Profile of Your Personal Lord and Saviour

A Picture Of Jesus Locked Up, Angry, And Around A Lot Of Crap

Name: Jesus Christ
Hometown: The 'Virgin' Mary's Vagina
Age: somewhere around 2000 years old Jesus doesn't remember
Job: being your personal Lord and Saviour
Hobbies: saving souls, hating all those who oppose the religion of Jesusism, killing army ants with his sawed off shotgun, turning water into wine, turning wine into rat poison, giving rat poison to Ex-Disciple E of the Apocalypse, digging up holes, putting Ex-Disciple E of the Apocalypse in holes and burying him alive, making fake food out of clay and feeding it to children, and worshipping satan
Favorite Food: Jesus homemade oatmeal cookies
Jesus's Favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle: Donatello
Jesus's Least Favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle: Michaelangelo
Favorite TV Show: the nads infomercial
Favorite Quotes: I am rectal skeletal man, kill'em all with Jesus Magic, all apelike creatures have hairless asses