Part 4

Title: Perceiving Perfection 4/4
Author: True
Rating: N17
Pairing: EW/BB But it's not so much about them.
Feedback: Would love it!
Notes: Thanks to Sven, for everything really.
WARNING: This is a rape fic, not very violent, but still a rape fic.


Part 4

Next morning they were back in Pete's office, the door closed, as he and Fran looked at them, Elijah in a chair, Billy resting against the door, arms folded across his chest.

Billy couldn't decide how he was supposed to act, understanding and protective? Angry and aggressive? He didn't know how to act as he didn't know how he felt; all of those things probably. Laced down with a big helping of possessive. Stupid as it might seem, right at that moment he felt more possessive than anything else.

How dare anyone hurt his Elijah? Billy wasn't given to big demonstrations of emotion, most of the time he never really felt that strongly, but this was different, this was his Elijah. What they had together was more important to Billy than the world and he didn't want it spoilt by a fucked up, disturbed, bastard like… Pete was talking, saying something to Elijah and the odd word had filtered into Billy's brain, setting all kinds of alarm bells ringing.

"Hang on a minute, am I getting this right? You want Elijah to talk to Viggo? Are you fucking mental?" Billy didn't normally swear much, well not as much as some of the others that was for sure, and certainly never at the boss. But this wasn't normal, it was getting way out of hand and his head felt like it would explode.

He could hear Pete being reasonable, using that tone he'd mastered for 'difficult' actors. He'd never used it on Billy before. "We need to clear the air, establish some kind of working relationship, as there's still such a long way to go."

"We don't want any kind of relationship with him. He raped Elijah for fuck's sake, you don't have a relationship with a rapist."

"Billy," Elijah said softly, but it was Billy's turn not to listen.

"He rapes 'Lijah, nothing happens to him and we have to have a relationship with him?" Billy knew his voice was becoming ever more shrill, even slightly hysterical, but this was madness, utter madness.

"Something is going to happen to him Billy," Peter, trying to be reasonable again. Bastard. "It's been agreed that he will stay away from everyone else when he isn't working and that on set there will be security watching him for the time being."

"It's been agreed? Agreed by who? I don't agree," shriller, higher, more uncontrolled. He was going to lose it soon if he didn't get a grip. But he didn't want to get a grip, he wanted to wring that fucker's neck. And Pete's, and everyone else who couldn't see this was madness.

"Billy," Elijah's voice, his hand on Billy's arm, unnoticed at first. How can you not notice Elijah touching you? "Billy calm down, look at me."

Look at Elijah, that was a good idea, Elijah usually made sense. He looked and tried to think straight, but Elijah was chewing at his bottom lip and that determined line to his jaw was back. Not a good combination.

"Pete's right we do have months to go and we are going to have to work with Viggo so..."

"Don't say his name," Billy interrupted.

"What? That's daft," Elijah regretted it even as he said it. Billy was always steady and sure, all right so he could be as silly and giggly as the best of them, but deep down he was solid as rock. If he wanted to be daft, they why shouldn't he? "Okay I won't say his name, I…"

"Just, don't say it. Not for a while," he interrupted again.

"Okay," Elijah smiled and tried again. "We have to work with, him, so we need to find someway to do that." Billy opened his mouth again, desperate to argue, but Elijah went on, not giving him a chance. "Did you hear what Pete said? Vi … He's always going to have security watching him, making sure he doesn't come near us unless he has to. It will always be there when he's on set and we'll always know before we have to see him, no nasty, sudden surprises. No accidentally bumping into him. He's going to have a jailer hanging round him all the time and everyone knows why. So he can't hurt anyone else and he can't hurt me again." Whilst he was talking he had turned in the chair and reached forward for Billy's hand, now he pulled so they were closer together. "We do have to work together."

Billy looked down. Why wasn't Elijah as confused as he was? Why was Elijah being so damned bloody rational when all he wanted to do was smash Viggo's face in? Smash the whole world's face in. Because Elijah was a true professional, so well skilled in this that it made Billy's heart hurt to think about how he had become so good? No, maybe it was just that Elijah kept his doubts and fears for when they were alone. Kept professional Elijah plastered on his face, and only let Billy see the real one.

For that Billy would always be truly thankful.

He ran his thumb over the back of Elijah's hand, knowing he had to try and be more like the younger man. The younger, professional man who was always right, damn him. He managed a small smile.

"You cross with me?" There was just a hint of laughter in Elijah's voice. "Because I'm right; again."

"You're such a big head."

"I know, won't be able to get through the door soon."

"Why do you have to talk to him though? Why not just see him when you need to, on set?"

Elijah thought about it for a moment. "Because I need to get it sorted out in my own mind." He looked at Billy, resolve and strength shining in his eyes. "I know I didn't do anything wrong but I want to know what was going on in his mind, to understand why he did it. Not so I can change, but maybe so I can avoid being caught in the trap again."

