“Hey baby,” Joshua Chasez greeted his lover Justin Timberlake as he opened the door to their little apartment. Josh smiled instantly as he saw his love behind the stove, dropping his keys on the table by the door and shrugging out of his jacket on his way to the tiny kitchen.
“Hey,” Justin greeted back, happy to see him, throwing a tired smile over his shoulder before focusing back on the dinner he was cooking for the two of them. Josh stepped up behind Justin and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s waist after a long day at work. Justin smiled as he leaned back against Josh’s chest.
Josh kissed his cheek before asking, “How was your day?”
Justin shrugged, “Hmm, same, crappy.”
“I’m sorry.” Josh whispered sympathetically as he placed his hands on Justin’s hips and gently turned him towards him. Justin dropped the wooden spoon in the pot and faced his lover. Josh studied his boyfriend’s face before leaning in slowly, their lips meeting in a sweet and gentle kiss. Josh soon felt Justin smile into the kiss; mission accomplished. Justin hated his job but so did Josh.
It weren’t exactly the jobs they’d dreamed of having when they were kids. They’d never even thought about having more than one, but it was not like they had a choice. Both were high school dropouts and they took what they could get. Justin was a waiter at a restaurant downtown and also worked three nights a week as a bellboy. Josh worked in a hair salon during the day where he took care of the customers; getting them their coffee and tea, taking their coats and sweeping up after their cut. Thursday through Saturday nights he worked as a bartender at a local pub. It was tough and they were often tired but what they both hated the most was the condescending attitude of some people. And there always were a few.
“There was this woman today, at the restaurant,” Justin began as he turned off the gas, then took the pot of tomato soup from the stove and carried it to the table set for two.
“She was so stuck up, you could see she felt too good to be there but I guess her husband wanted to eat there or something.” Justin sat down heavily and Josh followed suit, listening to the story Justin wanted to share with him so he could leave it behind him and try to not let it bother him. Josh knew how Justin dealt with things, he needed to get it off his chest before he could forget it, and so he listened intently as Justin continued.
“She waved me over as if I was her dog and I let her make me angry.”
“How?” Josh wondered.
Justin walked over to the table with a dreadful sigh but he plastered a smile on his face and asked in the most friendly tone he could muster, “What can I get you?”
The woman who was sitting up so straight Justin thought she might actually have a stick up her ass turned to him with her nose literally sticking up into the air.
“Excuse me?” she asked in a high pitched offended tone of voice.
Justin really didn’t know what was wrong, he thought she might not have heard what he’d asked her since she was obviously so full of herself, and so repeated the words, “What can I get you?”
She looked at Justin with such shock in her eyes, Justin actually thought she would fall off her chair at any moment.
“What’s wrong?” he wondered a little concerned.
The woman stared him straight in the eye and asked condescendingly, “Where are your manners young man? I am ma’am to you.” Justin could do nothing but look at her in complete shock.
“Now you’re gaping at me! Get me your manager,” she demanded. Justin couldn’t get out of his shock and the man who was sitting opposite of her didn’t say a word. Justin started to realize it was for a reason; there was no pleasing this woman.
“Well,” she ushered, “Go on.”
Justin finally shook himself out of his shock and nodded. He turned away and went to find Mr. Dereks, his boss.
“There’s a woman who wants to speak to you.” Justin relayed the message to his boss when he found him in the back, not further explaining it, he couldn’t really, didn’t know how to because he honestly didn’t know what her problem was. Mr. Dereks didn’t look happy, Justin fully realized this as the man threw down his pen and cast an angry look his way.
“What seems to be the problem ma’am?” Mr. Dereks asked the woman Justin had directed him to. The woman seemed pleased already when she was addressed to as ma’am but made her complaint anyway when her eyes landed on the young man who’d been disrespectful in her opinion.
“That boy,” she began condescendingly, jerking her head in Justin’s direction, “has treated me with no respect whatsoever.” Justin’s eyes grew in wonder.
