you but because it's a Heavy Metal magazine. They were like, "Why do you want to interview him, is it because he rides Harleys?" I was like, I didn't know he rode Harleys. I like his movies and I think most people that read this magazine feel the same way. I like to have a good mix.

MM: Well, yeah. That's really cool. That's super cool. I like to be interviewed by people that are not usually the ones to be asking me questions about stuff, you know? I love to be asked good questions.

MR: I got lots of good questions for you so I hope you have plenty of time. (I laugh like a maniac. -Jeff)

MM: Let me have 'em, buddy!

MR: Okay. I read someplace that you won't see any movies that your sister appears nude in. Is that true?

MM: Well, It's not like I'm going to run out of the room if they come on but I'm not going to sit there enraptured either.

MR: (Laughing) I wouldn't think so.

MM: (Also laughing) "Oh my God, oh Gina, put a robe on. It's not really something I aspire to do.

MR: So you don't refuse to see them, though?

MM: Well, I don't seek them out. (Laughs)

MR: Does she see the movies that you're nude in?

MM. Uh... (Laughs hard) I don't know. I don’t know. She's never mentioned it.

MR: Maybe it's something she doesn't want to talk about.

MM. That could be.

MR: It makes her uncomfortable too.

MM: That could be.

MR: What's some of the goofy stuff that you guys did when you were kids?

MM: We used to do magic shows.

MR: Really?

MM: Yeah, they were pretty cool. I had this satin smoking jacket when I was a kid. It was a man's size and I was just a little kid so when I put it on, it was almost like a coat, you know? And I had like an Abe Lincoln top hat but I thought it looked like a magician’s hat. You know the kind like they used to pull rabbits out of? So, I would put this damn thing on as well. It was actually a hat from an Abe Lincoln Halloween costume but I thought it looked like a magician's hat so I would put it on with my smoking jacket and I had a little plastic wand. My mother used to buy me magic tricks from Marshall Fields in downtown Chicago. They had this really great magic counter there and she would get me all these cool magic tricks. My sister (starts laughing) was my assistant. She had this pink ballerina outfit that she put on (he laughs but I'm imagining her at the age she is now in that same outfit. I saw her on some show recently and she is still stunning! Hubba, Hubba - Jeff) and I told her it was what a magician's assistant would wear and she put on the toe shoes and the whole outfit and we would invite all the people that lived in our building. We lived in a three-floor walk up and we would invite all the families and the people that lived in the building to come upstairs, since we lived on the third floor. Then we would put on a magic show for everybody. (laughs)

MR: Do you think she would be embarrassed of this now?

MM: No, I think she would think it was kind of cute.

MR: Even with the pink ballerina outfit?

MM: It was great. She was perfect. My mother had a big clothes hamper and I would put Virginia in there and I had this fencing foil that I got from some garage sale, or probably stole it, but I would stick the fencing foil through the clothes hamper through the middle and the side of it. Of course Virginia could see it coming because it was, like a, wicker clothes hamper. She could see the sword coming through so she knew where it was going to be and it was easy to bring it right across the middle or right across her shoulder. For kids we thought we were doing this really great trick with a sword through the thing and... "How could she be alive?" (We laugh)

MR: It was amazing!

MM: It was incredible!

MR: Did you ever order any of those things from the Johnson Smith Company?

MM: Uh no. I never heard of that guy.

MR: When I used to be younger they had ads in comic books all the time. I used to order all kinds of magic tricks from there. (I put on really pathetic shows myself. In fact I put on a show at the Jewish Community Center where my Mom was a nursery school teacher. Of course the five-year-olds were impressed. At least some of them were anyway. -Jeff)

MM. I had a bunch of stuff. I had my little routine and a little series of tricks like where I could chop a coin in half in my pocket. I could take a coin and pass it around to everyone in the room and then one other person would make a mark on the coin with a sharpie or scratch it or something and then I would just drop it in my pocket and then I'd pull this box out of my pocket which had rubber bands around it and it was a box inside of a box inside of another box and then a little bag inside the last box and the penny would be in the bag. So, you know that was a big one.

MR: It amazed the crowd!

MM. Huh?

MR: It wowed them all!

MM: They loved that one. "How did you do that?" (How did he do it? -Jeff)

MR: "You're amazing!"

MM: "You're going to he a famous magician some day!"

MR: "I'm going to be the next Doug Henning!"

MM: I really believed it too. We had a great time. It was a lot of fun. We always did silly stuff like that.

MR: Your sister is the first and only actress that I had a crush on when I was younger.

MM: (Unfazed) She started acting before I did. She was doing high school theater and plays and taking acting classes and stuff long before I did.

MR: I think when I saw Fire with Fire, I fell in love with her. (I laugh)

MM: (Still unfazed) It was right after she came to California that she got that. I was in California and working at a gas station. I was renting a house.

Michael Madsen's Son: Mi na ni meen na a ni mina ni.

MM: What did you say? (to his son) That's my son.

MR: That's okay. (I'm used to kids in interviews now, just read the other interviews. -Jeff

MM: (Back to his story) So, she came out to California to stay with me. She wanted to see if she could get any opportunities. She met a few agents and met with some people and one of the guys she met with sent her on kind of a spec meeting, you know, for Electric Dreams and she got the lead in the picture.

MR: That worked out really well.

MM: Yeah, she got herself a little apartment and the rest is history.

MR: It's funny I told my wife that I was interviewing you and she said (in a total nasal geek voice), "Are you going to tell him that you're in love with his sister" (We both laugh hysterically.) She was using that exact voice.

MM: And you went, "Yeah." (He is still unfazed of my love for my sister. I think he secretly wishes I was his brother-in-law. Yeah, that must be it. Maybe, when he reads this he'll get her to call me just to say hello and we'll have this crazy affair and then... then... l am so glad my wife doesn't read this magazine. Ha ha! -Jeff)

MR: "Do I talk like that?" (In the same nasal voice)

MM: How many cocktails did she have?

MR: That was her exaggerated.

MM: Oh, I know what you mean when you do the exaggerated woman voice. Are you still on the phone? (Doing his exaggerated woman voice) "Yes, honey I am. Please leave me along now."

MR: Do you have those kind of conversations like us normal folks have like, "Man, if I could do one girl in the movies it would be..." You know what I mean. Do actors have that same conversation?

MM: Well, uh.....

MR: Or did you already have them?

MM: Yeah, I already had them so I think maybe that it's not a topic of discussion.

MR: No? (We laugh)

MM: She really doesn't want to know who I had. (we laugh some more)

MR: Who your wife?

MM: Yeah, she really doesn't want to know who I had. Not interested. Not interested.

MR: Well, you can tell me and she just can't read that part of the interview.

MM: Oh my goodness. I got around. I did okay.

MR: Their names?

MM: I had numerous love affairs.

MR: Who did you have love affairs with? (Inquiring minds want to know.) C'mon give me some dirt.

MM: I never wanted to be one of those guys that talked about the girls they were with.

MR: Well, who did you date?

MM: Oh my God.

MR: I'm not saying who did you have anal sex with, I just want to know who you dated? (Michael cracks up laughing)

MM: Isn't that the thing? (Lucky bastard. -Jeff)

MR: Yeah! Hopefully. (I'm still hoping. -Jeff)

MM: (Laughing and trying to clam down enough to talk) I don't want to get any body in trouble because some of these people weren't supposed to be in my company at times.

MR: Is there anybody you dated that we can know about besides your wives?

MM: Well... (Laughs)

MR: There was Jackie!

