Chapter 44

When Page held her daughter for the first time, she was pretty sure she was supposed to feel nothing but absolute joy. However, that was not the case. She felt overwhelmed and scared. Her baby was so small and delicate. When the doctor put the baby on Page’s stomach, she simply stared at her child for a second. She watched her squirm and then held her. Page was so exhausted and all she could think about was this small human being had caused so much trouble for her.

“Oh, my God! She’s so beautiful,” Taylor cried.

Page looked at him blankly and then down at her. Page thought Taylor was totally right. Although she was very pink and her face was all squished like all newborn babies, she was still the most precious thing Page had ever laid eyes on.

“Okay, we need to clean her up some more and weigh her,” a nurse said while taking their baby away.

“Wait,” Page spoke loudly. “Where are you taking her?”

“Relax, Page. She’s not even leaving the room, sweetie,” her Mom soothed.

Page began to cry. Everyone comforted her and told her that everything would be okay. All mothers are protective over their children and Page was even more so because she had given up and lost everything for her child. She felt like her baby was the only thing in the world that was hers.

“What are we going to name her?” Taylor asked me while beaming down at his girlfriend. He was really glowing.

“I really like the name Jodie,” Page replied.

“That’s really cute,” Cheyanne smiled.

“That’s cool. I can see her being a Jodie,” Taylor said. “What about a middle name?”

Mrs. Monroe said, “Annabelle?”

“No.” Page shook her head.

“Jodie Elizabeth?”

Page looked over at her little girl. She was such an angel. Her angel . . .

“What about her middle name being Angeline? Jodie Angeline Hanson,” Page said.

“That’s beautiful . . .” Taylor awed.

For the remainder of the time Page stayed in the hospital, Taylor was there. All they did was alternate between holding Jodie and staring at her. They analyzed every single part of her. Now, it wasn’t just Taylor and Page against the world. It was Taylor, Page and Jodie.

Nursing was not easy for Page. Jodie naturally knew what to do, but there was a certain way Page was supposed to hold her and she had trouble remembering. Taylor reminded Page many times. Whenever Page was ready to give up, Taylor pushed her.

Their families came to visit and a few of Page’s friends also stopped by. Everyone was absolutely smitten with Jodie. Page was too, but she wasn’t as expressive. She was still in shock and a little bit saddened for reasons she could not explain.

When Page and Jodie were released from the hospital, they went back to Page’s house. Page and Taylor took Jodie upstairs to introduce her to the bedroom she’d be sharing with her Mom and temporarily with her father.

“Jodie, here’s your room,” Taylor said softly while showing the baby around the room and naming everything for her. Page was walking behind them, amused at how sweet Taylor was being. Jodie began to cry, which was Page’s cue to feed her.

“Not again . . .” she sighed, tiredly. She put her arms out for Jodie and Taylor carefully placed her in Page’s arms.

“Are you okay, Page? I know you’re tired,” Taylor replied as Page walked carefully to the rocking chair next to the crib.

“I’m fine,” she assured him. She unbuttoned her shirt and since she wasn’t wearing a bra, she settled Jodie as she remembered. Jodie kept crying. “I guess she’s not hungry.”

“Try something else. Maybe she just wants you to hold her or something,” Taylor shrugged.

Page became a little frustrated and tried rocking her.

“My mom changed her right before we came upstairs. I know she’s not wet,” Page said. She then held Jodie out for Taylor to take her.

“Page, just cuddle with her or something,” Taylor advised.

“I’m too tired,” Page whined.

“Okay,” Taylor said and took her. He proceeded to walk around the room with her, singing softly. Page watched and felt jealous. He comforted Jodie so effortlessly and Jodie was so calm with Taylor. Page buttoned her shirt and walked over to her bed.

“She’s going to sleep,” Taylor whispered.

Page didn’t respond. Instead, she just lay down with her eyes closed. She didn’t even notice when Taylor lay beside her.

“I can’t believe she’s here,” he said. He glanced over at the crib where Jodie was sleeping and smiled. “She looks a lot like you, Page.”

“No, she looks like you. Everyone says so,” Page corrected him.

“I see you in her,” he replied.

“You’re, like, the only person who sees that. I don’t want her to look like me.”

“Why is that?” Taylor tenderly began to kiss Page’s neck.

“Taylor, stop it,” Page said moving away.

“What’s the matter?”

“I just don’t want you to touch me, okay?”

“Sorry,” Taylor apologized. He got up and announced that he was going downstairs to get something to eat. Page didn’t respond. She just went to sleep.