“He barges over to us and asks us what we want,” she continued, her last three words said in disgust, “he has no manners and he was gaping at me.” She complained. Justin was shocked to hear what she made of what happened. It wasn’t the truth and Justin couldn’t help but respond to her accusations.
“I was not gaping at you and asking you what you want is my job.”
“Ah!” the woman cried offended as she sat back.
“Do you see what I mean?” she demanded as she eyed the manager.
“Yes ma’am.” Mr. Dereks agreed before he turned towards his employee, hissing quietly, “Justin go into the back.”
Justin’s mouth dropped but the angry look in his boss’ eyes set him into motion. He turned and headed for the backroom, mumbling curses under his breath.
“Justin, what the hell is wrong with you?” Mr. Dereks demanded when he pushed through the door.
Justin ducked his head, “Nothing is wrong with me, she was the one who…”
“She.” Mr. Dereks interrupted him firmly, “Is your customer. It is your job to please her, talking back like that is absolutely unacceptable.”
Justin jerked up, meeting his boss’ eyes dead on. “But… but she was making a big deal out all of that. I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I saw she was a demanding lady immediately and I would have let the complaint slide. However I cannot forget your back talking. It was rude and disrespectful and you know better.”
Justin sighed, knowing Mr. Dereks was right. He’d let her get to him and he shouldn’t have protested, it only made things worse.
“Now I apologized to her and offered her a free meal that will come out of your pay check and you will bring them their meal and apologize to her. Treat her with respect and Justin,” Mr. Dereks lectured him, then addressed him directly but tiredly, waiting till Justin met his eyes before continuing, “Don’t let it happen again.”
Justin shook his head quickly, “I won’t, I’m sorry sir.”
Mr. Dereks nodded in acceptance before leaving for his office again.
Justin sighed in anger and misery; now he had to pay for their meal. The woman probably had plenty of money but she’d managed a free meal when she didn’t need it, she could have paid for it now Justin had to. It was not fair and as much as he wanted to tell this woman off, it would probably come to bite him in the ass in the end and so he made his way out of the back room towards the woman’s table. It was time to grovel. He hated these people.
“Oh baby, I’m sorry.” Josh sympathized as he got out of his chair and went to sit on Justin’s lap, wrapping his arms around his neck and kissing his cheek.
Justin sighed, “Yeah,” wrapping his own arms around Josh’s waist and leaning into his shoulder.
“Of course she didn’t tip me and I lost nearly fifteen bucks on their meal that I had to pay for. Today sucked.”
“I know,” Josh soothed, stroking his hair for a few moments.
“What do you say we take our dinner to the living room and snuggle on the couch?” Josh suggested, hoping it would make Justin feel better. Justin smiled at Josh, knowing exactly what he was trying to do; it would help.
“Yeah.”
“Okay,” Josh said, “Come on then, you go sit on the couch and I’ll bring it over.” Josh stood and pulled Justin up as well. Justin wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, his lips sought out Josh’s and he kissed him sweetly.
“Thank you baby, you’re so good to me.”
Josh smiled happily, “You’d do the same for me.” He said matter of factly and Justin nodded in agreement but still let his lips land on Josh’s once more, thanking him properly before he pulled back and settled in on the couch, waiting for Josh to join him with the food and a night of cuddling on the couch. Justin knew it was everything he needed to make him forget all about what had happened today and it would help him to get up in the morning to freshly start a new day.
“Hey baby,” Justin greeted Josh with a quick kiss as they met in front of their apartment the next day, coincidently getting home at the same time. Josh opened the door for Justin and held it open. He got a smile in return.
“How was your day?” Justin asked as they started to climb the steps together to their apartment on the third floor.
“Mwah, it was okay, nothing special. Yours?”
“It wasn’t bad.” Justin smiled but not fully.
Silently they climbed their way to their apartment. As they neared the third floor Josh pulled his keys out of his pocket and took a moment to search out the right key. He then stepped forward and stuck the key in the lock, opening the door. He routinely reached out for the light switch on the left side of the door but frowned when nothing happened. He stepped in front of the switch and flicked it off then on again but the light didn’t come on.
