And what about danger, Trixie? ("Danger?") Yeah. Can you handle it? Not just cops and robbers, but demons in the under brush. When it's a matter of you or them. ("Like, do you mean do I have an Ace up my hole?") No. I mean, could you pull the trigger? Bang? (Trixie)[369k MP3]

Five minutes. 'Til what? I left more people, than this, in bed. (Trixie)[112k WAV]

[Cagney impression] (Trixie)[102k WAV]

Old Arabian proverb. Trust in Allah, but tie your camel. (Trixie)[92.6k WAV]

See, we're each tap dancers in the canoe of life. What you must do, Trixie, is tip well. (Trixie)[134k WAV]

Thank you! Thank you for being such a wonderful audience. There's a lotta love in this room, ladies and gentlemen. It's either that or carbon monixide. But seriously, if you're driving tonight, please don't forget your car. (Trixie)[281k WAV]

Good for you! Keep our humour going during these dark moments. [Sigh] (Trixie)[111k WAV]

[Sigh] You're very observant. Drinking into oblivion is my second favourite hobby. Drinking into a stooper is my first. I do it to remember. Or forget. I'm never sure which. (Trixie)[292k WAV]

Ah, the price of fame. (Trixie)[51.3k WAV]

Oh, I see. So, you wanna get going away from me? ("No.") That's what you're thinking. (Trixie)[140k WAV]

[Detective voice] She was dressed like a nun. With a sexy a habit. The kinda habit that would make a Bishop put his hand through a stained-glass window. What's with the get up? (Trixie)[183k WAV]

I love how we go on. How we all somehow manage to keep going on. (Trixie)[198k WAV]

Then again, inbreeding is how we get championship horses. (Trixie)[59.5k WAV]

Would anyone care for a jawbreaker? (Trixie)[35.4k WAV]

Jiggers! The heat! Make that two jiggers. (Trixie)[77.9k WAV]

No. Lethal. As in deadly. (Trixie)[69.8k WAV]

[Mockingly sings girl's song in high voice] (Trixie)[296k MP3]

[Ricky Ricardo voice] Lucy! You can't be in the show! [Laughs] (Trixie)[119k WAV]

[Sigh] Just keep bringing me these until I can't pronounce my name. (Trixie)[74.5k WAV]

All in good time. You can take my word on matters of patience. (Trixie)[73.2k WAV]

Probably pokes Red's wife while Red's outta town. Red's usually busy with his girlfriend, Dawn. Although, I'm sure Dawn does all the work. But, what do I know? I like the accordion. (Trixie)[250k WAV]

Big fish in a small pond. (Trixie)[29.6k WAV]

I see. [Clears throat] Doctor, refill my perscription. (Trixie)[52.9k WAV]

All right. What aren't you saying? (Trixie)[37.1k WAV]

Close. Red can't afford to build over-priced condominiums because shmoes like us can't afford to buy them. You might say his limits are limitless. (Trixie)[210k WAV]

What's wrong, Sunshine? Nobody to play with? (Trixie)[53.7k WAV]

[W.C. Fields voice] That woman's tongue is highly contageous. Egads! Listen to that. I'm already starting to sound like her. (Trixie)[152k WAV]

[Sings part of "The Late Late Show" and does impressions] (Trixie)[307k MP3]

[Long Cagney impression] (Trixie)[374k MP3]

[Sings part of "The Late Late Show" and does impressions of Mae West, Marlon Brando, etc.] (Trixie)[474k MP3]

You do trust me, don't you Trixie? I assume that means yes. (Trixie)[82.3k WAV]

Let's just say [Jack Nicholson voice] removing warts from his @$$ might be called brain surgery. Y'know what I mean? ("Hey, Robert Goulet.") Yes. Robert Goulet. Uncanny, isn't it? (Trixie)[284k WAV]

Don't go fishing in dark waters. Forget about them. (Trixie)[61.9k WAV]

What's the matter? (Trixie)[13.2k WAV]

But seriously, if you're driving tonight, please-- ("Don't forget your car.") You took the words right outta my mouth! Good night! (Trixie)[138k WAV]

[Mocks girl by singing her song] (Trixie)[221k MP3]

[Nathan tries out his skills at rowing a boat, and insults himself in the process] (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[1.16MB MP3]

They're like actors! They work for food. (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[37.5k WAV]

So much art, in Venice. And so much water! Oh-ho-ho! (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[92.6k WAV]

I can buy that stuff in Time Square. (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[31.8k WAV]

Well, you're a chatterbox, aren'tcha? (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[28.2k WAV]

