8/16/00
Teen pop music trend demonstrates staying power
Most observers thought the platoon of teen pop vocalists would march into obscurity this year when the Backstreet Boys' legion of fans moved on to something else. The only fans who have moved on are dumbfuck teenyboppers who have to change their minds every five minutes and listen to whatever their dumbfuck friends are listening to.
In fact, the opposite happened.
The Backstreet fervor has cooled slightly, Not for some of us. but the Boys paved the way for a dizzying array of other teen pop artists, at least a dozen who SUCK, including 'N Sync, who will perform this weekend at the Jacksonville Coliseum. Because nearly all of these artists are platinum-sellers in their own right, we now find ourselves unable to dismiss Mandy Moore as just another Jessica Simpson How about we dismiss Mandy Moore as another ditzy blonde who can't sing? At least Jessica Simpson has talent. She has a powerful voice and you can tell she's been studying music since before Mandy Moore could talk. or 98 Degrees as just another 'N Sync. The four members of 98 degrees have beautiful voices and harmonize together. The five members of Nsync have nasally voices and wish they could harmonize. Wow, the similarities are endless.
Sustained record sales prove teen pop is not a fad -- it's a genuine movement that shows no signs of abating.
This has positively flummoxed many critics who have searched endlessly for the movement's higher meaning. How, they ask, can a bunch of kids with toothy smiles and voice coaches continue to dominate the pop charts? After watching one teen pop artist after another mow down the charts, industry observers have come up with a few theories. Oh good, now there's theories. Here's a theory for you: maybe the Backstreet Boys shouldn't be lumped into the category of "teen pop" anymore. They've demonstrated their staying power by taking control of their careers, writing some of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard, selling millions of albums, getting named artists of the year by Rolling Stone magazine and getting five grammy nominations last year. So I guess my theory is that the reason this "teen pop junk" is sticking around a long time is because the Backstreet Boys have talent. Oh, but go on with your theories.
You sexy thing
As with all movements, this one is as much a reaction against something as a push toward something else. In other words, kids (and parents) have always wanted to hear fun and accessible songs, but that desire heightened as the heavy Seattle bands dominated the early '90s. Even today, the alternatives to teen pop bands are mostly loud rock acts such as Deftones woohoo! and Limp Bizkit. woohoo! Understandably, a certain segment of the population just wants to feel good when they listen to music.
The upbeat music is undeniably important, but perhaps the most widely-accepted force behind the movement is simple sex appeal. None of the most popular teen pop artists (the boys come in groups, the girls tend to go solo) are, by any stretch of the imagination, unattractive. Hmmm...5 unattractive males actually come to mind. ::cough:: Nsuck ::cough cough:: Countless male readers no doubt concurred when Rolling Stone, which recently ran a revealing cover photo of Britney Spears, later published a letter from a fan begging to see more of Spears' skin.
But Patty Adams, the senior entertainment editor at YM magazine, said her female readers aged 14-18 also connect with the pop-girl artists. It saddens me that there are impressionable young teens out there who are looking to Britney Spears as their role model. That girl has no shame and would probably walk around nude if there wasn't laws against it. Not to mention that many young girls believe that Britney has actual talent and aspire to sing just like her when they're older. As for the whole 14-18 year old readers connecting with Britney: if there are any 18-year-old girls who are fans of Britney's and are reading this right now, you are absolutely pathetic. Please commence slapping yourself across the face now.
"To have people that you can really relate to, and people that are your age [like Jessica Simpson who is 19 or Christina Aguilera who is 19], that is something that they can really look at as: You could be my friend, you could be my sister, that kind of thing. If Britney Spears or Mandy Moore were my sister, I would smack them. And if Christina Aguilera was my sister, I would ask her who she gave head to first, Carson Daly or Fred Durst. We know it wasn't Enrique Iglesias because she just gave him head recently. What a slut. So I think that's really the driving force, and that they're singing about things that [teenage girls] can relate to whether it's crushes or, with Graduation by Vitamin C, losing your friends when school's over.
Of course, millions of teenage girls have also developed gravely serious crushes on their boy band member of choice. Waiting in line at the Coliseum for tickets to Sunday's concert, several girls expressed as much enthusiasm for 'N Sync's looks as for the music they perform. Yeah, they're such hotties....oh yeah I forgot how hard it is to express sarcasm on a computer. I'll just tell you I'm using sarcasm right now. Justin Timberlake (long rumored to be Spears' boyfriend) almost always gets the highest marks. How sad for all the little teenyboppers. Justin is probably the most sexually satisfied Nsuck member considering he gets lots of sex from Britney and butt sex from Lance.
"I think he's just fine," said 16-year-old Ashley Case. "He's able to put on and look good while he's doing it. And he's young, too, so it makes it even more fun." Why do they insist on interviewing handicapped people? Sorry Ashley, I don't think you'll be getting any action from Mr. Timberfag. You might try Joey Fatone. He'll screw any young female who will spread her legs.
Case's friend, 16-year-old David Petlansky, understands the power of the Timberlake look. With his curly bleached blond hair and two earrings, he's a dead ringer for the 'N Sync hunk. Petlansky said girls stop him about three times a day because he so closely resembles their heartthrob. Do they stop him to smack him around for awhile? Because that's the only reason I can think of to stop someone who resembles a members of Nsuck. He figures this can't hurt his own chances with the ladies, and he has a simple theory for why the guys in 'N Sync are so popular: "They've got good music, ::cough:: and they're all hot ::cough cough::." So it's about sex appeal? "Exactly."
