Below is the tracklisting for Giovanni & Sebastians' new masterpiece 'Inskora' - over several hours in the making and still moist from the furious and sweaty mixing, Balthus Inc can now reveal the full track-listing...
1. Land Of The Eagles
Albanian pride is ejaculated vehemently and passionately by Giovanni in this, his own personal tribute to his homeland.
"I wish this to become the national anthem for my country and," he commented a few minutes ago "it will be obligitory to stand whenever this song is played" he continued.
2. Dancing With Mr. T
Already known to many as the b-side to the million selling* 'My Hideous Illegitimate Daughter' a welcome return for this classic lesson in world peace.
(* approx figure)
3. People Get Ready
A rare chance to hear Sebastian sing of his lost youth in the chain gangs of the deep south (of Albania)
"Massa never feed me maw banyans" he sobbed from his 24 bedroomed mansion plus tennis courts, swimming pool and theme park in Mbishkodra.
4. Bream In Cream
Recognised as the official dish of Albania, Giovanni sings of the best temperature to cook the fish and adds helpful hints regarding pre-heating the oven.
5. Ivory Clock Tower
The whingings of an aged dwarf. Whilst recording this song Tattoo was being bitten in the leg by Sebastian, if you listen carefully you can actually hear the popping of the dwarf's knee. "Those crazy guys!" laughed Tattoo in a specialist knee hospital.
6. I Say Potato
Giovanni says "po-tay-toe", Sebastian says "pa-tah-toe", Tattoo says "pa-too-tee" Find out what happens next in this rip roaring adventure in song.
7. Uncle Chugwin
"We all have our own Uncle Chugwin," mused Giovanni during his latest court case, "some of us know him through a friend, some of us are related to him, some of us are him. My Uncle Chugwin is all of the above, yet none of them. Do you see?"
8. Brie.
Dedicated to Sebastian's favourite cheese, 'Brie' is a mellow affair which tells the simple tale of one man's everyday dairy self-abusing fetishes.
9. It's All In The Papers
The Inski one opens his heart to the world and exposes a medical condition most of us could but dream of having. But then effulgency comes at a price.
10. Not Quite As Retarded
A sad story of Tattoo's secret yearning to aquire knowledge. "I never went to school," he boasts, "yet I am still a genius - one doesn't need to be able to read to be intelligent. The pictures tend to hold all the relevant clues for me."
11. Beloved Dead Celebrity
A tribute to the late great actress we all know and love. Sebastian explains, "We missed the Queen Mother, so we reverted back to the Monroe safety net - but we have kept the lyrics ambiguous enough for this to be the number one smash tribute song (all proceeds of the a-side will go to some charity or other) to that wonderful woman who touched all of us so much...(T.B.A)"
12. I've Got It
The joys of babysitters exhalted with glee by the irresponsible effulgent ones.
13. My Hideous Illegitimate Daughter
The million selling* classic exhumed, once more, yet still smelling as fresh as the day it died.
(*approx figure)
Yass.
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* Now - read what the fucking fans have to say.......
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SUPERNATURAL BADGER
Here is my review......but first I demand chocolate biscuits.
*makes badgery waiting noises*
Hmph. Ok I'lll setttle for a whole packet after I do my review.
Land of the Eagles
Welll, the begining guitar rifff reminds me of a song I once heard from a litttle known motion picture entitled "Billl and Ted's Excelent Adventure". The Song was called "Two Heads are Bettter than One". Ahhh the duck. A great hammmond solo at the end. Top tuneage.
Dancing With Mr T
Ahhh, this classsic ejaculation from the creative minds of G&S sounds as fresh today as when I bought my first patented mouldy brie colllector. Great stufff. Fucking Dawrf.
People Get Ready
Wooo, melllow like a goood cigar rollled on the thighs of dusky albanian girls. 1st classs tambourine playing. Smoooth.
