He had been going crazy. Nick hadn't been used to this rush of feelings occupying his mind and making his heart speed up during the last past weeks. So many ideas... complex feelings... he didn't know what was real or what was just on his imagination.

He had been so amazingly afraid that he could be falling in love with her... He had a girlfriend, he loved Ellie, but just some little things... some little words... Some little gestures... Yeah, he had been afraid he was falling in love with Lucy. His best friend's girlfriend, Brian's soul mate.

This had been just driving Nick insane. He could no longer sleep at night, he could no longer look at her and Brian without feeling guilty. He knew they were soul mates, they had been through so much to be together, and now that they had finally found their way back to each other's arms there he was, confusing himself, afraid of a feeling that would ruin his life. Yes, because he would never act on those feelings. Brian was his best friend, Brian was his brother, Nick'd die before causing him such pain.

And specially after Ellie had a nightmare about someone else stealing Nick's heart... What wouldn't he give to know who was it! Lucy...? Could it be? Why the hell had this been going on?

Though weeks. Confusing, he was desperate. But suddenly... You see how funny life is... so magical, so mysterious. After two weeks being wild in fear and imagining to be desperately in love with the one he could never have, Nick finally realized this whole feeling had been nothing more than a crush. A physical attraction that joined the big care and love Brian had to her. He had always been connected to Brian, no wonder he would love and care for something that Brian also cherished.

But he was happy now. Nick was happy because he realized he wasn't in love with Lucy. He loved her like a friend, Brian was in love with her, she was in love with Brian. They belonged together, and Nick would always love them both as two best friends.

He realized none of his feelings towards Ellie had changed. After all this confusion he still loved and cared for her just like he had during the last months. Nothing could be more perfect in his life.

Some stories in life just won't have a 'knot' to seal them, thats just how reality goes. Not everything we feel has a reason, and Nick understood this after talking to Lucy. He had almost confessed to be in love with her, asking if she had already been confused about who did she love...

Nick grinned.

So silly! He would be doing just the biggest mistake ever. Confusing Lucy, putting more fire in this burning flame, when what he felt was a little crush, she was beautiful, and the amazing care he had learned to develop being Brian's best friend.

Now on his way to meet Ellie Nick was feeling so light... so in peace.

It had been three days since he had had that talk with Lucy, where he almost made a mistake. Since then she had been busy with Nihilist and Brian hadn't given news since he went to the hospital to visit Leighanne. He only called Nick, the other fellas and Lucy a couple of times saying that a few things were keeping him stuck right now, but he would meet them as soon as possible.

Nick wondered if something had happened at the hospital when he visited Leighanne. Had she tried to kill herself again? Nah... if so they would probably know by now.

Nick sighed deeply, extremely content with life as he approached Ellie's house in his car. It was already night and there was nothing he wanted more than to be with his girl. He had been too confused, wasting much time in a feeling that after all wasn't what he thought. A care that he was almost confusing as being in love... damn, what a mess he wouldn't've done!

He was so proud he was able to figure it all out on his own... Yeah, Nick Carter was no longer the little immature blondie... He was an adult now, and he went through a common problem. It took him some time, but he was definitely able to clear up his feelings before he caused any damage.

The sight of Ellie welcoming him at her front door only made Nick even more sure. He was never in love with Lucy. His true feelings never changed. He smiled warmly at her.

"Hey baby..." - Nick smiled widely before kissing her lips softly.

"Nicky... Come in." - she smiled too.

He walked in the house feeling so carefree, so happy.

"Whats up baby, huh? I missed you..." - Nick put an arm around her and tried to pull Ellie into a hug.

"Er... Nick... Come here baby, sit down." - Ellie made a sign for Nick to sit on the living room's couch. - "We need to talk."

Nick looked at her with a wicked smile on his face, not really liking or understanding what was about to happen.

"Sure... what is it?"

Ellie took a deep breath.

"Nick... you and the Brian have been the best friends I've ever had. You guys helped me when I was so hopeless... That day you two found me after my manager tried to abuse me... I had no more strength to go on living. Brian with his care and you with your love... You two warmed up my life and heart, Nick..."

"Why are you bringing this all up, baby?" - Nick asked confused.

"Just to mention that I'll never forget what you did to me. You two." - she paused for a long time. - "And now... Oh God, Nick... I loved you so bad... really! You have no idea how much you changed my life."

She looked at him smiling sheepishly.

"Loved?" - Nick emphasized the verb tense.

Ellie looked at her lap before locking eyes with Nick again.

"Nick... I met someone else. Its been a little while I know this guy... we used to be just friends, I never ever knew I loved him! But then... last night something happened between us and we both realized we were in love..."

"You had sex with him." - Nick said emotionless.

"Nick! Oh please, you have to understand it! We are in love... I can't fool you anymore. I thought I loved you, I really did!"

"So... guess I was not the only one who realized something these last three days." - Nick said sadly.

"What?"

Nick took a deep breath.

"I thought I was in love with Lucy, ok?" - 'wow, that was not hard to say!' Nick thought. He always thought that he would die before telling this to someone, but now that he understood what he felt for her, or what he didn't feel for her, it was so normal saying this to someone.

"And you realized you aren't?" - Ellie asked a bit hurt.

"No, I am not. I confused the care Brian taught me to have for her as love. I'm not in love with her, never was. I figured it out on my own, I also figured that my feelings for you were still there and never changed." - now it was Nick's turn to sound hurting.