“Justin, the light’s not working.” Josh noted with a frown, trying to figure out why.
Justin’s eye fell on a small white triangle sticking out from underneath the opened door. He bent down and pulled out a white envelope from underneath the door. Justin saw it was from the gas company and he knew what the message was before he even opened the letter. Sure enough; it was their notice of disconnection.
“Bet I know why…” Justin sighed as he showed the letter to Josh, holding it to the light coming from the hallway so Josh could read it too.
“Ah crap, we still didn’t pay our bill.” Josh cursed, he’d completely forgotten but Justin reminded him of the truth.
“No, we couldn’t. It was either the medicine and the doctor’s appointment or the gas and electricity.” Justin sighed sadly, still feeling bad about getting sick; it had not only resulted in extra costs it had also lead to less income since he’d been unable to go to work for five days.
“Justin it doesn’t matter, you had to go to the doctor.” Josh reminded him, Justin had felt really ill and Josh had been so worried. Justin had kept up the protest, telling Josh it was just a cold, it would pass and reminding him that they didn’t have the money to go the doctor but Josh hadn’t cared about that. He’d ignored Justin’s protests and he’d taken him to the doctor but it’d cost them quite a lot of money. Money they couldn’t really spare. However to Josh it hadn’t been important, Justin’s health meant a lot more to him. But Josh knew Justin still felt bad about it. Especially since they hadn’t been able to make up for the lost money in the extra week they’d gotten to pay. Disconnection had been inevitable. They simply couldn’t raise the extra money in a week’s time and Josh knew Justin blamed himself for the problems they now had.
Justin looked at the letter over Josh’s shoulder for a moment then shook his head and closed the door. He knew the room would be almost completely dark because by closing the door he’d cut off the light coming from the hallway. However leaving the door open wasn’t an option. It just wasn’t safe.
Justin blindly felt his way around Josh and to the couch. He angrily shrugged out of his jacket and defeatedly dropped himself on the couch, softly wondering,
“Why do we even bother?”
Josh looked up in Justin’s direction, or at least where his boyfriend’s voice was coming from and guessed he was on the couch. He dropped the letter he’d been holding on what he hoped was the table and found his way to Justin. He worriedly sat down beside him, reaching out his hands to find him then when he did, pulling him into his arms. Justin slumped against his lover easily. They both had these days when they didn’t see anything coming off. Justin had had a lousy day yesterday and now this.
“We have to.”
“But we’re getting nowhere!” Justin whined miserably as he curled up against Josh and closed his eyes.
“We’re still in the exact same place as we were last year; stinking jobs and still broke. It fucking sucks!” Justin cried, kicking out blindly at the shaky table functioning as the saloon table, knowing it was in front of him. He opened his eyes although he couldn’t see anything but he nodded satisfied when he heard the thump and felt he’d hit it. Josh knew by the sound what Justin was kicking out at and gently pulled Justin’s legs up into his lap to prevent him from kicking again and breaking it. They didn’t have money to replace or even repair it.
“It’s almost Christmas, I don’t want to spend Christmas like last year when we both have to work and I still don’t have enough money to get you a gift, not even a small one.”
“I don’t need a gift,” Josh reassured as he stroked a hand down Justin’s face, “All I need is you.”
“That’s cheesy Josh.”
“Maybe,” Josh said as he eyed Justin, their eyes getting adjusted to the lack of light, making it easier to see, “But that doesn’t make it less true.”
“It’s not good enough!” Justin said close to tears, Josh could see the reflection of tears because of the small amount of light that came in from the lamppost outside, contrasting to the darkness that surrounded them.
Josh kissed Justin then pulled him even closer. Silence took over the room but Josh knew what Justin was thinking, he waited for Justin to tell him though. Justin sniffled and finally voiced his thoughts with a sigh.
