Do people shout "It's good to talk" at you in the street?
Yeah. The biggest burden is this fella who has been stalking Madonna. His name is Bob Hoskyns; the pain up the arse is that people are saying, "It's good to stalk." I was in Charing Cross Road and this bus stopped in front of me and the whole of one side of the bus all mouthed out of the window, "It's good to talk." I stuck my finger up and said, "Fuck off."

So aren't you tempted to advertise something else?
Nah, I'm in people's houses all the time. You can't expect them not to say something.

How politically correct are you?
If you give into that sort of fucking thing your whole language is going to change, so sod it. People think I'm an ignorant Englishman anyway.

What's the worst piece of gossip you've ever heard about yourself?
I read so much crap about me, I just wish I had the energy or the time to get up to it all.

Does it ever get to you?
Not really. I find it quite funny. A public persona is a public persona, you live your life and all that other stuff goes on outside of it. They are not really talking about you, they are talking about this public figure. 

Can you do your own shopping?
I usually wear headphones. I listen to music or stories on tape. When someone comes up, you make a big thing of taking off the headphones, switching off the machine and saying "Yes?"

How much is a pint of milk?
Ours is delivered; when I buy milk, I just get change.

What do you fear the most?
Loneliness.

Can you always got a table in a restaurant?
Yeah, there are quite a few perks of being famous. It can be handy.

Do you prefer a Chinese or an Indian?
I like both. I like a good Chinese but I'm also very partial to a good Ruby Murray.

Can you live out of a suitcase?
I've been living out of suitcase for years.

Are you a Carry On fan?
I don't know, to tell you the truth. I remember bits of all of them. They've all got prize gems, you know what I mean.

Tell us your favourite joke?
A favourite joke? Has it got to be a clean one?

Nope.
Well, there's this fella and he's having it away with a married woman, and there's this noise downstairs and she says, "Christ, it's my husband." And suddenly the door bursts open and there's this fella ... This is hard to do over the phone - it's a visual joke ...

Oh.
Hold on, I've got this telephone joke. This bloke rings up this house and he get this little voice saying "Hello?" He says "Could I speak to your father?" "Nooo." "Well, can I speak to your mother?' "Nooo. " He says "Well, why not?" "She's talking to the fireman." "Talking to the fireman? Well, could I talk to the fireman?" "Nooo, he's talking to the policeman." "What are all these people doing in your house?” “They’re looking for me…”

Er, thanks for that. On to matters of more importance: are you a Blur or an Oasis man?
Well, my daughter is very big on Oasis. I think I'm getting old. I was driving the kids the other day and they had the radio on and I was listening to this and I thought, this is a bleedin' long song, it's been going on for half an hour. My daughter said, "No Dad, there's been 20 songs." I'm sort of more into the blues and jazz.

Where do your demons come from?
Where do what?

What haunts you in life? Any regrets?
I haven't really got many regrets. I've had disappointments. The benefit is that regret lasts for life, disappointment only lasts for a bit. There are roles I did take that on paper looked if they would be wonderful but didn't turn out that way. But that's just the luck of the draw, innit?

What do you think about therapy?
Psychological therapy? Well, it's no wonder these psychiatrists are writing all these books all the time, because all the actors are in there giving away their best plots.

What would you call the Bob Hoskins biography?
I wouldn't. What I am in public is what I am in public; what I am in private is what I am in private and that is mine. Nahh, not really. What gems of wisdom can there be? An actor probes most subjects. If you're sitting at a table with a load of actors, you could bring up anything and one of them has played some part connected with it and he's done the research. But it's only surface.

Can you whip up a snazzy meal at home?
I do one thing which is very simple. I don't know what it's called, it's chicken. You get pieces of chicken, you parboil some potatoes and cut them up into chips. Then you get some fresh tomatoes, olives - black olives - garlic in the shells. Don't peel them, put a lot of salt on them, salt and pepper, and cover them in olive oil. You put in a load of fresh rosemary, stick it in the oven and bake it for 40 mins. It's wonderful ...