"Oh, baby... I'm sorry. But Jack... I'm so in love with him, I've never felt anything like this before! I'm so sorry... I think we will always love each other, Nick. But not in love anymore..."

Nick looked at her and smiled weakly.

"I love you Ellie. I want to have you as a friend, maybe after a few months... But I believe we both need some time right now..."

"I knew you would understand!"

Nick thought he should be much worse with the news, but he actually was just sad. He liked Ellie's companionship, liked to talk to her, to look at her, to sleep with her... But maybe she was right, they didn't have that fire... that love burning within like he could see it happened between Brian and Lucy. And Nick wanted that too. He wanted to find his soul mate just like his best friend had found with Lucy.

He loved Ellie, but now he didn't think he was ever in love...

"So... Jack, huh?" - Nick shook his head playfully and they grinned, Ellie's eyes shinning.

------------------------------------------------------------

Three days and he still hadn't built courage enough to do what he had to. Now he didn't have a choice. He had to do what was right, he was always taught to do so. And that was what he had done.

Brian was sat in his house's living room, wondering how would he do that... how explain to Lucy what had happened? How make her see what had happened... what couldn't happen? How hurt her like this... just how hurt his little angel... his wild baby kitten...

Brian fought back the tears once again as he remembered what had happened three days before.

* * *

He entered the room shaking slightly, and his heart almost kept him from breathing, so fast it beat when he saw Leigh lying on that bed with her mother by her side.

"Hey Brian." - Leigh said weakly.

"Hey."

Mrs. Wallace gave him a frozen look, silently blaming him for her daughter being in that bed at that time. And there was more, but Brian didn't see the secret shine behind them. She was sure that by this time Brian already knew the good news... She had planned with the doctor that she would tell Brian about the supposed baby before he even entered the room. And by the serious and shocked face he had, she could bet the plan had worked out.

Brian sighed deeply and slowly, approaching his wife's bed.

He took her hand and looked at her warmly. It was taking all he had not to break down.

"So... how are you?" - he asked with difficulty.

"I'm fine. The doctor said I'll be able to leave in one week." - she smiled.

"Good." - Brian smiled weakly. He had no real strength to smile.

He sat on another chair by her side while Leigh's mom kept him under her sight.

Brian looked at her, he didn't want to wait anymore, he had to know if that was true...

"Leigh... is it true that you are pregnant with our baby?" - Brian asked with teary eyes. They should be from happiness, but they weren't. He was sad, so amazingly sad and guilty. How could this have happened? Why now? Just why now, oh God!

Leighanne looked at him seriously, studying for any signs of disbelief. She found nothing but despair in Brian's wet eyes, and that was how she knew their plan had succeed. She knew exactly how to act, she had talked this over and over with her mother.

"Yes..." - she looked at her lap, acting. - "I'm sorry..." - she said sheepishly before starting to cry. - "I'm so sorry for ruining your life!" - she sobbed.

"Shhh... its not your fault, Leigh... we did this together." - Brian said friendly, his heart breaking inside.

"You don't hate me?" - she stared at him fearfully.

Her mom was so proud! She always knew Leighanne was an actress. The girl was a natural...

Brian smiled again.

"Of course not... you'll be the mother of my child."

Leighanne smiled briefly before saddening again.

"No, I won't. You'll leave me for Lucy."

Brian's heart got bigger just hearing her name. He could still feel her soft brown hair around his neck when they woke up. He fought back to urge to cry.

"I won't anymore. If you are gonna have my baby I have to stay with you, I'm the father, right?"

"I don't want you to be with my daughter only because of this kid. She can raise the baby just fine by herself and with my help." - the woman said, just another part of the plan... just to make sure Brian wouldn't think twice.

And for sure he wouldn't let his child be raised by Leigh and her mother. That woman would make the child hate him! Brian couldn't let this happen...

"No, I'll be with Leigh because I like her."

Leighanne's eyes shone. She knew she'd have to wait before hearing the word love out of his lips, but it was totally worth it. She knew Brian, and the flash of pain in his eyes made her heart break a little, but deep inside she was sure she would be able to make it up for this Lucy girl and Brian wouldn't even remember her. Besides, they would really have a baby as soon as possible.

The woman looked coldly at Brian, bubbling with joy within herself. Score! They had played just fine... She kept a smile from showing up, while Brian almost cried holding Leigh's hands into his.

He didn't know how he was gonna do that. He had no idea how, or even if he could survive without Lucy. But he had made it once... he could learn again... right?

Was it possible to have any kind of life out of her arms like when they slept wrapped on each other's body? Lucy... the wild kitten... the teenager he met years ago... That he fell for, that went away... The one he wrote Thats What She Said for... Could he really let her go? All the pain he had already felt and that had almost killed him... again?

He had loved her. Brian had known the feeling of loving Lucy, of having her, the true happiness and completion... His true love.

This wasn't supposed to have happened, not now... But what could he do? It was a baby... his own blood... he couldn't just pretend it wasn't there...

Brian looked at Leigh, into her eyes. He felt nothing but agony. If he did what he was about to do all chances of being truly happy and loved, of living through life with his soul mate would be gone.

'... Sometimes we do things against our will...' - Brian remembered a line of a song he wrote.

"I'm gonna be with you, Leigh. I'm gonna raise our baby with you."

Chapter 23
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