I am typing this with a very heavy heart. Only a few people know about this, but now I am finally going to have the courage to type this all out.
This may be shocking news to some, but I am not going to do this page anymore. I am too hurt to continue to this and literally, creating this page has torn me apart.
For many to have read my Site History, they only know half of the story of why I created this page. The other half, which I am about to tell you, is in two sections.
One of the two reasons I created this page was because I was lonely. I moved from a very small town to a huge city and have been having a lot of trouble adjusting. I was very lonely without my old friends, so I went to the internet, I guess you could say, "to become popular." I've always loved the HP books, so I decided to create a page about them. I wanted to be unique so internet people would like me. At that time, there was only one other Emma Watson site, so I decided to make one too. It took about a month, but then I began to feel popular! My site got many hits and I got hundreds of emails a week. It was then, though, that other Emma sites appeared. This may sound really bad, but then I became very jealous of those sites and tried to do whatever I could to be the best. I updated everyday, tried to get unique pictures and added on new features regularly. This soon became a desperate cry for help. I was now spending all of my free time staring at the computer screen - my only source of friends, popularity and fame. I began to feed on it for happiness, but it never seemed to give me any. Now, I have reached the end. Seeing all the other Emma sites out there, I have realized that I can no longer compete.
The other reason I started my page was a really stupid one - so stupid, I really don't want to put it on my page, but I figured that you all want the truth. The other reason I started my page was because I had a dream that the real Emma would be surfing on the internet one day, she would see my site and she would be proud of what I have done. Then, she would invite me to come and meet her. It may sound really bad, but I was so lonely that I believed that anything was possible. Reality really hurts, though and I got a real good slap of it. I'm honestly ashamed that I thought that this dream would really happen and I wished that I never thought it.
I just wanted to be special. that is pretty much why I started this page. Now, though, I have realized that you don't go to the internet to feel important. In fact, everytime I went on my computer, I would start to feel less like a person because I was losing my life to a machine.
I hope you all respect my decision. I am not really sure if I am going to give up my page to another person, or just keep it and update it when I feel like it. It's something I'm going to decide for myself.
Hermione Fan
January 21, 2002