MM: There was Jackie. I love Jackie for sure.

MR: Are you on speaker? Are you on speaker phone?

MM: No, that's my son.

MR: I'm wondering how he sounds so loud.

MM: We are in a big room and it's got a Dolby style sound. We're hiding from the sun. "Hey, Hud, (his son) do you want to say hello to Jeff?" (Hud pushes a button.) Sorry Jeff, are you still there?

MR: Yeah. What's his name, Hud? H‑U‑D?

MM: Mmm hmm.

MR: Hi, Hud.

MM: I have four boys.

MR: Do you have 4 or 5?

MM: I have five but one of them is my step‑son.

MR: Well, that's kind of the same deal.

MM: Yeah. My stepson's father is Brian Setzer from the STRAY CATS.

MR: Oh really? I didn't know that. You learn something new everyday. I like when he made that little come back. That was a good tune.

MM: He's a good boy. He's cool. He just bought a new house up in Point Dune and he's cool, he's good with his son.

MR: That's cool that you get along with him. I have a daughter and she lives with her mother and her mother's husband and he's nice and I'm glad. He could be some asshole. You know what I mean?

MM: Oh God. Getting along with ex's is a mother fucker. It's really so psychological and twisted sometimes that it's beyond belief. It's nice when you have an element of sanity in there somewhere. Cody is a better kid because of it.

MR: It took many years to get there, probably for you too.

MM: Especially for me it tool a long, long time. Not with him but with my own situation. It was a tremendous amount of anxiety and I went through two and a half years in court just to get custody of two of my boys and let me tell you it can really take a lot out of a person. It can completely destroy you.

MR: I've been here.

MM: It takes all your focus and all your energy and everything human you can possible imagine and all for something that should be your God given right in the first place ‑ to spend time with your children.

MR: Isn't it disgusting?

MM: You shouldn't have to argue with any attorneys about something so basic but that's what people do to each other when they get so completely out of touch with reality that they forget about the children that are involved and the toll that it's taking on them; being treated like baggage. It's something that I never wanted and never would have wished for but you get in a situation where you have no choice. it's either that or never see them. So, you got to do it.

MR: Do you have sons with each of your wives?

MM: I've been married three times. I have two sons with my second wife and two boys with the one I'm with now.

MR: Oh. No kids with Cher's sister?

MM: No, we didn't have any kids. We were only married for two years. We never had any kids, thank God!

MR: Is she wacky?

MM: Well... the family is wacky.

MR: I can imagine.

MM: The family was wacky and I was caught right in the middle of the "Wackodum". I was Mr. Whackadoo in the middle of that.

MR: Was that your nickname, '*Whackadoo"?

MM: That was the name that I gave myself when I was in that situation. Just call me Whackadoo! I'm telling you, you get in the middle of these people and you get in the middle of their lives and you realize these behind the scene dramas that go on, these psychoanalytical family disruptions... Boy, I was right in the middle. I was turned into the arbitrator. And you know, between the mother and the sisters and all the rest of it after a while it became insane. I just couldn't deal with it any more. It was just too much.

MR: Who was Cher dating at the time?

MM: VaI Kilmer.

MR: Oh, was she?

MM: Yeah.

MR: You work with him a lot don't you?

MM: Georganne (Cher’s sister) and I actually lived in a guest house at Val Kilmer's father’s property. His Dad had a house on Trigger Street and it used to belong to Roy Rogers. (I take it that's where Trigger Street came from. ‑Jeff) That's where Val's father had a guest house that was empty so he gave it Georganne and I and we lived there for the time we were together. And that was because Cher was going out with VaI. I made a picture with VaI in 1986 called Kill Me Again with John Dahl that I was pretty fond of. (Actually, Mike, according to the IMDB that flick was released in 1989 -JOE) I think it's a pretty good picture. It holds up pretty good except I was disappointed in the way MGM released it. t thought they were completely and totally wrong in the way that they released it. It doesn't surprise me because they did it again with Mulholland FalIs and Species and every other MGM thing that I was ever in.

MR: What were they doing wrong?

MM: They have a real lack of imagination when it comes to publicity. And when it comes to trailers and when it comes to just being creative. And as far as getting hold of the product and cutting it and re-editing it and taking it away from the people that created it, it always results in a bad outcome. They seem to have done that every time. They didn't even like Thelma And Louise when I did that. They wanted to change the ending. They didn't want the girls to drive off the cliff at the end of the movie. (Blasphemy! RidIey Scott rules! -JOE)

MR: What did they want them to do?

MM: You know... like give up, turn around, put their hands up and surrender to the police.

MR: Then you wouldn’t remember it...

MM: ExactIy! Its the whole point of the movie. Stuff like that to me is so simplistic and so completely understandable and such a statement of art. It’s a movie for God's sake. The way that they try to change these things and homogenize things and insert everything into like a fairy tale is just mind boggling to me. It’s insane. Can you imagine some of the greatest movies that have ever been made in history what could have happened? I think it was also at MGM... as matter of fact it was because I remember being so angry when I read it. Do you realize they didn't want Judy Garland to sing "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" in The Wizard Of Oz? They thought it was a depressing song and it made her seem Iike some sort of a hayseed and they didn't IIke it. They tried to cut it out of the movie when it was done. They didn't want that scene done or that song in the movie.

MR: I heard they didn't want the Scarecrow either. (Joking)

MM: (Laughs hard) I don't know about that. It’s possible.

MR: They thought that he should be set on fire at the end.

MM: (Laughing) Well, that might have been kind of funny. But the song thing... it was just mind boggling. I swear to God, some of those things. I did The Doors with VaI too. He started calling me recently. I have a '67 GTO that he completely fell in love with and he really wants it bad but I won't seII it to him.

MR: You should hold, out.

MM: I'm gonna. It drives him crazy. I used to keep it over at the Chateau Marmont parking garage and I guess I was in Canada shooting a picture and VaI and his girlfriend became very enamored of my vehicle so VaI started caIIing me again after ten years of silence because he wanted my car.

MR: Damn user!

MM: "Yeah, sure, VaI, sure. Call me again some time, pal. Thanks a Iot. Thanks a lot Batman.

MR: Batman... is he your favorite Batman?

MM: Actually, I thought MichaeI Keaton was the best Batman.

MR: Me too.

MM: Nobody has since able to... I mean there is only one person who could resurrect the franchise and that would be me. (Yes! -JOE)

MR: You want to be Batman?

MM: I wouldn't mind.

MR: That would be cool.

MM: I would do it. I would definitely do it. I would have to. Do you know what I mean? (YES! -JOE)

MR: You have the Batman voice already.

MM: "Yeah, I'm Batman." (In full Batman voice mode.)

MR: Can you do the Bruce Wayne voice, though?

MM: "Hello, Jeff. " (Sounding nothing like Bruce and then cracking up laughing)

MR: "I'd like some caviar." (In my Bruce voice which is way worse than even his.)

MM: "Hello, Jeff." (He tries again but it still sucks. He'll have to practice the voice. it would be cool. ‑Jeff)

MR: Oh yeah. That really won me over. I'm ready to cast you as Bruce Wayne this minute.

MM: That's the irony of the whole thing. I would be a good Batman. I would make a great Batman but do you think those guys at the studio would ever realize that? Do you think they’d ever be smart enough to realize that or to see that? You can take Michael Madsen and put him in that? My God. They would never do stuff like that. They would never think of stuff like that because they have no imagination. They are aII paranoid.

