Darkness Falls
Title: Darkness Falls
Author: Anemone Frost
Email: Weepingwillow987@aol.com
Pairing: M/P; P/OC
Rating: R
Summary: (AU Fic) 1/1 Pippin wants Merry to love him, but only finds himself pushed away. However, the hobbit changes his mind after seeing Pippin with someone else. Unfortunately, he misinterprets the situation and causes unbelievable grief to Pippin and himself.
Feedback: Yes, please.
Warnings: Rape, violence, angst, and character death/suicide.
Archive: Ask first.
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Tolkien. Lyrics for Goodbye are owned by Patty Griffin.
A/N: This is not fluffy; this is not happy. If you don't like character death then you probably shouldn't read it. Merry is slightly evil in this fic.
Merry was drunk again, staggering and teetering as he pushed through the crowded tavern, trying to reach counter to order another ale. His clothing was ragged, dirty, and his curls were plastered to his forehead from the sweat trickling down his brow. His vision was slightly blurry, and he had to squint his eyes to really make anything out. A throbbing ache spread through his skull as the ruckus laughter and singing of other hobbits. It was always so noisy at The Red Dragon, and that's the one thing he hated about all these nights. It reminded him of an agonized wail calling out to him, and the splattering ale resembled the dripping of blood. Nausea swept over him, and he suddenly changed his mind about ordering the drink. To think, he had once enjoyed the merry hospitality of the tavern and now he found it horrid. One night had changed everything. The only reason he went was for the alcohol to drown away his woes, but it only seemed to create more.
The hobbit bolted out of the tavern, tripping violently to the ground on several occasions, cutting his elbow open. There was no pain. He was far too gone to feel any. Only the nausea grew at the sight of the red, trickling liquid, staining through the sleeve of his jacket, visible from the swinging lantern above. Tears were already forming in his eyes.
Rain was pounding down from the dark sky, and Merry shivered as the cool water struck his head and face, causing a chill to course down his spine. So much blood. He collapsed to the ground and broke out in uncontrollable sobs, coating his body with mud and water. He hunched over as the nausea became overwhelming, vomiting and choking on the soaked earth. Even in his miserable state the memories came flooding back at full force. He was haunted by them. He would always be haunted by them.
Occurred to me the other day
You've been gone now a couple years
Well, I guess it takes while
For someone to really disappear
And I remember where I was
When the word came about you
It was a day much like today
And I wonder where you are
And if the pain ends when you die
And I wonder if there was
Some better way to say goodbye
Two years earlier.......
Merry laughed as he danced around the tavern, swinging from lass to lass. Pippin was off in the distance, sitting at a packed table and drinking an ale, which he raised in Merry's direction with a cheeky grin. Merry returned the grin, though inside he would have rather been sitting along the bench with the lads. However, there had been rumors spreading through the small community of his ‘lifestyle', which his father and mother weren't too thrilled to hear. He was to marry a lass, have a heir, and live a normal life. So, whenever he was in public he put on a charade around the lasses, trying to prove that he was indeed infatuated with them. It seemed to work well enough. The rumors had died, though he was feeling miserable. This wasn't the life he wanted.
"Merry!" Pippin called. "Come join us for an ale!"
Finally, he would be spared for a moment. Waving at the giggling girls, he bounded toward the table and eagerly took the mug from his cousin. A frown soon formed when he spotted the hobbit sitting across from him. It was Ted Burrows. The two had only spent one night together, and Merry had made it clear to him that there was to be no relationship, only a night of sex.
"So good of you to join us, Merry," Ted beamed.
"Likewise," Merry snarled.
He hated the hobbit. Ted was always trying to win him back, to make him his. However, this night seemed different. Ted was eyeing Pippin up and down like a piece of food. Pippin grinned back at Ted and giggled as the older hobbit ran his foot along the young hobbit's leg, caressing the bare skin gently. Merry could see everything under the table and rage suddenly took him over. How dare the miserable hobbit touch Pippin. He loved his cousin and often had fantasies of lovely nights making love to him and holding him in his arms. However, he couldn't threaten Pippin's livelihood. He knew the lad's parents, and if they found he was engaged in such activities he would be disowned from the family. He didn't want that misery to fall upon Pippin.
He pushed aside the drink and firmly grabbed Pippin's arm, tugging him from the bench. Ted jolted in fright and instantly removed his foot. Pippin gasped in shock and yanked on his arm, glancing up at Merry with infuriated emerald eyes. Ted stood from the table and ventured into the hallway on the east end.