Bream in Cream
A definate 60's feeel to this one. Stirs the hungry monster in my tummmy. I was already a fish fan, do you seee?
Ivory Clock Tower
Ohhh the angelic harmonies, ahhh the glorious ivory clock tower. This song picks a scene straight from one of my bettter badgerious dreams. *sighs*
I Say Potato
Yay!!! Great for head banging. Definatey one for the cd player in my steam powered roadroller. Grrrr bang bang bang.
I do see.
Uncle Chugwin
Cor, reminds me of....ummm can't mention names since the lawsuit. *wonders if his first name was Keith?*
Brie
Sexy bosanova, oohhhhhhhh is he eating his brie or something else? But he fails to specify if it is french or somerset brie, which I felt was important. Stilll a most erotic song. Phwaaaaaaaaaar.
It's Alll in the Papers
A song that could only have been writtten from the bittter pain of personal experience. It contains the angst and frustration of having ones personal life splashed acrosss the national press. Great coz it's true.
Not Quite as Retarded
Definately one for the clubs here with this level of inskoran beat. I await the hardcore version with great moistnesss.
Beloved Dead Celebrity
An Oasis feel to this song alllbeit a more relaxed interpretation. I have sung this song unknowingly for years about Peter Sellers and oneday I expect I shall sing it for an irish actor famed for his Athurian performance.
I've got It
I want It too. A song for the summer I feel. A dreamy acccent to the whole afffair. A tale of succcesss and masturbation.
My Hedious Illegitimate Daughter
What a tale of woe and disgust. A tradgy of inskora proportions. Why Why Why?!
Ahhh welll, to sum up, another great album by the Albaaaaahnian trio. I salute you with my brie (somerset) and my masturbative efforts.
........can I have my biscuits now?
SB
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YASSINSKI
Have listened to it a few times now and some of them are real growers!!
Land of the eagles.
A full on onslaught from the albanians and an interesting history lesson to boot. I was pleased to learn that Albainians used domesticated lions to hunt their badgers. You live and learn.
Dancing with mister T.
One of my favourites. So frustrating. Tell him. Tell him!!!
People get ready.
Mellow and smooooooth, sexy and cooooool. I love Tatoo's "bleats" on "just to save his own"
Bream in cream.
This song makes me grin. Lovely backing vocals and a very passionate song that made me feel happy, excited and hungry all in one!
Ivory clock tower.
A very pretty tune by the sweet dwarf with the big hat.
I say potato.
My favourite! Again Tatoo is subject to much abuse but he copes with it so well! I love the filthy laugh at the end.
Uncle chugwin.
A real grower. This is such a well crafted song and another favourite. Lovely acoustic guitars and mellow singing. Naughty, naughty uncle chugwin!
Brie.
Unlike the supernatural badger I didn't feel it was imporrtant to know whether the brie was somerset or french. Jazzy bop ba dooby cheese.
It's all in the papers.
A great song with lots of great backing vocals. Dwarfs are good at backing vocals it seems!
Not quite as retarded.
Love this. It bounces along and tells the tale of Tatoo's search for intelligence. He fails but doesn't care.
Beloved dead celebritry.
Beautiful melody, I cant wait for a celebrity to die so this can be released as a tribute single! It reminds me of something but I can't quite think what...
I've got it.
Summery, jangly, lovely melody. Theyve got it by jove!
My hidious illegitimate daughter.
Such an emotional song full of passion and regrets. I feel so sorry for poor Giovanni for his troubles.
Generation Sex.
Wow! What a suprise! My favourite member of the Albanian trio singing my favourite Divine Comedy song! Life doesn't get any better.
Phonecalls.
I loved these so much. Derek Jakobs & Mike Lovejoy are welcome to come visit any time they like. Oh and bring Kevin Badoo too and two duvets too. Blue ones!
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LUVLY JUICE
profuse appolgogs to the count for the dealy but here's my juicy review...