MR: You are dark. (I hope you readers know I'm taking about his PaIm Spring tan. -Jeff)

MM: What's that?

MR, You got the Dark Knight thing going.

MM: Oh sure. Sure. Sure.

MR: I was wondering when you make movies do they have to adjust the sound volume on your voice?

MM: WeII ... (Laughs) I have to wear a mike most of the time because they can't pick me up with booms and other sound stuff.

MR: Seriously?

MM: No. (Ask a stupid question ... ) I tend to mumble and speak low and unless I'm doing some volatile scene where I have to yell and holler at somebody, then they usually have to take the mike off of me because it will explode. But they radio mike me all the time so it’s a lot easier.

MR: I've been wanting to see you in, like, some movie where you have to use some goofy Jerry Lewis‑like voice or something like that

MM: (Laughs)

MR: Can you do those voices?

MM: Sure.

MR: Let me hear one.

MM: (StilI laughing) I can’t do one on the spur of the moment. I’d have to be in a situation, but my sister and I were pretty siIIy growing up and that's a whole other side to me that nobody's ever seen except for her and my family member's. (Except now for the readers of this magazine. -Jeff)

MR: I want to see you doing slapstick or in a Jim Carrey movie.

MM: Oh God. I don't know. I always thought that I could maybe get away with something like that if I hosted Saturday Night Live, you know? Then I could do some funny shit Iike that but you know... I don’t know. The closest thing I ever did to something like that was when I did an episode of the TV series I did, when I was doing Vengeance. There was one episode where I played a guy named Arnie. And Arnie appeared to be socially retarded. It was extremely funny, I thought. It was aII just to trap a bunch of these fraternity kids that had killed somebody and once they thought they could take advantage of me I put every one in jail. I’II make a tape of it and send it to you. (He did and it was hilarious. Maria and I laughed our asses off. -Jeff)

MR: Yeah, I like that kind of stuff. Everybody always promises to send me treats and nobody ever comes through. (Michael laughs) Except Daniel Roebuck. He's the only one that ever sent me something.

MM: Did he really?

MR: He actually sent me a couple of things. I actually have kept in touch with him since the interview. (In fact I even called him to find out proper etiquette and dress for the High Noon movie. -Jeff) We had a good rapport (of course, my name is Rappaport isn't it? - Jeff) and I have his number and we talk once in a while and e‑mail each other. He's a nice guy.

MM: I'll see if I me get you a tape of that episode. I'll have to contact John McNamara. He was the writer of that. (And the series’ creator -JOE) He's doing The Fugitive now. WeII, there you go again. That's another thing. I should have done The Fugitive. I should have been Richard Kimble. You think CBS would be smart enough to see that.

MR: But Harrison didn't so a bad job, c'mon.

MM: I mean the TV series. Harrison was fantastic as was David Jansen. (The actor in the original 1963 series. -JOE)

MR: And Daniel was in that. He was in the movie as one of the FBI agents.

MM: Yeah, he was. That was good for him. Yeah. Well, CBS is doing a remark of the series. And you Know, it was one of few times in my life that I actually went to the meeting of the people that were making it and said, "I want to do this!" I never ever do that. I just don’t. I don't want to put my cards on the table like that and give people an opportunity to kick me in the ass. I actually went over there and said, "Look you guys, I'm the perfect actor for this part. I’ve been around a long time. A lot of people know me and I've played all kinds of different roles and I know what this guy is about and I was born for this.” Naturally, they didn't see things my way. I think it was big mistake. I really do. I think that show is going to go down in flames. I really do. I'm not just saying that because of what happened. I just don't think they have any imagination and it's just too bad.

MR: Maybe you should have stirred up more press. You should have done like what Sean Young did when she wanted to be Catwoman.

MM: Well, that kind of back‑fired, didn't it?

MR: Well, she had a penis in Ace Ventura. That was kind of cool.

MM: Can you imagine me running around saying I am The Fugitive! I am ... The Fugitive!" (I laugh) You know some people might put me to a home somewhere.

MR: Are people scared of her in Hollywood?

MM: Of Sean? I only met her a couple of times. I met her once at the 'Night of a Thousand Freaks" or I guess that's my version of 'Night of a Hundred Stars." They have it at the Beverly Hills Hotel on Academy Awards night. I met her there and she said a few words to me and then I saw her again in France at the Carlton Hotel. She was up on the roof doing some press interview for some Manahahm Gloom that she's going. That day she did not acknowledge my existence on the planet.

MR: But she's a funky cold medina isn't she? (I'm still thinking of Ace Ventura. Remember, Tone Loc was in it! Aren't I clever? ‑ Jeff)

MM: She’s definitely off and on, hot or cold, you know. She was nice to me at the hotel and then when I saw her in France you would have thought I had three heads the way she looked at me.

MR: Now, why is that? Did you guys have…

MM: I have no idea.

MR: She's just weird?

MM: Yeah. Who knows what goes on in her mind, whatever she's thinking, I have no idea. She obviously has some issues about men. But with actors she’s obviously put me in some category in her brain that I probably don't belong in for any justifiable reason other that she decided that she knows who I am or something. Yup. I'm not an easy guy to got to know and I'm not an easy person to figure out on a one conversation basis. (I've had four conversations with him and I think he rules! ‑Jeff) I hope that maybe one day she will come down from Mount Olympus and have a conversation with me.

MR: Were there other people that you worked with that were just not fun and you wouldn't want to work with again?

MM: Well you know, my biggest problem is that a lot of the stuff that I've done has been chopped up. Even from my very first experiences when I was in the movies, when I was in The Natural. (He has a hard time getting this out.) You know 60% of my performance Is cut out of that film and for no good reason that was ever explained to me. I was always kind of dismayed that no one ever took the time to explain it to me. Not the producer or the director and there is just sort of a real insensitivity that goes on sometimes and a real cold, harsh reality that I’ve gotten used to over the years. When I was a young man, you actor, just starting out when that happened to you it was really hard to get over it. It was really hard to see. You realize that all these people making movies are doing it by the grace of God and you are involved with these very people and that you admire and than you have to come to the reality that they're not these people you thought they were. They are not really as interested in helping you as you think. That should be, unless, it’s a benefit to them. It’s just something where I’m not the only kid on the block that it's ever happened to. But more often than not it has. A lot of my scenes were cut out of Thelma And Louise. A lot of my scenes were cut out of Donnie Brasco.

MR: Do you have more of a problem with directors or actors?

MM: I don’t really have a problem with either. I think that I've had a problem with producers. I think that I’ve had a problem with the way they see material. Nine times out of ten they are the ones that cut everything, they are the ones that destroy everything. It's never really the director or the actors that have anything to do with it. Once the movie is in the can, that’s it, man. Somebody else takes over and they put it together the way they want. I was never cut out of a movie because my performance wasn't good.

MR: Has there ever been any actors that you worked with and went "Yech"? Somebody you may have looked forward to working with and you just went. "On God, who is this? Is this really the person I saw in movies before?"

MM: It depends on how old you are. Depends on when you're growing up around this stuff because you have many different ways of looking at it. You might meet an actor that you wanted to meet your whole life and that person seems kind of aloof and distant and you think he's cutting you off but a number of years later you look back and realize they're just being protective of their own space. If you became more successful yourself, it’s easier to understand why they might appear that way or why they appeared that way when you were younger. When everybody around you wants something from you, you tend to get a little more protective of your air space and I think if you're young and your around that without understanding it then you can mistake it for snobiness or mistake it for aloofness when it's really not that at all. I'm met and worked with some great and wonderful actors. I've worked with all the best people that I ever could have imagined and I never really couldn't find something good about them in one way or another or if I didn’t at the time, I could just look back and think of them in a more positive way.