"I don't want you to change," Billy whispered.

"I'm not going to, but I want to be able to protect myself better and Pete says he's willing to talk to me so…"

"He's willing!"

"Billy, don't get wound up again, please," Elijah said, rubbing at Billy's arms. "Apparently he wants to hide his head in shame and never have to face me again, and so he should, after what he's done. At least it means he shows some remorse. He wants to apologise, and while I don't think sorry will ever be enough, I want some answers so we're going to talk. All right?"

When Billy didn't respond, Elijah pulled at him again. "All right?"

"Yeah all right, but not on your own. I'm not having you being alone with him, I'm staying. Don't argue with me on this. I'm staying."

Elijah knew when he had gone as far as he could. "Okay, you stay but no heroics, please? Just let me talk to him." Billy nodded reluctantly. "And Pete is going to stay as well, so he knows what's going on and … he can make sure everyone stays alive."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Billy found a spot against the wall to lean against, close enough to Elijah's chair so that he could reach out and touch it if he needed to, and close enough so that Elijah could feel his presence. But he wanted to be behind Elijah, needed to be, he could read Elijah's mood through his back, almost as well as through his face, he knew him that well. No, he needed to be behind so that he could see Viggo, watch the fucker's face as he tried to worm his way out of this.

He wanted to look Viggo in the eye and see if he had the guts to look back into Billy's.

In turned out Viggo didn't. Fran sent him in, like a naughty child into the headmaster's office, staying outside herself as Peter found a chair near where Billy was standing. Viggo took the seat opposite Elijah, pulling it back before sitting down. Giving Elijah space or trying to shrink away from what he had done? Billy thought.

Then the room was quiet, all eyes focused on Viggo's down turned head. Elijah regarded him carefully. What had he done to make this man so angry with him? Maybe that wasn't it, wasn't the right question. Where did this man get the arrogance to think that he could rape someone? Elijah couldn't decide what was the right question to start with. Viggo saved him making a decision and broke the silence.

"I want to say sorry," he lifted his head, looking at Elijah for the first time, his voice steady. But then it faltered. "I ..." There was no reaction from anyone in the room and the pressure grew. Viggo appeared to gather himself and tried again, his eyes once more on Elijah. "There can be no excuses for what I did and I am truly sorry. I want to apologise to you, both of you, I know I hurt Billy as well. Even though you can never forgive me, I do hope that one day you might believe that I mean every word of this apology."

"Too right we'll never forgive you," Billy hissed and earned himself a glare from Elijah.

"You're right, there are no excuses," Elijah said. "But I want to know why you did it. I don't think you've raped before so why me, why now?"

Viggo turned his head away, staring out the window, his hand pressing hard at the lines on his forehead as he gathered his thoughts. After a long moment he turned back and looked at Elijah. "I came here, to this enchanted place, and I lost my way..." His eyes wandered to the far distance. "I become obsessed, engrossed, with something that wasn't real, wasn't there. I saw you Elijah and I was captivated, you seemed so ... perfect."

"That bloody word! I'm not perfect, that just isn't me."

"I know that now," Viggo's eyes moved back to him for a moment. "Bean tried to tell me, he tried to warn me, but I wasn't listening. I saw this vision of perfection in my head and I didn't want to let it go, I wanted my vision."

"What did you think I was?"

Viggo let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding. "You seemed so beautiful, delicate ... almost like a creature from another world. You were different, innocent, perfect."

"I'm none of those things."

"But that's what I saw and, I guess, after a bit, what I wanted to see. I just blocked out anything that didn't fit with that. You became my version of perfection."

"So how did you go from a vision of perfection to rape?" The question was hard and brutal, but still calm.

"This is where I really lost my way," Viggo sighed, coming to a stop.

"So explain it. I think you owe me that much."

"You're right, I do," he looked directly at Elijah. "I saw you as ... innocent and fragile and I felt you needed protecting.

"So you raped me?" Elijah asked incredulously.

Viggo ran a hand through his hair, he knew there was a logical train of thought here, there must be, he had followed it the other night.

"You needed protecting and only I could do it because only I could see you properly. I thought the others all wanted to drag you down, to sully perfection, when I wanted to keep you pure..."

"But!" Elijah started to interrupt, changing his mind when he saw Viggo's face.

"I wanted to protect your innocence," he was facing Elijah but not seeing him, his mind far away. "It eventually started to filter through to my clouded mind that you and Billy were ... getting close. I know now that I was wildly off the mark, you were already there, but as I said I think I was only seeing what I wanted to see. You were so beautiful, so different..."

"I'm not," Elijah whispered.

"But you are different Elijah," Viggo said coming back to the present. "There's something about you, it's obvious from other peoples' reactions to you. People see you as somehow special, it's why they hang round you, and I'm sure you know it. You see it on people's faces and you shy away from it. I think it may be one of the things that attracted you to Billy in the first place. It's not like that for him."

