The new Heaven is under the control of your personal Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ (God decided to give it to Jesus while he is on vacation in ping pong table tennis land). Unlike the old Heaven the new Heaven is twice as fun, for instance with the new Heaven your personal Lord and saviour has added a new Super Happy Fun Slide, and under construction is a new roller coaster that will be completed in the year 2005. As well as those, Jesus has added the new and improved Jesus Happy Fun Merry-Go-round (the old one kind of sucked cause it sent people's souls to Hell), a Jesus Happy Fun Swing Set, some gambling tables (these may be taken out due to the complaints of Moses, he believes that the gambling tables promote gambling), Midget Wrestling (Jesus is a big fan), and finally last but not least a toxic waste eating contest, with all these improvements Heaven certainly looks good. Sinners will definately want to go to Heaven instead of Hell.

Now unfortunately some of the features in Heaven have been removed because Jesus does not approve of them, such as the Marijuana-go-round (this was taken out due to the fact that this was not really a ride, people would just sit in a cardboard box and smoke a blunt and someone would shake the cardboard box to give the illusion that it was a ride, when it was discovered that this was not a ride Jesus had it removed immediately), also Midget Wrestling has been removed after being added the very same day due to the fact that a midget was giving another midget a piledriver and one was paralyzed, another thing that was taken out of heaven was Satan because he was sneaking into Heaven and molesting the midget wrestlers (another reason Midget Wrestling was removed), and finally the last thing that was taken out of the new Heaven was free pony rides due to the fact that the ponies were eating innocent children and midget wrestlers (yet another reason Midget Wrestling was removed from Heaven, you can read about more of the reasons Midget Wrestling was removed from Heaven in the NEW Bible which you can order from this site for $39.95, see the Jesus Merchandise section for more info).

Now here are some of the more uncommon ways to get into heaven other than following the New Ten Commandments. One way is to sell ice cubes in Hell, you'll be kicked out of Hell for sure, another way is by commiting suicide (now you may have heard that doing this will get you into to Hell....well not anymore come on do it i dare ya), and another of the sure fire ways to get into Heaven is to buy ALL the Jesus Merchandise we have, and go to the auctions and place bids, but whatever you do dont put money into the collection plate in The House of God, you should just send all of your money directly to Jesus)