LAND OF THE EAGLES
From the planes and boats and trains opening we're thrown straight into an old TOTP theme. Shame that dwarf cant keep up with ole Giovanni though...
Groovy groovy hip toon *dons pans people stylee hot pants*
DANCING WITH MISTER T
What more can be said about this ever ingreasingly furiating question and answer session between Giovanni and the fucking dwarf? By the end it gets rather rude you c***!
PEOPLE GET READY
Is that Sebastian or Barry of the Whiteness? Some serously relaxin soul. Just fall back into that deep chocolately voice (whith a dwarf backing ) and chill...
BREAM IN CREAM
A quite desperate sounding Giovanni describes his wifies recipe for nutricious bream in cream - or does he???? A song of utter cooking juice completion... (with hints of groovy Jooles type jazzy piani playing)
IVORY CLOCK TOWER
Aaaaaah... harpsichordy erm chords accompany tattoos lament as he turns round and round and round and round with the hands of the clock and rrrrrreminisces of inskoran dwarven bliss. This one's dreamy though i do feel the great Val Doonican would have done a better job...
I SAY POTATO
A reworking of the classic arranged for 3 voices - therefore three different pronunciations in this one (the fucking dwarf's being the best obviously)
Really really rocks! (and my 12 year old loves it).
A sure fire hit if you ask me... ASK ME THEN YOU F****** C****!
UNCLE CHUGWIN
Oh that cheeky uncle chugwin - every family has one (i know mine does).
Another mellow toon if only you could ignore the lyrics...
BRIE
A snatch of seventies lift/american chainstore stylee moosic leads us into Sebastian's deep munching tones (if indeed thats what hes doing). Oooooh its brieeeeee... (nice use of keyboard and tooty flutes) Short but ever so sweet (much like Tattoo).
IT'S ALL IN THE PAPERS
Another raaaaaawking number from Giovanni. Yeah - here we go... Everything that poor debauched guy gets up to is in those papers...
NOT QUITE AS RETARDED
...or is he? Tattoo shows us the real him and the real pain he feels at being known as the fucking dwarf. He swears he's not but... awwww cry for him and his soft brain, he's as thick as pig shit really put hes a proud retard. An anthem of joy at having shit for brains. A great one for the disco floor - clap you hands now everybody...
BELOVED DEAD CELEBRITY
Giovanni and Tattoos moving tribute to errrrm... someone dead. Chorus chord progression reminiscent of one of the James Bond theme songs but cant remember what its called! - (you know -that one that goes dooo doodloo doodloo do)
I'VE GOT IT
Jolly tinkly little duet as Giovanni and Tattoo emit seminal fluid to their hearts content. You tell that count boys!
MY HIDEOUS ILLEGITIMATE DAUGHTER
From the almost religous sounding introduction you can feel the pain oozing from Giovanni on behalf of the poor cuckolded Count in this evocotive masterpiece. That guitar almost cries too... and nice hint of Beatlesque trumpeting at the climax. aaaaaaaand fade...
GENERATION SEX
A fantastic cover by the dwarven one! He's so cheeky rrrolling his rrrrs like that bless him
and if i may quote...
"ALL IN ALL A GREAT ALBUM OF OUR TIME WORTHY OF THE MUCH COVETED 5 STAR BRIE AWARD IN MY HUMBLE OPINION" - H from Steps writing in Badgers & Mash Hits Magazine
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ICKLE INSKI
My Ickle Review.
Land Of The Eagle
In the near future, when my dream comes to completion and I achieve Olympic Gold for my Lacrosse playing skills, this is the song I shall have played at the medal-giving-out-ceremony. Play this song and I defy you not to leap ‘pon your bed and start dancing in a hair-flipping, hip-swinging sort of way. Tattoo’s solo singing is unspeakably charming. A fantastic start to an amazing album.
Dancing With Mr. T
You FUCKING dwarf.