"Excuse me, lads, but I must have a word with my cousin," Merry stated, hauling Pippin out of the room and into the corridor.
"What are you doing?" Pippin hissed, violently tugging his arm free. "That was embarrassing! How could you drag me out of there like a child?"
"You brought it upon yourself," Merry snapped. "That was lewd behavior back there."
"What are you talking about?" Pippin asked.
"You know what I mean," Merry grumbled, firmly pushing Pippin against the wall. "Ted was trailing his foot up your leg."
"What's so wrong about that?" Pippin inquired, his bottom lip trembling.
Never had he been so frightened of his cousin. Merry was acting peculiar this night. His face was contorted with rage, and he was bearing his teeth under the dim light.
"It's not right for a male to be doing that with another male," Merry answered. "Do you want people to believe you're unnatural?" His gaze softened when he saw the hurt and fright in the young hobbit's eyes. Gently, he released Pippin's shoulders and turned away in shame. "I just don't want you to get hurt. I'm certain you've heard the rumors spreading about me. It's a very painful thing for hobbits to gossip about you and think you're—deformed. Believe me, Pip, you don't want to go through that."
"Were those rumors true?" Pippin asked.
Sweat broke out over Merry's brow. He wanted to tell Pippin but how could face his cousin's disgust.
"Yes," Merry whispered. "I understand if you find me disgusting and do not wish to be in my company any more."
There was a moment of silence that made Merry's heart sink. Then, Pippin placed a gentle hand on his shoulders and urged him to turn around. Merry gasped at what he saw on the young hobbit's face. He was smiling and there were tears in his eyes.
"I do not find you disgusting, Merry," Pippin sniffled. "I love you, and—I have for some time. I've—loved you in a different way, though. I often want to kiss you Merry and to do other things, but I was always so frightened that I would revolt you. Now that I know for certain that you feel the same way, we can be together. I don't want anyone else, Merry. Just you. Just you until the rest of my days."
Merry's heart pounded furiously at Pippin's words, and he quivered as the young hobbit leaned forward, placing a firm kiss on his lips. Fear entered Merry's mind. He couldn't allow this type of life for Pippin, no matter how selfishly he wanted it to be. He loved Pippin, but he wanted a normal life for his cousin.
The hobbit roughly shoved Pippin away, causing the young hobbit's back to collide with the wall, sending a sickening thud down the hall. Confusion was spread all over Pippin's face and new tears, now of pain, were sliding down his flushed cheeks. Merry shook the image aside.
"Do you really think that I want you?" Merry leered. "You're not even of age yet. Don't get me wrong, Pip. I do love you but certainly not in that way. I suggest you forget about this nonsense of being with males and go find yourself a nice wife."
"But I don't want a wife or another male," Pippin sobbed, reaching out to Merry. "I only want you! Merry, please! I love you!"
The older hobbit backed away. "Well, I don't want you and no one else will if you keep this behavior up. Stop sniveling about it. It's time you started acting like an adult and not a child."
Pippin's chest heaved with choked sobs, and he bolted down the corridor crying hard, fading out of sight. Merry felt sick and dizzy. Why did he have to act so cruel? There must have been a better, nicer way to persuade Pippin. Against his better judgement, Merry ran quickly down the hall, trying to catch up with his cousin. He halted at the sight that greeted him.
The young hobbit was hunched over on the floor, weeping bitterly with Ted crouched beside him, rubbing his back and saying something into his ear. Pippin gazed up at him and shook as the older hobbit kissed him on the lips. Merry's jaw tightened, and he forced himself to turn around and walk back to the main room. He had to calm his rage; now was not the time to confront Pippin.
The cool ale quenched his growing thirst. It was his fourth one, and he was beginning to feel a bit tipsy. He was back at the table again, laughing and singing with his chums even though inside his heart was being torn apart. An hour or so passed, and the hobbit rose from the table, teetering a bit, causing some of the patrons to chuckle.
There were soft pants and groans echoing down the hall when he entered, though there was a recognizable voice groaning in pain. Merry lurched further down the corridor, heading back to where he left Pippin. His eyes instantly widened in terror and disgust. Pippin was face down on the floor, arms held behind his back, his pants pooled around his ankles, and his body jarring forward savagely. Ted was behind him, slamming his hips forward. Merry could see the hobbit's cock thrusting in and out of Pippin's opening. How he longed to be the one doing that. A pitiful whine came from Pippin as Ted's thrusts grew more frenzied.
"Keep quiet or I'll break your arms!" Ted snarled, tugging viscously at Pippin's arms.