Interestingly, many fans seem to be shying away from the Backstreet Boys. Fuck you Perhaps that's because they haven't released an album this year. Perhaps I should go to bed. It's getting late and I'm tired and running out of coherent things to say. But it may be something else, something that might indicate a distant plateau for the teen pop trend: Now in their mid-20s, the Backstreet Boys are getting old. Wait a second, mid-20s is old??? What are we, cave people???
"I listen to Backstreet Boys, but I wouldn't really go and see them Yeah, they wouldn't really go see you either ," Case said. "I've seen shows on TV and stuff; they're not that good. And I'm not trying to criticize them and compare them to anybody, but they're kind of like sellouts. They're kinda getting old, and, you know, kind of fading off. Interestingly enough, their music still sounds as good as it did when they first started. Not being mean Not to be mean, but you sound like a fucking idiot. , but they're all getting married and everything. You always want to think 'Oh I have a chance with them.' I never once thought I had a chance with a famous person. That's weird, obsessive behavior. I'm guessing you did though since their "all getting married" and you can't like them anymore you fucking moron. But when they're married, you know for sure you can't say 'I love you, Kevin,' because he has a wife and like six kids or something." I'm still going to scream 'I love you Kevin!' at the concerts....6 kids??? are we getting a little ahead of ourselves?
Further down the Coliseum line, 15-year-old Crystal Chasez repeated the refrain. I didn't even realize...they're interviewing people in line for an Nsync concert. What a good place to get opinions on the Backstreet Boys. Wow, those are some really great journalism skills.
"I don't really like Backstreet Boys 'cause they're all engaged,Aaaaaaaggghhhhhhh!!! I'm tired and I'm running out of names to call the teenybopping freaks." she said. "Everybody likes ['N Sync's] music So I guess you think that's a good enough reason to like them..because everyone else does..that's great. , and they're like all cute so all girls will like them. And some boys like them, too. I mean, everybody wants to be like them." Like, like, like, oh my god.
It's an interesting point to ponder -- Maybe fans won't outgrow the teen pop artists after all, because the teen pop artists will end up outgrowing their fans.
No warning labels
Even if that happens, it probably won't be for a while. Today's teen pop is continuing untrammeled, with plenty of young and attractive artists to keep the movement going. It certainly doesn't hurt that parents generally consider the music to be family-friendly.
Songs such as the Backstreet Boys' I Want it That Way may have thinly-veiled innuendos, but parents are more willing to shell out money for innuendo than explicit discussions of sex, drugs and violence.
"The music is great," said mother Lera Wullenweber, who waited in line with her daughter, Kyli. "It's a wholesome music. You know, they're not up there downing America or saying negative things about America, or about police or anything that you should look up to." Yeah, you wouldn't want your kids to know about things happening in the real world. Lets conceal their innocent minds from anything that might corrupt them. We should make them think that nothing could ever hurt them or break their hearts. That sounds like a good idea. Again, this is where I am using that computer sarcasm.
Terry Simmons, who waited in line on behalf of his daughter, had similar thoughts.
"It seems to be good, clean music," he said. "And I mean I screen all my daughter's music. And there's some of them that she can't listen to."
Simmons cited former New Kids on the Block member Jordan Knight as a contraband artist.
"It's too suggestive," he said. "You know, one of the songs
. . . talks about wanting to have sex with her. I'm sorry, she's 14. She doesn't need to be listening to that." How sad. By the time I was 14, I was listening to whatever the hell I wanted to. I wonder if he locks her in a cage at home too.
Almost universal parental support for teen pop has helped spur a merchandising blitz, with the faces of the pop stars (mostly the boys, and especially 'N Sync) emblazoned on everything from key chains to the hottest sellers of all -- beanie bears wearing shirts with the resemblance of an 'N Sync member.
"Oh, I think [sex appeal] plays a big role," said Karri Watson, assistant manager of Claire's Boutique in Orange Park, where the hard-to-find bears "fly" out of the store. "That's what sells: their picture is on the pens and on the notebooks. It's on the stickers. I mean all the merchandise as far as that goes has nothing to do with their music. You know, you can't hear a song from buying a notebook and a pen and all that stuff."
You know, if you skip a couple of paragraphs back, the reporter of this story quoted an Nsync fan standing in line that "wasn't trying to be mean," but referred to the Backstreet Boys as "sellouts." They should give this guy a Pulitzer for this article.
More than a pretty face
For many observers, the commodifying of teen pop proves that the artists provide little more than pretty faces to plaster on trinkets. But pretty faces alone can't spark a movement. Few people camp out on the sidewalk for two nights to see Cindy Crawford, and Ralph Fiennes certainly couldn't sell 6,500 tickets in 12 minutes.
Maybe the secret of teen pop (and the reason those beanie bears sell so well) really does boil down to the way the artists make people feel. Groups like 'N Sync make parents feel safe, while making kids feel euphoric.
If that's really the driving force behind the movement, the naysayers had better buckle up. Most people want to keep euphoria going as long as they can.
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