The Legend Of The Many 'Sons' Of Jesus Christ
Today I will be telling you the story of the many 'sons' of Jesus Christ, and how they became his 'sons'.
Well I was going for a walk one day when I came across Jesus, who was laying in an alley, drunk, crying, and wrapped in aluminum foil. He was babbling on about how his 'son' named 'Josh' has come from the future to save his life from the evil tyrant Ex-Disciple E Of The Apocalypse who supposedly stabbed Jesus in the back and took Jesus' place as rightful ruler of the world by seeking the aid of the Zombie Monkeys (I would never do anything of the sort to Jesus...)
Jesus proceeded to show me a picture of his newfound 'son'...
And a picture of him spending quality time with his 'son' before Ex-Disciple E Of The Apocalypse came to power...
And He tried to tell me that he combined his magical 'Jesus Juice' with this bong and that his 'son' was born out of the smoke...
Then Jesus started to explain how this new 'son' of his was a part of the Anti-Zombie Monkey Resisistance that was fighting against Ex-Disciple E Of The Apocalypse's army of Zombie Monkeys with the help of the great genius Dr. Zaius...
Now during their war against Ex-Disciple E Of The Apocalypse the Anti-Zombie Monkey Resistance began to lose all hope against the ever powerful Zombie Monkeys and decided their only hope was to send someone back into the past to stop Ex-Disciple E Of The Apocalypse from betraying Jesus so Dr. Zaius built this time machine...
Which Jesus' 'son' used to travel back in time to try and stop Ex-Disciple E Of The Apocalypse before he gained enough power to overthrow Jesus...
Shortly after all of this happened the so-called 'Son of Jesus' became brainwashed by the leaders of the terrorist group known as Hamas, and became a suicide bomber...
Mourning the loss of his 'son', Jesus began roaming the streets in a drunken stupor when he ran across a drunken bum in the street which Jesus brought home with him and claimed he was his second 'son' which he named 'Nah' because the only thing the bum could say was 'nah nah nah nah nah nah nah'...
Ever since all of this happened Jesus has been picking up every homeless bum he sees on the street and gives them liquor as long as they will tell everyone they are the 'son' of Jesus...
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