“Sometimes I think, maybe we could have done things differently. If we had made different choices would we still be in this situation?”
“Different how?”
“If we’d stayed home till we graduated or when we got here if we’d taken that offer…”
“Justin stop.” Josh said strictly, sitting up straighter, knowing exactly what Justin was talking about.
“Those are not different options, you cannot even call it an option, neither were. We would’ve gotten the shit kicked out of us at the very least if we’d stayed home and if we’d taken that offer… we would have been dead.”
Justin sighed, “You don’t know that for sure.”
“Justin,” Josh began incredulously, “That man offered us a penthouse, expensive clothes, a lot of money and everything we wanted and needed. It has to come with a price. You know that, that man was scum!”
“He wouldn’t have killed us.” Justin said petulantly, he couldn’t help the pout, sometimes he really wished that man could have been for real although he knew he hadn’t been.
“Maybe not but he’d have used us I’m sure of that, walking away from him was the best thing we could have done.” Josh said determinedly.
The man had approached them when they’d just run away from home. They’d been scared and unsure arriving in the big city. It’d been a cold and rainy day in October. They’d stood shivering under a ledge waiting out the storm when the man had offered them a warm place to stay. They’d been tempted but he promised them the world when he made it appear he wanted nothing in return and although they’d been naïve at the time they weren’t gullible; they’d politely declined the offer. The man, who’d never even given them a name, had looked angry and Josh who didn’t trust the man at all had started to run and dragged Justin with him through the heavy rain away from the creep.
Justin knew it had been the best thing to do but when moments like these set in he couldn’t help but wonder if they really were better off now.
“Maybe you’re right.” Justin sighed.
“Of course I am.” Josh responded, this time Justin heard the playfulness in his tone and Justin smiled but only for a second.
“I just wished things could be different. That we could sit here with some light and some warmth, watching TV together, getting take out after a successful day at work. That we would be planning what we would get each other for Christmas and we’d be complaining about the holiday crowds at the mall.”
“We’ll get all of that and more.” Josh promised as he felt to find Justin’s face, placing his right hand on Justin’s cheek before letting his lips search out Justin’s, kissing him in reassurance.
“Yeah.” Justin sighed, not really believing his promise, no matter how nice the kiss was. It was just so hard to keep believing it when they’d hoped the same thing just a year ago when they were in the same situation; nearing Christmas and out of money.
“There’s something I can give you now though.” Josh said, sensing Justin didn’t really believe him. All he wanted right now was to make Justin feel better and he realized words just weren’t going to do it.
“Yeah?” Justin wondered surprised and curious at the same time, wondering what it would be Josh had come up with.
“Yeah.” Josh nodded.
“What’s that?”
“Hold on.” Josh said, pushing Justin up slightly so he could slip out from underneath him. Josh felt his way around the apartment, searching for those simple things that would help Justin as their dark apartment reinforced his pitiful mood.
Justin heard Josh rummage around and a little later he was back, a dark shadow making its way around the couch. Justin could make out that Josh set something down.
“I can give you this,” he said, triumph in his voice before he lit a match and then Justin saw the tea lights, about half a dozen. Josh lit them all, one by one, and then sat back down next to Justin. Josh faced Justin and he saw the smile passing his love’s features in the soft glow the tea lights provided.
“You’re right.” Justin said with a smile.
“I can give you something else too.”
“What?”
“This,” he whispered before leaning in, kissing him softly to show his true affection. Justin was still smiling as he pulled back.
“The other things will come baby, trust me.”
“I do.” Justin said without a doubt.
“For now you got a bit of light and you always got me. I love you.”
Justin smiled. “I love you too,” he whispered before snuggling back into Josh’s arms where he felt safe and the world didn’t seem so bad anymore.
Josh allowed him all the space he needed and waited till he was comfortable before he pulled the blanket around the both of them as they watched the flickering of the tea lights, which were literally and figuratively their light in the darkness. They represented their love in a harsh existence and the hopes and dreams they, no matter how hard their days got, still held for the future.