MR: I'm a huge Metal fan and I now I get to talk to the people whose music I've been listening to for hundreds and hundreds of years. (Hundreds and hundreds of years? What am I, a mythological Greek god? ‑Jeff) (Yup. -JOE) For the most part it’s been great, but I met Ozzy and he was such an asshole and I'm thinking to myself (and every reader and everyone that will listen and ... ) that it just really bothered me. (Is Jeff telling his Ozzy story again? Wake me when the interview continues...ZZZzzz…… -JOE) This guy, I’ve been listening to his music for so long but when I go to talk to him, he’s a real jerk off. I was thinking that it really sucks.

MM: I don’t know why in the hell I haven’t heard from some of these guys. I can tell you for sure I don’t think Barry Levinson would call me to save his life. But why? I worked hard for Barry and did a couple of things for him and you would think that I would cross this guy’s mind every once in a while, and Ridley Scott too. I thought that Thelma And Louise was a pretty good picture and you think maybe Ridley would call me up one of these days and put me on something he was doing. I haven’t heard from the guy since I did that picture. You know I never hear from guys like Michael Mann (One of my all-time fave directors. -JOE) or Walter Hill or some of the guys that you would figure I would be right up there on the top of their list of people to call. These guys even, when the Quentin Tarantino-phenomenon was going on with Tony Scott (brother of Ridley -JOE) doing True Romance and Olive Stone doing Natural Born Killers and you would think from doing Reservoir Dogs that these guys would have called me up and I would have been in those pictures.

MR: Well, in True Romance they used your buddy, Tom Sizemore, who people get you mixed up with all the time. (He was in Natural Born Killers as well, wasn’t he? - Jeff) (yup. -JOE)

MM: Right. But I don’t know why. I don’t think we look anything alike.

MR: A lot of times you play similar characters and you have similar builds, don’t you think?

MM: We’ve had a lot of fun with it. I remember one time we were together at the Wyatt Earp premiere on the Warner Brothers lot and this young guy came up with a piece of paper and a pen and he ran up to Tom and said, “Michael, Michael, can I have your autograph?” And Tommy looked at me and I looked at him and he just said, “Sure” and he wrote my name and then the kid turns and looks at me and he goes, “Tom!”

MR: No he didn’t, really?

MM: Yeah, he goes, “Tom, can I have yours too?” and I went, “Sure,” so I gave him Tom’s so it was very, very funny.

MR: Now the guy is going to sell it on eBay and he’s going to get in trouble for selling false autographs.

MM: Yeah, probably. I wonder if he ever figured it out. People stop me on the street and say, “Man, I loved you in Heat and I go, “Oh, thanks a lot, man.” It was great. I had a fun time.” You know Tommy did The Relic and I did Species and he was in Heat and I was in The Getaway. We did have a lot of parallels on some stuff.

MR: That’s what I think it is.

MM: Yeah, he did. We used to hang out together, we had a lot of laughs together. We did some really crazy shit. I haven’t seen him for a while, he’s been kind of busy. We do get mistaken for each other sometimes. Oliver Stone offered me the lead in Natural Born Killers and then he rescinded the offer and bumped me out because he got more money to do the picture with Woody Harrelson.

MR: To tell you the truth. I hate that movie.

MM: Well, you know, that was Quentin’s script and if Quentin had done it and I had played Mickey then it would have been a completely different picture. It probably would have gone down in history as one of the greatest movies.

MR: That movie gave me a headache.

MM: It was an interesting idea for Oliver to come to me to play Mickey Knox and I should have played that character, but like I said, Oliver would be the last person in the world you would expect to pull the plug on you considering he’s always making these morality tales all the time. But he himself sold out, he sold me out, for money. And he got more money to make the picture with the other guy. You asked me earlier if I was surprised by anybody’s character. I forgot about him. He would be an example of somebody I was surprised by.

MR: It's a shame.

MM: It is. It’s sad. It really is sad. It’s the kind of stuff people on the street don’t know about. They never hear about that kind of thing but I’ve had to live with it.

MR: Do you think that Quentin is ever going to put together that Vega Brothers thing?

MM: You know what? He keeps talking about it and saying that he is going to do it and I think it's a great idea. I would love to see it happen. I really would. It would obviously complete some kind of trilogy about those characters with me being Vic Vega and John (Travolta) being Vincent Vega. You would put the two of us together as the Vega Brothers and I think that Quentin knows if he were to do it would be like a pretty successful idea and a greatly anticipated picture. Quentin is a very methodical guy and I think that he will do it. I think he definitely will do it but he’s going to do it on his own time. He’s going to do it when he’s ready not when everybody else is telling him that he should do it.

MR: I just saw Johnny doing you the other night. It was a repeat of Saturday Night Live. Did you ever see that?

MM: What is it?

MR: You must of seen that, the Saturday Night Live episode that he’s on when they do Welcome Back, Kotter by Quentine Tarantino.

MM: I’ve never seen it.

MR: Really? (very shocked) You’ve never seen it? Well, Travolta was hosting Saturday Night Live years ago and it was a parody sketch of Welcome Back, Kotter if it was done by Quentin Tarantino. They re-enacted part of the scene in Reservoir Dogs. He played you and they did the scene where you were threatening to cut off the cop’s ear and you were dancing around.

MM: Who, John? John was doing me?

MR: Yeah, for real. You never saw that?

MM: I never did.

MR: It’s really cool. You should try to get a copy of that.

MM: Let’s see. You got John Travolta on Saturday Night Live doing an imitation of Michael Madsen….

MR: How cool is that?

MM: Well, it’s cool but I never got any work from it. Wouldn’t you think somebody would have called me up during that time and offered me a job? But I don’t get those calls, man. I really don’t. Maybe after this interview comes out....

MR: You'll be in all the '”Metal” movies.

MM: Maybe so.

MR: Maybe you'll get a job in the movie Metal God (now entitled So You Want to be A Rock Star ‑Jeff) before it wraps up. (Actually, right now, it isn't titled at all, but Stephen Herek is slated to helm the Mark Wahlberg / Jennifer Aniston project. -JOE)

MM: Maybe I’ll get a job doing something. I don’t know. I might have to go back to pumping gas if things don’t get bet….

MR: On come on. (I’m sounding very much like my mom when I'm feeling sorry for myself. ‑Jeff) You're pretty busy aren’t you?

MM: I’m pretty busy but I’m not really doing the kind of stuff that I want to be doing. I’m not doing the jobs and the kind of pictures that I would like to be doing. It’s very baffling to me. It’s probably because I haven’t had any decent representation in a while. Not in a very, very long time.

MR: Do you think that when you do a lot of what they call B-Movies that you get stuck in a rut sometimes?

MM: Well, I think that it’s a perception that’s kind of not really valid. Everybody at one point in time, if you’re any kind of renegade or any kind of person on the outside of the system, then you're going to do independent movies and small B-Movies. It’s only considered a B-Movie if it doesn’t turn out to be Reservoir Dogs and you never know if one of them is going to do that. Reservoir Dogs was just another small picture, like any other small picture that I was making, but it just happened to be this incredibly memorable movie that kind of put itself in everybody’s mind for eternity. We didn’t know that it would be like that when we were making it. No, none of us knew that. None of us had any idea.

