That whole week I found myself gravitating towards my big, comfortable bed. I was always tired and sleep symbolized so much for me. It led me to a dream world that didn't consist of thinking about Taylor, facing the evil stares of my classmates, dealing with the loneliness of my life, and the baby growing inside of me.
  At the time, I didn't think of it as a baby. For me, it was just a problem. Cheyanne would upset me when she asked what I was going to do about "the baby". It is not a baby, I told myself. I repeated it over and over again so I would start to believe it.
   One afternoon after school, Cheyanne and I stopped at a restaurant to eat while doing Christmas shopping at the mall.
   "Page, even if you aren't telling anyone about this, you still need to see a doctor. You're almost four weeks along. Even if you are getting an abortion, you need to see a doctor."
   "What difference does it make? I don't care how it's doing." I was lying. Since I discovered I was pregnant, I had been eating a lot healthier.
   "Stop saying 'it'. It is a person that you and Taylor created, even if you hate him now."
   "It's not a person, yet. It's just some cells," I insisted.
   "I'm not going to preach to you, but I'm just going to let you know that at the moment of conception, all the baby's characteristics were formed. Maybe your baby will have Taylor's blue eyes and blonde hair. All of that is already in place. Page, you are in as much denial about your baby as Taylor is about your relationship. You need to see a doctor to make sure that the baby is okay."
    I knew what she was saying was true. For the first time, I realized that I was in denial. I began to cry and Cheyanne got up from her seat and comforted me.
    "Cheyanne, don't think I'm a bad person," I said. "You have to understand that I thought Taylor and I were over and done with and then I find out I'm pregnant and it screws everything up. Part of the reason I broke everything off with Taylor is because I didn't want this to happen to me. Now I'm reconsidering my decision to dump him. . ."
    "No, don't do that! You shouldn't use a baby as an excuse to make you guys stay together!"
    "Maybe it's a sign. . ."
    "No, it's just a result of you and Taylor not being careful," Cheyanne snapped.
    "Wait a minute, we were SO careful. I was on the pill and we used condoms. . ."
    "Every time?"
    "Well, not every time. . .'
    "There you go, then," Cheyanne replied. She seemed so proud of herself for helping me change my mind. "Another thing, either you see a doctor immediately or I tell your parents about this."
    "I'll see a doctor. Talk about fucking blackmail, dude," I said, shaking my head and looking in my purse for my wallet. As I was searching, I could sense someone walking towards our table and then I saw Alan.
     "Hey Al," Cheyanne greeted him. She had apologized about her blow-up at him, but I hadn't talked to him.
     "Hey girls," he smiled. He had on his captain letter jacket from basketball. I used to love wearing it because it was so soft and warm.
     "Hi Alan," I said, scooting down in the booth so he could sit down.
     "Oh, thanks Page, but I'm not staying long. I'm here with a few guys from the team. So, how's it going with you?" he asked me.
     "Good," I replied happily.
     "It looks like you were crying. . ." Alan pointed out.
     "I was," I admitted.
     "I have to use the restroom, guys. I'll be right back. . ." Cheyanne said as she got up.
     "Why were you crying?" Alan inquired with concern. His light brown eyes searched my face as if he was looking for an answer.
     "I'm just under a lot of stress right now. Christmastime always does this to me. . ." I lied.
     "No, it doesn't. You love Christmastime. You were always the happiest around this time. Don't lie to me, what's the matter? Is it something Taylor did?"
     "Ha," I said sarcastically. It was something he did, all right, I thought.
     "What? Did he cheat on you or something? I wouldn't be surprised. I never liked him."
     "Hey, don't talk about him like that. He never liked you, either," I countered, defending the father of my baby.
    "So, did he cheat on you?" Alan questioned me. I never thought I'd be talking to Alan about my problems with Taylor. It seemed so weird considering I had cheated on Alan with Taylor not too long ago.
    "No, he didn't. I'm pregnant," I whispered.
    "You are? Whoa, that's so heavy." Alan was dumbfounded. I could sense him looking at me differently. And if he was looking at me this way, I couldn't imagine perfect strangers and their stares.
    "Yeah, so you'd better run away now so people don't think you actually know a pregnant teenager like me," I joked.
    "No, I'm sorry. I mean, it's not every day that you hear that your ex-girlfriend of, like, three years or so, is pregnant by some jerk, not even a year after you guys break up, you know what I mean?"
    "Yeah, I guess. . ." I shrugged.
    "Everyone was saying you were pregnant and I knew I couldn't be the father, so I figured it was all a lie."