A sob came from the hobbit as he lifted his head, eyes widening when he barely spotted Merry around the corner. His mouth opened and pleaded silently, mouthing "help me" to his cousin. Pippin's cheeks were crimson and tears were trickling down along with mucus sliding from his nose. Merry's lip tightened, and he shook his head, turning to leave a confused Pippin on the floor, obviously being raped.
‘This is the type of lesson Pip needs,' Merry reasoned. ‘After tonight, he won't want to be with lads anymore, and he can live a normal life with a lass and family.'
He hid in a darkened corner, listening to his cousin's pleas and whimpers and shattered wail. There was a smacking sound and soon Ted was walking past, lacing up his trousers, his hands coated in blood. Merry ventured out and found his cousin lying listlessly on the floor. Blood was oozing out of his rear and a red welt was forming on his cheek. Merry's fists clenched and unclenched as anger swirled in his head, making his heart pound and reverberate in his skull.
"Why didn't you help me?" Pippin whispered, holding back his sobs.
"You didn't deserve it," Merry growled. "I told you not to get involved with lads and look what happened."
"I didn't want that!" Pippin yelled, curling into a ball, wincing in pain.
"Don't lie to me!" Merry screamed, lowering to the floor and tangling his fingers in Pippin's locks. "I saw the two of you kissing!" Pippin wept as his hair was viscously tangled and yanked on. "You're nothing but a whore! You hardly knew Ted Burrows and you offered yourself up to him!"
"No!" Pippin wailed, digging his nails into Merry's hand, attempting to break free. "He raped me! I tried to get away but he was too strong! When I tried to call for help he said he would kill me!"
"What did I say about lying?!" Merry shouted, shoving Pippin's head to the floor. "The only reason you're telling me that nonsense is because you don't want to admit that you're a harlot!" He began to unlace his trousers, and freed his straining erection. The image of Pippin still nude had driven him over the edge. "Well, you want me Pippin?! Then you'll get me and then you can have everyone else in the Shire! I'm sure they'd be more then willing to have you!"
Pippin grimaced in fear and scrambled to get away, but Merry caught him by the hips and pressed him face first into the floor. He knew his cousin was drunk. The stench of ale was overpowering. This was a side of Merry he had never seen before. Merry had always been so kind, gentle, and now he was being cruel.
"Please, Merry, no!" Pippin screamed, bucking wildly. "Don't do this!"
"All you've ever done is tease me!" Merry snarled, pushing hard into Pippin's body, groaning as his length was sheathed in the tight heat. Pippin yelped and clawed at the floor. "All you ever do is tempt me! You no good, worthless whore!"
"Merry no!" Pippin wept.
The older hobbit ignored his cousin as he savagely pounded into the taut body. A coppery stench clung to the air from Pippin's abused entrance, and he cried in misery as each thrust tore at his tissues. So much pain, and it was coming from a person he thought once loved him. His cries of misery only increased as Merry began to slam his palm violently over Pippin's rear, creating a stinging sensation on his flesh. With a few more thrusts Merry spurted his seed into Pippin's passage, and he groaned as he slipped out, shoving Pippin further up the floor.
"Worthless, worthless," Merry chanted over and over while lacing up his trousers.
He strolled past Pippin's shivering form and spat on his face, causing the young hobbit to flinch. His eyes were wrung with betrayal and pain. Merry was heading back to the bar, thirsty for another ale. He didn't notice that Pippin had risen on shaky feet and had entered a room.
Nausea swept over Merry, and he vomited on the floor. He suddenly regretted his actions, but in his mind he knew they had to be right. Pippin had to be taught a lesson. A few more hours passed at the bar, and the scene of dancing and singing was suddenly interrupted by a piercing scream. All became silent as hobbit lass darted into the room and stopped before the crowd. Her face was pale and twisted in terror.
"There's—a dead hobbit in one of the rooms," she stuttered. "He's—he's—cut up his arms. Blood. Blood is everywhere."
Sweat broke out over Merry's brow at the statement and sharp tingles coursed down his spine. Surely, it was not Pippin, but he couldn't fight the feeling of dread and he rushed through the corridor, shoving other hobbits out of the way. Some were all ready in front of the door, gapping in at the grisly sight. A scream surged from Merry's throat.
Blood was pooled around the bedside, staining the sheets and the shirt on Pippin. The young hobbit was positioned on his back, gazing blankly at the ceiling with his arms splayed at the sides. Blood was still streaming from the jagged gashes on his wrists. Flesh was torn and hanging limply from his arm while tiny bits were scattered about the bed, as if he had been insanely hacking at himself with a knife.