[Nathan and a corn vender don't understand each other] (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[269k WAV]

Do you sing? Hey! Hey, this is the perfect spot! Listen to those accustics! [sings O Solo Mio] (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[208k WAV]

Get 'em drunk. They won't feel a thing. (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[30.7k WAV]

Ciao! ("Ciao!") Ciao! ("My name is Lucianno.") Nathan. Nathan. [Attempts to compliment boat in Italian] Think he noticed I don't speak Italian? Ah, I barely speak English. (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[266k WAV]

[About statue of naked and aroused man on horse] I'll say! I never knew horseback riding could be so exciting. (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[65.6k WAV]

And when I get back to New York, I'm gonna recommend they flood 5th Avenue. Hey! It works in Italy. (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[115k WAV]

When the winter fog lends mystery to a theatrical parade. It's like the Macy's Thanksgiving parade, only without the inflatables. (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[141k WAV]

Maybe I couldn't understand what he was saying, but I speak fluent food. And the meal was delicioso. [Pee-Wee Herman-ish voice] And you can't have any! Ha-ha! (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[203k WAV]

That's one-hundred thousand lira for the cheeseburger. One-hundred thousand lira. Don't even contemplate fries. You can't afford it. (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[129k WAV]

Didn't understand a thing that guy said. But, he does good work. (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[78.4k WAV]

Salute! It's what an Italian would say, if I sneezed. Salute. Health! It sounds better in Italian. (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[140k WAV]

Not since the glass blowers have I felt such heat! (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[52.7k WAV]

Here I am, a nice Irish kid from Jersey City, and now I have the chance to probe the Venice hidden from the typical tourist. Lucianno suggested I visit a forcola shop. Just what is a forcola? I know. Sounds like an Italian surgical instrument. Scalpel. Sucher. Forcola. No, doctor! Not the forcola! (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[423k WAV]

I'll do whatever you say! Maybe I shoulda learn Italian, before I learn to row. [Italian guy talks in Italian] Stupido! ("Oh!") Ah! Si! Si. (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[220k WAV]

It's not as bad as it sounds. (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[29.8k WAV]

[Pointing to a piece of tin-ish artwork] I killed one of those in my kitchen, once. I don't even wanna talk about it. (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[79.3k WAV]

Artist John Cato once said of the square, "Where pigeons walk, and lions fly." Of course, he'd been drinking heavily, at the time. (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[168k WAV]

Hello? Yes, Nathan Lane for Mr. Lovett. (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[54.7k WAV]

I decided to just forget the map, and just point to things and grunt. (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[72.1k WAV]

As I relaxed, and began to embarace my total helplessness, I noticed that the Grand Canal functions like any other main street. With one notable exception. You guessed it. Boats! (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[300k WAV]

Of course, in America, Rialto means movie theatre with sticky floor. (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[71.7k WAV]

Bonjorno! ("Bonjorno!") I, I've had two dreams in my life. One is to meet Ruth Buzzi. That'll never happen. But, the other is to learn how to row. You could teach me? (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[193k WAV]

Giovanni knows that you can't abolish the gas engine, but he fears that the problem won't be addressed until a Palazzo goes tumbling into the Grand Canal. Or until my Thoragamo shoes are ruined. Then, there'll be hell to pay. (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[275k WAV]

While the Bubonic Plague is no longer a concern, thank God I had my shots! (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[89k WAV]

Originally constructed of wood, it collapsed, and was rebuilt three times before, hello?! It occured to the designers to use stone. (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[174k WAV]

Taxi! Taaaaxi! (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[57.2k WAV]

[About pottery-ish thing] These are nice. I used to make these for occupational therapy. (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[64.6k WAV]

One toga party too many. (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[30.8k WAV]

Better buy a map! That way I won't have to ask dumb questions and look like a tourist. This way I can stare blankly at my map until my eyes glaze over and look like a tourist. (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[232k WAV]

[Italian guy sings] Let me translate. That's "Row, row row 'til daddy takes the gondola away. It's a big hit, back in the 50's. Okay, I picked the wrong tune. (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[293k WAV]

Yes. Brian Lord, CAA. Yeah. Nathan Lane. Lane! Didja see The Birdcage? Brian! How are you? Did Scorsese call? No? How 'bout Spielberg? I didn't think so. All right! I guess I have to stay in Venice. (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[432k WAV]

Venezia! That's Italian for "bring gollashes." (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[68.9k WAV]

In the joys of dwelling in this wet....dream of a city. (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[91.8k WAV]