    "Well, it was. I just found out a week ago that I was pregnant. I didn't think symptoms would begin to show already. I'm only a few weeks along," I replied, puzzled.
    "Well, I don't know anything about that. But I have to go now, Page. You can call me, if you want. I'm real sorry about everything," he said geniunely.
     I smiled and told him to have a good day.

*                  *                            *                             *

    "So, when was your last normal period?" the doctor questioned me, checking things off on her chart.
    "Um. . . I don't know since I started the pill in early September. To be honest, it was never normal while I was taking those things."
    "When did you stop taking them?"
    "I'm positive about this one, it was around Thanksgiving. I actually lost them," I reminisced, thinking of the rendezvous with Taylor.
    "You never got more before having sex again?"
    "No, my boyfriend was in town and we didn't have time," I said honestly. The hospital "gown," which was nothing but an oversized napkin, was letting in a cold draft that chilled my skin.
    "So, your pills disappeared while your boyfriend was in town?" The female doctor replied wisely. She had told me she had seen it all in her clinic, so I imagined she was thinking up a story to tell me.
    "Yeah," I replied.
    "It's not uncommon for guys to get their girlfriends pregnant to trap them."
   That one comment made my heart feel like it stopped.
    "I . . ." I tried to think of something to say, but nothing would come out.
    "Unfortunately, there isn't anything you can do about it. You had sex with him willingly, I assume," the doctor sighed. "It breaks my heart, it really does. You girls should be more careful."
     I started crying, which wasn't unusual since I was highly emotional lately. The doctor instructed me to lie down and place my feet in the stir-ups. I was so numb emotionally and physcially at that point that I can't even remember if it was painful or not. The doctor talked to me throughout, but I ignored her. I was hurt and angrier than I'd ever been in my entire life.
   Afterwards, Cheyanne and I sat in the waiting room. She could sense something was wrong with me, but I just sat there without telling her details. She said I looked sick and asked if there was anything she could do. I told her that there wasn't anything that anyone could do.
      "Page Monroe? The doctor is ready to see you," the nurse informed me.
      "I'll be right back, Cheyanne," I said. I walked like a zombie into the examining room. I sat down slowly.
      "Ms. Monroe, you are thirteen weeks pregnant. I know it doesn't match up with what you had thought, but your uterus has very thick lining and the tests support this. I made a remark about this during the examination, but you did not reply. Now, this far along, abortion is highly dangerous. . ."
      "What do you mean I'm thirteen weeks along? I'm over three months pregnant?"
      "Yes, you are," the doctor replied matter-of-factly. "We have counselors you can talk to about your situation."
      "But, I was on the pill!"
      "Well, I can only insinuate that you were not taking them correctly. For the first few weeks, did you use a condom everytime you had sexual intercourse?"
      "No. . ." I admitted. I am such an idiot, I thought.
      "So, what you may have thought were natural side-effects of the birth control pill were actually the symptoms of pregnancy."
      "So did the pills hurt the baby?"
      "No, they didn't." The doctor paused to check the papers on her desk. "And your due date is June 7."
      "That's two weeks after my graudation," I cried.
      "I'm sorry," the doctor said sadly.
      "I thought I'd be eighteen by the time I had the baby, but I'll still only be seventeen," I mused outloud.
      "Like I said, we have counselors. I recommend you tell your parents and your boyfriend. And if you don't mind, I'd like to do an ultrasound to make sure the baby is okay. You already finished the first tri-mester so you should be able to see a good picture of the baby and hear a heartbeat."
      "Okay," I replied. As I laid down and lifted up my shirt, I began realizing that nothing was what I had thought it was. I didn't know what to think about anything. Moments ago I had thought Taylor sabatoged me into getting pregnant, but his attempt proved unsuccessful because I was already pregnant. Then again, maybe he hadn't tried to get me pregnant. I had no way of knowing without talking to him. All that time I had been carrying on, not knowing I had a baby inside of me. It seemed so surreal.
      The doctor put the cold jelly on my stomach and then moved the sonar instrument around. On the screen I could see nothing but a small little thing that resembled an oversized lima-bean.
      "That's your baby," she smilied down at me.
      "Aw, it's so ugly!" I laughed and cried at the same time. I knew Taylor should have been there with me. It was his baby.
      "Well, it'll be looking more and more like a real baby in enough time. Would you like to hear the heartbeat?"
      "Yes," I replied, nodding my head. She placed the stethoscope on my belly and the ear plugs in my ear and I listen to the heart beat strongly and clearly. At that moment I knew I'd do anything in the world for that baby. My life was changed forever.