MR: I don’t know how much stuff you receive but when you pick a lot of smaller movies over bigger movies don’t you think you're apt to receive a lot more smaller picture offers instead of bigger pictures? Do you know what I talking about.

MM: I guess what I’m trying to say is whether you do the small pictures or not, as soon as one of those small movies becomes a really big movie because it’s received some kind of acclaim or something, all of a sudden the big movies are going to start calling you. So, it’s kind of insidious when you think about it because you got to hang around and try to make something good out of something bad, and unless it turns out great, you’re not going to hear from the people that you want to hear from. So, you just keep cranking them out and working on the stuff that you get because at the end of the day I’m an actor. I’m an artist. An the end of the day I have to ply my trade. I got to do what I do. I have to put food on the table and pay for my lifestyle, and believe me, it’s enormous.

MR: You’re one of those Chateau Marmont guys.

MM: I lived there for almost a year.

MR: What's with that place that all you wild men go there and hang out?

MM: I really don’t know. It’s just the ambiance. I think it’s just the mood of it over there. There’s something timeless about it. It’s very quiet. I like the furniture. When you go in there, it kind of takes you back to a place in time of what you think or what you would imagine Hollywood would have been in the 30’s and the 40’s and it just seems like more of an interesting, liberating time and that place just reeks of that. I’ve always been very creative when I’ve been there. I’ve been very inspired when I stay there and some of the better times in my life have always been there.

MR: Going back to working at the gas station... I pumped gas for five years myself and I got a lot of good stories from those days. Do you have them as well?

MM: Well, when I worked at the 76 in Beverly Hills I saw just about everybody you could imagine. Everybody came in there for gas at one time or the other and I didn’t even realize it at the time that I was in Beverly Hills. I didn’t know what that meant, Beverly Hills. But I quickly realized and found out that everybody and anybody was going through there at one point in the day. They would inevitably stop in for gas and that was back in the day when they still had full service. I know they still do but a station that was all full-service is a rarity. (Except in NJ - Jeff) I can remember Jack Lemmon coming in there, Cicely Tyson, Peter Falk, Don Knotts, Warren Beatty… Fred Astaire gave me $100 bill one day to change a flat tire on his car. It was pretty interesting. (I also met a lot of people right here in NJ working at a gas station, like all the Philadelphia sport stars, port star Ginger Lynn, singer James Taylor and weirdo Tiny Tim. When I worked at the gas station in CA, I saw that many in one day! Want to go celebrity autograph hunting? Work at a gas station and let them come to you! - Jeff)

MR: I got laid a lot who I worked at the gas station.

MM: Oh sure. I met a lot of interesting young ladies when I was there. A lot of... what do you call them?

MR: Bad girls? (Michael cracks up laughing)

MM: I seem to attract that type.

MR: How about whores? You said you like whores!

MM: That’s true. I do. I do.

MR: But your wife doesn’t like to hear about that.

MM: Well, she’s read my books. She knows what she got herself into when she married me.

MR: Is that her (picture) on the CD?

MM: On the cover? Yeah. That picture was taken at the Saharan. You know, the hotel on Hollywood Boulevard.

MR: All the pictures inside are of her, right?

MM: Yeah. it's her at the Saharan. We were hanging out there and a photographer friend of ours was with us talking pictures. I was looking for artwork for the CD and I didn’t want to do a photo shoot with setup, ridiculous, pretentious crap so I just gave them some pictures I had of us.

MR: Yeah they’re cool. They just looked really natural, like the picture of you spitting beer at the ceiling.

MM: (We laugh) That’s Room 29 at the Chateau Marmont. (Right now the maid from that very hotel is saying “No wonder, the ceiling was dripping. Fuck Michael Madsen” -Jeff)

MR: See, you love that place!

MM: I do, yeah.

MR: I'm going to have to go there sometime.

MM: I’ve had a lot of pleasant memories there. Take Room 29 (So, I can have beer residue dripping on my head. -Jeff) It’s a great room. Bungalow 3 is pretty good, too.

MR: I just don't want the one that (John) Belushi died in.

MM: That’s Bungalow 3.

MR: Is it? Did you stay in that room?

MM: Oh sure. Plenty of times.

MR: It would kind of creep me out, I think.

MM: You know what, if I accidentally disconnect you, then I’ll call you back ... (I get disconnected again.) I'm sorry. That was Jimmy Woods.

MR: (Thinking I heard him wrong) Who was it?

MM: Jimmy Woods

MR: (Still amazed) That’s who was on the other line?

MM: Yeah.

MR: (Sounding like a geek) Oh my God, that’s nice. (I giggle) I love that guy!

MM: I’m trying to talk him into playing Melvin Pervis in Pretty Boy Floyd for me. He was aggravated because he never got the script.

MR: Did you tell him we were just talking about Sean Young? (There were many tales of strange love that she had for Mr. Woods. Maybe, you readers will know about them. -Jeff)

MM: (We laugh) No, I didn’t mention that.

MR: (Sarcastically) He looooves her!

MM: (Also sarcastically) Yeah. She’s his life.

MR: You gotta tell him to call me. I had an e‑mall address that was supposedly his but I don’t think it was. It was like, JamesWoods@aol.com. That doesn't sound like it was probably it.

MM: He's a pretty busy guy. He’s running around more than me.

MR: He makes a lot of movies. I just saw Another Day In Paradise. Did you see that?

MM: You know what, I heard about that and I saw the trailer for that. I think my wife saw it and I even remember her telling me that she really dug it but I never saw it.

MR: It was a good film, I liked it. My favorite thing of his was Salvador. I love that movie.

MM: Yeah, he was pretty good in that damn thing. He was really great in that. That was a great picture.

MR: James Belushi was good in that too.

MM: See, now that’s typical of Oliver Stone picture. (Whooops, I forgot that was an Oliver Stone picture. Sorry, I brought him up again, Mikey! –Jeff) Stone could take something like that and put a guy like me in there and make a great picture. I doubt he’ll ever call me for the rest of my life.

MR: Especially after he reads this interview.

MM: Well, fuck him, man. Fuck Oliver. (I laugh)

MR: I'm really sorry about that. We were having such a nice conversation. I didn't mean to get you on a subject that would upset you.

MM: That’s okay. You know, it comes and goes. Believe me, the amount of time I spent thinking about that shit was enough I don’t need to do it for any longer, you know.

MR: Who are your favorite actors to hang out with? To get drunk with and stuff. Who are the fun, party guys that you like to hang out with?

MM: Shit, man. You know at one time or another I’ve been with everybody.

MR: But who are the entertaining ones?

MM: Ah, jeesis man. I guess I had a lot of fun with Dennis Hopper. Wow, man. A lot of these guys. I’ve known everybody at one time or the other. Elias Koteas I’m real close to. I like Nolte (Nick).

MR: Chris Penn?

MM: Chris Penn.

MR: You guys seem to have a good chemistry.

MM: We do. Me and Chris understand each other real well. Chris and I rather... well, we think of the same story sometimes.

MR: (I interrupt with what I think was a clever joke but I fuck it all up) I love that scene in uhhh… in uhhh... ah, fergit it… the joke was all put off... I was going to tell a joke but I forgot the name of the movie... so I fucked it all up.

MM: (Laughs, I guess me fucking up was probably funnier than the joke itself.) We did a lot of stuff together. Tom Sizemore….

MR: (I interrupt again because now I'm ready to be funny for real) Here's the joke now .. here it is... are you ready? I was going to say I love that scene with you guys in True Romance (insert drum roll and cymbal tap here)

MM: Yeah, really. (Hey, thanks a lot. -Jeff)

MR: I threw the whole thing off.