Merry hesitantly stepped inside the room, glancing over his cousin's form in agony. He was so still. How odd it was to see his cousin's chest not moving up and down like he had watched so many times when they laid together in the grass in the days of their youth. He placed a trembling hand on the young hobbit's chest, hoping to feel a heartbeat. There was none, only stillness. Tears blurred his vision as he knelt before the bed, dipping his knee into the blood.
"Breathe," Merry commanded, sobs rising in his chest. "Breathe darling."
Pippin only continued to stare blankly at the ceiling. There was a soft clang as Merry grasped Pippin's hand, causing the knife he had been clutching to drop to the floor. His body had gone so cold, not warm and soft as Merry once remembered. The lad's face was expressionless, and Merry realized that he would never see that bright smile or hear the sweet laughter ever again from his cousin.
"Please, Pippin, don't leave me!" Merry vainly begged. "You're not worthless! I am! I am the one who is worthless! You mean everything to me! You're so precious to me! I'm so sorry! Forgive me! Forgive me! Just come back! Just come back!" He buried his face into Pippin's curls, sobbing and raining kisses all over, not caring who saw. "I do love you! I do! Come back! Come back! Don't leave me here all alone! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
But Pippin couldn't hear his pleas. He was far away now in some other place. The tear trails on Pippin's cheeks began to dry, and his body started to stiffen under Merry's embrace. The older hobbit rocked back and forth, clinging Pippin's body to his chest. His mourning wails could be heard down the entire hallway until his voice grew hoarse, and he could only sob.
There was a piece of paper next to the bed, which he would later read.
Merry, I'm sorry I've brought such shame to you. I never meant for it to happen. I just wanted to love you and have you love me back even if it was wrong in the eyes of others. I didn't care. I would gladly have been banished from my home and the Shire if it meant spending the rest of my days by your side. However, I suppose you didn't feel the same way. I feel awful from my behavior tonight. Perhaps I am a whore. Perhaps that is why Ted violated me. Is it obvious to everyone else that I'm a harlot?
I can't live with myself, knowing that you hate me and that you're revolted by me. I would rather be dead than spend a lifetime here without you. That would be certain hell for me. I love you, Merry, and I forgive you for what you did. It wasn't your fault. It was mine. Forgive me for everything. Forgive me......I will always love you......
Pippin
Present....
Merry pounded his fists into the mud as he spat out curses. Two years had passed since that awful night. Two years since he caused his beloved cousin's death. Two years of carrying the guilt of his crime. It was all his fault. Pippin had deserved life, not him. He was scum. The note was inside his jacket pocket. He carried it everywhere he went. It was his most precious item in his life now. It was the last object Pippin had ever touched.
A few days after Pippin's death, he had tracked down Ted, who was walking near the Brandywine. Merry was considerably stronger, and it was easy to shove the other hobbit into the icy water. Watching him drown brought little comfort. It was almost tempting to jump in himself. His violation on Pippin had been far worse than Ted's.
There had been many times where he attempted suicide himself, but he always stopped at the last minute. He wasn't going to take the coward's way out. No, his punishment was to live and bear the miserable life he had created for himself and to bear the agony of knowing that he bullied his own cousin into taking his life.
It was hard to accept that Pippin was gone. On certain days he expected to see his young cousin bolting down the trail, arms wide open to tackle him to the ground or to hear his voice calling him in the distance. Unfortunately, Pippin only lived in his memories and dreams. How he relished those dreams of being in the beautiful meadows, running alongside Pippin as they played tag or tumbled together down the hills, hugging and kissing afterwards. It also stung his heart, for he knew that could have been a reality if only he hadn't been so foolish and despicable.
Maybe when the end finally came he would find peace and forgiveness from his cousin, but until then he would continue on in this hell. He snorted to himself at the irony. Pippin had commented in the letter that living life without him would have been hell. Living life without Pippin was hell, but he had realized it too late.
For now, he ventured down the trail, tripping and staggering in the mud, heading back home where his wife and son were sleeping. Tomorrow he would face another day of anguish; another day without Pippin.
Today my heart is big and sore
It's tryin' to push right through my skin
I won't see you anymore
I guess that's finally sinkin' in
'Cause you can't make somebody see
By the simple words you say
All their beauty from within
Sometimes they just look away
But I wonder where you are
And if the pain ends when you die
And I wonder if there was
Some better way to say goodbye
End
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