My Story
She had known for some time that this man she once shared so much with was just using her, but she was too blinded by love to see the true form of him. She had done so much for him, had traveled over 3,000 miles to be with him on several occasions, had put other things aside in her own life so that she could spend time with him, and for what… for her feelings to be so carelessly stomped on and thrown away. She had given him everything that she could… every ounce of love she had in her body was his. She had thought that he was the one… that this time, it was right… but that was not the case.
He did treat her well… at first. When she had gone to see him for the first time, it was brilliant. They were together almost every minute of her 2-week stay there, and she left with more love for him than when she first arrived there. After several months, she had found out that he had cheated on her with another woman. When she confronted him about it, he had said that he was drunk, and that the woman meant nothing to him, although later on, she found out that he had more than one encounter with her. She took him back when he apologized, her love blinding her to what was right there in front of her eyes.
It was good for a while… until the following year when he did it again… this time with his ex girlfriend. This one lasted for a few months, as she later found out, and they had broken up for a bit, but she took him back when he promised to never do it again.
Things again were brilliant, like it first was between them… then his father passed away. She made hasty arrangements and went to him for a week. He wanted her to stay more, but she could not do it, they were both strapped for money, and 7 days was all she could get. She went back home, promising him that she would return as soon as she could.
A few months passed, and all was decent… but for the third time, she found out that he had cheated on her with yet another woman. This one was a friend of hers, and she called to explain things. It was the end to their relationship as lovers, but they remained friends.
Then a good friend of hers surprised her by bringing him over to see her. The love they once shared rekindled and they were back together again. She had become pregnant… with triplets nonetheless, and they were both glowing with happiness at the upcoming joyous event. But she miscarried at 6 months and lost the babies. The doctor had told her that the placenta tore away from the womb, that was why she started to hemorrhage, and that was the reason why she miscarried. She was so grief stricken that they had to sedate her for 2 days. He did come to her side, and stayed for 5 days with her. He rarely left her side during that time, and he did shed tears over it. He went back and several weeks later had another affair with yet another woman. She took it with stride, saying that since they had decided it was best for them to stay apart, that they should see others and be happy. But deep down she was hurt, and wanted to be back with him again. He did know of this and played upon it when he saw fit to do so.
A few months after that he decided to call her. He said they needed to talk. When she asked what it was about, he had coldly told her that he never really loved her and that all he did was use her for his own needs and nothing more. He also went on to tell her that the tears he shed for his dead children were real, but that there would be no tears shed for her because he never cared. He just used her for a shag and that was it, there was no more. She told him that he took her heart and stomped it into the ground and he laughed at her and just told her that it never was to be. He had found his use for her, and now it was over. She had hung the phone up on him when she could take no more, he had called back, but she did not answer. She just sat there for a few moments in complete shock of what had just transpired. Then she started to cry. As she shed her tears, she also shed her respect for this man she had once loved. How could anyone be so cold and ruthless with a persons love? How can you just turn your feelings off like that? How can you just stomp out something as fragile as another’s heart?
She composed herself and picked up the phone to call a close friend of hers. She had told him briefly what went on, and her tears began to fall once more. But his soothing words to her calmed her down some and she was able to talk more about it. She had mentioned to him that her life was finally going right, since the miscarriage. And now this… it was just too much for her to think about. So he had given her some advise on what she should do… write it down… take pen to paper and write out your feelings… everything… then go back and read it. So she took his advice and thanked him. Yes, she would write… and she would read it, and cry a bit more. But she will move on because she is strong as her friend told her, and she’s a survivor.
She has learned a lesson from this, as she has every other event that has transpired in her life. You live and you learn… good or bad… happy or sad, life still goes on.
This story I tell because the woman in it is I. I write it down because it is my therapy, and from doing this, and being able to read it without tears, I know that I do indeed have the strength to move on with my life, and that my wounds will heal. This will not make me not love any less, but make me love even more. It will not stop me from caring, nor will it stop me from being there for the people I love. I know that not everyone is cold like him, and that I may get hurt again like this… but it will not stop me. For I would rather have loved and gotten hurt, then to never have loved at all.
Copyright 2001: CiaraRose
