Uh, like, when we first came in, the bar lady never charged us for the first round.... [Blues Brothers]
Give me that thing! I thought we threw this out? Don't play with Satan! He's evil! Back to hell! [Soul Man]
....Who put the blue T-rex in the mashed potatoes? [Soul Man]
What? [Soul Man]
It annoys the hell outta me. [Soul Man]
(Singing 'Natural Woman') [Soul Man]
....Asexual. [Soul Man]
Call the pumkin! [Soul Man]
Oh, that's cool. [Soul Man]
Dear Lord, we have monsters under the bed again. [Soul Man]
(Sings 'Devil With The Blue Dress') [Soul Man]
Somebody died. [Soul Man]
There may not be a hell, but we know two things. Heat burns, and you don't like it. [Soul Man]
....Then the pole fell on me. I've been going to church ever since. [Soul Man]
Daddy, what's virginity? It's the state below Maryland. [Soul Man]
Oliver Marley was a man. He was a tall man.... [Soul Man]
Partied for weeks on that! [Soul Man]
Let's kick some ass! [Trading Places]
Two poached eggs, scrape of the milky white stuff, hash browns, well done, english muffin for the bread and a coffee. [Grosse Point Blank]
Aw, f^ck you guys! [Grosse Point Blank]
(Woo's, boom and a laugh) [Grosse Point Blank]
Like I'm gonna blow a bullet hole in your f^ckin' forehead and I'm gonna f^ck the brain hole! [Grosse Point Blank]
Of course! [Grosse Point Blank]
Poodle pumper. Hound hitter. Pooch puncher. [Grosse Point Blank]
Bing-bing-bing-bing bang! Popcorn! [Grosse Point Blank]
Why don't you just go and shoot the f^cker, huh? [Grosse Point Blank]
So, what are you gonna do? Are you gonna throw that gun at me? [Grosse Point Blank]
....Snaked the Detroit job from under me. [Grosse Point Blank]
Workers of the world, unite! Look at that. Empty. [Grosse Point Blank]
....I'll tell you when you get a cigarette!.... [Diamonds]
Just shut up and get your little a$$ in the car! [Diamonds]
I'm glad I made your day! [Diamonds]
Screw 'em. [Diamonds]
Hey! That biker just flipped me off! [Diamonds]
....We totally ultra rock. [Diamonds]
....So fast, it will make your head spin. [Diamonds]
I was gonna make 'em, too! I was in the mood! [Celtic Pride]
But, Jimmy Flaherty does have a gun. Doesn't he? [Celtic Pride]
Sit down! Please!.... [Celtic Pride]
I am sick and tired of your bullsh^t! [Celtic Pride]
Hey, come on! You don't wanna play with Flaherty, now. He's crazy! [Celtic Pride]
....Cos Jimmy Flaherty is so tired of Louis Scott's in-your-head mental telepathy bullsh^t! [Celtic Pride]
(Freaks out about jail and Sings 'Play That Funky Music White Boy) [Celtic Pride]
(Sings 'Shaka Khan') [Celtic Pride]
(Dan says a bunch of strange baby names) [She's Having A Baby]
....Penis envy? Come on, now. Penis envy. Girls, come on, we're all in this together.... [The Couch Trip]
Nymphomaniacs? Don't let me out of your sight. Nymphomaniacs, please, come with me. Thank you very much. [The Couch Trip]
So I should use alternative terms like d^ck, wang.... [The Couch Trip]
Premature ejaculators and non-ejaculators.... [The Couch Trip]
....But, but, I don't want you Becker. I want the girl. This isn't fair.... [The Couch Trip]
Okey, Yuri, your are getting sexually excited as I sit here and talk about transmission repare. [The Couch Trip]
(Dan torments John on the telephone) [Neighbors]
(Dan pretends he wants to cut off girl's leg) [Neighbors]
(Eek noises) [Neighbors]
(Goofy laugh) [Neighbors]
Hahahahaha! I'm a bug! Hahahaha ah! Eeee! [1941]
You! Have a really serious wardrobe problem, kid. [1941]
(Dan sings an Army march tune) [1941]
(Dan hums the Perry Mason Theme) [Twilight Zone]
(Dan hums the Car 54 Theme) [Twilight Zone]
(Dan hums the Hawaii 5-O Theme) [Twilight Zone]
Hey, you wanna see somethin' really scary? [Twilight Zone]
You wanna see it? [Twilight Zone]
OK, this is really, really scary, now! [Twilight Zone]
Are you ready? [Twilight Zone]
....All tangled up in each other's a$$ hairs! [2001 Saturday Night Live]
(Elwood and Mack sing "The Letter") [2001 Saturday Night Live]
No pee-pee hole! [Loose Cannons]
(Dan does a Mr. Scott from Star Trek impression) [Loose Cannons]
(Dan does a meledy of Star Trek impressions) [Loose Cannons]
(Dan does a roadrunner impression) [Loose Cannons]
(Dan does a Popeye impression) [Loose Cannons]
F^ck you! [Dying To Get Rich]
Good luck in hell! [Saturday Night Live 2002]
(Dan sings part of I'm Goin' To Jackson) [Regis & Kelly]
You gotta be sh!ttin' me! [Evolution]
Devil of a headache! Quite knocked out by it. [House Of Mirth]
It's always the same old story. You can't give me five minutes, but are charming to others. [House Of Mirth]
Ah! Ah! An eye! An eye! Jesse, there's no eye in here! [My Stepmother Is An Alien]
(Dan sings like Jimmy Durante) [My Stepmother Is An Alien]
Ah, Doctor Jones! I'm Art Weber! [Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom]
I spoke with your assistant. Uh, we've managed to secure three seats. But, there might be a slight inconvenience as you will be riding on a cargo full of live poultry. [Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom]
It's the best I could do at such short notice. Heaven's! Aren't you Willie Scott, the famous American female vocalist? [Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom]
(Katey Sagal and Dan perform the closing credits to Loose Cannons) [Loose Cannons]
Oh, wow. That's a drag. [Saturday Night Live]
No, man! [Saturday Night Live]
Like, we garnish it with insects that I scrape off the windshield of my van, you know? [Saturday Night Live]
Last night, when I got home, I had to grab onto the lawn to keep from falling off the Earth. [According To Jim]
