..::Select A Sound::..

Goldmember

All right, Goldmember. Don't play the laughing boy. There're only two things I can't stand in this world. People who are intolerate of other peoples' cultures. And the Dutch! [177k MP3]

Only a bloody Dutchman. [37.1k WAV]

Do you know who I am? Have you any idea how many anonymous henchmen I've killed over the years? And look at you! You haven't even got a name tag! You got no chance. Why don't you just fall down? [178k MP3]

Hello, hello. [28.6k WAV]

Easy peasy, lemon squeezy! [51k WAV]

We were mates, you and I! [25.4k WAV]

(Nigel discusses Mini Me's genitalia) [286k MP3]

I've got a better idea. Why don't you rescue me in about, uh what, seven or eight minutes? [87.3k MP3]

It's not the size, mate. It's how you use it. [66.3k WAV]

I took a Viagra, it got stuck in me throat. I've had a stiff neck for hours. I thank you! [102k MP3]

The Ipcress File

You mean, I gotta ask about Grantby in nineteen different places, and then make out nineteen lots of silly answers? [90.6k MP3]

Oh, yes, sir. I just love the army, sir. [40.9k WAV]

My name is Harry Palmer! [41.9k WAV]

Music to cook by. (laughs) [39.5k WAV]

They had an extra pint of milk today, which either means there are more people, over there, or they are drinking more tea. (laughs) [110k MP3]

Thank you for a wonderful evening. (laughs) [49.9k WAV]

Mr. Destiny

I have to go, now. This meatloaf is making me sick. [56.6k WAV]

Name's Mike. [16k WAV]

The Swarm

Doctor Connors hasn't the foggiest idea whether I'm on, off, on top of or under this complex! But, I have to speak to him and I mean right now! [124k MP3]

Blame It On Rio

I invited my girl to visit me. I sent her a postcard, every day, with a single word on each card. I wrote, "Found a virgin paradise. It's yours. Matthew." Naturally they were delivered in the wrong order. The messege she got was, "Found a virgin. It's paradise. Yours, Matthew." I never heard from her, again. [373k MP3]

Miss Congeniality

What, no armoured car? ("That would be in my other dress.") [53.8k MP3]

Sorry? What, what was the question? I was distracted by the half-masticated cow rolling around in your wide open trap. [137k MP3]

Wear the crown! Be the crown! You are the crown! [57.9k MP3]

You threatening me? ("Listen to me you old fruitcake.") How dare you, you cupcake! [57.9k MP3]

Will you desist? ("Yeah!") Yes! ("Yes!) [82.4k MP3]

Now, glide. Glide. It's not the bloody ice capades. ("Well.") Glide! ("Gliding!") No, no, don't, don't pick your feet up! Don't pick your feet up. Why are you picking your feet up? ("Because, I'm preparing to run away.") [225k MP3]

Glide. It's all in the buttocks! Don't I look pretty? [63.6k MP3]

My God, I am good. [22.4k MP3]

A brief shining moment. And then, that mouth. [55.5k MP3]

You are not having sex on this stage! [28.5k MP3]

It stops the suit from riding up. ("Riding up where?") Just....up! [86.1k MP3]

Oh....my....God. I haven't seen a walk like that since Jurassic Park! [63.2k MP3]

Miss Congeniality Extras

My wife was a beauty queen. She came third in Miss World, many years ago. Well, not that many. Sorry, Shakira. She taught me masses of little tricks. [133k MP3]

A Shock To The System

Abracadabra. Shalakazam. Bye bye, baby. Boom. [131k MP3]

Those @$$holes! I don't believe this. Those f^cking @$$holes! [90.6k MP3]

Bibbidy. Bobbidy. Boo! [75.9k MP3]

You, you and you panic. The rest of you stay calm. [80.8k MP3]

Get the f^ck outta here! [29.9k WAV]

No. Go away. [31.7k WAV]

In the, in the hall? You're standing in the hall! [73.1k WAV]

You hear me? I said, "Go away!" [45.6k WAV]

You're f^cking kidding me. [33.1k WAV]

There is a man in my office! It is my office! It is the Assistant Chief's office! [139k MP3]

(Graham tells his boss about power) [213k MP3]

I will try and put this as politely as possible, Henry. What the f^ck are you doing in my office? [113k MP3]

Let me rephrase the question. What the f^ck are you doing in my office? [74.2k MP3]

Get Carter

Do you know, I'd almost forgotten what your eyes look like. They're still the same. P!ss-holes in the snow. [131k MP3]

Get Carter (2000)

And what the bloody hell does that mean? [26.4k WAV]

Bloody hell, Jack! Richie was my friend! What, what does it take? A f^cking miracle for you to believe that? [82.4k MP3]

Listen, I don't like hard cases comin' in here and talkin' to me like I know something. If there's someone out there putting out something about me, then I wanna know wo the hell it is. And when I know what it is, and who's been saying it, I might just take the matter up with you, Jack. Mightn't I? [221k MP3]

Can I help you with something? [28.1k WAV]

It's been nice knowing you, Jack. [25.7k WAV]

Yu may have hardware concealed about your person. Remember, you kill me and you'll be on the run for the rest of your life. [136k MP3]

What a mess, eh? All over a shiny piece of plastic. [54.6k MP3]

