Why Your Personal Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ is Back

Around 2000 years ago a woman by the name of Mary slept around a lot and one day had a kid, his name was Jesus, his father was God (it also could have been Joseph, Moses, Noah, Abraham, Kane, Abel, David, Goliath, Samson, St. Peter, Peter, Paul, Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Judas, Lucifer, Mr. Ed, and the list goes on and on and on and on... but lets just say it was God's son). Since this child came from God's mighty giant big large humongous gigantic enormous nutsac, Jesus therefore had powers of God (which he would later refer to as Jesus Magic). Now since Jesus was God's child and therefore immortal (immortal my ass) the people were frightened by him, because they did not understand the mighty power of Jesus. They shouldn't of been afraid because Jesus just wanted to help, but when the people began to see him use his Jesus Magic powers they were so scared they had him crucified for fear that they would be hurt by him (they also thought Jesus was a nut who thought he was the Son of God). When Jesus was on the old rugged cross he wanted to use his Jesus Magic to break himself free but Jesus's father did not want that to happen so God took Jesus's magic away from him and let his son die, but since Jesus was very loyal to his father he went to heaven. Somewhere around 2000 years later Jesus came back because God was upset with him cause Jesus said he hated all the people on the planet earth for what they did to him and God was furious when he heard this so he banished Jesus to earth to preach the word of God in a new religion known as Jesusism and with him is the 13th disciple that was never mentioned in the old bible because he was punished by God cause he did not believe in God so both of them have been banished to earth once again as a punishment from God.