..::Borged::..

Setting: Albert and Armand's home in The Birdcage, to start with.

[RATED: G]

Borged

"Armaaaaand? Are you home? I'm just dropping off some bags, I'm going out again. Do you want anything at the grocery store? Armand? Are you there? *Fine*, just don't yell at me later for not getting your things." Albert put down the luxurious bags - one from Le Shop containing a lovely blanket made of Himalayan sheep wool, and one from Pierre's containing a breathtaking purple little number for Starina tonight - on the kitchen table, next to the fruit bowl. The 'fruit' part was stretching it a bit. It rarely had any fruit in it, it was more of a key bowl actually. Armand's keys weren't in it, so Albert asssumed he had gone to see the man about the thing. On his way back to the door, he caught a glimpse of the birthday present Armand had bought for Val. A big box wrapped in blue with silver ribbons. Aw, the surprise party tomorrow was going to be so much fun. And Val would be so surprised. Well, Albert assumed that Armand had let his tongue slip and told him already, but at least he would *act* surprised, the little darling.

Albert opened the door and was about to close it behind him when he heard someone stomping up the stairs. It sounded more like a herd of elephants, so he turned around to see if there was a parade. "Hello? May I help you?" None of the two hideous... men... said anything. "I'm Albert. Are you looking for Armand? He isn't in right now. Can I take a message for him?" "We are Borg. Resistance is futile." "You are what? Oh, you're from that theatre company down the street! You'll have to talk to Armand about donations, he takes care of those things. Oh, I remember when piglet was 12 or 13, he wanted *so* bad to join the company. He begged and begged and begged. He didn't know Armand and I both thought it was a fantastic idea, the lovely little thing. [chuckle] We're throwing him a birthday party tomorrow. You really *have* to excuse me, but I still have so much to prepare. Maybe you could come back in a couple of days? Oh, you want to come inside, well I... *guess* I could spare a *few* minutes. Would you like some Evian? Chardonnay? Those costumes look awfully warm. What are they for? You're playing one of those futuristic plays, aren't you? It looks quite gloomy. Ah, I don't understand those cyber things with their e-mail and whatnots. How do you get those... *things* there to stick to your head? Oh, they didn't make you shave your heads for *real* did they?! Shame on them! You know, I've *always* said that you do whatever you have to do for the art, but *that* is just plain nasty. You should tell them that the *rubber caps* work just *fine*. Ooooh, what is that coming out from your hands? And what are you going to do with them? Oh dear! Stay away from me! You are not *actors*! What are you *doing*?! Don't... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"Who is disrupting the collective? Bring her to me." Albert is reluctantly being dragged into the HQ. "Who are you? What am I doing here?! You know, I really don't have time for this, I have a party to prepare!" "Quiet! You are a drone!" "A what? I'm *terribly* sorry, but you see, it's piglet's birthday tomorrow, and no one has picked up the cake yet, and if *I* don't do it, it will never get done. Heaven forbid that *Armand* would even go *near* the bakery. You know how men are - always worrying about their appearance. He thinks that one little schnecken will make him look like he's on a binge. Please! Ask *me*, I know *all* about the munchies. Not that he ever notices. I lost and gained a hundred pounds over the last four years, but did he mention it? Not once! I don't want to complain, but these clothes are not really *me*, do you have anything else? Maybe something *red* or maybe *yellow*?" "QUIET!" "This place is really quite dark. Have you ever thought of adding some hint of color? I think that a window *there* and one *there* would do *wonders* for the room. And maybe you could have a couch in the corner there, so people have somewhere to site while they wait. I assume that an important person like yourself - by the way, I *love* your make-up, it's very *raw* and natural - has to entertain at times. Of course, a big couch might give the wrong signals, you don't want people to be too comfortable and stay *too* long, so maybe a couple of chairs would be perfect. Of course..." "AAAARGH! Four of Twelve! Remove this drone from the collective immediately! There's only room for *one* Queen in this cube."

The End

A Bar!

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