Quite, quite beautiful. If infuriating…
People Get Ready
Smooooooth vocals. Smooooooth song. Oooooh yeessss. Change key…
Bream In Cream
Bursting with glee? But who could fail to be, having heard this song? The sheer enthusiasm and obviously genuine delight of Giovanni’s vocals adds unspeakable superiority to this already wonderful track. A song that inspires a happiness in me so great that no other song since a certain ‘Pop Singer’s Fear of the Pollen Count’ has ever managed to achieve glee of its equal…
Ivory Clock Tower
One of my favourites actually. It is a lucky ick indeed who gets to fall asleep to the dulcet tones of Tattoo…
I Say Potato
One qualm… The same lucky ick, who we left softly drifting off to sleep in the last part of my review, finds herself rather rudely awoken by this track’s sudden start. She then cannot help but lie awake giggling and humming along and so proceeds to wake the entire household. Cry for her. An obvious favourite.
Uncle Chugwig
Such a haunting melody. Such poignant lyrics. Lovely guitar. There’s one in every family. Do you see?
Brie
Should one still so ickle have heard this? Of course. Play it to the world - spreading smiles and glee wherever the household name of Brie is heard. Ooooooooooooh… Brieee…
It’s All In The Papers
Love it! Another one to dance to I feel, (although this time it’s best to dance in pairs, swinging head from side to side whilst holding onto to your partner’s waist.) Driving guitar makes for a powerful track. Do you see?
Not Quite As Retarded
Bless him, a dwarf after my own heart… His plaintive quest for knowledge. His constant discrimination and mockanage. All he wanted was bendy balloons. There is a little Tattoo in all of us I think…
Beloved Dead Celebrity
BEATS THE SHIT OUT OF THE VERSION BY THAT FAT POOF!
My favourite track, I think.
I’ve Got It
Lovely rrrrrrrrr-ing by Tattoo, wicked guitar, nice tune and lovely lovely lyrics.
My Hideous Illegitimate Daughter
The obvious choice for the first single, yass… Such woe, such suffering… Why, oh why, oh why? But every tragic tale has its silver lining; this song has been the cause of much glee for the Inski colony of Bath, due to its incredibly high singalongability rating.
Generation Sex
The guitar!
The guitar!
The guitar!
*swooooons*
The Calls
Fantastic! Especially the Supernatural Badger. Kevin Bedoo scares me (but I like him…) One of my favourite moments in the entire album comes at the very end of his call concerning the antique vase – “Oh… Bye bye…” Eeeeeee, I love that guy… It’s the way he says it… Do you see?
Overall
For a long time I was terrified of the Albanians.
Thanks to certain individuals I overcame this fear and now words cannot express how grateful I am to them. To make up for lost Giovanni & Sebastian loving time, I will devote the rest of my days to their promotion in the South West.
The B-sides I cannot discuss at this time.
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SPONGE MONKEY
Way, way, way belated thanks for sending the G&S CD over - for various reasons, I didn't get to play it till a long journey in the car yesterday.
And boy was it worth waiting for! I thought it was excellent and some of the arrangements (not to mention the guitar playing - especially the blinding solo on 'Gen Sex'!) are superb.
Thanks again, mate, and we're looking forward to hearing more from the Albanian boys shortly.
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PINK LIZARD
Hi! Thanks for sending me my copy of the new album!
Very kind of you to send fifty of us it for free.
Thanks again.
K. x
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J.C.
Dearest Count Balthus,
I just got back from long holidays, and I was of the complete delight to find the latest G&S masterpiece in my mail box.
Although I didn't have time to listen to it yet (I shamefully admit) I wanted to publicly thank you and the artists on the bulletin board.
It just wouldn't let me!
My name is already in use, my other incredible made up name is already taken by somebody else, I've not respected the delay between posts when I didn't even post yet... all sorts of irritating messages which made me give up at the registration page step.
Maybe it's late or I'm just stupid, but thanks anyway for the postange of CD!!
I thank again!
