The Holy Auction House

• An autographed picture of Jesus : the bidding starts at $30.00 : no current bidder : a picture of Jesus holding another picture of himself

• An autographed poster of Jesus and Lucifer : current bid is $45.00 : current bidder is ALF of Melmac : it is a poster of Jesus and Lucifer playing cards and Jesus has 5 aces

• A paralyzed midget wrestler named Willow : we are giving this item away to the first person who wants it : it smells REEEEAALLY bad (please take it)

• The Jesus-Mobile : current bid is $47,000.00 : current bidder is ALF of Melmac : The Jesus-Mobile is really really really fast (vroom vroom) nana nana nana nana Jesus-Moblie

• Jesus Rags of Illness : current bid is $400.00 : current bidder is Jesus Christ (he regrets puting them up for auction and wants them back) : they are the same rags that Jesus wore during his crucifiction, and over the years they have become diseased