A few mornings later, Page woke up and checked on Jodie. Jodie, seemingly sensing that her mother was right above her, quietly woke up. Page smiled down at her. The times had been very brief when the two of them had been alone. The only time they were alone together was when Page fed her in the wee hours of the morning, and even then, Taylor would sometimes be awake, right by Page’s side.

“Good mornin’, Sunshine,” Page cooed. Jodie’s eyes opened a little bit. It looked like she had blue eyes like Taylor, but it was still too soon to really tell. Her hair was a dark brown; much like Page’s had been when she was first born. Page reached down and picked her up delicately. She kissed her forehead and held her close to her. Despite Page’s sudden bursts of apathy and coldness towards her daughter and everything else, she was very much in love with her.

It was 6:58am and the house was very quiet. Page’s siblings were either off to school or, in the case of Noelle and Noah, who were still in elementary school, asleep. School would be let out in less than a week. Everyone was excited and Noelle was especially excited to spend every waking moment with her niece.

Taylor was sleeping soundly on Page’s bed. It was weird for her to see him next to her every night before she went to bed and every morning when she woke up. It was even weirder that everyone knew and they were “allowed” to sleep together.

It was a lovely mid-June morning and Page decided to take Jodie outside for a walk in her stroller that she hadn’t used yet. Page decided she needed the exercise, too. Page had never been too concerned with her body or her weight, but she was obsessed now. She was trying to diet, but it was hard because she still had to eat healthy on account of her breastfeeding.

Page fed Jodie and then got herself and Jodie ready. She surprised herself with the ease in which she got ready with her, fixed the stroller and managed to start their walk. Jodie seemed very content with Page for a change. Page was actually content with her, also. She talked to her and sang songs.

Page was happy until she passed two women who looked like they were in their late twenties, each pushing a stroller of their own. They noticed Page and whispered something to each other. Page had noticed them staring at her while she was pregnant, too. They lived in her neighborhood. Page tried not to notice them peer into the stroller to see her baby and then she heard one of them whisper, “That’s a gorgeous baby. I feel sorry for it.”

“I know. She shouldn’t even have that baby out so soon. It can’t be more than a few days old.”

Page felt tears swell up in her eyes. She wasn’t hurt or embarrassed, but she was angry. How could people be so rude? And she thought it would die down after she had Jodie! “After the big belly is gone, I won’t stand out as much,” she would tell herself. But, that wasn’t the case. The big belly was now a baby and everyone would be second-guessing her every move.

Page walked briskly back to her house. She hurriedly took Jodie out of the stroller, leaving it behind in front of her house. She burst into the door and let the tears pour out.

“God, why is this so hard? I thought I was beginning to get the hang of this,” she shouted. Jodie began to whimper and Page took her upstairs into her room.

“Taylor, your daughter is crying!”

“Huh? Wait,” he said tiredly, slowly sitting up.

“Fuck, Taylor, take her,” Page yelled. She walked over to him and handed her to him.

“What happened?”

“I can’t do this, Taylor. I’m not ready to be her mother,” Page shook as she said these words.

“Calm down, sweetie,” Taylor said softly. He was really talking to both of them.

“It’s not fair,” Page said. “I hate you!”

“What? Page, what is the matter with you? You’re scaring the crap out of me,” he said. He put Jodie down on the bed while he got up and then picked her back up. “I think she’s wet.”

“Taylor, what if I don’t want to do this? What if I don’t want her?”

“Don’t say that, please.”

“I can say whatever the hell I want.”

“What happened to you? Where are you coming from?”

“It doesn’t matter. I just can’t deal with this any longer. It was fun pretending and everything, but I’m not ready to be a mother right now,” Page said, sobbing.

“Do you think I’m ‘ready’ to be a father, Page? It doesn’t matter now because Jodie is here and she isn’t going away.”

There was a knock on the door and then Mrs. Monroe walked in.

“Is everything okay?” Mrs. Monroe asked the question sleepily without really opening her eyes. She then opened them and assessed the scene. Page was dressed in a t-shirt and track pants, she appeared to have just come back from somewhere. She looked distraught and was crying. She was standing across from Taylor, who was trying to comfort his daughter, who was screaming at the top of her little lungs. “What’s going on?”

“We’re sorry,” Taylor said apologetically without offering any explanation.

“I’ll take Jodie,” she offered. She walked over and took her granddaughter while cooing softly. “Come with Nana while Mommy and Daddy talk.”

“Thanks,” Taylor said.

Once they left from the room, Taylor turned his attention back to his girlfriend. “I want to help you, Page.”

“I’m fine, okay? I’m just really tired. Sorry about earlier,” she said calmly. She was completely calm and collected. Taylor was in shock. He didn’t know how to respond to her, so he climbed back in bed with her and they fell asleep.