MM: I heard that before, though. People have actually said that to me before. I’m so used to it now that I just go “okay.” (If you haven’t figured it out by now, it was Tom Sizemore in True Romance and not Michael. Wasn’t that funny? You're right. It wasn’t. I have to stop interrupting with my stupid crap. -Jeff)

MR: You know a joke is bad when you forget the name of the movie half way in.

MM: I have an assistant that works for me. His name is Todd. Todd has been with me for a really long time, for many, many years and sometimes we have a few beers and he’ll pretend to be an admirer and he’ll start shouting at me from across the room, “I loved you in Heat, man!” (I laugh) We get a big kick out of it.

MR: (Being a different admirer) “Saving Private Ryan, was the best!"

MM: (Another admirer) “You rule, man!” “Damn, it was a bummer when you got shot.” And I'm like, “Yeah, thanks a lot, man. Cool, Alright.” (Being the admirer again) “My favorite one was True Romance, man.” I'm trying to figure it out. I guess we are similar in same ways but not enough for people to start confusing us for each other. That’s the one that really boggles my mind.

MR: You know who I used to get mixed up and they look totally different, Kurt Russell and Jeff Bridges. (Michael laughs) Not anymore, because Jeff Bridges is looking a lot older these days.

MM: It’s like the me and Tommy thing.

MR: I don't know why I always got them mixed up but I was like, “Wasn’t he in that movie?” and then realized that I wasn’t right (Lost my train of thought) What the hell was I saying ?

MM: I have no idea. (I Iaugh) You asked me who I like to party with.

MR: Did you ever party with Willy?

MM: Christopher Walken is a lot of fun.

MR: He has to be.

MM: Willy? Who’s Willy?

MR: Willy. the whale.

MM: Oh God, man. You know what? That whale… all the whales in the (Free) Willy movie are animatronic.

MR: I thought they had a real whale in there.

MM: They’re rubber, man. They’re rubber animatronic robots.

MR: You didn’t get to see any real whales?

MM: I saw Kelko when we did the first Free Willy movie. But all the whales in the open ocean is stock footage of actual killer whales swimming around in pods. All the whales that are performing in the other movie and doing scenes with people are robots, man.

MR: Awww.. that throws it all off. I wanted to hear a good story, like one night...

MM: Willy and I?

MR. One night you were blowing bong hits in his face.

MM: Yeah, I did a bong with Willy. We went for a ride, I held on to his fin and I was giving Willy bong hits every time he came up for air.

MR: Right into his blow hole.

MM: Yeah, I put a bong on Willy’s blow hole. (I’m cracking up laughing) Man, he was so stoned.

MR: C'mon that would have been a good story, though

MM: It would be funny.

MR: The ASPCA, or whatever they're called, would be coming down.

MM: Can you imagine. “Actor Madsen gives marijuana to Willy!”

MR: (We're laughing) You'll never make a another movie for Disney.

MM: “ A grieving Michael Madsen regrets getting Kelko stoned. On the 10^th Anniversary of Free Willy the bong accidentally fell into the blow hole.”

MR: He’s shooting out dirty bong water all over the ocean.

MM: Yeah, I would also be responsible for polluting the water.

MR: So, you said you hung out with Christopher Walken. He seems like a fun guy.

MM: He’s a great guy. He’s a very talented man. An interesting guy.

MR: He's like you. You can put him in any movie and he shines. I like actors, like you guys, where it doesn't matter what movies you’re in. You guys are just entertaining to watch no matter what the movie may be.

MM: We sat by the pool once at the (Chateau) Marmont and threw spoons in the water for my son Max to dive underwater and get them. We were just hanging out at the pool. He was telling me all about his brothers and we were watching my son swim so we started throwing silverware in the pool for him to dive down and get it.

MR: I love him in At Close Range.

MM: You know I don’t think I ever saw Chris do something I didn’t like, except maybe King of New York.

MR: (Surprised) You didn't like that? (I'm equally surprised! -JOE)

MM: No. I never did. I’m one of those people that didn’t like that movie. I don’t know why. I think it was kind of contrived.

MR: I thought it was pretty good. I thought it was pretty funny in parts.

MM: I think Bad Lieutenant was a better film.

MR: Bad Lieutenant? That’s a CRAZY FILM! You hang out with him too, don’t you? Harvey Keitel?

MM: Yeah, Harvey is Godfather to my son, Max. Yeah, we stay in regular touch with each other.

MR: You have a lot of actor friends. I guess you do so many movies you would have to have a lot of actor friends.

MM: Yeah, I kind of do. I’m a bit of a loner. I don’t really go out of my way to be social. I really don’t. I’d rather come out to Palm Springs and hang out with my sons. I just like to get the hell out of there. I don’t really socialize too much. I did the club scene and the whole single guy thing for a long time and it gets really old after a while. It gets really boring.

MR: Once you get married and have children… it was the same thing for me. You lose interest in it.

MM: It’s not even so much the marriage. You just lose interest, period. Its just not what it’s cracked up to be after a while. Everything becomes so transparent and predictable. And everybody is on the fix. Everybody is on the make. Everybody is on the trick bag. It just gets tiresome after a while. You know what people are going to say before they say it. You can see them coming from across the room and you can almost predict the situation before you walk in the door. You already know what it’s going to be. It just sort of becomes, “Oh my God. Why bother? I’m going to Palm Springs.”

MR: Yeah, you can relax.

MM: Yeah, you know.

MR: How about Heavy Metal music? How do you feel about Heavy Metal? Since you are in a Metal magazine, you have to give us your opinion. You can be honest. If you don’t like it, you can let me know.

MM: I think it's pretty cool. I mean, I think it's outrageous. My son listens to it. My ten-year-old listens to it.

MR: What bands does he like?

MM: I don't know what the names of them are but I know what it is. He's blasting it all the time.

MR: Do you like any bands in particular?

MM: What's the name of that band that did a cover of the George Michael song.

MR: I knew you were going to say that (Most people not exposed to the Underground Metal scene would name this. It's not their fault. They're just not around the real stuff. That’s why I sent Michael a Death Metal sample CD for him and his son! ‑Jeff). "Faith" right, it's LIMP BIZKIT. You like them guys?

MM: Yeah, yeah.

MR: I'm going to have to send your son some real Metal.

MM: Okay, sure.

MR: Keep him away from the Rap stuff. I’m going to send him some TRUE Metal.

MM: (Laughs) Okay.

MR: I want to get him hooked on the crazy stuff.

MM: He listens to that and he also likes the Beatles so you can’t get further in any direction than that. (He will with the CD that I sent. -Jeff)

MR: Not really because the Beatles have so many different sounds and Heavy Metal is the same thing. There are soo many different genres. There is no other music form that has such a variety of different types of music that all get placed under the Metal banner and that's why it’s so cool.

MM: Can you hold on again? (Get disconnected again and he calls right back) This is a cover story,

right?

MR: (Laughing) I'm taking up your whole afternoon, aren't I?

MM: I promised that I would take him to Toys R' Us.

MR: I'm sorry I’m keeping you so long. Who was on the other line this time?

MM: No problem. That was my wife.

MR: She's like, "Are you still on the phone with that interview?”

MM: The poolman, Jimmy Woods, my wife....

MR: You're going to have a lot of pages. I don’t know if I told you I run my interviews un-edited.

MM: Oh, good.

MR: I mean, verbatim, so right now we're probably at about 12 pages. How's that for some press?

