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| PITSTOP: ON THE ROAD AGAIN BY KE'ANNA |
CHAPTER 1 |
But that would come. She thought about how as time went by, Starr had come to seem like her own daughter. Starr had awaked in her maternal instincts she never knew she had. She remembered how full her heart felt when she held an infant Starr in her arms while Todd caressed them both with his beautiful eyes.
Tea’s hand unconsciously stole to and rested on her flat belly, wishing a baby that she and Todd made together were growing inside. That also would come. Plenty of time, she told herself, plenty of time. That is, if she could just be patient and allow things to take their natural course. She sighed. Patience wasn’t really her strong suit, that was for sure, but she would try and try hard. For Todd. And for herself.
Todd, for his part, was studying the road as he drove, stealing frequent glances out of the corner of his eye at the passenger seat, making sure this was really happening and that the woman he loved was indeed sitting next to him, ready to travel with him to wherever he wanted to go. He wouldn’t be alone anymore.
She came, Manning, he thought, Just like you thought she would. We are meant to be. Its us against the world and the world better watch out. The thought of him and Tea taking on anything and everything that came at them: challenges greater than any Buchanan, made him want to smile. He took his eyes off the road for a quick glance at Tea, wondering what she was thinking. She was watching him intently, smiling slightly. Having her look at him like that made him feel naked. Like she was looking inside of him to his soul. He never knew having someone look at him could be so scary and thrilling at the same time. He was beginning to realize just exactly what had happened at that cabin before. They were beginning to open their hearts to each other. There was no room for fear, only love. His eyes met hers and the smile that threatened to come out was pulling at his lips.
Tea was smiling back at him. He decided to take the plunge and mention something that had been worrying his mind just the tiniest bit when he’d been waiting for her at the cabin.
“You know Delgado,” he ventured, “I can’t tell you how glad I am that you came with me. I thought you might, you know...hate me, or something.” He started to laugh a “Isn’t that ridiculous” laugh and stopped when he saw that Tea wasn’t laughing or even smiling. She was quiet, pensive, seeming to gather her thoughts before she spoke.
“Delgado?”
“Todd, can you look at me for a second?” she asked. Her quiet, serious tone began to frighten him. Maybe he shouldn't have said it. Maybe he jinxed things somehow.
“Can’t,” he replied, his eyes focused on the road, “Driving.”
“Well, in that case, pull over, would you please?” Her no-nonsense voice threatened him with a smile again, but he fought it off. It wouldn’t do to smile if there was going to be trouble. Still, he didn’t want to refuse, that might make things worse.
“Okay, but you know, you’re going to put us behind schedule here.”
“I’ll risk it.”
Without another word, Todd pulled over to the side of the road and shut the motor off.
“Okay, you can look at me now.”
Reluctantly, he dragged his eyes over to hers. They were serious, somber, but not angry. He became honestly interested in what she had to say, and looked at her expectantly.
“Okay, so I'm looking at you. What?”
“I think this is a good time for me to be completely honest with you, us with each other. At times, I did hate you. A lot. I was so hurt and angry that I just didn’t know what to do with it. But you know what they say, there’s a thin line between love and hate. I wouldn’t have been so angry if I didn’t love you so much, okay? And I do love you, Todd. I do.”
Todd nodded quietly.
“It’s okay that you can’t say it yet,” she said, “We have plenty of time, and I know how you feel about me. You show it. You came back for me, didn’t you? You swept me off my feet in your...own...weird little way...” She giggled like a child. “And Im ready to follow you to the ends of the earth if that's where you want to go. Because I love you. Never ever doubt that.”
“I don’t,” he said, “I just, well, I don't want you to be disappointed or wish that you didn’t come with me. I want you to be happy, preferably with me.”
“Well, I am with you. I don’t have any illusions about what we’re doing. This is no fairytale. This is real life. This is us, and if we’re going to make it work, *we* have to work, really hard, you know?”
“I think I know where you’re going with this, Delgado. You’re talking head shrinkers? What’s it called, couple’s counseling?
“For a start.”
“You think that’ll help? I don’t.”
“Well, we wont know until we try it. I have to ask you something Todd, since you brought the subject up. Something important for both of us.” How to say this, she thought, how to find the right words. Better just say it.
“Todd, have you been...getting help...since you’ve been gone?”
“Help?” he frowned as if he’d never heard the word before.
“You know, for your problems. I mean the DID--”
“--Isn’t real,” he finished for her, “Everybody knows that.” But there was no conviction in his voice and Tea picked up on that.
“Well, whether it is or not is not the issue. I really think that you need to talk to someone, if for nothing else than to deal with the abuse you suffered at the hands of your father--”
Todd stared out at the horizon, but said nothing.
“Look Todd, I really don’t know what is going on with you, but there is something that’s eating at you, anyone can see that, and I don't think we are going to stand a chance until you can talk to someone about it Now, you say the DID was fake. Was...was your father...you know...what he did...was that real or a lie?”
Todd turned toward her, pain so bright in his eyes that she began to wish that she hadn’t asked, but she knew she had to and she knew what the answer was.
“My poor Todd,” she sighed as she took his hand and caressed it against her cheek.
“Tea, please, I don’t want to talk about my old man, okay?”
“Okay, but you have to promise me something, just a little thing, that when we get to...wherever we’re going, after we settle in, promise that you’ll call someone to help you talk over your problems.”
“I have someone. You.”
“And I would love nothing more than to talk to you about anything you want, but you know, you need someone better equipped to help you understand how your feeling. Don’t rely on me too much. You have to help you. This is just a first step for you to take. I need to take my own first steps and we can support each other.”
“No way, Delgado, Im not talking to some quack about my father. He was not a nice man. Can’t we leave it at that?”
“I wish we could but we can’t, you know that. And its not just about your father that you need help with. You know that too. Come on Todd,” she smiled, “I promise I wont let anyone shrink your head.”
Todd smiled back in spite of himself. “When did you get so weird, Delgado?”
“Someone’s bad influence on me, I guess,” she said, laughing, “You make me feel weird sometimes, but wonderful. What do you say Todd, can we try it?”
He shrugged. “Whatever.”
“Good enough...for now. Thank you Todd.” She planted a small, but tender kiss on his cheek. When he didn’t pull away, she kissed him again softly on the lips. Todd grunted and started the car, but she could see the obvious pleasure in his eyes. “Let’s roll,” she said, “Our destiny awaits.”
“Destiny, here we come,” she added, smiling, and she settled more comfortably into her seat. And for the first time, she really felt that things were going to be alright. Todd would heal and so would she. Time would pass and the babies would come. Destiny.