Why it's known as the Church of the Wine? ("Yes. Yes.") That's why everyone looks so happy, here. Has a special glow. (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[120k WAV]

Maybe I'll come back in the winter and join the fun. What a great excuse to wear gold lamay. (Great Streets: The Grand Canal)[95.2k WAV]

[Scott/Nathan sings a Halloween song about sweets] (Teacher's Pet)[1.07MB MP3]

And now....we are GOING! (Teacher's Pet)[69k WAV]

Hello?! Did I not foretell this? (Teacher's Pet)[57.6k WAV]

See, if Leonard had come in every two minutes, or ANY two minutes, during the last SEVENTEEN HOURS! (Teacher's Pet)[199k WAV]

Ow. (Teacher's Pet)[18.7k WAV]

Hey! A squirrel! (Teacher's Pet)[25.7k WAV]

[Chewy voice] Mm! This taffy is delicious! (Teacher's Pet)[79.9k WAV]

[Nathan recites, in the play, what he calls the most that's ever been asked of him in a scene] (Love! Valour! Compassion!)[1.16MB MP3]

[Nathan talks about how he knew, as a child, that he'd be famous] (Inside The Actor's Studio)[500k MP3]

[Nathan jokes about being an outsider] (Inside The Actor's Studio)[670k MP3]

I'm a very angry little man. (Inside The Actor's Studio)[34.7k WAV]

("What's your favourite curse word?") F*beep*. That's the best, isn't it? A*beep*hole runs a close second. And if-- ("Wanna keep going?") And if you can call someone a f*beep*ing a*beep*hole, you're, you got it made. (Inside The Actor's Studio)[329k WAV]

("What turns you off?") Uh, [laughs] what turns me off. Um. Uh, uh, polyester. (Inside The Actor's Studio)[265k WAV]

("What is the sound, or noise, you love?") Laughter. ("And the sound, or noise, you hate?") Someone saying no. (Inside The Actor's Studio)[161k WAV]

Uh, uh, why am I angry? Oh, well, you know, we sort've talked about it. I'm not really, I'm not as angry as I used to be. If that's, if that's any comfort to you. I mean, I wouldn't hurtcha! Uh, but uh, there's, there's still some residual anger that comes out from time TO TIME! (Inside The Actor's Studio)[390k WAV]

You know, I don't mind entertaining this a coupla mornings, but I'd rather have coffee and find out why the show isn't working! Let's fix the show! And, and later, we'll have a weekend where we play animals. And I'll be, uh, you'll be the sheep and I'll be the naughty farmer. (Inside The Actor's Studio)[393k WAV]

("How do you prepare for an audition?") Darling, I don't audition anymore! (Inside The Actor's Studio)[84.7k WAV]

[Talking over girl who's name he couldn't understand or pronounce] Well, it's lovely to meet you. Nathan Lane is my name. Which means, my @ss really hurts! [Laughs] That's the Gaelic translation. My @ss is killin' me. (Inside The Actor's Studio)[263k WAV]

I gotta get on the acting track. Lemme tell you. I don't know what I'm doing. But I'm an entertaining son-of-a-b!tch, huh? (Inside The Actor's Studio)[149k WAV]

[Female voice] Why, thank you, you cute little reptilian thing, you. [Laugh] (George And Martha)[105k WAV]

I'm lazy! Lazy, lazy, lazy! Oh, sweetheart, I don't have the energy to look for a pencil. Could you just connect me? Thanks, hon. (Frasier)[181k WAV]

Please! I will get it. I will do the getting. The getting will be done by me. (Mad About You)[96.7k WAV]

Stith? Is Gune right there, with you? ("Yeah.") Then please tell him goodbye. (Titan A.E.)[139k WAV]

I thought we should start drinking early. Shane, uh, by the way, is my personal vallet and my aroma therapist. ("Oh, I didn't know that!") Yes. As you know, it's Fleet Week and, lucky for me, Shane mutinied. Thank God, he's still following orders. Shane, drop and give me twenty! [Laughs] Just kiddin'! Oh, just kiddin'. Just drop, I'll give YOU twenty. (The Rosie O'Donnell Show)[473k WAV]

Shane said the funniest thing, the other day! I was in my komono and he said, 'What happened? Did your sleeves get shorter in the dryer?' Yeah, oh, he's funny, that man. ("He's crazy!") Just doesn't understand. Thank you, Shane! ("Thank you!") (The Rosie O'Donnell Show)[256k WAV]

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Last Updated: 09 September 2002.
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