MM: Good. I love it! I hope you're recording me or how the hell would you get all that stuff down?

MR: You're going to see the magazine because I'm going to send a bunch to you (Or maybe not, the pack-rats at the PR company attacked his package. I was told he got pieces of it but he told me he got nothing. It had a ton of shit in it. There was magazines, a CD for his son and a Iong sleeve and short sleeve Metal Rules! shirt. - Jeff) so you can see what you’re getting yourself into. You'll see how I do interviews. People like the interviews like this because I don't write the interview to make me seem smart....

MM: I know exactly what you mean. Listen, I've been doing this for fifteen years and I can only remember one or two occasions of all the interviews I've ever been in, and there was a lot, but I don’t think there was more than one occasion where it was verbatim and it was honest and it was truly what I said.

MR: Well, this is it. Plus you get my added comments like, “Then Mike laughed.”

MM: “And then he kept laughing” (We laugh) “And then he kept laughing some more, at one point I think he started throwing up!”

MR: '”He giggled like a school girl."

MM: “He was shooting pool in the nude.”

MR: That's something I can't, and don't want to picture ever.

MM: I actually did that yesterday.

MR: Thanks, thanks for sharing that one with me.

MM: I look good.

MR: I'll go to bed tonight and I'll...

MM: I'm happy with what God gave me. I'm so sick of all these white, stand-up comedians making jokes about white men’s dicks all the time. I mean, isn’t it preposterous? You know there are white men that God has blessed with appendages that they can be proud of and I think I'm one of them. So, I take it personally and it really bugs me with this whole mythology about penis size. You know, it's not a matter of race or color. It's just a physiology thing. Some guys have big dicks and some guys don't. I feel like taking Polaroids of my semi-erect member and sending them to the Enquirer.

MR. Do you want me to put it in? Do you want me to put it in there?

MM: What, a picture of my dick?

MR: Sure. (Michael cracks up laughing) I’II do it. Do you think I won’t do it?

MM: I didn’t know you had that kind of a censor.

MR:I don’t have a censor in this magazine.

MM: I had no idea.

MR: I do whatever I want to in here.

MM: Good for you, man.

MR: Actually, I wouldn't put it in there because I want it to be able to be put on shelves. Do you know what I mean?

MM: On shelves? Oh, right I get you.

MR: Can’t have it on shelves with a big, erect dick in middle of it.

MM: "Michael Madsen exposes all!"

MR: The funniest thing is that one of the questions on here was "Free reign to talk about your penis!" It seemed like something that you liked to talk about...

MM: Oh you know, I bring it up now and then. (Hey! - Jeff)

MR: Everybody likes talking about it. This is the funny thing about it. Everybody I talk to... there must be a real myth ... all guys that I talk to, and that’s including myself... not that I'm talking to myself, but we all have big penises. (Michael laughs) Steve Val has a big penis, Sebastian Bach has a big penis, Bruce Dickinson of IRON MAIDEN has big balls, he doesn’t have a big penis... Daniel Roebuck e-mailed me and told me he had a big one but he said, “Don’t print this.” ‑ (Sorry Danny, I have to. It goes so well with my concept.) (Michael found that especially amusing. -Jeff)

MM: Well... (Still laughing)... You know... Big and proud! Big and proud of it!

MR: I don't know how I always get on this subject.

MM: They're going to think it's your fault.

MR: It's not, it always seems to come up. (Here we go again! ‑ Jeff)

MM: Your subconsciously guiding us to that area.

MR: (Laughing) I'm sitting here looking at my questions and I have circled what we haven’t talked about and I was just looking at FREE REIGN TO TALK ABOUT YOUR PENIS when all of a sudden you were like, "You know these white comedians talk about their penis...” (Michael laughs) and I was like, "Wow, that worked out will"

MM: Must be a psychic thing.

MR: We're bonding, man!

MM: It's cool.

MR: I heard you did a voice over on Hey Arnold (a funny kid's cartoon).

MM: I did. I've been wanting to do some voice over stuff for as long as I can remember and I did it once for BMW and I did a Children's Tylenol commercial, if you could believe that. "Michael Madsen for Children’s Tylenol." (I laugh) But I thought it was pretty good. I hear people telling me about my voice all the time. “You got a great voice, you got a great voice” and everybody always recognizes my voice when I call anybody, I never have to say, "It's Michael." (Sometimes you have to think about. After the interview my friend, Rob, would call up pretending it was him and when Michael called the second time I had to keep asking if it was really him and wasn’t sure until he said the name of his PR girl. I'm a doof. - Jeff) So, I would imagine it was distinctive enough to get hired and I would get asked to do some of these voice overs and these animated characters and these big studio movie stuff. You know, Hercules for God’s sake, Tarzan or any of these guys.

MR: And you end up on Hey Arnold.

MM: Yeah, I end up on Hey Arnold. I played a bus driver.

MR: In the same issue that you're going to be in I have the Queen of it, EG Daily. Are you familiar with her?

MM: Sure. She's friends with my wife.

MR: Oh really?

MM: Yeah, they've known each other for a long time. (Small world! - Jeff)

MR: She's going to be in the same issue with you. (Didn't I just say that? - Jeff)

MM: I meet her a few times.

MR: Rugrates and all that....

MM: Yeah, yeah. My kids love that. I ended up as Murray the bus driver on Hey Arnold.

MR: Did it air yet?

MM:‑ No, I don’t think so. I keep asking for them to send me a tape but they haven't. I don't know what I got to do to get these voice overs? (Talk to EG. Maybe she can hook you up? Right EG... You're probably reading this. -Jeff) It’s ridiculous.

MR: I always tell my daughter I have a crush con Helga (The ugly mean girl with the unibrow). She's like, "You do Not, Dad." (We Iaugh) I tell her I do and she says, "Maria, do you know that Daddy loves Helga?"

MM: Do you know with all the kids I got they would love to hear my voice on a cartoon.

MR: I'll bet. You'll be freaking them out. They'll be like, I hear Daddy talking but he's not here, he’s on location. What the hell's going on?" (Michael Laughs) I only have a fear questions left for you. I'm sure you're glad at this point.

MM: No. It’s cool, I don't mind talking, I just got to take him to Toys R" Us.

MR. You can all me back sometime. (He did and the offer is always open. - Jeff) We can chat more.

MM: If you need more material we can always talk again. I don't know if I've been interesting enough. I can never tell.

MR: (Is he kidding, this is great!) No, it's been quite fun. Here's a important question for you. Are you honored to appear in Metal Rules Magazine?

MM: Am I honored? Of course.

MR: Okay. Why?

MM: I'm flattered. I'm flattered that anyone gives a damn.

MR. (Laughing) Well, we give a damn here.

MM: That's obvious.

MR: It's not just because you ride Harleys.

MM: Will you reimburse me for the phone call? (laughing)

MR: Of course. I would have made the phone call myself. Do you want to send the bill to me?

MM: (Laughing) I’m kidding.

MR: If we ever meet up, is it possible I could tickle your belly?

MM: (confused) Tickle my belly? (laughing) Not for very long. (We're both laughing)

MR: Do you have the 30 second homosexual rule?

MM: I’m going to cut mine down to ten-seconds. I’ll give you ten-seconds if you can catch me. (Laughs) (So, when we did meet we enjoyed hand holding and hugs rather than a belly‑tickling marathon. But we exceeded the 30-second mark. Are we gay now? Maria is going to be pissed. -Jeff) I'll give you ten seconds to catch me. (both laughing)

MR: Than I have ten seconds for somebody to catch me before I hit the pavement. (We're really laughing hard now. - Jeff)

MM: That's really funny. It sounds like we're writing a script here.

