Written in stone, by God's hand, were the Ten Commandments
...... until Jesus broke them one day while he was high
from that ride Marijuana-go-round (which was removed
from Heaven). Thus some NEW commandments had to be
made.
The NEW Ten Commandments (also that 11th commandment Jesus didn't want you to know about)
I. Thou shalt not be a redneck
II. Thou shalt stop passing the collection plate in the House of God and send all your money to 711 Gingivitis Lane, Jesus Fun Land, Heaven 00000
III. Thou shalt not lick the wounds of lepers
IV. Thou shalt realize that donkeys do not have big hairy dildos (its really sheep that have them which you can read all about in the NEW bible titled The Good Jesus Happy Fun Book)
V. Thou shalt purchase the NEW bible titled The Good Jesus Happy Fun Book (coming soon) at your local dollar store
VI. Thou shalt use the product pepto-bismal for oral use only
VII. Thou shalt realize that ex-disciple E of the apocacalypse is not a disciple he is an EX-disciple
VIII. Thou shalt believe in the religion Jesusism and not forget Jesus died for your sins so help Jesus take over the world HAIL JESUS! (remember this is not a fake Jesus this is the REAL Jesus we're talking about he died for your sins you owe him that much)
IX. THOU SHALT NOT BE GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (duh)
X. Thou shalt not substitute soldiers in the middle of a war with trained chimpanzees for chimpanzees can not be trained in the art of combat (the golden rule)
XI. Thou shalt not invite Lucifer to Christmas dinner like your mother told you not to and then make a deal about smuggling steroids into Israel for your soul (god forgave his son for this)