Elijah's eyes flew to Billy at the mention of his name. He didn't like Viggo talking about their relationship, he may have wanted to understand, but this was more than he bargained for.

Still, maybe there was a grain of truth in the words. Then he tried to pull back to less precious, less personal things. "So you raped me 'cos I'm special?"

Viggo looked confused, "No, yes, I …" his eyes went from Billy to Elijah. "I wanted everything to be special for you, you deserved perfection. Somehow in my mind I thought I could make it perfect for you. You have to believe me on this Elijah." For the first time since he had started speaking, Viggo's eyes filled with fervour. "I honestly wasn't trying to hurt you."

"But you did anyway," Billy mumbled, mostly to himself.

Viggo went on. "I wanted your first time to be as special and as beautiful as you are and…" he looked away, his eyes dropping, his voice losing its passion, becoming dull once more. "For some reason I thought only I could do that. I wanted to make it perfect but instead it was just ugly and dirty and cruel."

"You got it all so wrong," Elijah said quietly.

"I know. But sex can be nasty or meaningless and I didn't want that for you."

"I've had that, nameless sex, after a bit it's no good. What I have with Billy is so much better."

"I can see that now, the way he looks at you," Viggo's eyes travelled around the people in the room. "He loves you and it's a good, clean, healthy love … you're lucky. I hope you realise that."

"I do," Elijah whispered, looking at Billy.

"And I'm so very sorry Elijah. Really very sorry indeed."

Elijah shook his head, trying to clear it, then he turned back to Viggo. "So you bloody well should be, and you'd better stay away from us, but … it's sorted. It's done now and I'm moving on."

Sorted? Done? How could it be sorted or done? Billy thought. Viggo had raped his Elijah, it could never be done. Once more he felt like he didn't understand what was going on and he didn't understand Elijah's reaction. How could he be so cool and calm? Why wasn't his blood boiling with a rage that was barely under control like Billy's?

But Elijah obviously didn't feel like that. He smiled at Billy, their hands sliding over each other, before he moved out the door, head bowed in conversation with Peter. Elijah was as calm and sensible and professional as ever. Billy wanted to kill someone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Billy moved as close as possible, pushing his face almost into Viggo's. "I don't care if you've made some kind of peace with 'Lijah, you'll never make peace with me," he ground out between clenched teeth. "I may not be your size but right now I could easily rip you apart with my bare hands. Give me an excuse, any excuse at all, and I promise you I will."

"I can understand you're angry..." Viggo started.

"Angry? Are you fucking mental?" Billy was only just holding onto his temper, his voice low, crackling with emotion. "You raped Elijah, my Elijah, I'm not angry, I'm fucking livid."

"You need to let some of that go, for your own sake."

"How about I let it go by kicking the shit out of you."

"If you think it would help." Such a typically Viggo thing to say, but such a stupid thing.

It was a step too far for Billy, pent up rage came flooding to the surface as all his muscles tensed, a hot sea of red flooding his senses, his normal nature lost to the pounding in his skull. Elijah, his Elijah ... it hurt so much just to think of him being held down and this man had...

It was like watching an art house movie, maybe something Japanese, probably in black and white. Stylised violence, slow motion, only it was real. It was Billy's arm going back, his fist clenching, connecting with Viggo's passive jaw.

No hands went up to protect the face, no effort to save the soft areas of his body as blow after blow rained down upon him. Viggo sat there, immobile, open, as Billy let go of the control he had maintained for Elijah's sake. Elijah, his Elijah. He continued to hit out until tears pricked at his eyes.

A few more half-hearted blows and the silent tears were flowing freely down his face.

"Billy," it was Elijah's quiet voice from just inside the doorway, where he had stood watching. "You should stop now."

Billy stopped, his hand held high, his fist still clenched. Elijah moved forward, taking Billy's hand in his, bringing it down, opening it and kissing the palm. "It's over now, all finished," he whispered. Turning, he looked at Viggo. "Go away, we don't want you here." And Viggo went and he was forgotten as Elijah's attention went back to Billy. He held the older man's face lightly between his hands, running his thumbs under Billy's eyes, scooping up the last of the tears.

"I love you," he said quite calmly, "We're going to be okay."

Billy let out a long breath, unaware he had been holding it. For a moment he rested his forehead against Elijah's, but then pulled himself up straight again. "What happens now?" he asked.

"Now?" Elijah gave a small smile. "Now we finish the film and then … then we walk off into the sunset holding hands."

Billy smiled back. "Doves flying round our heads as flowers spring up under our feet?"

"That's the idea. If it was a movie in the last scene we'd have a giant heart around us until the screen fades completely."

Billy sighed and kissed Elijah's hand. "I love you too, don't know why, but I do."

"That's all right then. We're going to have our troubles, it's early days, but we'll be all right. We'll get there."

"We'll get there," Billy echoed and he really thought they would.

Fins

Part 3
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