MR: Did you cry when Old Yeller died?

MM: No, but I cried when Bambi died. (Wasn't it Bambi's mother? - Jeff)

MR: It was emotional for you, huh?

MM: Yeah, I seem to remember that….

MR: Do you want to trade t-shirts?

MM: Sure.

MR: I saw your t‑shirts (Michael giving the finger) and I wanted to get one because I'm cheap and I figured we could trade.

MM: I got a shitload of shirts, man. I never wear them and you're welcome to them. I got a bunch of t‑shirts in my closet that I haven’t even seen in years.

MR: Well, you could send me one of those but I wanted one of the ones with your face on it. The one at your site.

MM: A Reservoir Dogs shirt?

MR: The one where your giving the finger.

MM: Of yeah, You can have one of these. (I never got one of them, He probably forgot about that one but he did send four, count them, four shirts from his closet and they were all cool, rare move shit. - Jeff)

MR: You can send me clothes from your movies. That would be very cool. You got any props you can send me?

MM: I save all that stuff. I've saved a bunch of stuff. They have some of my stuff up at planet Hollywood from different shows.

MR: You have to dedicate some to “Planet Rappaport" over here.

MM: Alright. I’ll see what I can dig up.

MR: I love that shit. I love treats. I'm going to send you some.

MM: I’ll put some stuff together for you, man. I’ll make you a care package.

MR: I love care packages.

MM: It’s because you’re such a mench.

MR: Thanks. One more important thing. I need you, if you can to, make a message for the Metal Rules! answering machine.

MM: A message? What the hell should I say?

MR: This is where your creative freedom comes in. You’re rehearsing for a part on Metal Rules! answering machine. You got to win me over.

MM: Who calls this number?

MR: PR people, publicist, my mom... The only thing is don't use any bad language. I had somebody (Steve Val) say, -Jeff wants to show you his big dick" and it didn't go over well with my mother-in-law.

MM: Fuck her. (Now I'm reaaaaaaaally glad Maria doesn’t read this. - Jeff)

MR: I thought it was pretty funny personally. You can say whatever you want to say (He laugh). Just say who you are and that you’ve reached Metal Rules! and say whatever you want to. This is where you have as much creative freedom as you could possible have.

MM: Wow! You really put me on the spot. Can I have time to think about it?

MR: Do you want to call back later when you think of something? (He did. It was really good but too long and I can’t get the whole thing on the machine. Michael, come up with a new one and call me back. - Jeff)

MM: I could write it out, think of something good.

MR: You really have to do it. I had one (Michael Sweet of STRYPER) guy pull it on me and he never called back. He said he would write a song and he never did it.

MM: Write you a song!

MR. Two years later I ran into him at a convention (STRYPER Expo, see this very issue for a report and photos. -JOE) I said, "You never did the message," and he said. “I know, I'm all working on it.” (Looking very busted and surprised to see me. -Jeff)

(The other line rings and Michael has this very intense conversation.

MR: That was good drama. What the hell was all that about?

MM: It’s a friend of mine. A friend of a guy that used to be in the mob in NY.

MR: Oh. I'm not getting involved in that one.

MM: He’s not involved anymore but he does some favors for me once in a while.

MR: You didn't piss off some mob people did you?

MM: No, I have no problem with them.

MR: I'm going to wrap this up. I don't know what other tangent we can go off on. I do have to ask you this one. You're known as being pretty manly, right?

MM: I guess.

MR: What’s feminine about you?

MM: Feminine? My feet.

MR: Do you have really dainty feet? Girly feet?

MM: They're not dainty but they're….

MR: Manicured?

MM: No, they're not manicured either. They're soft.

MR: That's nice.

MM: I've had people tell me that I have soft feet. That's the only thing that comes to my mind that feminine about me.

MR: Do you have small feet?

MM: No.

MR: That would throw the whole penis thing off.

MM: (Laughs) I guess I have good skin, you know? Soft skin, I don't know. That's my feminine trait. Who knows?

MR: We're going to end it with that. Are you going to make the message now or are you going to call back?

MM: (Laughs) I want to think of something good because if I put my mind to it I can really be creative.

MR: But are you really going to call back, though? C'mon?

MM: Well, if I just say, "Hey, Mom, you've reached Metal Rules! Magazine and go fuck yourself," then it's not going to be very funny or good. So, if I think for awhile... I want to come up with something clever.

MR: I just want to trust that you'll call back or else I'll make fun of you in every, subsequent issue that you never did it.

MM: Don't put a time limit on me but I promise it will be soon.

MR: One day you'll be like, "Okay, I have it! I'm ready." (I laugh.)

MM: Are you actually going to record it or are you just going to write it out?

MR: Yeah, I 'm going to get on my answering machine and say "Hi, this is Michael Madsen.

MM: Is this a contest now? Do you only mean the good one? Are you actually going to put it on the answering machine?

MR: If you want, you can hang up and call me back and listen to the one that I have on now. It's Bruce Dickinson from IRON MAIDEN on there.

MM: What's he saying?

MR: If you hang up and call back real quick, I have Daniel as my busy greeting.

MA: Good old Daniel.

MR: I have Daniel doing Jay Leno and Bruce Dickinson but he got cut off because he was talking too long.

MM: I'll have a few cocktails.

MR: You'll get drunk and surly.

MM: Yeah, I'll get creative and surly. I can't get drunk. I don't think there is enough alcohol on the planet to get me drunk. I've experienced that.

MR: Where can I send crap out to you?

MM: Give it to Liza. She's great about that stuff. (That's what you think. Her minions were on that package like ants on chocolate. -Jeff) She's the best. She's a good girl. I'll get everything from her. (You just keep thinking that while Liza snuggles into her undies and Metal Rule! Magazine nite shift. That is a nice thought, though. Liza is hot!)

MR: What size shirt do you want?

MR: It depends on who makes it. I like them to fit tight so probably large. I hate the way baggy shirts look.

MR: Do you want long sleeve or short?

MM: Depends on what's on it.

MR: Well, it is my face on the front (Michael cracks up laughing.) Go to metalrulesmagazine.com and you can see it.

MM: I work out a lot so give me the long sleeve so I can sweat in it.

MR: Excellent. It's got me on the front and a half naked girl on the back with a robot and it says "Where The Underground Meets The Playground” and it has the web address. You’ll love it.

MM: Cool. I'll put some stuff together for you when I get back from LA.

MR: It was a pleasure talking to you,

MM: It was, Jeff. It really was. I got a kick out of talking to you. Thanks for being real.

MR: I'm real man. (I laugh)

MM: As Charlie Sheen would say, "I love you all!"

MR: Thank you. I'll be expecting your phone call and message when you get drunk and surly.

MM: (Laughs) And I don't get drunk but I do get creative.

MR: All right, thanks, man.

MM: See you buddy.

MR: Take care.

Cool interview, huh? Hopefully, he doesn't think I'm in a homosexual stalker and he'll call again. I want to get together with him for a few drinks when I go to California to visit friends.

Make sure you check out his website: www.michaelmadsen.com There is lots of cool stuff on there to look at and buy. You can also e‑mail fan mail there.

Here is his snail mail fan address:

Michael Madsen

C/O Liza Anderson,

Warren Cowan Associates

8899 Beverly Blvd., Suite 412

Los Angeles CA 90048

Get those letters out there and let him know he rules!