Very yassly yours,
JC
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L
I got the cd yesterday all safe and sound.
Only had time to listen to it once, but I quite liked the mellow tune called 'Uncle Chungwy'. :-)
haven't been able to listen to the album properly yet (shame on me), but I'll post a review as soon as I have a bit of time.
Also: been trying to register on the G&S BB again and again, and it says that my username (L) is already taken, and when I put my usual password in (trying to log in, then), it says it doesn't match.
Maybe you could clear my username from the database (and whatever password was used with it) and once it's done I'll give it another try.
Will probably play it more extensively at work from Monday ha ha ha!!! (they already think I'm mad anyway)
PS: Each time I hear your cover I have the sudden urge to dance with a kumkwat on me head, I just can't help it
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SUPERNATURALINSKA
multi-congratulanges to your fabulouz triplet.
Inskora is a wind of fresh air, splashed full in your face.
"I say Potato" is really great and the amazing "Brie" reminds me the delight of being in France.
Btw dear count have you ever been in France?
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BORNAGE YASSTERDAY
Wooooooooooooooooooo!
Got Inskora yassterday! Thanks, Count!
However, when played oout loud in the early morning it appears to attract dozens of howling badgers to my back garden, especially during Bream in Cream.
What do I do with them?
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MR BENNINSKI
Ah, just look at meeeeee,
la la laaa la la laaa la, la la la la laaa laaa,
I'm bursting with gleeeeee,
la la laaa la la laaa la, la la la la laaa laaa,
You ask me why just so I seeeeeemmmmmmmmmmmmmmm,
because I've received the Inskora
Dreeeeaaaaammmmmmmmmmmm!
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JON-SENIOR
*pulls on angry angst-ridden nme-reader cap*
giovanni and sebastian have sold out.
their former album 'Yass' was a brilliant masterpiece of underground music, but 'inskora' has clearly been tailor made for widespread appeal. What next? G+S on CD:UK? Tattoo the Dwarf being interviewed on Rise? (continues for many months)
no, it's great, of course. do you see?
i'd like to hear a pet-sounds 'inspired' version of 'i just wasn't made for this height'
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DAGADA DAGADA
I absolutely love it.
Plus, everyone I've played it to has asked where they can buy it, which is nice. One even commented that Not Quite As Retarded is almost quite poigniant. Quite simply, tis very good by any standards. I keep finding myself humming Bream and Daughter, too.
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GEORDIE
A triumph, that "difficult" second album has been mastered, can't wait for the completion of the trilogy!
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LILYPOD
It was rampantly enjoyable
Okay, so it's not on 'Inskora', but I found this of 'Tattoo The Confessor'! His furtive playing of the 'Countdown' theme....
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AIRBOY PAUL
ah yass, i've given it a couple of listenings to since of the returnage to sunny dee land. i'll listen more sometime for a more bigger opinion cuz i'm in cd overload time at the moment kinda.
totally loved the crank phone call thingies at the end. greatness.
plus, any chance of tattoo escaping the evil cheesey grasp of his giovanni and sebastian overlords and releasing a solo album dedicated to all of his dwarf needs? i'm sure count balthus would be only too happy to exploit the public with more cds and merchandise.
the tiny shit of a dwarf really is a wonder to this world!
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MATTSENIOR
Inskora is the only album that could possibly follow Yass. Can there be any higher praise?
A masterpiece! A triumph! It's groin-grabbingly good!
*Makes mental note to do a proper review for G and S (plus dwarf) bb.*
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BENNY J
Well, obviously some tracks are better than others, but the thing is just epic. The songs range in style, opulence and grandeousity to the extent that after five minutes play, I weep. "I Say Potato" should definitely be released; may I recommend an Eminem-style rap version of this? That'd kick ass.
Also, is there any chance of a reworking of Promenade? Eh? Eh? Can't think of a good name (except "Limonade", though that sucks rabid donkey loins), but it's still a damned good idea.
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