Ah, Jack, Jack, Jack! Jack, stop it! Stop it, for f^ck's sake. [72.6k MP3]

I'm not turnin' 'round! [30.2k WAV]

What? [4.41k WAV]

What the hell are you talkin' about? [22.1k WAV]

Shiner

You can do an intimate body search, if you like. But, do me a favour. P!ss off and let me get ready. [74.2k MP3]

I been on the cover of f^ckin' magazines! [44.2k WAV]

Don't you dare! Don't you f^ckin' dare! [54.6k MP3]

Couldn't f^ckin' do it, could you, eh? You couldn't f^ckin' do it! F^ck you! And f^ck you, too! [142k MP3]

Don't you ever do this to me, again! D'you hear? [51.4k MP3]

This is an emergency. ("Oh, you have an emergency?") No, you have if you don't move the f^cking car. [84k MP3]

Oy! You! [26.6k WAV]

You wanna keep your bullocks, f^cking shut up. [49.8k MP3]

You know f^ck all! [22.7k WAV]

Hannah And Her Sisters

Hannah! My head is throbbing! [33.4k WAV]

I have my answer. I have my answer. I'm walking on air. [laughs] [98.7k MP3]

And The Nominees Are 2003

Hello. I'm Michael Caine. [49.8k WAV]

Alfie

My name is.... ("Alfie.") ....Alfie. [41.6k MP3]

What's it all about? [17k WAV]

And I told, I says, 'Blimey, girl. You ain't as ugly as I thought.' [53k MP3]

They never make these cars big enough, do they? [41.9k WAV]

Hallo. [15k WAV]

Well, that horn put me off. I hate a noise at a time like that. [48.1k MP3]

After all, it ain't through the eyes that you feel beauty. It's how the heart hungers for something, that makes it beautiful. [105k MP3]

Know what I mean? [11.3k WAV]

("Watch your ring with my stockings!") Move over a bit, then. [horn honks] ("Ooh!") Get your knee off the sterring wheel! ("I can't! I'm stuck.") Here, look out. I'll do it. ("Ooh! That hurt!") I told you before, be careful where you put your legs. ("I was only tryin' to be helpful.") I can help meself. [353k MP3]

Malcolm bleedin' Alfred? He'll never forgive you, you give 'im a name like that. [64.4k MP3]

Before he can talk proper he'll be bleedin' this and bleedin' that and perhaps worse. [59.5k MP3]

Well, you all settled in? [20k WAV]

I suppose you think you're gonna see the bleedin' titles, now. Well, you're not, so you can all relax. [71k MP3]

I ain't gone, yet, girl. [18.1k WAV]

Parkinson

[Michael discusses the bee problems, among other things, on the set of The Swarm] [996k MP3]

[Michael discusses dancing with Sean Connery, and their chauffeurs, at a disco] [871k MP3]

[Michael explains his "use the difficulty" philosophy] [1.18MB MP3]

[Michael tells a story about his mother and her famous actor son] [265k MP3]

No, nobody treats me differently. No, they treat me like, always the same, like dirt. [72.6k MP3]

[Michael talks about doing love scenes] [554k MP3]

[Michael explains where the phrase "not a lot of people know that" came from] [533k MP3]

[Michael talks about being old and his chauffeur helping him out of the car when he didn't need help] [296k MP3]

The only reason I became an actor, well, it was, it was several reasons, actually. One, I couldn't do anything else. I was so stupid. Three, I wanted to meet beautiful girls. Oh, I missed two, didn't I?.... [284k MP3]

I was a very shy person, and to go on stage, for me, was torture, anyway. And I always regarded the stage as a woman who always treated me badly no matter how well I treated her. Movies, is a woman who always treats me superbly no matter how badly I treat her. So, she's the one I love. [418k MP3]

[Michael advises not to have onset romances because you can always tell, and he refrains from giving names of examples for fear of being sued] [438k MP3]

[Michael describes what a working class person in England isn't] [160k MP3]

Sleuth

[Singing part of "Anything Goes"] [152k MP3]

The bloody glass came out, me bloody boot got stuck and I fell down the bloody ladder! [69.3k MP3]

Oh, yes, and I screwed her, first. [61.2k MP3]

She wanted it. [15.8k WAV]

Sleuth

And you have a gun. And it is pointed at me. And you are certifiably insane. But, I must admit, it does add a certain urgency to the, uh, situation. [221k MP3]

Could you please point that gun the other way? You are making me very nervous! [69.3k MP3]

Sweet Liberty

Michael! I'm delighted you could come and play with me. [38.3k MP3]

Jaws 4: The Revenge

Bloody hell! [12.2k MP3]

There must be a sign under the water. Beware, Hoagie's about. [54.6k MP3]

Give it a kick in the @$$. [20.4k MP3]

Because, it would not occure to you, why. [40k MP3]

I'm a pilot. My vision is perfect. [53k MP3]

I have an irresistable urge to kiss you. [53k MP3]

The Last Valley

[Laughs] [47.7k WAV]

The Cider House Rules

Good night, you princes of Maine, you kings of New England. [80.8k MP3]

And so, I became the caretaker of many, father of none. [56.3k MP3]

The Man Who Would Be King

[Peachy and Danny provoke each other and argue] [0.98k MP3]

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

[Conning with an Australian accent] [343k MP3]