Rejected Amish
Top Ten Things to do if You're Unfortunate Enough
to Meet Chris Kirkpatrick
10. Point and Laugh
9. Ask him if FuMan Skeeto (his clothing company) comes in plus sizes. If he says no, start crying hysterically even if you're not heavy.
8. Seductively ask to hear one of his incredible jokes. Since it's obviously not going to be funny, when he's done talking stare at him for an extended period of time and then walk away.
7. If you're feeling especially immature and there's a mop in the nearest vicinity, plop it down on your head while dancing around him screaming “I'm Chris Kirkfagtrick, I'm Chris Kirkfagtrick!”
6. Walk up to him and immediately start laughing psychotically. Only stop long enough to announce to anyone standing around that “It's Chris, the funny one!” Then walk behind him for as long as you possibly can, continuing to laugh insanely.
5. Inquire as to how long he's been away from the Amish country and if he was sad when he left.
4. Attain a baseball bat from somewhere. Ask his permission to try and beat the ugly off of him.
3. Inform him that there's a kid at your school that wears FuMan Skeeto clothes and everyone laughs at him.
2. Ask for a hug. ::shudder:: Nonchalantly tape a sign to his back that says “REJECTED BACKSTREET BOY”
1. Call a friend on your cell phone while standing near him. Loudly inform your friend that you've just spotted the “Elderly, ugly fag from nshit that thinks he's funny, and used to look like a poodle but now looks Amish.”
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