Giovanni & Sebastian Timeline

1948-1985

• Sep 14 1948 – Giovanninski Petra de Scrivolskarda's parents fled the ruins of wartorn Germany where his father was persecuted by the Russians for his innocent involvement with the processing centres in Poland - his mother was forced to abandon her prosperous business of fashioning officers’ uniforms for the German army - in poverty they fled across Europe, settling finally in Gjirokastra, Albania, where they knew they would be safe from the oppression of the Wiesental organisation.
• Sep 15 1948 – Giovanni was born.
• Oct 23 1950 – Sebastianinskora da Himmleraski Gros-Schrotta born in the Albanian village of Butrinti (Bothrota) in dense vegetation, his mother farming stoats for the lucrative Vietnamese porn industry and his father owning a parsley farm just to the east of Mali i Gj’r (The Wide Mountain). His twelve elder brothers were sent to live with an Anglican missionary, but Sebastian remained in the snug nub of vegetabloid life.
• Dec 21 1950 – Count Balthus Balthazar Klossowski De Rola born in Mbishkodra, heir to the magnificent Balthus estate and 3rd in line to the King of Albania.
• Oct 30 1956 - Mrs Nezrinski put in Macedonian psychiatric unit after giving birth to Tattoo, by mistake.
• Apr 3 1962 - Giovanni and Sebastian both attend the Mali i Gj'r School for Boys - Giovanni expelled after waving his genitals to the head boy - reinstated after he claimed he had merely been suffering 'pre-pubescant tension'
• Aug 8 1973 - Sebastian, showered in controversy marries a childhood sweetheart, Ingriskid Nyinyik - she had been the childhood sweetheart of his illigitimate son, Bob - "Where I come from" he said, "the age of consent is 3"
• Sep 5 1974 - Tattoo the dwarf makes his acting debut in the sci-fi classic 'They Came From Bournvadus' as a bar of chocolate
• Jun 14 1975 - Count Balthus begins his managerial career with Macedonian jugglers Pugh & Hugh, The Fist Brothers - tragedy abounds, however, when Pugh suffers massive internal bleeding after Hugh tried to juggle his kidneys.
• Jan 18 1978 - Giovanni & Sebastian agree to form a musical duo with a view to changing the face of Balkan nocturnal meat roasting music forever: They debut at the Schkodran Working Mens Club but are thrown out after Giovanni accidentally ejaculates on stage during the last verse of 'Me And Mrs Jones' - "It was beautiful" he said after the show.
• Feb 5 1982 - Count Balthus stumbles on the duo during their live set at the open-air 'Albaniamusikfest' festival - "Giovanni wanted me to manage them" he said, "Indeed, as step-uncle to my daughter, he offered to donate 3% of his salary to her illegitimate son Giovanni Jnr - A truly generous man."
• Mar 21 1982 - The artistes employ a dwarf, Pupu, to serve biscuits and bovril to the audience. Pupu is unfortunately killed by Balthus after tumbling incorrectly for two consecutive performances - "His tumbling was appalling, his pratt-falls were all out of goose but it was impudence that was to eventually be his downfall" guffawed Balthus at the funeral.
• May 17 1985 - Giovanni & Sebastian begin recording their debut album 'Macedonian Daughters', a concept album on the virtues of 'misunderstood uncles throughout the Balkan' - Their debut single 'Don't Tell Daddy' bursts into the Albanian charts at number 184.